But for those of you over on Facebook I have one itty bitty favor to ask of you, other than to stop poking me that is!  When I post a link to a new post here on my wall over there and you go to add a comment I’d ask that you consider making the long journey from Facebook to SisterFriends to post it on the blog.

Don’t get me wrong. I read and appreciate your comments wherever you plop them, and would juzf like as many others as possible to read them along with me but that’s not always possible when everything is kept over on Facebook. I frequently have women tell me they’d like to friend me but are unable to because they’re not out to their friends and family, many of whom are among their Facebook friends.  By posting your comments on the blog they’ll have the opportunity to find strength and hope in your words. You know how it is. When you’re in a hard place in your life it can seem at times like you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to go through what you’re going through and has felt what you feel and so this is one of those times when the old adage that there’s strength in numbers is absolutely and powerfully true. By sharing your spin on things through your comments or even the simple knowing nod you give to something I’ve posted can mean the difference in someone having a little more hope today than they had the day before. So unless you’re trying to keep a low profile because of your infamous celebrity status or you don’t want to risk violating the terms of the witness protection contract you signed, then it would be most awesome and appreciated if you would occasionally chime in on the blog.

And FYI, while I’ll be baking more than blogging this week due to a number of cookie orders I need to complete by the end of the week, I’ll be getting another post or two up later in the week.

I haven’t forgotten over these months I’ve been gone from blogging that every day there are men, women, and young people caught in the internal conflict of reconciling their faith and sexuality; that GLBTQ people continue to be rejected by their families and condemned by their churches, and that the fight for equal rights and against lies and mistruths that devalue our worth and discredit our relationships continues on. I haven’t forgotten any of this nor have I forgotten you, but for a season in my life, as it should have been, my brother trumped everything and everyone in my life.

And while life is returning to normal, it’s a new normal with a new purpose and that’s to provide support for others living with ALS by raising money and awareness consider this disease. Helping others living with ALS was important to my brother and so in continuing his legacy and honoring his life, it’s important to me. Again, if we’re Facebook Buddies you know what I’m referring to and if you don’t, just check out Sweet Hope Cookies. Better yet, order Sweet Hope Cookies

But I also want you to know that this new purpose doesn’t replace SisterFriends-Together but is in addition to what we have going on here. My heart is still here even while it’s there and in both places I just want to do what any of us want to do, to try and make life a little better for someone else. Ease their suffering. Give them hope. Lend a helping hand. And so while at first glance SisterFriends Together and Sweet Hope Cookies seem like very different directions for me to take, the purpose at the heart of both is very much the same.

I just wanted to fill you in on what’s been happening and to let you know I’m still around and have no plans to leave. I love this place and I know the conversations we have are important to those who are beginning the journey that many of us have been on for a long long time. We have much to teach one another and we have even more to learn from one another. Please continue to be patient with me and my spotty blogging as I find a way to balance out my time between baking cookies over there and breaking the bread over here.

But getting back to my fragile and spoiled ego, I’m also working to convince myself that the numbers of hits remained stable because those of you who have been faithful readers and contributors to SisterFriends would stop by on occasion just to send a little stat love my way. I feel the love Girls and I’m clicking it right back to you. But enough of this group love. Let’s get back to business.

All these months I’ve really been in a quandary of where I’d pick up in terms of content when I returned to blogging. One thing I know that doesn’t work for me when it comes to blogging is that I can’t force a topic. I write from the heart and from what I’ve been experiencing in my life at the moment. That’s where I’m extremely limited as a writer. It’s not that I don’t want to open up a conversation around those issues that are of interest and concern to you because I do. More than anything. But I know me, and if the topic isn’t something that has my attention and passion right then and there, I’m just going to clink out words on my computer that end up sounding about as hollow as a chocolate Easter bunny, and don’t you just hate it when you get a big glossy chocolate bunny in your basket only to bite off it’s floppy ears to find nothing inside but air? I’m all for empty tombs at Easter but I want my chocolate bunnies packed full of sugary goodness! But I digress….again….as always…

This leads me to admit that in recent months being a gay woman and more significantly, a gay woman and Christian, hasn’t been center stage for me and given what I know some of you are dealing with at each and every moment of your lives as a closeted or out lesbian I realize I’m coming from a place of privilege to be able to have my identity as a lesbian somewhere down on the list of life issues at the moment. That’s not to say I’m not aware daily of being a lesbian and Christian since both are parts of all that I am, and just like you I haven’t remained untouched over these past few months by what’s been going on in our world concerning GLBTQ people. I’ve felt our personal and collective grief over the suicides in the fall of 2010 of queer youth that reached the media (think of all those young people whose deaths never received so much as a mention) and I’ve been equally moved by the compassionate response of so many ordinary folks, gay and straight, through Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better Project.” I’ve sat on the edge of my chair over every development in the Prop 8 case as it’s wiggled it’s way through the justice system and the lunacy of the sadistically slow repeal of DADT…don’t even get me started! The public discourse in the streets and the religious debate within the church about the validity of our lives and relationships are as raw and personal to me as they are to you but it’s just that in recent months there have been more immediate concerns and realities playing on the center stage of my life.

You already know this but D and I have walked through the deaths of both our moms within less than a year of one another and with that double grief still so close, we’re now walking along with the rest of my family with the progression of my brother’s ALS. I’m not telling you so you can feel sorry for us. Please don’t. We’re doing good. We accept that life is hard some times and this is just one of those times though certainly ratcheted up a few degrees more than we ever thought possible. But whatever the circumstances and whatever the future God is nearby. D and I have been a refuge for one another. Our church has been a constant source of love and support. My family is drawing closer in our reliance and appreciation for one another than ever and all of us are experiencing precious moments even in the storm that will be cherished forever. There are days when I’m deeply sad but every day without exception I’m deeply grateful for something I have, for someone I love, for something God has done. So no complaints from the cheap seats. I only tell you all this because these days my heart is focused on these circumstances and the life and faith questions they bring up. Yes, it really comes down to this; when confronted with death and dying, suffering and human frailty like everyone else I find myself occupied by reflections on the meaning of life (my meaning, your meaning, our meaning), on what gives us purpose, on how God is involved in our lives, on what God can (and perhaps can’t) do, and in the end what we take with us, what we leave, and where we go when a blanket of soil is spread over us.

These are the questions that I’m living in and I know they have to be the starting point for anything I say here. At least for now.   I’m striving to live an integrated rather than compartmentalized life (as I hope you are too) so I don’t believe for a minute that the gay will be entirely removed from the conversation. It also goes to say that the most meaningful lessons we learn are the ones that impact every part of our lives so even when the topic seems unrelated to being queer, I’m make the stretch, or rely on you to, to see what insights are there for us as GLBTQ people of faith.

Does this seem vague? Good. Then we’re both on the same page.

Oh. And by the way, if I was really intent on complaining about anything to gather your sympathy it would be by telling you the following. . . but first I need the boys to leave the room. Seriously leave. You’ll wish you had if you don’t.  So here it is. Exactly two days before my 54th birthday last month menopause descended on me in one fell swoop. No. Really. Imagine me as a pot of simmering soup and menopause as Chef Emeril Lagasse. Bam! Bam! One day, no symptoms. The next day headaches, hot flashes, tingling skin, night sweats, insomnia and a sudden desire to ram my car up into the trunk of the next driver who so much as thought about cutting me off in traffic. So if you want to feel sorry for me, then by all means, pity me in the throws of the early days of menopause. It’s not pretty.

And then again, perhaps your pity would best be invested toward D. Pity and prayer. She’s going to need it!

I love you all and I’m glad to be back. Now go phone or reach over and hug someone you love.

So here we are. At the start of a brand new year and along with it comes a renewed commitment from me to you to continue blogging and keep the lights on and the door open to this place. Even more importantly than having a renewed commitment, these months have provided me with a renewed desire and enthusiasm to be here, to connect with you, and to offer whatever I can that might be of help or encouragement to those who are just beginning a journey that some of us have been walking for a long and longer time. Simply said, I’ve missed you and I’ve missed exploring the depths of God’s love and grace with you. Let’s get back to it, shall we?

I don’t know for the moment how my posts are going to be unfolding in the coming months but right now my plan is to go with the none too original concept of writing shorter posts while blogging more frequently. If you’ve followed this blog for any time now you know that less is more and leave them wanting are adages I’ve failed to integrate into my writing style but that’s what I’m shooting for in 2011. A new me.  A woman of few words. The abridged version. Short and sweet. Direct. Concise. Oh, who am I kidding? When pigs fly. Anyway, I love ya, I missed ya, and I’m looking forward to wherever our conversation and the mighty good God above leads us.

Wow. Just three paragraphs. Anyone noticed any airborne squealers lately?

Though no new content is being added during my sabbatical from blogging there’s still plenty piled up in the archives you might enjoy and find encouraging. What follow are some of my favorite posts.

If you’re having a hard time reconciling your faith and sexuality…

• Unapologetically Christian, Unapologetically Lesbian
• More Than Ourselves Alone
• The Straight Pill
• What If I’m Wrong
• It Takes As Long As It Takes
• The Bible and Homosexuality

If you doubt God’s love for you…

• A Secret Name on a Small White Stone
• Periodic Reflections on the Love of God: Volume 1, Volume 2, and Volume 3

If you’re afraid of the cost of coming out…

• The Ending is Better than the Beginning
• Whack An Ear for God
• Have You Heard the Great News? Every Day is Full of Trouble!

If you’re getting ready to come out to family…

• Remarkably Unsuccessful
• What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before the Big Reveal: Part 1 and Part 2

If you’re worn out by everyone having an issue with the gay in you…

• Theology Not Apology
• If We Don’t Choose to Be Different, We’ll Be Just the Same

And if you’re getting within so much as a hundred feet of entering into a relationship….

• Dyke Dating: Reconciliation Before Relationship
• Dyke Dating: Reconciliation Before Relationship – One More Thing
• Dyke Dating: Coming Out Before Going In (to a relationship)
• Dyke Dating: Online Courtship Caveats
• Dyke Dating: God’s Girlfriend Guarantee
• Lesbian Relationships: Preparing for Love
• Lesbian Relationships: Postscript to Preparing for Love
• Lesbian Relationships: Finding Love
• Lesbian Relationships: Is She the One?
• Lesbian Relationships: Nurturing Love

If you’d like to connect with other Christian lesbians and bisexual women in friendship, join the girls over at the SisterFriends Community Forum.

If you’re looking for a local church that welcomes and affirms GLBTQ people, then begin your search by exploring our resources to finding a gay-affirming congregation.

And finally,

If you want to know when I begin adding new content to SisterFriends again, subscribe to receive posts by email in the space provided near the top of the page in the far right column.

Blessings,
Anita

That’s right. I’m back. But then again, not really. I’m only stopping by to drop off a couple posts and bid you a temporary so long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye, which I recommend you imagine me singing to you while attired in a ginormous pair of lederhosen. I suppose that imagery could either be delightfully entertaining or deeply disturbing imagery. You say tomato, I say tomahto.

One thing we might agree on is that the past 12 months have been rough ones for my wife and I. There was my extended recovery time from double surgeries, both our moms died less than a year apart, and my brother was diagnosed with ALS. While there was also an abundance of joys and gratitudes in the year, 2010 has definitely taken its toll. To put it mildly, I’m worn out by all the hard and heavy issues we’ve been living through and while I’ve really tried behind the scenes these last weeks to add some new posts I’ve found myself too distracted in thinking and weary in heart to put so much as two sentences together about being queer and Christian or any of the trigger topics that impact us as both or either. I still care about it all but I’m just in a season of life where I had to admit to myself and now to you that I’m done, I’m spent, I need a break. Uncle!

That’s why after nearly 13 years of doing what I do here (even when here was known by a different name) I’ve made the decision to take a sabbatical from Sisterfriends-Together for an extended period of time, most likely until January 2011 but perhaps for as long as a year. I don’t know exactly how long but as long as I need. What this means is that while I’ll continue to follow up on emails and looking after the SisterFriends Community Forum, I won’t be adding any new posts here for the foreseeable future. Again, this is to be a temporary hiatus and not a permanent one.

For the next few months I want and intend to do nothing more or less than give myself completely over to the things I enjoy and the people I love in my immediate world so I can lighten up and live in the moment rather than live in what has been or what may or may not come in the future. I’m going to throw myself into teaching and playing with the little ones at Sunday School. I’m going to try my hand at creating fanciful cake pops and poke my finger into my favorite Italian cookbooks and give a try at whatever recipe my finger lands on. I’m going on long walks in the crisp autumn air and hikes with D in the Redwoods. I’m going to carve pumpkins, practice my photography, read my way through the leaning tower of novels I’ve collected for the last three eons, take an Italian language class with my wife, and leave snarky comments on John’s blog. I’m going to empty our lemon tree as those little tart globes of goodness ripen and bake all things lemony. I’m going to turn the music up loud and dance when no one is watching. I’m going to quiz God on some questions I’ve been gathering up in recent weeks and then wait with notepad and pencil in hand for answers that may or may not come. I’m going to spend time with my brother and stack up as many memories as I can while I can.

And while things are quiet here, I’ll be adding little bobs and bits of fluff and fun over at my completely self-absorbed All Anita All The Time blog, The Passionate Plate: Savoring Life in Small Bites, and if you want to stay connected with me there, I’d love to have you come on over. And Facebook. You can always find me there. I may not have any posts in me of substantive content but there’s no end to the mundane status updates this girl can generate in the course of a day.

Before the end of the day I’ll be adding one additional post that will be a space holder at the top of the blog until I leap back in with both feet. And I will leap back in. Just give me some time.

In the meantime, don’t forget….God has your back. Always.

And now we return to our regularly scheduled programming…

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God loves you.

You’d think by now I’d have come up with something new to write about; something with a little more sparkle and glam. Edgy. Catchy. Fresh. Not only to keep you coming back for more but I have an ego and occasionally that ego wants to impress and dazzle.

Oh Anita, you are sooooo clever.
Oh girlfriend, how you weave those words.
That last post was brilliant. Really. I stand in awe.

Hearing such praise from the woman in the mirror is nice but not all that satisfying since she tends to say what I want to hear.

And it doesn’t help my ego one little bit that there are so many incredible bloggers out there writing really amazing posts nearly everyday. I don’t know how they do it but however they do it, I admire them like crazy for doing it. And I’m green with envy. Just a pale shade of green. Not grass green. More like the green on an unripened lemon. Like the way too cutesy pastel green on my iPhone 4 bumper that makes it look like a baby’s chewy toy rather than a serious high tech mobile communication device for adults only.

But getting back to other bloggers who blog frequently and proficiently, I’ve seriously considered stealing their ideas, the only problem being that some of them actually read my blog in the seconds they have to spare between writing one post and uploading another one and being guilty accused of plagiarism isn’t something I find particularly endearing.

So instead I guess I’ll just keep pounding out the same old message.

God loves you.

And when my next post ends up sounding a lot like my last post I’ll try to take some satisfaction in knowing that some things are really worth repeating. After all, can any toddler ever get their fill of being read to from “Goodnight Moon?” Now there’s a plot that keeps you coming back for more. But then, so does God’s love.

What got me to thinking about all this today is reading an online announcement this morning that Whosoever, the online magazine for GLBTQ Christians is also celebrating their 15th anniversary.  Whosoever has consistently provided a wealth of spiritual encouragement and support for GLBTQ people all these years and so I send heartfelt kudos to Candace Chewell-Hodge and all those who have contributed their writing to keeping it a thriving and life-affirming ministry. They  were and continue to be on the frontlines of shaping the vibrant online community of GLBTQ Christians we all are fortunate enough to participate in.

I only have one little question. My original start up date (housed in the now defunct online gay neighborhood of Geocities West Hollywood) was the summer of 1995. Whosoever Magazine has a start up of the summer of 1996.

2010 minus 1996 equals 15 years….

Am I missing out on some kind of newfangled math or have I inadvertently time-traveled into the future?

Regardless, no matter how we each arrived at 15 years, it’s nice to know that along the way Candace and I were both blessed with a hyphen of our own, and oh, do I love my hyphen.

The WWDC is the annual conference (i.e. pep rally, cult gathering) when Steve Jobs announces the latest and greatest “You Must Own This If You Ever Hope to Have a Fulfilling Life” Apple product and this year’s star of the show, the iPhone4, didn’t fail to impress. Front and back camera with flash. HD video recording. iMovie installed. Video chat. App folders. Multi-tasking. Gyroscope. Faster speed, longer battery life, higher resolution.

Wait. I need a minute.

Sorry. It’s just so hard for me to see the computer screen with misty-eyes.

Oh, I can hear you now. No seriously I can. I can hear you, and what I hear you saying with an ever-so slightly edgy tone in your voice (don’t even try to deny it!) is this… “So what does your pathetic obsession with all things iGadgety have to do with God or faith or being a Christian Lesbian?”

Fine. Mock me now but in a minute you’re going to regret prematurely jumping all over my little pony and doubting me. But I, being gracious and good, will forgive you. In fact, consider it already done. Absolution is yours my Sister.

So here’s where I was heading if you would have just given me the benefit of the doubt…

A traditional happening and mega-highlight of Steve’s keynote speech is the moment when he whips out the soon to be released device of the hour and gives a live demo of it’s new features. Usually, the demo comes off without a hitch. Until this year. It was the most perfectly awkward technological glitchy moment I’ve ever seen at a WWDC.

It went something like this. In preparing to live demo the new bust-an-eyeball resolution of the new iPhone4 Steve went to open up the same web page on both an iPhone 3G and iPhone 4 so a side by side comparison could be projected up onto the massive stage screen, but instead what he got were two side by side images of web browsers unable to make a connection due to the number of attendees in the audience who were overloading the auditorium WiFi with all their real-time blogging, facebooking and tweeting. The only way Steve was eventually able to get access to the internet and continue the demo was to plead with the audience to turn off their WiFi-run equipment so he could get a solid connection. Essentially he told them to all shut up and shut down.

How often have we experienced something similar in our own lives when all we want is to make a clear connection with God so that we can know, really know, what God is saying to us but it seems we can’t get through. I don’t know what God wants me to do. I keep waiting for God to say something but I’m not hearing God say anything. I feel like I’m not able to connect with God anymore. Others have no problem speaking for God about my life but everyone is saying something different and besides, I don’t want others to tell me what God is saying; *I want to hear God speak.

It seems the biggest hindrance at one time or another for many of us in hearing from God was due to the interference coming from everyone else. How could we ever hope to connect directly with God when everyone else was blogging, facebooking, tweeting, preaching, counseling, advising and blathering on and on about what they knew God was really saying to us. Voices of condemnation. Voices of consolation. Voices calling us to repentance. Voices calling us to acceptance. Voices telling us God disapproved of who we were and what we were doing. Voices telling us God loved us just as we were. So many voices coming from so many directions that even when we heard a faint intimate whisper of God breaking through to our soul we doubted it because of the sheer number and volume of other the voices coming at us. Our connection seemed weaker than everyone else’s because while we questioned and wondered and struggled, they all seemed so certain. So absolute.

Steve pleaded with the crowd to shut things down on their end so he could get a solid connection and sometimes we need to do the same thing but rather than leaving the action to others we take action to limit how much we’ll take in from outside ourselves so we can listen to what’s being said within. That’s what it took for me in reconciling my faith and sexuality. I put aside all the gay-affirming books and all the ex-gay books. I put aside the theological arguments and biblical interpretations. I stopped looking to others to tell me what was right and what path God would have me walk. I gathered all the information. I did the legwork and the research. I studied and observed and explored. Then I put it aside to be alone with God, to hear from God, to be led by God.

Here’s the thing we need to realize. Our connection with God is never broken. God is always in dialogue with us, Spirit speaking to spirit. God is only silent when we need to be in silence with God. Can you trust that? If you sign off from all the others voices, including mine, that might presume in anyway to know what’s true for you in your personal relationship with God can you trust that God will be faithful to speak to you and that you will be faithful to listen and respond to God’s calling?

I know I’ve said this all before but when I was reminded it of again in such a perfect little moment at the WWDC, I couldn’t help but circle the wagons around it one more time. Trust God. Trust yourself. And for the time being and for as long as you need, tell the rest of us to shut down and sign off.

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*I’m going to assume we’re all on the same page that when we talk about God speaking to us we’re not referring to an audible voice but rather an inner knowing, a feeling, a sense, a nudge. We hear God speaking to us within the words of Scripture. We hear God speak to us in an encounter with someone else or in an experience that plays out in an ordinary day. However it is that you hear God speak to you, that’s what I’m talking about.

I’ve chosen the post below because of the persistently wearisome notion that being gay and being Christian are oppositional identities. Not only is setting a person’s sexual orientation and their religious faith at odds with one another as illogical as comparing apples to oranges but to argue for the contradictory nature of being GLBTQ and Christian one would have to dismiss in total the lives of thousands upon thousands of people who as GLBTQ Christians  witness to the lived out experience that the bringing together of the two has done nothing less than enrich their life on this earth and deepened their faith in God.

Christian. Lesbian.
It’s not a contradiction. Neither are you.

When I wrote that phrase some time ago and as I write this post today I’m thinking of you who believe there’s no such thing as a “Christian lesbian.” You consider the term to be a contradiction of terms but more than that, you regard it an offense to the Gospel. You believe if someone identifies as a Christian they would seek repentance from homosexuality and would do all they could to change and short of change they would at least commit to not “practicing” homosexuality.

I also have those of you in mind who, even while doubting such a thing as a “Christian lesbian” exists have haltingly admitted to yourself that while you love Christ and are committed to the Christian life, your desire for an intimate and loving relationship is with another woman. Because of this apparent conflict you feel as though there’s a choice you’ll have to eventually make, to either walk away from your faith in God or deny, reject, or attempt to change your attraction to other women.

Whether paragraph one or paragraph two best describes where you stand, I’m writing as someone who knows your position because at one time I was you. For much of my life I believed homosexuality was a sin that led good people astray from a true faith in God. I watched Christian talk shows and gave thanks for the those who shared stories of deliverance from the “homosexual lifestyle.” I didn’t hesitate to share my beliefs with college friends who opened up with me about their own struggles with sexuality because I loved them and didn’t want to see them go down a road that would take them so far from where I believed God desired for them to be.

A few years later (1994) I was the one engaged in an internal conflict like I’d never known before and that I could never have imagined. My faith in Christ meant everything to me and my greatest longing was to live in a way that brought honor to God but suddenly I recognized my lifelong unnamed feelings as being the very thing that would bring the most disappointment to the heart of God. My fear and shame were so great I told no one and spent my evening hours crying out to God in prayers full of promise. I will change. I will do whatever it takes. I will never do anything to disgrace you. I will die before I do. And prayers of pleading. Please forgive me for whatever I did to make this happen. Change me. Help me. Don’t leave me. Please don’t hate me. In that moment I looked down the path of my future and saw nothing good.

I really have been there. I really have said and done and felt that but no longer does paragraph one or paragraph two represent who I am or what I believe. I stand in another place about both pieces of my life, as one who is a Christian and a lesbian.

1. I am a Christian.

There was a time in my life when I made the intentional decision to say yes to a relationship with God through Christ by recognizing that it was through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection that God’s saving presence entered into the world. I was a child when I first said yes and even though on my best day I live out my yes imperfectly I choose again and again to say yes each day of my life. Yes, I love God above all else. Yes, I will follow after God’s will. Yes, I will seek to love others as Christ loved. Yes, I will be the grace of God in the world.

I’m not a Christian out of my own righteousness but by the righteousness of God and the completed work of Christ given freely to all. ( John 11:25, John 5:24, John 20:31, Romans 1:16, Ephesians 2:8,9 and Colossians 1:21-23). Salvation hinges on nothing else; not adherence to church tradition or believing in doctrines or creeds. The assurance of my faith is grounded in Christ and Christ alone and to add conditions or requirements onto that reality is to imply that the death and resurrection of Jesus was insufficient, that Jesus was wrong when he said from the cross “It is finished.” While a church might say “Believe as we believe and do as we do and you may join us here” Jesus welcomes all based on nothing other than the love and grace of God.

2. I am a lesbian.

While I remember the very place and time when at the age of five I became a Christian, there was never a single moment when I made a conscious choice to be a lesbian and I always take it with a mix of mild amusement and irritation that some people will argue it was a choice. It’s amazing and yes, exasperating at times, that people who don’t know me or other GLBTQ people personally would be so presumptuous as to assume they know the reality of our lives more than we do.

My Beloved and I have been together for nearly nine years. We were married in a church filled with friends and in the presence of God. There’s nothing about our life together that would look strange or odd were the one I love a man and our relationship heterosexual. I cook breakfast. She makes the bed. We shower, dress and go to work. During the day we call each other to express our love or to remind the other to pick up more milk on the way home. After the dinner dishes are put away, we watch television or play with the kittens or putter around the house until bedtime when we fall asleep beside the other. There’s nothing bizarre about our life. Nothing unusual. While some would even consider our lives boring I treasure each day as an amazing and joyful blessing.

And yet, there’s something very different about being a lesbian in this world. Being lesbian means knowing that in certain parts of the world you can’t hold your partner’s hand in public as straight couples do without risking being ridiculed, physically assaulted, or imprisoned. Being lesbian means picking up the paper every morning or watching the news every night to hear about some new legislation that’s being debated that if passed would negatively impact your life. Being lesbian means listening to false stereotypes being painted about you and the people you love every Sunday morning by television evangelists, all in the name of God. Being lesbian means trying to explain the nonexistence of the homosexual lifestyle and the gay agenda to strangers.

But being lesbian means even more. Being lesbian means celebrating the joy of being a woman. Being lesbian means giving full expression to the depth of the love within you. Being lesbian means living confidently with God’s approval rather than with the approval of others. Being a lesbian means standing in solidarity with others who stand on the outside whether they be the poor, the sick, the elderly, or any among God’s creation deemed not acceptable by the majority. Being lesbian means finding your courage and living boldly. Being lesbian means experiencing another woman’s courage when she takes your hand in a roomful of strangers or shows her wedding ring proudly without embarrassment or thought to what others will think.

I am a Christian. That’s my faith. I am a lesbian. That’s my sexual orientation. I make no apology for being either and if after all is said and done I remain a contradiction to some folks then that’s the way it will be. I can’t prevent someone from rejecting the presence of God in my life, or calling the love between my partner and I perverted, or even denying the sufficiency of salvation through faith by requiring I be heterosexual to receive it. In the same way no one has the power to remove the confidence I have in God, or diminish the quality of love I’ve been graced to share with my Beloved, or say or do anything that will separate me from the love of God I have in Christ Jesus.

I love being a Christian and I love being a lesbian because for me it’s about living a life of wholeness and gratitude for all that God has done through Christ and for all that God is doing in me.