The Potential Sin of Homosexuality and Heterosexuality
It’s a Draw
May 19, 2009
I was reminded of a favorite quotation by Frederick Buechner this weekend related to calling, the quote being “The place God calls you to is the place where your deepest gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” I adore that quote and in a future post I’ll come back to it but not today. Instead, having being reminded of this favorite Buechner quote I remembered something else I read by him years ago on the topic of human sexuality. After rummaging through my book boxes I found the writing in Buechner’s 1993 book, “Whistling in the Dark: An ABC Theologized,” appearing in the book under H for Homosexual.
One of the many ways that we are attracted to each other is sexually. We want to touch and be touched. We want to give and receive pleasure with our bodies. We want too know each other in our full nakedness, which is to say in our full humanness, and in the moment of passion to become one with each other. Whether it is our own gender or the other that we are chiefly attracted to seems a secondary matter….
To say that morally, spiritually, humanly, homosexuality is always bad seems as absurd as to say that in the same terms heterosexuality is always good, or the other way round. It is not the object of our sexuality that determines its value but the inner nature of our sexuality. If (a) it is as raw as the coupling of animals, at its worst it demeans us and at its best still leaves our deepest hunger for each other unsatisfied. If (b) it involves some measure of kindness, understanding, affection as well as desire, it can become an expression of human love in its fullness and can thus help to complete us as humans. Whatever our sexual preference happens to be, both of these possibilities are always there. It’s not whom you go to bed with or what you do when you get there that matters so much. It’s what besides sex you are asking to receive, and what besides sex you are offering to give.
I’m not going to comment further on what Buechner has articulated so eloquently because nothing I could write in response would ever add a drop of greater truth to it.
If you aren’t familiar with Frederick Buechner then learn about him and once you’ve learned a little about him, read some of his marvelously crafted and prolific writing that will reveal even more about the man, the preacher, and the writer. My favored recommendations include: Listening to Your Life, Longing for Home: Reflections at Mid-Life, Secrets in the Dark: A Life Lived in Sermons, Beyond Words: Daily Readings in the ABC’s of Faith (a collection of three of Buchner’s best known including: Wishful Thinking, Peculiar Treasures, and Whistling in the Dark) and The Faces of Jesus: A Life Story.
Share your thoughts and reflections on the excerpt above, on anything else you’ve read by Frederick Buechner, or for that matter on anything that in recent days has graced your life and deepened your walk with God. The lines are open. Operators are standing by.
Posted in Affirming Voices From Inside the Church, Human Sexuality, Sexual Ethics
May 20th, 2009 at 1:54 am
Thanks – I will add these titles to my books to look for!
May 20th, 2009 at 2:58 am
I needed to read that this morning.Thanks!
May 20th, 2009 at 8:27 am
This was wonderful to read. I think sex is such a tabu subject in the church and often made out to be something that is not good. I think God’s intentions were way different than we perceive. It is worth further thought but I imagine sex is to be an intimate, deep place to feel love in ways like no other way humanly possible with another human. Heterosexuals and homosexuals alike miss out on so much of the depth of this union because of all the negative and ignorant messages that has been passed down. One more thing that has been distorted by mankind that has become an obstacle for us to fully understand and take part in as a gift.
I also think that sometimes we think as long as it is a heterosexual encounter it has to be acceptable. I agree with Buechner that it goes way beyond the sex of the person we lay down with. It is what happens in that place and what is given and what is received that defines it. There needs to be more writing on this. Thanks Anita for going there.
May 21st, 2009 at 8:38 am
Verrrry interesting! (And not altogether suprising, I’m thinking…) I just finished Buechner’s novel [Brendan, which has a couple of gay characters – though being set in the early Middle Ages, there’s no use of that kind of terminology. The characters in question are just there – not idealized, and not demonized, either. The emphasis is more on their personalities and how they deal with some crises that Bendan and their fellow sailor-monks face.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:09 am
What an excellent, simple truth.
How sad that so few can see it!
Thanks, as always, for sharing!
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Good quote, Anita. I love Buechner.
I’ve been thinking along these lines lately. It started when I was following a very expensive BMW and its bumper had a couple of those really ‘classy’ gold silhouette decals of reclining naked ladies. Obviously the driver was not only prosperous but quite the lady’s man. What in the world compels someone to be so tacky, if not downright vulgar?
Open public displays of a raw sexual nature tend to offend me, whether they be gay or straight. It’s these over the top stereotypes (those who are out there to intentionally shock or are just oblivious to stupid they look) that many straight folk think of when they consider homosexuals. Of course the exact same thing is done by immature and thoughtless heterosexuals. It amazes me the things that people will put on tee-shirts and bumper stickers, things that are of such a graphic nature that they vastly exceed the bounds of good manners. It also amazes me how many people are driven to expose as much of their flesh as possible, especially when that very same flesh would be better off left under bushel basket.
But I never hear anyone condemn heterosexuality because of the many over the top, crass, obsessive and animalistic depictions of it plastered all over television, billboards and the grocery store magazine racks.
Ooh! Makes me want to be a Puritan. Or maybe a Shaker.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:45 pm
in the greater scheme of life sex is so miniscule
May 23rd, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Hi,
I’m a young woman who has recently come to terms with my bisexuality. I stumbled over this site while looking for resources to help me and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you. Reading this was exactly what I needed. Ever since realizing I was not straight I’ve struggled to assimilate this with my faith. Thank you so much for this sight and reminding me of God’s love. I needed it far more than I had realized.
May 25th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Queerunity—> Sexual intimacy and sexual expression is significant to our humanity but I agree that it’s been given far too much emphasis, particularly in the ongoing conversation about homosexuality in our culture.
May 25th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Sara–>I’m so glad that as a bisexual woman you’ve found a connection with some of what you’ve read here, and whatever our gender or sexual orientation, we all need to be reminded of God’s love from time to time.
June 27th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Wow… Yeah. I love this. I feel like modern culture gives sexuality such a casual and unloving face… and I’m so greatful to hear of someone put sex into such loving terms… At least for me, I’m waiting to be sexually intimate with my spouse (be they male or female)… And, yeah, not many can understand that… But this post gave me hope. Thanks.
August 31st, 2009 at 5:42 pm
This is so true; we are more than our sexuality. And as a Christian teen-and lesbian at that-I find this a truth that is profound in its simplicity.
Thank you for posting it. ^_^
September 1st, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Ebony—> So glad to have you comment here and to affirm that this is all true for you as well.