A Growing Faith

January 1, 2006

I don’t know if this is as much a “coming out” story as a coming to realization story.

I am a preachers kid (PK) and so growing up the thoughts of being gay weren’t even there. My family didn’t talk down about gay people, we just didn’t talk about it at all. It never was an issue. I had a good childhood but as I got into my later teens I knew I was not truly and fully happy. I always felt like something was missing. Since I did not date even guys I figured it might be that. During college some people wondered if I were gay and that got back to me. I was even asked at one point. I laughed it off and felt it was just beyond any realm of possibility and did not give it another thought.

At the age of 25 I made a career change and a big move. I met this woman I worked with who had also just moved to the area. We became fast friends. At a Christmas party I had a lot to drink and caressed her arm. Since we were around other people the touch was in secret. Later she drove me to her house as I had had to much to drink to drive. She kissed me and I was turned on. I stopped it before it went further and when I went home the next day I went into seclusion. I was VERY upset about all the possibilities that were before me. I went to church that Sunday. My pastor could see something was wrong and I asked him to come over. We had a long talk and it was actually my pastor who got me to see that I was gay and that it was okay.

Since I have admitted this to myself I have found the happiness I was missing. I had a wonderful relationship with this same women for eight years and in those eight years felt truly happy like never before. Though our relationship ended I am still happy with who I am, because I know who I am. God has been with me every step of the way. My faith has grown as has my spiritual life. I have studied God’s word and am confident that I am now who God wants me to be and its okay. God has truly blessed my life. I said that this was a realization story and not a coming out story because I am only out to a few close family members and friends. I do not feel I can be out fully because of my location and job. I do wish I could be totally out but I feel what is important is that I know who I am. God loves me for who I am, in that I am sure.

This personal story of faith and reconciliation comes from the archives of www.christianlesbians.com and was originally posted in 2004.

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Posted in Personal Stories