Comments on: Anita’s Personal Story http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/ An online community sharing our lives and faith within a place of grace Mon, 30 Aug 2010 02:47:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: anita http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/comment-page-1/#comment-2351 anita Fri, 19 Sep 2008 00:53:05 +0000 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/wordpress/anitas-personal-story/#comment-2351 DragonLady--> I think a post I just published will answer your first question a little but yes, it was difficult and painful and full of drama. It was obviously new territory for all of us. I'd never come out to my parents and they'd never had a daughter come out to them and so we made a huge amount of mistakes along the way even while I think we were all doing the best we could. Despite the huge conflict between their beliefs and what I was telling them, there was never an end to the love even if the relationships were fractured for a time. For that, I'm grateful because like you, I know others who faced far more rejection and pain in coming out. I know of only one person personally who chose suicide because the rejection was so profound and devastating but of course that one was one too many, and I've heard of far too many others. I know it feels helpless when you see people reeling from it all but honestly I think the only thing we have to give people in that time is our love and support in the most tangible ways they can receive; if it means physically being there for them, listening to them through the night, speaking in ways that help them break through the idea that the rejection and pain of the moment will last forever or that things will never get better. It's so easy to drown in despair when your world has turned inside out and upside down and so trying to be an anchor in reality is maybe the best thing we can try and be. When it comes to someone being suicidal, then we also have to realize our limitations and get professional help in. I've called 911 on a friend before and wouldn't hesitate to do it again when there's serious talk of suicide or a sense that things are moving rapidly in that direction. Active love and prayer. Sometimes that's all we have DL. DragonLady–> I think a post I just published will answer your first question a little but yes, it was difficult and painful and full of drama. It was obviously new territory for all of us. I’d never come out to my parents and they’d never had a daughter come out to them and so we made a huge amount of mistakes along the way even while I think we were all doing the best we could. Despite the huge conflict between their beliefs and what I was telling them, there was never an end to the love even if the relationships were fractured for a time. For that, I’m grateful because like you, I know others who faced far more rejection and pain in coming out. I know of only one person personally who chose suicide because the rejection was so profound and devastating but of course that one was one too many, and I’ve heard of far too many others. I know it feels helpless when you see people reeling from it all but honestly I think the only thing we have to give people in that time is our love and support in the most tangible ways they can receive; if it means physically being there for them, listening to them through the night, speaking in ways that help them break through the idea that the rejection and pain of the moment will last forever or that things will never get better. It’s so easy to drown in despair when your world has turned inside out and upside down and so trying to be an anchor in reality is maybe the best thing we can try and be. When it comes to someone being suicidal, then we also have to realize our limitations and get professional help in. I’ve called 911 on a friend before and wouldn’t hesitate to do it again when there’s serious talk of suicide or a sense that things are moving rapidly in that direction. Active love and prayer. Sometimes that’s all we have DL.

]]> By: DragonLady http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/comment-page-1/#comment-2350 DragonLady Fri, 19 Sep 2008 00:34:42 +0000 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/wordpress/anitas-personal-story/#comment-2350 Did you have any trouble with your family when you told them? So many are rejected by their families and I have had a few friends who chose suicide rather than to try and work things out. I never know what to tell them. I feel so helpless then because loving them and praying for them is simply not enough. Did you have any trouble with your family when you told them? So many are rejected by their families and I have had a few friends who chose suicide rather than to try and work things out. I never know what to tell them. I feel so helpless then because loving them and praying for them is simply not enough.

]]> By: amy http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/comment-page-1/#comment-381 amy Fri, 16 May 2008 10:23:03 +0000 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/wordpress/anitas-personal-story/#comment-381 Hey anita, Thank you, I felt understood as I read your words. Grief; I know that emotion or those heavy chains so well. At the moment I just feel as though I have lost so much. That hardest thing for me to loose has been my sense of purpose. I feel as though I am walking through life blind folded, not really sure what im working towards. I invest in my partner, my clients at work ( I am working as a diversial therapist with the elderly) and I know rationally that I am called to love God and my neighbour. But I don't know, I am lost without a church where I can be honest and feel at home. I remember the days when I could feel the union between fellow christians and feel comfortable or connected with them regardless of their theologican beliefs, now all I feel is fear. Thank you for this site, it brings understanding and peace and thank you for your prayers. May we all know the love of Christ. Hey anita,
Thank you, I felt understood as I read your words. Grief; I know that emotion or those heavy chains so well. At the moment I just feel as though I have lost so much. That hardest thing for me to loose has been my sense of purpose. I feel as though I am walking through life blind folded, not really sure what im working towards. I invest in my partner, my clients at work ( I am working as a diversial therapist with the elderly) and I know rationally that I am called to love God and my neighbour. But I don’t know, I am lost without a church where I can be honest and feel at home. I remember the days when I could feel the union between fellow christians and feel comfortable or connected with them regardless of their theologican beliefs, now all I feel is fear.
Thank you for this site, it brings understanding and peace and thank you for your prayers. May we all know the love of Christ.

]]> By: joni http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/comment-page-1/#comment-307 joni Tue, 06 May 2008 17:18:01 +0000 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/wordpress/anitas-personal-story/#comment-307 Now that I've read all the way through.. (I had only read the italics when I last posted).. I am coming undone. I am at work and just have this overwhelming desire to get on my face and just pour my heart out to my Abba. I cannot for another couple hours though til I get home. Anita, I always knew that you could relate to what I'm feeling and working through... and now I know it even more. To read your words.. it's like you got inside my head and heart. And the encouraging part is reading the end. There's hope!! There's hope that God will one day give me the assurance that you have found. I pray to that end. That I would know that I know that I know. Thank you just doesn't express my gratitude for all you give me in these blogs, message board and emails. I appreciate you in my life. Now that I’ve read all the way through.. (I had only read the italics when I last posted).. I am coming undone. I am at work and just have this overwhelming desire to get on my face and just pour my heart out to my Abba. I cannot for another couple hours though til I get home.

Anita, I always knew that you could relate to what I’m feeling and working through… and now I know it even more. To read your words.. it’s like you got inside my head and heart. And the encouraging part is reading the end. There’s hope!! There’s hope that God will one day give me the assurance that you have found. I pray to that end. That I would know that I know that I know. Thank you just doesn’t express my gratitude for all you give me in these blogs, message board and emails. I appreciate you in my life.

]]> By: joni http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/comment-page-1/#comment-306 joni Tue, 06 May 2008 17:02:23 +0000 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/wordpress/anitas-personal-story/#comment-306 Yanno, Anita.. I can honestly say that I have come to terms with the loss of ministry and having that ripped from me and the pain that brought. I know that there is still some affects of that every now and then, it has left me jaded in regards to ministry. I've also come to terms with the loss of close relationships and have grieved them and it's okay to not have them back. It's okay that they are now acquaintances with no access to my heart. It's sad, but it's okay. The external things are getting better and better and I accept that it is different and probably will never be the same. The internal things though at times feel as though they are going to suffocate me. Can I really live the rest of my life with this going on within me. OH WAIT!! shoot... today I'm believing this is a gift right, I'm embracing this as God's gift. Okay then I best stop this train of thought... oops. Yanno, Anita.. I can honestly say that I have come to terms with the loss of ministry and having that ripped from me and the pain that brought. I know that there is still some affects of that every now and then, it has left me jaded in regards to ministry. I’ve also come to terms with the loss of close relationships and have grieved them and it’s okay to not have them back. It’s okay that they are now acquaintances with no access to my heart. It’s sad, but it’s okay.

The external things are getting better and better and I accept that it is different and probably will never be the same.

The internal things though at times feel as though they are going to suffocate me. Can I really live the rest of my life with this going on within me. OH WAIT!! shoot… today I’m believing this is a gift right, I’m embracing this as God’s gift. Okay then I best stop this train of thought… oops.

]]> By: anita http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/comment-page-1/#comment-304 anita Tue, 06 May 2008 14:48:50 +0000 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/wordpress/anitas-personal-story/#comment-304 Amy--> As you already said, any strength I have must come from Christ but I remember in the beginning when there was nothing but fear. Paralyzing fear that drowned out everything else. I wish I could tell you how it changed for me Amy but I can't tell you because I don't really know. All I know is that no matter how powerful the fear or how much I lost, including the church, my full-time ministry, and so many people, God's love was a constant thread (sometimes I felt it and other times I only knew it and trusted in it to be there) and in time the fear fell into the background. The other thing with fear Amy is that once you lose all that you fear losing, the fear turns to grief and grief is something, no matter how powerful, that eventually heals. And when the other things we fear don't end up happening over time, we can begin to let go of them and stop giving so much of ourselves to fearing what never will be. The loss of full-time ministry is huge. Like a death but perhaps even more than that. I know the pain involved in that Amy and I'm sorry that anyone else ever has to experience it. All I can tell you to that is wherever doors close, other ones open. That's one of those overused expressions that can sound so empty until you come to discover how true the words are. Thank you for writing Amy. This morning I pray for you and your partner, the fear will fall away and peace will surround you. Amy–> As you already said, any strength I have must come from Christ but I remember in the beginning when there was nothing but fear. Paralyzing fear that drowned out everything else. I wish I could tell you how it changed for me Amy but I can’t tell you because I don’t really know. All I know is that no matter how powerful the fear or how much I lost, including the church, my full-time ministry, and so many people, God’s love was a constant thread (sometimes I felt it and other times I only knew it and trusted in it to be there) and in time the fear fell into the background. The other thing with fear Amy is that once you lose all that you fear losing, the fear turns to grief and grief is something, no matter how powerful, that eventually heals. And when the other things we fear don’t end up happening over time, we can begin to let go of them and stop giving so much of ourselves to fearing what never will be. The loss of full-time ministry is huge. Like a death but perhaps even more than that. I know the pain involved in that Amy and I’m sorry that anyone else ever has to experience it. All I can tell you to that is wherever doors close, other ones open. That’s one of those overused expressions that can sound so empty until you come to discover how true the words are. Thank you for writing Amy. This morning I pray for you and your partner, the fear will fall away and peace will surround you.

]]> By: amy http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/comment-page-1/#comment-303 amy Tue, 06 May 2008 12:08:46 +0000 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/wordpress/anitas-personal-story/#comment-303 Anita, as I read your story I am torn between many emotions, questions, doubts and hopes. I can relate in your early desire to work within the ministry, your need to find answers and how you went about it. The only thing is I am still at the (not so sure stage) yet completly in love with my partner; now isolated from the church when I once worked-lived in full time ministry. I have to admitt I envy you, sorry. I wish that I had your strength (which I assume comes from Christ), I wish that I could enter in deeper with God insted of fearing him, the church, rejection. Please pray for my little self and my beautiful partner, that we might have the peace that you talk about and that we use our story one day to liberate others as yours does. Anita, as I read your story I am torn between many emotions, questions, doubts and hopes. I can relate in your early desire to work within the ministry, your need to find answers and how you went about it. The only thing is I am still at the (not so sure stage) yet completly in love with my partner; now isolated from the church when I once worked-lived in full time ministry. I have to admitt I envy you, sorry. I wish that I had your strength (which I assume comes from Christ), I wish that I could enter in deeper with God insted of fearing him, the church, rejection. Please pray for my little self and my beautiful partner, that we might have the peace that you talk about and that we use our story one day to liberate others as yours does.

]]> By: beth http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/comment-page-1/#comment-95 beth Fri, 04 Apr 2008 00:01:47 +0000 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/wordpress/anitas-personal-story/#comment-95 Though my story is not similar to you own, I can say this, I knew something was differant about me very young. I was so sheltered as a child that I did not find the word for what I was until I was in my early twenties(I am in my early thirtes now). I lived a life, or so I thought a life of disappointment to my parents and the people in the church that held me in high regaurd. I was a song leader, a worship leader, teacher...and I let them down. My parents were the last to find out about my being a lesbian *(I had just started dating the woman who would become my life partner at the time) because I did not want to lose her. But I agree with what you wrote...to paraphrase...living life as a lesbian and christian one at that is a celebration...it is an honor and I feel so blessed to be able to express the love I have for God...myself and my partner. I love this site...and the expression of the heart that I read about on a daily bases. Though my story is not similar to you own, I can say this, I knew something was differant about me very young. I was so sheltered as a child that I did not find the word for what I was until I was in my early twenties(I am in my early thirtes now).
I lived a life, or so I thought a life of disappointment to my parents and the people in the church that held me in high regaurd. I was a song leader, a worship leader, teacher…and I let them down. My parents were the last to find out about my being a lesbian *(I had just started dating the woman who would become my life partner at the time) because I did not want to lose her.
But I agree with what you wrote…to paraphrase…living life as a lesbian and christian one at that is a celebration…it is an honor and I feel so blessed to be able to express the love I have for God…myself and my partner.
I love this site…and the expression of the heart that I read about on a daily bases.

]]> By: Maestra http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/anitas-personal-story/comment-page-1/#comment-14 Maestra Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:02:30 +0000 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/wordpress/anitas-personal-story/#comment-14 When I realized I might be a lesbian I immediately made the decision to make figuring things out as easy as possible. I didn't want to complicate it at all. So I prayed to God to let me know only the truth. Don't let me be deceived, to let me know when I've found the answer. Being around here, I believe that I've found it now. At least on the question of is it an abomination or not. This is an awesome website, I'm glad I found my way over here.:) When I realized I might be a lesbian I immediately made the decision to make figuring things out as easy as possible. I didn’t want to complicate it at all. So I prayed to God to let me know only the truth. Don’t let me be deceived, to let me know when I’ve found the answer. Being around here, I believe that I’ve found it now. At least on the question of is it an abomination or not. This is an awesome website, I’m glad I found my way over here.:)

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