Comments on: Assimilation, Queer Identity, or You

By: Alex

Alex — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 12:10:00 +0000

Hi Anita! I am a newcomer to posting in your blog, blog that has been comforting me ever for some good years. In that period of loneliness and partial despair, I was searching for internet resources (living in a town from an ex-communist country, the internet was all the help I could find) related to Lesbian and Christian and came across your wonderful site full of love to God and lesbian affirming.
Anyway Anita, what I wanted to say is that when I came out to myself, being 17 at that time, and not knowing any LGBT person was very difficult for me. I was desperate and so lonely. I sometimes thought of commiting suicide, but God, Our loving Mother, did not let this happen. So, when I was 17-18 years old I would dress in drag, wearing my father’s clothes from his youth: shirts, ties, vests, suits. I would also wear a kippa from time to time (though I am not Jewish, I have a great admiration for the Jewish people and culture). I looked very ‘handsome’, I would say. On my graduation phtot, I would be dressed in drag, looking nice and ambiguous.
This was my perception at that time how a lesbian should look like…

By: anita

anita — Sat, 31 May 2008 05:39:19 +0000

Lisa –> Welcome to SisterFriends….in more ways than one it seems! And yes, I think I have some idea of how bumpy the road has been for you for the reason that your current denomination was the same denomination I was raised in along with all my family members who remain there still. I went to their Bible college and was a licensed minister with them for 15 years so I know the milieu of [4] inside and out. I feel greatly for the rejection and misunderstanding that must be coming your way from people within the church and when I say my heart is with you, I mean it sincerely.

Anyway Lisa, whatever unfolds at the church, please hold tight to knowing you need never give up your faith because bottom line, your faith is about you and God and no other. Not that we don’t all long for a supportive community but the personal relationship each of us share with God through Christ Jesus depends on nothing or no one else. Hold fast to the One who has no intention to ever let you go!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 31 May 2008 05:02:46 +0000

Great post, Anita. I’m a newcomer not only to your blog but to the “gay community,” having recently come out to at least part of my world as someone in leadership at my church and in my mid 30s. I’m sure you can imagine the bumpy road I’ve been on, but in the process the Lord, certain friends [some rather surprising!], and things like your blog have been a lifesaver. So thank you for what you’re doing.

I found this post to be particularly relevant and really funny where I’m at right now. I’ve recently learned that I’m a “femme” even though I’ve driven a Jeep for years, worn Birkenstocks, etc, without knowing that these apparently are codes screaming “lesbian”–honestly I just like Jeeps and certain sandals and wasn’t aware I was fitting into some kind of category. So I’m going through this period of just trying to be “me”–though who that is is sort of up in the air to a degree right now. I love God with everything in me and don’t want to give up on the part of me that I consider best–my faith, and yet I’ve felt such rejection and misunderstanding by people in the church that I’ve really struggled to separate the voice of the Spirit from the voice of very fallible [and yet well-intentioned] people who love God. Wow. I could go on and on, but just know that I look forward to reading your blog and it’s making a difference in my life as I walk through this season especially.

By: joni

joni — Wed, 28 May 2008 19:27:05 +0000

I have never heard of a Nat Nast shirt… just googled it and yeah I like those!! I definately prefer a button up anything.

Yes what a dream it would be to be label free and known for who we simply ARE.

I’ve been reflecting since I had posted that previous post and it is a good thing that I do switch up what I wear. I have always dared to be different, so I guess it’s just that whole, “keep ‘em on their toes” “keep ‘em guessing” kinda thing. lol

And for me ALWAYS, what is happening to me spiritually manifests itself physically. What God is doing on the inside ends up affecting my outside. When I’m feeling good about who I am I dress completely different then when I am having a hard time accepting myself. etc… you know how it is, I’m sure.

By: anita

anita — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:42:33 +0000

Joni –> Yep, you can never get enough labels, can you? Could you imagine a world where there were none and where people were just known by their name and for how they were in the world? No, neither can I but we can dream, can’t we? I really liked what you wrote about your clothes changing from day to day and while that can just be fun, it can also be a reflection of all the ebbs and flows that are happening internally and that all of those can and are really just who we are. It’s just that there’s so may facets to each of us we can’t show it and wear it all at the same time. But you go with that golf shirt girl! I’m more a Nat Nast bowling shirt girl myself

By: joni

joni — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:34:00 +0000

I go to a Vineyard Church and my pastor “nakedpastor” from Anita’s blog roll, is so against the whole “like-minded” “herd” type of Christianity. I guess it’s true maybe when they say, that we are unlike any other Vineyard church.. not sure. But ya made me think, thank you.

And I definately do not want to do church or put on christian like that!!!!! I am sure I’ve fallen into it over the years though.

Thanks Bon for your thots.

By: anita

anita — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:10:21 +0000

Bon–> I can’t add anything to your comments because you’re spot on and have clearly revealed yourself as one all too personally familiar with the insider shenanigans of Club Christ. I think of how many years I lived an insulated by the world of the church while the rest of the world Christ called us to love stood just outside the doors. Thanks for once again taking my long meanderings and getting right to the heart of where I was circling!

By: Bon

Bon — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:35:01 +0000

“Putting on Christ” vs. “Putting on Christian.” You hit me hard with that one. And deeply.

I think the image is even more clearly shown by those who try to fit into certain “non-denominational” movements, like the Vineyard, Calvary Chapel, or Harvest Fellowship, where the members take on a careful casual persona, peppered with a sort of in-group churchy lingo that we all swallowed with our all-the-proceeds-go-to-missions lattes, available in the foyer. We have our own music, our own radio stations, our own publishing houses, our own little gated communities. Indeed, we no longer have to “go into all the world” because all we need is in our Christian enclave, that we put on so that we don’t have to put up with anything that might rub up against us uncomfortably so that like iron sharpens iron, we become better persons.

I don’t want to draw any too sharp analogy, but this is worrisome to me in any setting where people create their own little ghetto of like-minded individuals. We put on a certain identity, lose ourselves in the herd, and then never do we feel any need to better the world, to spread the transcendent love of God. Peter was talking about forgiveness, but I think the idea translates to love: you love the lovable, and so what? Even the pagans do this. What honor or praise is in this? It is in loving the (seeming) unlovely that the grace and majesty of God is truly manifest. But we can only do that when we are willing to give our honest selves to God, and to step outside our paper-doll facades. Thanks so much for the space and impetus to muse!

By: joni

joni — Wed, 28 May 2008 12:49:09 +0000

Ha Ha!! I loved this, you are so right. In fact, I did just that, “put on gay” tried to jump in and fit it. I remember a friend telling me that I was “soft butch” I laughed and thought to myself, “oh great so more labels”. I began to dress according to what she described and how she herself dressed, etc. Sure it was comfortable and it also put the label out there visually and during my hurt and anger stage that was just fine with me.

It’s been neat to watch the progression though as I’ve realized who I am and how little I’ve actually changed and that includes the way I dress as well. I put on whatever I feel like wearing that day. Be it a girly shirt or a golf shirt. Some days I may look feminine and others I may look like a tomboy, either way I’m just me. I don’t fit either label.

I’ve kinda thought and wondered why I have gone through the different stages that I have in regards to how I present myself, and I think it really just boils down to my inside reflecting on the outside. The confusion and uncertainty that I was dealing with inside was showing through by my exterior expressions as well.

Patience eh? Ahhh!!!! Thanks for this post!