God loves you.

You’d think by now I’d have come up with something new to write about; something with a little more sparkle and glam. Edgy. Catchy. Fresh. Not only to keep you coming back for more but I have an ego and occasionally that ego wants to impress and dazzle.

Oh Anita, you are sooooo clever.
Oh girlfriend, how you weave those words.
That last post was brilliant. Really. I stand in awe.

Hearing such praise from the woman in the mirror is nice but not all that satisfying since she tends to say what I want to hear.

And it doesn’t help my ego one little bit that there are so many incredible bloggers out there writing really amazing posts nearly everyday. I don’t know how they do it but however they do it, I admire them like crazy for doing it. And I’m green with envy. Just a pale shade of green. Not grass green. More like the green on an unripened lemon. Like the way too cutesy pastel green on my iPhone 4 bumper that makes it look like a baby’s chewy toy rather than a serious high tech mobile communication device for adults only.

But getting back to other bloggers who blog frequently and proficiently, I’ve seriously considered stealing their ideas, the only problem being that some of them actually read my blog in the seconds they have to spare between writing one post and uploading another one and being guilty accused of plagiarism isn’t something I find particularly endearing.

So instead I guess I’ll just keep pounding out the same old message.

God loves you.

And when my next post ends up sounding a lot like my last post I’ll try to take some satisfaction in knowing that some things are really worth repeating. After all, can any toddler ever get their fill of being read to from “Goodnight Moon?” Now there’s a plot that keeps you coming back for more. But then, so does God’s love.

What got me to thinking about all this today is reading an online announcement this morning that Whosoever, the online magazine for GLBTQ Christians is also celebrating their 15th anniversary.  Whosoever has consistently provided a wealth of spiritual encouragement and support for GLBTQ people all these years and so I send heartfelt kudos to Candace Chewell-Hodge and all those who have contributed their writing to keeping it a thriving and life-affirming ministry. They  were and continue to be on the frontlines of shaping the vibrant online community of GLBTQ Christians we all are fortunate enough to participate in.

I only have one little question. My original start up date (housed in the now defunct online gay neighborhood of Geocities West Hollywood) was the summer of 1995. Whosoever Magazine has a start up of the summer of 1996.

2010 minus 1996 equals 15 years….

Am I missing out on some kind of newfangled math or have I inadvertently time-traveled into the future?

Regardless, no matter how we each arrived at 15 years, it’s nice to know that along the way Candace and I were both blessed with a hyphen of our own, and oh, do I love my hyphen.

The WWDC is the annual conference (i.e. pep rally, cult gathering) when Steve Jobs announces the latest and greatest “You Must Own This If You Ever Hope to Have a Fulfilling Life” Apple product and this year’s star of the show, the iPhone4, didn’t fail to impress. Front and back camera with flash. HD video recording. iMovie installed. Video chat. App folders. Multi-tasking. Gyroscope. Faster speed, longer battery life, higher resolution.

Wait. I need a minute.

Sorry. It’s just so hard for me to see the computer screen with misty-eyes.

Oh, I can hear you now. No seriously I can. I can hear you, and what I hear you saying with an ever-so slightly edgy tone in your voice (don’t even try to deny it!) is this… “So what does your pathetic obsession with all things iGadgety have to do with God or faith or being a Christian Lesbian?”

Fine. Mock me now but in a minute you’re going to regret prematurely jumping all over my little pony and doubting me. But I, being gracious and good, will forgive you. In fact, consider it already done. Absolution is yours my Sister.

So here’s where I was heading if you would have just given me the benefit of the doubt…

A traditional happening and mega-highlight of Steve’s keynote speech is the moment when he whips out the soon to be released device of the hour and gives a live demo of it’s new features. Usually, the demo comes off without a hitch. Until this year. It was the most perfectly awkward technological glitchy moment I’ve ever seen at a WWDC.

It went something like this. In preparing to live demo the new bust-an-eyeball resolution of the new iPhone4 Steve went to open up the same web page on both an iPhone 3G and iPhone 4 so a side by side comparison could be projected up onto the massive stage screen, but instead what he got were two side by side images of web browsers unable to make a connection due to the number of attendees in the audience who were overloading the auditorium WiFi with all their real-time blogging, facebooking and tweeting. The only way Steve was eventually able to get access to the internet and continue the demo was to plead with the audience to turn off their WiFi-run equipment so he could get a solid connection. Essentially he told them to all shut up and shut down.

How often have we experienced something similar in our own lives when all we want is to make a clear connection with God so that we can know, really know, what God is saying to us but it seems we can’t get through. I don’t know what God wants me to do. I keep waiting for God to say something but I’m not hearing God say anything. I feel like I’m not able to connect with God anymore. Others have no problem speaking for God about my life but everyone is saying something different and besides, I don’t want others to tell me what God is saying; *I want to hear God speak.

It seems the biggest hindrance at one time or another for many of us in hearing from God was due to the interference coming from everyone else. How could we ever hope to connect directly with God when everyone else was blogging, facebooking, tweeting, preaching, counseling, advising and blathering on and on about what they knew God was really saying to us. Voices of condemnation. Voices of consolation. Voices calling us to repentance. Voices calling us to acceptance. Voices telling us God disapproved of who we were and what we were doing. Voices telling us God loved us just as we were. So many voices coming from so many directions that even when we heard a faint intimate whisper of God breaking through to our soul we doubted it because of the sheer number and volume of other the voices coming at us. Our connection seemed weaker than everyone else’s because while we questioned and wondered and struggled, they all seemed so certain. So absolute.

Steve pleaded with the crowd to shut things down on their end so he could get a solid connection and sometimes we need to do the same thing but rather than leaving the action to others we take action to limit how much we’ll take in from outside ourselves so we can listen to what’s being said within. That’s what it took for me in reconciling my faith and sexuality. I put aside all the gay-affirming books and all the ex-gay books. I put aside the theological arguments and biblical interpretations. I stopped looking to others to tell me what was right and what path God would have me walk. I gathered all the information. I did the legwork and the research. I studied and observed and explored. Then I put it aside to be alone with God, to hear from God, to be led by God.

Here’s the thing we need to realize. Our connection with God is never broken. God is always in dialogue with us, Spirit speaking to spirit. God is only silent when we need to be in silence with God. Can you trust that? If you sign off from all the others voices, including mine, that might presume in anyway to know what’s true for you in your personal relationship with God can you trust that God will be faithful to speak to you and that you will be faithful to listen and respond to God’s calling?

I know I’ve said this all before but when I was reminded it of again in such a perfect little moment at the WWDC, I couldn’t help but circle the wagons around it one more time. Trust God. Trust yourself. And for the time being and for as long as you need, tell the rest of us to shut down and sign off.

======

*I’m going to assume we’re all on the same page that when we talk about God speaking to us we’re not referring to an audible voice but rather an inner knowing, a feeling, a sense, a nudge. We hear God speaking to us within the words of Scripture. We hear God speak to us in an encounter with someone else or in an experience that plays out in an ordinary day. However it is that you hear God speak to you, that’s what I’m talking about.

I’ve chosen the post below because of the persistently wearisome notion that being gay and being Christian are oppositional identities. Not only is setting a person’s sexual orientation and their religious faith at odds with one another as illogical as comparing apples to oranges but to argue for the contradictory nature of being GLBTQ and Christian one would have to dismiss in total the lives of thousands upon thousands of people who as GLBTQ Christians  witness to the lived out experience that the bringing together of the two has done nothing less than enrich their life on this earth and deepened their faith in God.

Christian. Lesbian.
It’s not a contradiction. Neither are you.

When I wrote that phrase some time ago and as I write this post today I’m thinking of you who believe there’s no such thing as a “Christian lesbian.” You consider the term to be a contradiction of terms but more than that, you regard it an offense to the Gospel. You believe if someone identifies as a Christian they would seek repentance from homosexuality and would do all they could to change and short of change they would at least commit to not “practicing” homosexuality.

I also have those of you in mind who, even while doubting such a thing as a “Christian lesbian” exists have haltingly admitted to yourself that while you love Christ and are committed to the Christian life, your desire for an intimate and loving relationship is with another woman. Because of this apparent conflict you feel as though there’s a choice you’ll have to eventually make, to either walk away from your faith in God or deny, reject, or attempt to change your attraction to other women.

Whether paragraph one or paragraph two best describes where you stand, I’m writing as someone who knows your position because at one time I was you. For much of my life I believed homosexuality was a sin that led good people astray from a true faith in God. I watched Christian talk shows and gave thanks for the those who shared stories of deliverance from the “homosexual lifestyle.” I didn’t hesitate to share my beliefs with college friends who opened up with me about their own struggles with sexuality because I loved them and didn’t want to see them go down a road that would take them so far from where I believed God desired for them to be.

A few years later (1994) I was the one engaged in an internal conflict like I’d never known before and that I could never have imagined. My faith in Christ meant everything to me and my greatest longing was to live in a way that brought honor to God but suddenly I recognized my lifelong unnamed feelings as being the very thing that would bring the most disappointment to the heart of God. My fear and shame were so great I told no one and spent my evening hours crying out to God in prayers full of promise. I will change. I will do whatever it takes. I will never do anything to disgrace you. I will die before I do. And prayers of pleading. Please forgive me for whatever I did to make this happen. Change me. Help me. Don’t leave me. Please don’t hate me. In that moment I looked down the path of my future and saw nothing good.

I really have been there. I really have said and done and felt that but no longer does paragraph one or paragraph two represent who I am or what I believe. I stand in another place about both pieces of my life, as one who is a Christian and a lesbian.

1. I am a Christian.

There was a time in my life when I made the intentional decision to say yes to a relationship with God through Christ by recognizing that it was through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection that God’s saving presence entered into the world. I was a child when I first said yes and even though on my best day I live out my yes imperfectly I choose again and again to say yes each day of my life. Yes, I love God above all else. Yes, I will follow after God’s will. Yes, I will seek to love others as Christ loved. Yes, I will be the grace of God in the world.

I’m not a Christian out of my own righteousness but by the righteousness of God and the completed work of Christ given freely to all. ( John 11:25, John 5:24, John 20:31, Romans 1:16, Ephesians 2:8,9 and Colossians 1:21-23). Salvation hinges on nothing else; not adherence to church tradition or believing in doctrines or creeds. The assurance of my faith is grounded in Christ and Christ alone and to add conditions or requirements onto that reality is to imply that the death and resurrection of Jesus was insufficient, that Jesus was wrong when he said from the cross “It is finished.” While a church might say “Believe as we believe and do as we do and you may join us here” Jesus welcomes all based on nothing other than the love and grace of God.

2. I am a lesbian.

While I remember the very place and time when at the age of five I became a Christian, there was never a single moment when I made a conscious choice to be a lesbian and I always take it with a mix of mild amusement and irritation that some people will argue it was a choice. It’s amazing and yes, exasperating at times, that people who don’t know me or other GLBTQ people personally would be so presumptuous as to assume they know the reality of our lives more than we do.

My Beloved and I have been together for nearly nine years. We were married in a church filled with friends and in the presence of God. There’s nothing about our life together that would look strange or odd were the one I love a man and our relationship heterosexual. I cook breakfast. She makes the bed. We shower, dress and go to work. During the day we call each other to express our love or to remind the other to pick up more milk on the way home. After the dinner dishes are put away, we watch television or play with the kittens or putter around the house until bedtime when we fall asleep beside the other. There’s nothing bizarre about our life. Nothing unusual. While some would even consider our lives boring I treasure each day as an amazing and joyful blessing.

And yet, there’s something very different about being a lesbian in this world. Being lesbian means knowing that in certain parts of the world you can’t hold your partner’s hand in public as straight couples do without risking being ridiculed, physically assaulted, or imprisoned. Being lesbian means picking up the paper every morning or watching the news every night to hear about some new legislation that’s being debated that if passed would negatively impact your life. Being lesbian means listening to false stereotypes being painted about you and the people you love every Sunday morning by television evangelists, all in the name of God. Being lesbian means trying to explain the nonexistence of the homosexual lifestyle and the gay agenda to strangers.

But being lesbian means even more. Being lesbian means celebrating the joy of being a woman. Being lesbian means giving full expression to the depth of the love within you. Being lesbian means living confidently with God’s approval rather than with the approval of others. Being a lesbian means standing in solidarity with others who stand on the outside whether they be the poor, the sick, the elderly, or any among God’s creation deemed not acceptable by the majority. Being lesbian means finding your courage and living boldly. Being lesbian means experiencing another woman’s courage when she takes your hand in a roomful of strangers or shows her wedding ring proudly without embarrassment or thought to what others will think.

I am a Christian. That’s my faith. I am a lesbian. That’s my sexual orientation. I make no apology for being either and if after all is said and done I remain a contradiction to some folks then that’s the way it will be. I can’t prevent someone from rejecting the presence of God in my life, or calling the love between my partner and I perverted, or even denying the sufficiency of salvation through faith by requiring I be heterosexual to receive it. In the same way no one has the power to remove the confidence I have in God, or diminish the quality of love I’ve been graced to share with my Beloved, or say or do anything that will separate me from the love of God I have in Christ Jesus.

I love being a Christian and I love being a lesbian because for me it’s about living a life of wholeness and gratitude for all that God has done through Christ and for all that God is doing in me.

I’m sharing this bit from our personal lives with you to invite your prayers for my mother-in-law, my beloved wife, and all those fortunate enough to stand in the wide circle of relationships with this good woman, as well as to ask your understanding in what has been and will continue to be some rather sporadic posting on my part in the coming weeks. My intention nearly every day for the past few weeks has been to set aside time to blog but by the time night comes I find the hours have slip away without getting to what I had intended to do upon waking, either because there were too many things that needed to get done or because my concentration on anything beyond the immediate moment in our extended family is as productive as burnt toast.

While new posts may temporarily be infrequent in coming, my blog stats and the comments being left show that new (and no doubt incredibly cool to the point of being off the hook) readers continue to drop in here for a look around and so for that reason I’m going to be occasionally posting an encore post at the top of the blog. That’s right. I’m going to be a good little lesbian and do my part in reducing my digital footprint by going green and re-cycling a few posts from the past.  I hope that in re-posting them it could stir up some fresh insights from you that you would then take the time to share with the rest of us in the comments section.

But before I raise the curtain for an encore, I’m thinking it’s time for a very special giveaway but first I need to put the giveaway post together so go busy yourselves for a few minutes. Update your status on Facebook, twitter your tweets, empty out your spam, or watch this and learn. Then come back and see what what’s under Box Number 1.

And so for the past two hours I’ve been contently sitting here at Starbucks tapping lightly on my glistening little tech toy on my post Sin, Salvation and a Savior when….taking a deep cleansing breathe….the internet connection dropped and everything was lost into the irretrievable abyss of thin air. Don’t ask for the details of how such a thing could have happened. Any answer I could give would be rated R for strong language and violence.

And here I was, blogging just the other day that I didn’t believe in hell. Sigh.

It seems apparent that iPaininthebutt and I need a little time of separation from each other for the ongoing health of our relationship which means today’s intended post probably won’t be happening. I apologize for that because I know the past two weeks have been a blog black hole around here while I’ve been catching back up on life (i.e. washing, dusting, scrubbing the toilet bowl, making undistracted eye contact with my wife…) following the joyful chaos of Lent and Easter.

Expect a new post on Monday however there’s a chance that if iPaddy behaves we could put our differences behind us and try again later today, and letting me win just one game of Scrabble would be a good start on the road to reconciliation. I’m just saying.

For that reason, I’m posting just three of the most recent reader comments that have been added to SisterFriends so that their wisdom, faith, and encouragement won’t be missed in the small print at the bottom of a posting. Enjoy!

Sister 1 -

Wow! I had no idea there were other people out there with all these same feelings that are running through my head, but mostly my heart. I was raised that homosexuality is wrong and that you are going to hell if you are gay. I am 33 years old and came out a year ago. For the most part everyone was supportive, considering their world was just turned upside down. The one that mattered the most, my mom has been awsome through it all. Don’t get me wrong. She has cried and denied that her daughter is a lesbian! But now has come to terms with it and just wants me to be happy. I have lost some very close relationships and that saddens me deeply, but I just think about it this way…it’s their loss! I spent my whole life being someone I was not to please everyone (God, my family, society) but at what cost (ME)! I just came to terms with my sexuality and embraced it! Nothing has changed, well I am a lot happier, but I am the same person with the same faith. I love God with all my heart and soul and believe that He died for me…so yes, I have gone through how can I be a lesbian and a Christian? I am just holding on to my faith and the love I have for my Lord and Savior, thank you Anita for this website I needed to know I was not the only one out there! It’s funny how we are so self-centered and like to pity ourselves…oh I’m the only one going through something like this…I should have known better! My heart goes out to everyone out there going through all the heart ache of coming out, just be true to yourself…the rest will follow. And be strong because it’s not going to be easy just hold on to the love and faith you have in God because if you lose that my friend you have lost it all! In God’s love, Yvonne.

Sister 2 -

I only came upon this site in January this year and all I can say is that it has broadened my mind to consider many perspectives on the subject of homosexuality. I am so interested in all the articles and still going through them one at a time. I am throughly enjoying the challenging thinking as I read each article and at the end of it I am most guided by the 2 laws that Jesus gave us – To love God first and to love your neighbour as yourself. Love is all encompassing and I think we humans cannot grasp this mystery easily due to our some form of conditional upbringing.

All I want to say for now is “thank you” for your efforts to bring us a new perspective. It is so liberating to keep challenging our thinking and moving the goalposts. That is what Jesus did in His time here on earth. I enjoyed this article and Dr Walter Wink’s article as well on this subject. I also thought the comments in response to the Wink article that addressed Judaism were good so that we do not clear our understanding of one thing at the expense of another. Good work all around. You should be so proud. You will see me here in the future I hope. For now I am enjoying moving through the thought and heart provoking articles.

Sister 3 -

(This comment was in response to the question “What loss has been your gain?”) It was last Easter during Lent that I found this site. I was struggling with the realization that I was gay and that I knew I could no longer hide and live being dishonest with myself, with my Lord, and with others. And yet, I feared that I would lose everything in my life – my relationship with Jesus, my family, friends, church, leadership and I would ruin my son’s life. I entered a depression as I realized that for 25 adult years, I had eaten to avoid being seen by anyone romantically and to numb the pain and the emotions. It allowed me to pretend that I was in control. The day before Easter, some of the losses had started, and I was ready to no longer live on this Earth. I just wanted to be home with my Father. I didn’t follow through with my plan because God intervened and I realized that nothing could separate me from the love of my God. Certainly not being gay. And that day, I lost my self-righteousness, my view of a God that would judge me for creating me gay. I lost hypocrisy, dishonesty, and my thought that I was in control of my life.

What did I gain? In the year since this momentous decision, I have gained a glimpse of the grace of my God. The kind of grace that makes me fall down on my knees and cry and wonder how I could ever be acceptable to Him, and yet the knowledge that I am. I have gained the knowledge that He created me, and He did so in His fashion, and that He has the perfect plan for my life. And wow, even when I don’t see it, it is indeed the perfect plan. I have gained my emotions, and the ability to turn them over to God for healing when hurt, instead of reaching for the first cookie I could find. I have gained the experience that physical intimacy and touch from a woman is acceptable to my Lord, because He created me as not only an intellectual being, but a sexual being who desires intimacy. I have realized that friends and family who only love or want a relationship with you because you are straight, are not really worth having. And while my parents may still wonder what they did wrong, they still love and want only my happiness for me. My son, wow — I learned that I have a son who loves unconditionally, who does not see race, creed, or sexuality as a reason to treat anyone differently. And while he still can’t pick up his socks or toys, he will be able to pick up life as an adult. I gained a bunch of new friends along the path, and reclaimed ones from my past that I walked away from because they were doing things I didn’t approve of. And finally, I gained a love for me, just as God created me, not perfect by any means, but growing and allowing Him to be in control. This time, it is an honest love – the kind of love that won’t allow me to hide from myself, others or God.

Your question made me look back at the past year, and I have gained so much more than I ever lost. While church, ministry, and even some close friends are gone, there is a new church, a new ministry, and new friends. And those are deeper and more fulfilling because they are based in honesty and the knowledge that my God loves EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME, AND IN THE MOST PERFECT WAY. Now that is a knowledge that surpasses all human understanding and calms one’s heart!

Now that’s what I’m talking about people!

And still, I’m only just realizing how much it’s taken from me in terms of my energy and my attention. Every day I miss my mom. Every day my thoughts and prayers turn toward my brother. Every day I’m a little more physically tired than I’m use to being. And because of all these changes in my little corner of the world; the losses that have already come and the potential losses that lay ahead sooner than I would ever care to imagine, I’m finding it a little more difficult to focus on my writing and as I’ve done in the past, I only ask that you be patient with me through this time and that you continue to stay connected to SisterFriends until I can find my breath again. I think I’m getting there.

That’s one of my personal reasons why over the past couple posts I’ve moved into a blogalogue about God’s love and why I don’t plan to go in another direction any time soon. After all, when you’re weary and worn, when the past has left you brokenhearted and the future appears paved with further hardship and loss, what else is there to do but lean fully into God who is able to keep you grounded in a hope that calms all fear and a joy that surpasses all grief? (You do realize I’m not just referring to my life but yours as well, right? Okay. Just checking.) I don’t know about you but when that’s how life looks to me, then hanging out in God’s love is the only place I want to be. It’s not that pitching our tent here changes the past, makes the future any more certain, or answers all the questions that continue to cloud our hearts, but at least we know this; that when we anchor ourselves into God’s love we stand in a truth and reality that is unchangeable, absolutely certain, and unquestionable. God is Love.

For my benefit and I hope and pray for yours as well, I’m going to be spend the next week or more blogging a series of random reflections on the love of God. That’s all they’re going to be too, just random reflections. They’ll be concise (if you can believe that any where within me lays the ability to be concise), in no particular order and with no particular structure. Just your basic stream of consciousness kind of ruminations. Care to join me? I hope so. I really do.

May this modern translation by Daniel Ladinsky of an ancient poem by Kabir get your own ruminations ruminating.

WHAT KIND OF GOD?

What kind of God would He be
if He did not hear the
bangles ring on
an ant’s
wrist
as they move the earth
in their sweet
dance?

And what kind of God would He be
if a leaf’s prayer was not as precious to creation
as the prayer His own son sang
from the glorious depth
of his soul -
for us.

And what kind of God would He be
if the vote of millions in this world could sway Him
to change the divine
law of
love
that speaks so clearly with compassion’s elegant tongue,
saying, eternally saying:
all are forgiven – moreover, dears,
no one has ever been found
guilty.

What
kind of God would He be
if He did not count the blinks
of your
eyes
and is in absolute awe of their movements?

What a God – what a God we
have.

I love, absolutely love, this tradition we’ve created for ourselves but another part of every Thanksgiving for me is remembering  all the Thanksgivings that have come before this one. I remember the Thanksgivings in my childhood home when there were only six of us around the table and that by the time the table had moved to another house it had grown to hold more than twenty people as siblings married and had children who grew and had children of their own. I remember my mom’s tempestuous relationship with the Thanksgiving turkey over the years. There was the year the dark meat was so underdone it was nearly gelatinous around the leg bone and so we wrestled over the white meat. There was the year the white meat was so overdone it was as dry as sawdust and we were left to fight over the dark meat. There was the year Mom somehow managed to end up with little more than a cup of gravy and so we battled one another for the chair at the table that was nearest in reach to the gravy bowl. Or how every year by the time the sweet potatoes made their way to the table they were unrecognizable as vegetables from the continual handfuls of marshmallows my sister and I had thrown on top of the orange spuds every time Mom turned her back to the oven.

Today is Thanksgiving and I have not only the warm comfort of this moment with D (and with you) to savor but cherished memories of past Thanksgivings when both my parents were alive and seated at each end of the table with my siblings and I sandwiched between them on either side of the table. When I am old and gray and haven’t a tooth in my mouth to call my own I will these times with the all the fondness and gratitude my wrinkled body can hold.

I also carrying with me into this day the memory of the first Thanksgiving after I came out to my family when my mom and I had a conversation that was equally painful for both of us as I told her I didn’t feel I could spend the day with family while the hurt I had encountered in coming out to them was still so raw and in turn she told me she felt it would probably be easier on everyone if I didn’t join them that year while the disappointment of my coming out was so fresh for them. I spent much of that Thanksgiving Day missing my family and deeply wounded that my mom had thought it best I not be there. I can only imagine the pain it caused my mom to have said those words and to know I had chosen as well to not be with them. I don’t think it was a good Thanksgiving for either of us but it was a Thanksgiving we loved each other through and followed up with other Thanksgivings when I was at the family table again and with my beloved. At this point in my life, all the hurt from that one regrettable Thanksgiving has faded long ago and all I have is gratitude for the Thanksgivings before and most of all for the Thanksgivings that have followed and for the relationships that have continued.

I know some of you must be going through a terribly difficult time with family separation or tension weighing on your heart through the holidays. Some of you will be with your family today but carry the fear deep within you that should you ever come out to them it might well be the last time you’re on the guest list of your own family celebrations. Some of you have been torn in half with the painful choice to spend this holiday with your family or with your beloved because your family has said, “We want you to come but not with him, not with her.” Some of you will sit at the Thanksgiving table with family and though everything would look normal to a stranger peering in through the dining room window, you know the distance that cuts between you and your loved ones and you feel the burning ache of their disapproval even in the polite smiles and table conversations. Some of you are alone today. Whether it’s their decision or your choice doesn’t matter. What matters is that you feel forgotten and alone. Maybe you’re gay. Maybe you’re straight. As I’ve said a thousand times, GLBTQ people don’t hold sole-property rights on pain and suffering or being rejected and outcast even from the very ones they most love, and sometimes it helps ease our own pain, even if just a little, to remember that we are with others in our alone-ness, and that our hurt is a hurt we share with so many others in our world. When we suffer we remember with compassion the suffering of others including the suffering of Christ. Rejected. Denied. Despised. Misunderstood. Outcast.

If you are suffering today, open your heart to the assurance that the Christ who suffered feels your sorrow. The Christ alone in his anguished garden prayers sits beside you. The Christ misunderstood by his enemies as well as his closest friends knows you intimately and completely. The Christ who was rejected and despised, receives and welcomes and loves you.

This may be a hard day for you but this day will pass and until it does know or hope or dream that you are held in the loving embrace of One whose table always has a place reserved for you and One whose joy is incomplete until your chair is occupied by you. Receive Christ’s compassion and in turn give compassion away to others….to those who you gather with today as well as to those who are gathering this day without you.

You are in my remembrance and my prayers throughout this day.

This week I unveiled my personal blog,  The Passionate Plate: Savoring Life in Small Bites, which focuses on three areas of interest to me: Food and Health (Savoring), Spirituality and Faith (Saviouring), and Our Adventures at Home and on the Road (Savouring). I hope you stop by sometime. Oh, who am I kidding?! I want you come by all the time! Bookmark me. Tag me in your RSS feed. Plan your days around my posts. Add your comments. Pass the word to your friends. Come and see me. I need you. I’m co-dependent.

But seriously, one of the reasons I’ve gone ahead and created a personal blog where I can yammer away is because I’ve been concerned that I’ve muddied the original purpose of SisterFriends with posting a few too many things from my life that have little to nothing to do with being gay and Christian. The intention of SisterFriends-Together is to provide a place where queer folks can be encouraged in their faith and where those who are struggling with their sexuality can find a place of safety to ask the questions, share their fears or hopes, and have the chance to consider a different voice in the conversation on the Bible and homosexuality than what’s often held up as the only true Christian understanding. SisterFriends is here to witness through the lives of countless gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people (I’m only one of them) that yes, you can be GLBTQ and a Christian and you can be assured that God’s love for you is unchanging and unending no matter what your race, gender, sexual orientation, past mistakes,  present circumstances, or whatever. On the day you were born God entered into a full-blown love relationship with you and that relationship will continue on beyond your final breath on this earth. Please take seriously the Word that, “Nothing will ever separate you from the love of God.” Take it seriously and take it to heart. Own it.

Whew. Okay. As I was saying….

Rather than jumping around on SisterFriends between the message of God’s love and reporting on the best bowl of pasta I’ve ever had in my life, my aim is to keep SisterFriends for those conversations that pertain specifically to being queer and being Christian and when I say “queer” I’m not limiting that word to folks of the rainbow persuasion but to anyone, whatever their orientation, who feels in some way different, outcast or on the edges of mainstream Christianity. Those who have been wounded by the church, judged harshly by other Christians, or had their personal faith development move them to reflect on God and what it means to be Christian in the world that doesn’t always square with the status quo.

This doesn’t mean I’m not going to be sharing stories from my life. I’ll continue to do so because just as I suspect it is for you, what happens in my day to day life and all that I encounter among people and experience in those moments when God shows up is what most informs my faith, my hope, and my convictions. I also believe that the best thing, and in the end maybe the only thing that any of us have to give one another is our lives, in hardships and in glory. Please know that you teach, strengthen and encourage me through the simple act of living your life and I only wish to return the same to you. So I’ll share my life as openly as ever but I just want to stay focused on why we’re here instead of holding you a captive audience to my vacation photos. You can come over to The Passionate Plate for that and I hope you will. I hope you will not only because of my desperate need for attention but because I want those of you who have lost so much in coming out or fear losing so much when you do come out, to see through the simple act of living my life that as life has gone on for me, life will go on for you.

You can survive the rough spots of coming out with all the losses and rejection and find incredible joy again. There are churches that will welcome you and your ministry. There are life-long friends who will return to you and new friendships that will come to you. A day may come when you and your family will forge a new relationship made possible by a God who specializes in reconciling hearts to one another. There’s every chance in the world for you to share your life and love with another human being who will cherish you as much as you cherish them. And if you open your heart and your eyes you will see God show up day in and day out in acts of such grace and goodness that your knees will go weak. You might not believe any of this now but let what God has done and is doing in my life and the lives of others witness to you that there is hope for you who are hopeless and joy for you whose joy has been lost or taken captive.

There I go again.

So SisterFriends will always be here and a-n-y-o-n-e looking for a place to explore their faith and how God is calling them to embody that faith in the world is welcome here and it is to their longing to embrace themselves in their wholeness, to experience God’s love in the center of their being, and to learn and grow into a Christian life of faith that is most true for them that SisterFriends is here and will continue to be here until Grace in it’s full glory is revealed and then some.

[My intention for the time being is to add one new post here per week though in time I hope to be posting twice a week once I get a rhythm back to my writing which was shattered this summer.]