Believe! Believe! Believe!
January 13, 2011
When I saw these words recently on a Christmas platter, words that were meant to encourage believing in the magic of Christmas and to eliciting that warm generous feeling of goodwill to all people, at least until the day after Christmas, I changed the script in my head to read, “There comes a moment, at any moment, when something whispers in your ear: Believe! Believe! Believe!”
I’ve been hearing it these past weeks. There’s been a continual whisper calling me to believe! believe! believe!
In my heart or spirit or wherever such knowing lies, I know the whisper is God’s spirit speaking to my own. I know where it comes from because it’s not at all an unfamiliar sound in my ears.
I heard it first as a child laying in bed, covers drawn over my head as a defense against the shadowy monster hiding in the back of my open closet. In the trembling voice of a child frightened in the dark I sang as softly as my fear allowed me that Jesus loves me this I know, and the whisper came bringing assurance and shelter against harm.
I heard it again when my grandma, the first person in my immediate world who I loved to the point of adoring died. Returning on a flight home to find consolation in family I heard the whisper dancing to me over the clouds below and above me that she was wrapped up in God, that we who were left were wrapped up in God and that all would be well.
And through those long anguished days of discovering another part of who I was that until then had been hidden even from me and then of having my world shift and groan from the fracturing of relationships I had thought were anchored firm for life, the whisper never paused, never abated, always softly saying, “I am yours you are mine, I am yours you are mine, you are mine, you are mine, you are mine.”
For as long as I’ve breathed on this earth, for as long as I can remember the whisper has always been there, always present, ever whispering “believe! believe! believe!” And I have. And I do. And I will.
And yet, while the whisper remains the same, there’s something about this time in my life that’s not the same. In the past there was always just one overriding question scratching at my heart. “Will I be safe? Can my family get through this? Do you still love me?” The whisper came and in wooing me to believe I knew what I was to believe; believe that God would keep me safe through the night, that God would hold my family through our loss, that God’s love remained with me and that I remained in Him.
But now there are more questions swirling around within me than I can untangle and name. Questions that whatever the particulars all touch on some shade or form of why would you … how could you … when will you … where are you?
Is God a God of grace and faithfulness? Yes. Does God love, cherish and delight in us, in each and every one of us? Oh, yes. Is God in his mercy and compassion ever present and near? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Always. In this time of my life I don’t doubt nor do I disbelieve but I have questions, far more questions than I’ve ever carried before; questions that run through the marrow of me, through every vein of me, so that when the whisper comes to my ear saying “Believe! Believe! Believe!” I can’t help but ask, “What question are you answering to? What do you want me to believe in?”
Is God’s Spirit whispering in your ear, “Believe! Believe! Believe!”?
What question is God answering for you? What would God have you to believe?
Posted in Faith
Sweet Hope Cookies
January 13th, 2011 at 8:06 pm
so glad that you are back! thank you for speaking to my soul again today. i’m printing out your words now, and setting them on my night stand.
January 13th, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Thank you Anita, for this, today. Today of all days, I needed it. Life gets hard and sometimes we wonder why we even try. When things we’ve believed and people we love are at odds with us, when things get so stressful that we wonder just where the breaking point is, you come along with a blog that speaks volumnes to me about what I believe. I do believe and I thank you so much for bringing my focus back to the God who loves us beyond any problems that we can have. That God is love and that God loves me and will help and will carry me through these troubles that come along every once in a great while.
Thanks again and I pray for God’s richest blessings to fall on you and D.
January 14th, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Thank you so much Anita — the call to believe, believe, believe, echos in me as well – with all my questions and struggles. Thanks for sharing something of your story…
Hope
January 15th, 2011 at 8:55 pm
wow…this is sobering, and i am reminded we are not alone. not. one. of. us.
January 17th, 2011 at 10:24 am
It was so good to read this the other day, I needed to let it soak in for a bit. While you have been on Sabbatical, I started some classes in lay ministry. Only to hear God calling me back to school – or at least I think so. So instead of filling out paperwork to get a PhD in Psych, now I am looking for seminaries. As I have learned more, my head has been swimming with more and more questions. Especially, why now? Why would God call me to change jobs, states, now – in the middle of my life? For the first time in my life, I have met someone who not only loves me, but gets me…and loves me anyway. The encouragement, the support to do what I am being called to do, is incredible. There is excitement, and there is anxiety…and then I read. BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE…. A few weeks ago the sermon at her church was “Your journey has changed”, yesterday’s sermon was on fear vs. faith and following what God has called you to. And I just re-read your post and realized it is the same thing — just believe. And so I get it…now I gues I had better get to packing!
January 18th, 2011 at 1:23 am
Glad to see you back and will be praying for you and your family. Your blog is a place for us closeted christians everywhere to find a friend in the darkness. You have impacted many over the years.
January 20th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Anita,
I’m so glad to have you back blogging again! Right now God wants me to believe that the gifts he gave me can be used and shared with others. I was recently “resigned” from a worship leader position because of my belief that gay marriage is not a sin. Since then I have not been able to be as active with music and have not been able to share my gift. But, God has given me a new outlet. I posted my first YouTube video @
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmBLR541yoc
I wrote an original song called “The Finding Nemo 2 Song” and I also wrote a song for Ellen DeGeneres. After the songs I was able to thank Ellen for being herself and not being ashamed. I also thanked her for the unconditional love that she lives out everyday for us to see. I hope you’ll check it out and share it with others. My goal is to perform the song on the Ellen show.
Let me know what you think
Shannon
February 16th, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Good to see you’re back blogging!!
October 27th, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Thank you…today I needed this.