I agree with most of what you’re saying, but here is my hesitation. The Bible does state a man and woman should not have sex before marriage and just because we’re gay doesn’t give us the right to re-interpret Scripture. I think it is a sin to have sex before marriage and I am gay. I do not know where this leaves me. I can either remain celibate, or sin. It is not an easy choice obviously, but it is one I have to make. I do not see another way out unless same sex marriage becomes legal. What do you say to the passages that clearly speak against sex before marriage regardless of if you’re gay or straight?

I appreciate what Sam is saying and asking here and believe it’s an important conversation that I want to open up for others to enter in to. Let me begin by offering a couple thoughts, random though they might be of my own and then the floor will be open and operators will be standing by to take your calls and post your comments.

I think I’ve already stated for the record more than a time or two that I’m not a proponent of casual sex for a number of reasons that go far beyond what the Scriptures may or may not say, and while my faith and the Scriptures are central to the formation of my values and personal morality, were I to engage in an argument on the topic (who me? argue?) I suspect the word “fornication” or the phrase, “Biblical teaching prohibits pre-marital sex” wouldn’t be among my opening or closing arguments. Considering the emotional, physical, and spiritual wreckage potentially resulting from casual non-committal sex quoting Scriptures doesn’t seem a necessary road to travel.

So that Sam and anyone else interested understands, my personal belief concerning sex is that it’s to be held within an established commitment between two people that involves responsibility, faithfulness, and trust and is centered and motivated in love. Whether you call that shared commitment marriage, a holy union, domestic partnership or a covenental relationship makes no difference to me.

All above is just to establish that all I say below isn’t to be confused as a defense on behalf of pre-marital sex. I’m not arguing that pre-marital sex is just fine so go for it. Keep your pants or skirt on. I’m so not on that page.

The Bible does state a man and woman should not have sex before marriage and just because we’re gay doesn’t give us the right to re-interpret Scripture. . .What do you say to the passages that clearly speak against sex before marriage regardless of if you’re gay or straight?

Sam, I just don’t see where the Bible states that. Conservative Christianity does. The Trinity Broadcasting Network, The 700 Club, a hundred thousand preachers and my Aunt Bessie do (I don’t actually have an Aunt Bessie) but despite the traditional position that the Bible forbids pre-marital sex, the case is weak, something I’ve previously addressed in Gay? Okay. Sex? No way.  In that post I contended that in the Old Testament the concerns regarding pre-martial sex had nothing to do with sexual morality but with the establishment and honoring of property rights, namely those of the father. Every woman was owned by a father and any man who had sex with her outside of marriage was required to make financial compensation to the father. (Exodus 22:16-17). A blood sacrifice for atonement wasn’t demanded of the man, neither did he incur divine punishment. Sin simply wasn’t part of the equation even, sadly enough, when the sex was an act of rape rather than consensual sex (Deuteronomy 22:28-29).  I also presented the Song of Solomon which tells of the passionate courtship between two lovers who take unashamed delight in one anothers’ bodies without any hint of condemnation found anywhere in the narrative.  In looking at the New Testament I pointed out that the Greek word porneia has been wrongly re-interpreted and narrowly-defined as fornication (sex between two unmarried people) in a number of versions of the Bible. Porneia, or sexual immorality, covers a number of sexual sins involving extra-marital sex  that includes adultery, temple prostitution, pederasty, and a man having sex with his menstruating wife.

From my viewpoint Sam, I don’t see this has a case of re-interpreting the Scriptures but of honoring the integrity of the Scriptures; something religion and the church has often failed to do historically, and always to the detriment of human life and spirit. Ask people of color whose ancestors were enslaved. Ask women who lived as second class citizens.  Ask children who were beaten by the rod. Ask yourself as gay or lesbian who would be barred from partaking of Christ’s table in far too many churches. Every time anyone comes along with an interpretation of the Scriptures that brings into question a traditional position, that person is viewed by some as re-interpreting the Scriptures when what might well be true is that they are “rightly dividing the Word of God.” Maybe it’s time we look at those long-held traditional views that have harmed, wounded, excluded, and condemned with as much pause and reflection as we do any seemingly conflicting view.

I think it is a sin to have sex before marriage and I am gay. I do not know where this leaves me. I can either remain celibate, or sin. It is not an easy choice obviously, but it is one I have to make. I do not see another way out unless same sex marriage becomes legal.

The part I could use help understanding is where you say “I see no way out (of remaining celibate) unless same sex marriage becomes legal.” I wonder what it means to you that there are countries in the world where same-sex marriage is legal. This raises so many questions for me Sam. Must same-sex marriage be legal in the United States at the federal level for you to feel more freedom to consider getting married should a wonderful someone come along? Must it be legal in every country in the world? Would a gay couple in a life-long committed relationship living in a state that prohibits same-sex marriage be committing sexual sin but if they moved to the Netherlands and obtained a marriage license where same-sex marriage is legal, be free of the judgment of sin in the eyes of God?

I cringe at the idea that location, the vote of the people, or the rule of government can determine what is or is not sin. Again, the question comes back to the only one that matters to me, and that’s what makes a marriage a marriage to God? and the only way I know to answer that question is to repeat what I wrote in Gay? Okay. Sex? No Way :

What makes a marriage a marriage to God? I’m not all that certain God’s concerned with marriage as a definition for a particular type of relationship. Marriage. Holy Union. Covenant Relationship. Kinship. Friendship. Parent and Child. Siblings. Pastor and congregants. God would seem to me to be less concerned with the category of a relationship than with the quality of the relationship but if defining relationship matters to God then I believe a marriage is a marriage in the eyes of God when two people enter into a covenantal relationship, exchanging the commitment of their heart to one another before the presence of God. I believe the intention of their hearts and the action of their lives is what God recognizes and that establishes the relationship as authentic, meaningful, and holy. I believe pure love (1 Corinthians 13) matters and is the single highest consideration to God in what gains God’s approval or disapproval. No offense to the church or to the majority of conservative Christians intended but I’d be hard-pressed to think God’s hanging on their thumbs up or thumbs down to reach a decision on the matter. God doesn’t seem to be the kind of God influenced by majority rule, status quo or accepted norms, at least if Jesus’ life and teaching was any indication, and therefore marriage in the eyes of God doesn’t hinge on how this society or any defines it.

Sam, I have nothing but respect and compassion for your commitment. I really do understand how sincerely motivated you are and how hungry you are to do what you believe is right and that God is calling you to do. Your words were my own a dozen years ago and my resolve just as strongly held. There came a time when my position changed along with a new understanding. Maybe one day your position will change. Maybe it won’t. I have no intention to convince you otherwise and would gain nothing in doing so.  I’ve only responded as honestly as I know how to your questioning and would simply hope that in asking it meant you were open to reflecting on another perspective. If at the end of the day your commitments as they are remain steadfast then I would do nothing but honor the place where you are because the best thing any of us can do is live true to our convictions and to the life we believe God is calling us to live.

I hope to hear more from you Sam and from any others who have something to add to this conversation, and you know you have something to say.

For the 18,000 couples who were legally married last summer we not only wait to hear whether Prop 8 will be upheld or overturned but whether our marriages will continue to stand or will be subjected to state-enforced divorce, a term that makes me cringe every time I hear it. I In 2004 when the City of San Francisco passed a resolution in favor of marriage equality, gay and lesbian couples were allowed to marry and even though we understood the legal status of those marriages was uncertain at best we still went ahead and marched down to city hall. Several months those marriages were regretfully but expectantly ruled invalid.

But this time is not the same. Those 18,000 gay and lesbian couples were legally married and because a legal marriage can only be dissolved through divorce, the state will have to come in and force divorce or annulment (a word no more gentle) upon us. It’s heart-wrenching to even think about because what we’re talking about is more than a political issue. It’s more than about crossing the blurry line between separation of church and state. What this is really about are couples who not for a political agenda but for love went to city hall, filled out paper work, paid the fees, and stood in line to get their marriage license. It’s about couples who registered at Crate and Barrel, who scrimped and saved for their dream honeymoons and ordered flowers and tasted sugar-loaded trays of wedding cake. It’s about couples who wrote and re-wrote and tweaked their wedding vows and laid awake all night in anticipation of their wedding day, a day they never thought would come to them. It’s about couples who were married in parks and churches and on courthouse steps by clergy and clerks empowered with the authority of the state. It’s about couples whose young children stood beside them as they exchanged their vows and aging parents who hugged their gay son or lesbian daughter like any mother and father of any bride or groom would do. It’s about couples who danced the first dance at their reception, who laughed with joy on the happiest day of their lives and who looked eagerly ahead to their future together. It’s about couples who combined their resources, purchased and furnished homes, adopted each other’s children, and filed as spouses on last year’s state tax forms.

And it’s about couples who are weary of having their relationship relegated to the status of joint owners, domestic partners, or special friends. It’s about couples who are tired of remembering to include a stack of legal documents in their luggage every time they board a plane for another state or country where they might not be recognized as each others spouse in the case of a health emergency. It’s about couples who’ve spent far too much money jumping through legal hoops to protect each other financially at the time of their death and about couples who don’t have the money to insure such protections for themselves. It’s about couples who live with the fear of being separated and their family torn apart when the non-US citizen spouse is deported when their work visa runs out or the HIV-positive spouse who leaves the country for a family funeral and is prohibited from re-entering at customs. It’s about couples where one or both are serving our country in the military and are burdened down by the added stress of being found out and removed from service. It’s about young children who are told one of their mommies isn’t really their mommy and their family isn’t a real family. It’s about young children who never hear about families like theirs at school because families of other configurations refuse to allow theirs to be represented.

I’m crafting an emotional argument here. I realize that. Today’s not the day I’m in the mood to offer counterpoints to the oppositional arguments based on religion or politics. Another day but not today. Today this is about human lives and love. It’s about D and I and 17,999 other couples along with every other GLBTQ man and woman in California and their children and families. It’s about people. It’s about human dignity and respect. It’s about the true values of this nation; of liberty and justice for all and legal protection under the law for every man, woman, and child. It’s about treating our neighbor as we want to be treated and cherishing every person as a child of God and recognizing that the love of the human heart flows from the heart of God.

D and I have our marriage license from 2004 framed and mounted on a wall in our home and though it has been declared invalid we’ve never been able to bear the idea of taking it down. Our legal marriage license from 2008 is tucked away in a manila folder in the top drawer of a file cabinet. We want to frame it and display it on our wall but we’re waiting until we can stop living with the threat of state-enforced divorce tangling over it and instead celebrate another step in our lives toward full equality.

No matter what happens I’m committed to stay engaged in the work of justice. No matter what happens in the next few weeks here in California I know marriage equality is inevitable and that in my lifetime my marriage will be recognized, not only in Calfornia but at the federal level. If I have to live to be 113 years old to check the “married” box on my IRS form then I’m sticking around for that day to come. I’m just that stubborn. Until then I’ll continue to leave it to my tax accountant to fill out the marital status on my tax returns since no pen held in these two hands will ever deny my relationship with a check mark. It’s a principle thing. I’m just that stubborn.

(Email Subscribers: Video embedded. Please visit the site to view. It’s a must see!)

Whatever the outcome our marriage license is on our wall and there it will remain until the people of California get it right and open the doors of marriage equality to all. And they will get it right one day. Justice will roll. Bet your bottom dollar and your Melissa Etheridge CD collection.

Though this video, produced by the Courage Campaign, has found it’s way all over the internet for weeks, I post it here in hope for loving gay and lesbian married couples, their children, their families, and their homes.

[Unable to recall original source]

I believe I can love the man as a human being. I can recognize him as a person of faith within the Christian tradition. I can appreciate the good he’s done in promoting the needs of Africa’s poor, global warming, and HIV/AIDS outreach in the evangelical Christian arena. At the same time I can say, and I believe I must say, that when it comes to his rhetoric concerning certain issues including homosexuality, and more importantly around gays and lesbians in their humanity, he’s doing incredible injustice to the message and witness of the Gospel.

I’m only going to comment on a brief section of the Dateline interview and so to understand the excerpts below within context please take a moment, if you haven’t already done so to read the transcript or view the video footage.

In the second half of the interview that dealt directly with the question of homosexuality and gay marriage, Warren expressed dismay at the hostile reaction of gay rights activists to his participation in the upcoming Presidential Inauguration.

The hate speech against me is incendiary. Tolerance used to mean, ‘I treat you with respect even though we disagree.’

I agree. Tolerance suggests respectful disagreement along with exploring and focusing on shared beliefs and values. The problem followed only moments later when articulating his belief that natural impulses (i.e., the desire for someone of the same sex) should be held in check by saying that doing so. . .

[. . .] is part of maturity. I think it’s part of delayed gratification.  I think it’s part of character.

Warren directly implies that gay people (at least those in a sexual relationship) are immature, driven by a need for instant gratification and lack character. Combine that with his comparison in recent days between gay relationships and pedophilia, incest, and polygamy.

I’m opposed to having a brother and sister be together and call that marriage. I’m opposed to an older guy marrying a child and calling that a marriage. I’m opposed to one guy having multiple wives and calling that marriage.

Do you think, though, that they are equivalent to having gays getting married? (Steve Waldman, interviewer)

Oh I do.

If tolerance means that “I treat you with respect even though we disagree,” in two brief interviews Warren has demonstrated anything but respect toward gays and lesbians, and I would take that further to say that as a lesbian his characterization of my life and my relationship smacks of hate speech. I believe it would to anyone who falls under the blanket of such statements which makes his continual references to his gay friends all the more puzzling.

I’ve had many gay friends tell me, “Well, Rick, why shouldn’t I have multiple sexual partners?  It’s the natural thing to do.”

Let’s go over this one more time in case any of it’s been forgotten. Rick Warren is a conservative evangelical Christian trained in the Baptist tradition. He’s the pastor of a mega-church that states upfront on their website that individuals unwilling to repent of their homosexual lifestyle will not be accepted as members; a church that leads a weekly 12-step recovery program that includes a sub-group for those with same-sex attractions. He’s gone on record comparing gay relationships to pedophilia and incest. He was a leading religious voice in support of Proposition 8.

And he has gay friends.

He has many gay friends.

He has many gay friends who have asked their conservative evangelical Christian friend, a friend who’s taken a public stand against homosexuality and marriage equality, and pastors a church with an ex-gayish ministry and a membership exemption clause for homosexuals why they should not have multiple partners.

Out of the kind of common respect I would extend to anyone I want so desperately to give Warren the benefit of the doubt but on this one, come on! As a lesbian and as someone who served in pastoral ministry within a conservative evangelical congregation for more than a decade I find it as believable that Rev. Warren has such friends within his circle of personal relationships as I believe that “one size fits all.”

I’m naturally inclined to have sex with every beautiful woman I see.  But that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.

I should probably be clear that the above quote is from Rick Warren. I didn’t say it. Oh sure. I see beautiful women and appreciate that they’re beautiful but the apparent difference between Rev. Warren and myself is that while I see I am not so inclined.  This girl is a married woman. I love my wife. She belongs to me and I to her. Exclusively. I won’t pretend to speak for anyone else but this is the way it is for me. I have no interest in any other woman nor a trace of a natural inclination to go kadoodling with any other woman no matter how beautiful they are because in my world none is more beautiful or desirable than the woman I married and to whom I promised to remain faithful all the days of my life. With no intention to be sardonic or flippant, I consider it a deeply troubling admission that a straight male pastor who’s been married for 30 years continues to be naturally inclined to have sex with every beautiful woman he sees.

And finally,

I don’t think gay marriage is any threat to marriage. So that’s not why I voted the way I did. I think divorce is a bigger problem to marriage than anything else.

While I stand firmly in agreement with Warren’s concluding words in the interview, I can’t understand for the life of me how he can say gay marriage isn’t a threat to marriage while he continues to argue (three times in this one interview alone) that his primary objection to gay marriage is that it would redefine a 5000 year history of marriage as being between one man and one woman. Since gay marriage is no threat to marriage, then it would seem to follow that the act of redefining marriage to include gay couples would equally be no threat to marriage. It seems that for Warren the problem with gay marriage isn’t that it’s a threat to marriage  but that it’s just wrong. It’s so wrong that by extending marriage to include gay couples it would result in pain to millions, pain far more severe than the pain felt by gay people in reaction to his recent statements.

Gay marriage is no threat to marriage.

Divorce is the greatest threat to marriage.

Millions of dollars have been given in an effort to prevent legal gay marriages.

Not one dollar has been given in an effort to invalidate legal divorce.

Gays and lesbians will not be accepted as members of Saddleback unless they repent of their homosexual lifestyles.

Divorced men and women will be welcomed as members of Saddleback without being required to remarry their former spouse.

And the wheels on the bus go round and round.

So no, it’s not okay. It’s a whole lot of ‘not okay.’

Spread the Word!

]]> http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/the-more-the-man-says/feed/ 18 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/fat-lady-singing/ http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/fat-lady-singing/#comments Wed, 05 Nov 2008 20:43:17 +0000 anita http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/?p=1112 It’s true. Today is not a good day and I’m giving myself 24 hours to be hurt, disappointed, and angry. I get a day to cry and pout and rage against injustice, and then tomorrow I’ll be fine. And more importantly we will be fine. You. Me. Us.

So as you already know, here’s how it played out:

• In Arizona and Florida propositions to ban gay marriage passed.
• In Arkansas a proposition to bay gay couples from adoption passed.
• In California, though the final vote has yet to be called, it appears that Prop 8 has passed which will eliminate the existing fundamental right of gay and lesbian couples to marry.

Conservative religious voices are saying they prayed and fasted for God to protect marriage and family and the outcome witnesses to God being on their side in this holy battle to prevent homosexuality from sweeping across the nation unchecked.

Oooooookay. Let’s get some perspective here. We weren’t defeated because God was on their side. Have we not noticed yet that in the Old Testament God was always advocating on the side of the oppressed and in the New Testament Jesus spent the better part of his days hanging out with the marginalized, outcast, and those whom the self-righteous deemed unclean.

Honestly! There are days when I truly believe some Christians are reading another Bible than mine because the God that shows up in my Bible is the One that time and again without fail stands on the side of justice, love, fairness, grace, truth and compassion. Wait. I want to write those again. Justice. Love. Fairness. Grace. Truth. Compassion. Those are the virtues witnessed in word and action that lets you know God is in the house.

I’m reflecting on my encounters with people over the past month and I’m remembering the elderly couple who stood for two hours on the side walk with signs out of love for their gay daughter so she could have the same rights as their other children.  I’m remembering all the clergy and congregations that have been on the front lines in their support of marriage equality because they believe the Gospel of Jesus calls them to do so. I’m remembering the young mom who wept as she said how she and her husband wanted the world to be a better place for their children and that’s why they were volunteering their hours in the fight against Prop 8. I remember the supporters for No on Prop 8 I stood with in the rain and sun who never returned a single insult to the ones directed at them from passing cars. And I remember the woman who arrived last night to stand with me in front of the polling center with a sign that read “I am a heterosexual, married, Republican, Catholic, mom and I say NO on Prop 8.” Oh yeh, I’ve seen justice, love, fairness, grace, truth and compassion over the past weeks but often from unexpected places and from people who don’t claim to march under God’s directive or wear their religion on their sleeve.

And so it’s not a sign of God’s blessing on them or disapproval on us that injustice has again seemingly won again. Do yourself a favor. Take a breathe in. Exhale slowly. Take a breathe in. Exhale slowly. Now read this.

That the desires of the majority of the people are often for injustice and inhumanity against the minority is demonstrated by every page of the history of the whole world. – John Adams

Bing! Yesterday those who oppose gays and lesbians won in Florida, Arizona, Arkansas and California because that’s the way it’s always been. The majority has scant historical record of voting in favor of the minority because the majority likes retaining ownership of being the majority. They want to keep things the way they are; to hold onto their power, to prevent change, to keep their way of life closed to anyone but themselves. “Might does not make right,” and when it plays out might is often little more than a school yard bully who never learned to play nice or share his toys with others.

Do you need an example? Okay. How about inter-racial marriage? In 1959 when the California Supreme Court legalized it, only 4% of American approved. When the Federal Supreme Court legalized it nationwide in 1967, only 20% of American approved. It wasn’t until 1997 – that’s only eleven years ago! – that a true majority of 61% approved of inter-racial marriages. (Gallup Poll resource). If the Supreme Court hadn’t intervened and called inequality for what it was can you even begin to imagine how long it might have taken before inter-racial couples could have married? Would it have even happened by now?

That’s why the California Supreme Court did the right thing in May. They reached their conclusion based on the letter of the constitution that guarantees basic fundamental rights to all. Preventing gays and lesbians from the right to civil marriage was discriminatory and so the Supreme Court set things fair as they did in 1959 so that couples of different races, and now of the same gender, who were in love could marry. For now with the highly probable passage of Prop 8, majority rules again, but remember, that does not make majority right, not in terms of human rights and not in terms of the righteousness of God.

Oh and by the way. Let’s be clear. The difference between gays and lesbians keeping their right to marriage in California and having it taken from them is separated by just over 400,000 votes out of 10 million votes tallied as I blog. That’s not a sweeping victory for their side. They are only squeaking by. And it’s not over. Trust me on that. Better yet, trust God on that.

Final word? Here it is.

God created humanity to be in relationship with one another and when we are in relationship and love is there, God rejoices. Civil law may for a time prevent gays and lesbians from marrying. It may even temporarily remove legal marriage from those who currently have it, but no law can remove God’s blessing on your relationship or God’s great joy in you. Don’t you dare give anyone the power to take your assurance in God from you, assurance grounded not in circumstance or in the approval of others, but assurance anchored in faith; faith in the God of grace.

We’re going to be okay and justice will prevail.

Now, I need a nap.

Oh and one last thing. Here’s a old photo of D and I on our wedding day in 2002, and in this house we are just as married today as we were on that day and as we were on the day when a legal marriage license was placed in our hands. My wedding ring is still on my finger…I still have a beautiful, loving wife…and I still thank God for the life we share together before God.

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Update: So the wheels of democracy continue to spin. If you have any interest in legal briefs (I know, I normally don’t either) this makes a fascinating read. This case was filed today with the California Supreme Court by the ACLU, Equality USA, and The National Center for Lesbian Rights on behalf of six gay California couples seeking their fundamental right to marriage, contesting Prop 8, and arguing against invalidating the 18,000 legal marriage licenses that have been issues to gay and lesbian couples since the Supreme Court’s ruling in May of this year.

To view the rest of my photos from some of the recent No on Prop visibility events I’ve attended just click on the waterlogged lesbian to your left.

Just a quick report on today’s event. It was located about a half mile from our house and so I walked there, arriving forty minutes early. No one else was there yet and so I stood alone at the traffic light at the end of the freeway overpass and held my sign high in the air. I’m not sure if cars honked because they’re voting NO on Prop 8 or because they simply took pity on how pathetic I must have appeared out there and gave me a mercy honk. I took them all gratefully whatever the reason. Yes, there were a few folks who felt compelled to roll their windows down and give a thumbs down or yell “YES on 8!” but I just smiled and waved at them enthusiastically like I was a big old goober. Far outnumbering them were the folks who honked and then flashed a big smile and a thumbs up, or took their hands off the window just long enough to clap for me. The support from drivers over the past few days has been uplifting but I’ll tell you, it’s kicked up to a whole other level of appreciation when you’re standing out there alone and they’re looking right at you in the eyes.

When the other volunteers started arriving, they showed up in droves! I did a quick count at one point and there were upwards of 80 people. We filled up all four corners of a major intersection and then spilled up and over onto the freeway overpass. Among the volunteers who stood in the rain waving signs were middle-aged straight couples, soccer moms with their kids, gay couples and single people of every age, and at least 30 teenagers who were, to say the least, enthusiastic! Jumping up and down, chanting “No to hate! No on 8!” and despite looking like a pack of wet puppies, seemed to be having a genuinely fun time that lifted everyone’s spirits and energized us all.

Listen, whatever happens here tomorrow with California’s Prop 8, Florida’s Amendment 2, Arizona’s Prop 102, or on any other challenges or setbacks we ever face as queers, don’t forget there are millions of people who stand with us. Contrary to how it might feel some days, everyone is not a chucklehead.

Tomorrow I’ll be working in front of one of the polling places from 7:00 a.m. through the end of the day. We have thousands of volunteers working at key polling locations throughout the state to try one last time to win more votes from the reported 3% undecided but also to be sure those who support equality for all vote correctly with a check mark next to the NO.

Oh, and this might be a rumor but I also heard there’s a presidential election taking place tomorrow too. Huh. What a coincidence.

I’ve been so moved and humbled by the volunteers I’ve met over the past days I just had to give a rah-rah shout out for volunteerism. It’s a good thing.

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One of the things I’ve enjoyed most about participating in the visibility actions is getting to meet the person waving a sign next to you. This afternoon on a wonderfully dry and sunny day after yesterday’s visibility action in the unrelenting downpour, I had the good fortune to meet an older woman who was there with her husband. The woman is standing in the far right of the third image. I never got her name which is strange considering we chatted nonstop for more than an hour, but I learned that she and her husband are PFLAG parents. They have several adult children, one of them being a gay daughter in her early thirties. That’s why they were there. They want their daughter and other parent’s gay children to enjoy the same fundamental rights as do they and their straight children. One of the little bits she shared was that recently her husband had introduced her as his partner to another couple, and while she went on to explain to them that she was indeed his wife, they had decided to avoid using that terminology until the time came when her daughter would be provided the same opportunity under the law to use it to describe her own relationship. It was definitely one of those oh my gosh, do PFLAG parents rock or what?! moments.

Let me leave you with a final piece that appeared in today’s LA Times that shines a light on the lies being used by the Yes on 8 campaign in their attempt to write discrimination into the California constitution. They’ve really been telling so whoppers it’s hard to keep track anymore, though I’m pretty sure at this point they’re claiming that same sex marriage is directly responsible for global warming and those little fuzzy balls that start showing up on old sweaters.

Spread the Word!

]]> http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/word-out-to-the-volunteers/feed/ 3 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/its-been-a-single-issue-weekend/ http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/its-been-a-single-issue-weekend/#comments Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:00:58 +0000 anita http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/?p=1040 PLEASE NOTE: This post includes images that are only viewable at the blog and not through RSS or email. With that said, if I regularly journaled, and I don’t, this is how the last couple days would have read:

Thursday, October 30

• Spent the morning driving through local towns with a heavy “Yes on Prop 8″ presence with my very own in your face because it’s all over my car “No on Prop 8″ visbility action. Enjoyed watching other drivers and pedestrians eyes roll. Click on the image to see a close-up of our stick family stickers.
• Made our final donation to the No on Prop 8 campaign. At least I think it’s the final one. Their appeal letters have been hard to resist.
• Spent far too many hours watching No on Prop 8 videos at YouTube and checking in with various internet news services to see what’s happening around the state.
• Joined with 75 others in a No on Prop 8 visibility action at a busy intersection in Walnut Creek during evening rush hour traffic. See images below. Cried with gratitude and relief every time a car honked their horn and gave us a thumbs-up. I cried alot!
• Stayed up past 2:00 a.m. in the morning talking with my wife about our fears and hopes around the election day results on Prop 8.

Friday, October 31

• Managed to drag my body out of bed and leave the house by 6:45 a.m. to join others at an early morning visibility action. Finding no one there and still exhausted from the day before, I did another car visibility action for 30 minutes before returning home, slipping on my jammies and taking a nap.
• Spent 30 minutes at noon talking with a stranger in front of my house about Prop 8. She was a straight married woman vehemently opposed to Prop 8. Thrilled when I gave her a yard sign to put in front of her house as hers had been stolen.
• Spent two hours drafting a personal appeal letter to hand out in my neighborhood. See below.
• Blogged about SpeedRacer, his sister the preschool drag queen, and their two No on Prop 8 chanting parents.
• Made a deal with my wife to not say a word about Prop 8 after 7:00 p.m. so we could fall asleep at a reasonable hour.

Saturday, November 1

• Attended a training event at the GLBTQ Community Center for those of us who will be doing visibility work on election day at polling sites around the county. About 50 in attendance both gay and straight, youth and seniors. Wonderful people each and every one. Passionate and committed. Two lesbian couples there who had been together for more than 30 years each. A husband and wife were there with their two children. She cried as she said she was doing this because she wanted her children to grow up in a world where they would be accepted and free to be whoever it was they were to be.
• In the afternoon I attended the visibility action planned for a major intersection less than half a mile from our home in our little conservative town. I thought 5-10 people would show up but when I arrived 10 minutes early there were already more than 60 people standing in the pouring rain with the blue No on Prop 8 signs and banners. Incredible energy from everyone and more car horns honking in support of us than I had imagined for our area. Steve Harms, pastor of Peace Lutheran Church, showed up and stood with me for an hour.  One man rolled down his window at the light and yelled “Yes on 8!” After a couple folks from our group exchanged a few passionate “No on 8″ and “Yes on 8″ back and forth with him, I drew his attention by saying “How about this. Your vote will cancel my vote and my vote will cancel your vote and in the end we’ll still be neighbors.” He paused, looked suprised and then smiled back saying “Oh. Okay.”
• Returned home soaked to the bone. Changed clothes and went to Kinkos to print up neighborhood letters. Slipped each one into a ziploc bag to attach to front doors tomorrow after church. Below is the letter that includes a couple photos and our signatures.

Dear [Development Name] Neighbor,

My name is Anita and I live in [unit number] along with my spouse, D. D and I met while I was in seminary nine years ago. We became Domestic Partners one year later. In 2002, the same year we moved into [Development Name], we had a wedding ceremony at our church in keeping with our faith tradition. Two years later we had a civil ceremony during the time when marriage licenses were being granted to same-sex couples in San Francisco though these licenses were invalidated a few months later. Following the California Supreme Courts decision this past May that all Californians were to be afforded the same fundamental rights under the law as guaranteed by the constitution D and I applied for another marriage license and in a small ceremony at our church, surrounded by friends, we were legally married.

Prop 8, which if passed on Tuesday, would amend the California constitution, limiting marriage to “a man and a woman” would strip us of the rights and protections granted by a civil marriage; rights and protections that extend far beyond what our domestic partnership provides us.

With only hours remaining until Election Day and having already done everything else I know to do to protect my individual rights as a Californian and marriage with the person I love and to whom I’ve committed my life, I’m writing to you as my neighbors to ask that you would consider us as you go to the polls on Tuesday and that you would vote NO on Prop 8.

Despite what the “Yes on Prop 8” campaign has been saying, Prop 8 is not about religious freedom. Religious freedom has always been protected by the First Amendment. No church is in jeopardy of losing their tax-exemption for maintaining their religious views on homosexuality and marriage, and no minister or rabbi will ever be forced to officiate at the wedding of a same-sex couple. Marriage is a basic civil right and for some it is also a religious rite. In voting on Prop 8 we are only to consider marriage in the civil sense as we are dealing with the law and not with religion. Prop 8 is not about children and schools. California law provides that no child can be taught anything that goes against their parents wishes concerning health and family issues. The California Teacher’s Association, the President of the State Board of Education and the Superintendent of Public Instruction all confirm that Prop 8 has nothing to do with schools. Prop 8 is not concerned with restoring traditional marriage.  While there are many challenges for families of every configuration in our society, marriage equality is not one of them. If the primary concern is truly to protect marriage and family, our resources would better be spent finding solutions to our economic crisis, poverty and homelessness, addictions and alcoholism, domestic abuse, health care and better education for all.

Never has the political been so personal for me and for the most basic of human reasons. My grandparents were married for 60 years as were my parents. These two couples taught me everything I know about love, faithfulness and commitment in marriage and what they had together for all those years is all I’ve ever wanted for my own life. I dreamed like many people that one day, if I might be so blessed, I would meet another person who would be the perfect fit for me and together we’d build a life and relationship that would last us through all our days.  This is the very thing I have with D and that’s why Prop 8 is so deeply personal and painful to us; painful that we find ourselves in a position where our neighbors are being asked to judge with their vote as to whether we and our relationship are worthy of equal treatment under the law.

Prop 8 isn’t about religious freedom, children, schools, or restoring marriage. Prop 8 is about discrimination. Prop 8 seeks to insert a single sentence into the California constitution that will eliminate fundamental rights under the law for some Californians. I realize there may be those among you who based on personal morality, political leanings, or religious convictions hold a negative view of homosexuality. Though I might not agree with that view, I respect your right to have and express it, but please, don’t write discrimination into the California Constitution.

If your intention is already to vote NO, thank you. I mean that in the most sincere heart-felt way.  If your commitments are such that you intend to vote yes, I would only ask that you base your decision on the facts and not because of the misplaced fears that have been raised by the “Yes on 8” campaign.  If you remain undecided, I’d invite you to stop by our home between now and Election Day and visit with us so we can do what we can to answer any questions you might still have and if you don’t find us at home, you’ll probably find me out in the rain with a blue No on Prop 8 sign on a street corner.  Add that to my list of “things I never thought I’d do.”

And finally, thank you for taking the time to give my letter attention. Both D and I appreciate it very much.

And now I’m going to go back to my reading of “Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning because if ever there was a time in my life for getting lost in the grace of God, now is that time. Hang in with me friends. A few more days and I really will be able to focus and hence blog on a world of other things.