So in advance, thank you. Now pray away!

As I’ve already mentioned I probably won’t be blogging for the next two weeks while I tend to my recovery and enjoy the full benefit of pain medication. If my last turn on the operating table is any indication the coming days will primarily consist of equal parts  napping and whining, and in case you wonder, I do both extraordinarily well. That’s just the way I roll. Ask my beloved which she will confirm with a little more enthusiasm than I would ever deem appropriately necessary.

During my time away I want to encourage you to check out just a few of my favorite bloggers if you aren’t already following them.

You’ll never run out of great stuff to read and reflect on over at Wake Up and Live, Susan’s take on the Scriptures, on the Church and all things justice-oriented relating to the GLBTQ community are refreshing, provoking, and engaging.

Originally called The Closeted Pastor, in recent weeks Cecilia has renamed her blog The [Un] Closeted Pastor. You want to see a pastor’s heart? You want to watch someone dealing with the day to day realities of staying in and coming out? You want to see an example of courage that will blow your socks off and your shoes along with them? You have any interest at all in seeing God’s faithfulness blast open someone’s life? Then spend this last year following Cecilia’s journey beginning in January 2009, and don’t you dare skip ahead to May. I’m serious. Don’t even think about it!

I heart John Shore. Seriously. Never met him in person, never talked to him on the phone, but if I had a thing for straight guys he’d make the first cut. I like his writing, his humor, his adoring love for his wife, his glee in rocking the boat with hot topics like “the gays,” and a life of faith full of questions shored by rock-solid commitment. So read his blog and prepare to laugh and cry and scratch your head in bewilderment. And if he says something you don’t understand, that’s okay. He ends up stumping everyone at one time or another. Oh, and if you bake cookies, don’t tell him. Please trust me on this. The man won’t stop pestering you until you snap like a pretzel stick and pull out the flour bag.

If I could draw I’d create cartoon panels like Jon over at The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus, but drawing is just one more thing I can’t do like yodeling, neurosurgery, and laundry. If every picture tells a story, then every cartoon of Jon’s preaches a sermon.

And then there’s a site I just discovered developed by Kori Ashton called Les Be Pure. Just how much do I love that name!!! I’m still looking over all the content myself but in what I’ve already seen I’m thrilled to no end to find another woman out there boldly declaring the familiar refrain of God’s love for all and encouraging gay and lesbian Christians to live out their faith 24/7. While Kori and I are saying many of the same things, there’s one big difference between us . . .that girl can sing! But can she polka? I doubt it!

Anyway, my dear friends, that should be more than enough to keep you off the streets and out of trouble but if you end up with too much time on your hands don’t forget to hang around here and read through the archives.  You’re invited and encouraged to add comments to any of them, just remember it’s going to be a few days, after the drug-haze has lifted, before I’ll be able to stumble back here to approve any pending comments.

Be well. Be whole.

You’re loved. By God. By me. No joke.

You really are.

Read this post by John Shore.

In this crazy world where so many truly sincere and faithful evangelical Christians continue to be wrong in understanding who we really are as GLBTQ Christians and seem unable to hold the words gay Christian together without offering an immediate rebuttal, John’s post provides a gracious moment in his simple acknowledgement that he knows gay people who are Christian and whose lives witness to their faith in Christ.

Enjoy a fresh breath of air. Read the post.

The good Lord above and the cable guy on our home office floor willing, I’ll be back later.

• While I’m in the movie zone I want to encourage anyone who has OnDemand to check out the Showtime movies section where the film “Save Me” is currently airing. I’m no movie reviewer but an excellent review has already been provided over at Truth Wins Out. Powerful stuff. Weepy sad and weepy hopeful stuff. FYI, the DVD is available by clicking on the movie title link above.
• My thanks to everyone who submitted an entry for the Possibly First Annual SisterFriends Writing Contest. More than 20 stories were sent in and over the next two weeks they will be reviewed by a panel chosen from among the congregation at Peace Lutheran Church. The only direction I gave the panel members was to select the story that they each found most inspiring and moving at a personal level. Having looked through all the stories that’s not going to be such a simple thing for them to do but when they do reach their final decision I’ll announce the winner here. I look forward to sharing many of the stories with you here at SisterFriends in the coming weeks.
• If you’re looking for a couple great queer message tee shirts for your Spring wardrobe (aren’t we all?!), check out this one and this one. A portion of every purchase will be donated to a GLBTQ organization. You. Jeans. Gay tee shirt. Sneakers. Baseball hat. I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about how adorable you’ll look.

If you missed the first two airings of Lifetime Channel’s Prayers for Bobby you still have one more chance tomorrow night, January 27, at 9:00 p.m. Eastern/Pacific on Lifetime. There’s a good reflection piece and summary on the movie over at Bilerico Project. For those who don’t have cable access, the movie is already available for download on iTunes. Just follow this path: TV Shows–>Lifetime —>Go to Lifetime Movies. For the time-being a banner ad link is at the top of the TV Shows page.

D and I watched it yesterday afternoon and while I well suspected I’d be boo-hooing through it as I do through most Lifetime movies and anything that even hints at Hallmark, this one caught me off guard with the emotional impact. A little some of it’s power had to do with being personally connected to the two locations highlighted in the story. Bobby’s family lived in Walnut Creek, California, a few miles down the road from where D and I live, and Bobby moved and took his life in Portland, Oregon, my home town. But certainly it was far more than that. The impact of the story is that it was not only a true story, but continues to be a true story unfolding in conservative Christian homes around the country every day. A young person comes out and a parent responds in a flood of emotion; telling their son or daughter they aren’t really gay because they can’t be gay. God condemns homosexuality. You can’t love God and be gay. It’s not the life for you. It’s perverse and disgusting. This is just a temptation. You’re confused is all. This is a spiritual battle for your soul.  Don’t give in and let the Enemy win. We’ll get help for you. There are ministries and counselors that can help you change. You are not gay. No child of mine will ever be gay.

Prayers for Bobby reminds us once again of who is to blame for the tormented lives and tragic deaths of queer young people and adults. It isn’t the young person, the parent, or family. The blame lays square on the shoulders of fundamentalist doctrine that ignores the central message of Christ’s teaching while favoring the letter of an ancient code of law; a doctrine chiseled in the stone tablets of legalism rather than empowered by the compassion of God’s grace. This is why we keep speaking the truth and living in the truth no matter, so that one day the walls of ignorance will crumble one brick at a time and be no more. Truth always wins in the end. Always.

If you’re a young gay person or are questioning your sexuality, you don’t need to be alone in your confusion or fear. There are people who understand and care and are on your side. There are older adults and people your age who’ve already been where you’ve been and know how you feel. If you feel lost or alone call the Trevor Project at 866-488-7386. Call it right now. The phone call is free and confidential. People are there who can answer your questions and help you figure out what to do next if you don’t know what to do. Give them a chance okay? You don’t need to be alone. There is help. And between you and me, God doesn’t demand you change and be straight and if you’re not sure if you’re gay or straight God’s okay with that too. All that God wants for you is that you would be fully who you are and to enjoy each day of life that God has given to you out of the abundance of His love. You matter. Do you hear me? You matter. You are important and valuable and you belong here on this earth just as you are. Count on it.

Spread the Word!

]]> http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/90-minutes-of-big-time-boo-hoo/feed/ 4 http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/mels-movie-monday/ http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/mels-movie-monday/#comments Mon, 26 Jan 2009 21:42:51 +0000 anita http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/?p=1841 If you haven’t heard already, Mel White, founder of Soulforce, and his son Mike will be one of the teams on the upcoming season of The Amazing Race. Their interview video is this side short of adorable. I absolutely the show, not only because of the incredible places they travel around the world but there’s the morbid joy of watching couples coop and/or crumble under such pressure. It’s a study in human dynamics that should be a part of every sociology course offered. D and I watch the Amazing Race faithfully and always laugh at the idea of us entering as a team since I can barely keep my wits about me over the competitive edge of boarding a Southwest flight with open seating. Anyway, God speed and travel mercies to you Mel and Mike!

While we’re on a Mel roll, he participated in a recent segment of the GLBTQ documentary and news show, In the Life. The “Tie that Binds” is described as an exploration of “the power of religion to shape our lives, worldview, and our political convictions… providing spiritual guidance and comfort, but often used to promote intolerance and hatred of LGBT people. Looking at the intersection of religion and sexuality, we see how gays and lesbians reconcile their faith within their religious communities.” See the video here.

Like many GLBTQ Christians, Mel White’s book “Stranger at the Gate” played a significant part in my journey to reconcile my faith and sexuality. I’d known Mel years earlier through a close family connection when he was still respected within evangelical Christian circles but as I was reading along in his book I was shocked to see he made a passing reference to the very events that connected us. In some way reading about this past event from my childhood in a book about being a gay Christian gave a wholeness to my life story, which is a pretty profound experience when you’re at a place in your life where you’ve split your life story into “before I knew I was gay” and “after I knew I was gay.” Know what I mean? Of course you do.

And so after finishing the book I dropped Mel an email, thanking him for the book and telling him I was still in the closet and struggling with how to come out to my family. Before the day ended a reply email arrived from Mel filled with assurance of God’s love and joy in hearing from me and then Mel did the most remarkable thing. He offered to write a personal letter to my family as a way of speaking up for me and standing with me through it all.  I never took him up on the offer but I’ve always remembered the kindness of it as a gift to my life.

The  video embedded below from the Soulforce video archives was equally a valuable part of my early days of coming out. While I was already at a place of peace in my relationship with God as a lesbian, Mel’s message communicated a boldness and passion in proclaiming God’s love for GLBTQ people in a way that filled me with the longing to continue passing the same message along. It’s a little dated but the heart of the message is unchanging; Yes, God loves you without reservation! Enjoy the video. And God’s love for you this day.

If you watch the video, tell us what you think. Was there something Mel said that stood out for you?

While I’m thinking about it, I would be honored, pleased, and ever so grateful to have you follow me any of the locations below. Just click on the image to find me, and if not me, perhaps you’ll run across Waldo.

The comments Adam’s posts will generate will no doubt be interesting for those in the mood for verbal slap downs and “cut and paste” galore from Leviticus and Romans.

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Let’s get back to my blogging pattern which is why we’re even here, stuck in this meandering post in the first place. I’ve decided that for the time being I’m not going to blog on the weekends. Not only do the stats confirm you folks are off doing other things on Saturdays and Sundays like breathing fresh air or getting a blast of UV rays, but it’s also a good time to give my full, undivided, and adoring attention to D.

For those of you who bounce around in browsers on the weekend I’ll be providing a list on Fridays of some of the sites I regularly visit or that I stumbled on over the previous week that I found interesting, inspiring, funny, or strange. And here now for your amusement or annoyance —

• Hill, one of our very own has written a couple thoughtful pieces this week at A Wonderful Journey.
• Lindsey continues to impress me with her writing and thinking at her new emphaticasterisk.com domain.
• Allyson provides a super on-point list on 7 Reasons Why Congregations Should Embrace the Trans Community
• 104 wpm. No errors. Come on wimps! I dare you!
• I spent 10 minutes here everyday. Get edumacated and help the hungry at the same time.
• If you’re a mom or have a mom this sums it all up in 2 minutes.
• I actually have this bookmarked though I have no rational explanation of why.
• A girl has to have a dream.
• And finally, where D and I will be playing tomorrow.

Yesterday I was working away on an upcoming entry that follows up on the topic of coming out but when my RSS feed notified me there was a new entry posted to John’s site I closed up shop and headed over his way where I read “I’m Only Saying: If My Gay Loved Ones Go To Hell, I’m Going With Them.”

…If my gay friends, whom my life experience tells me can no sooner stop being gay than I can stop being straight, have to go to hell after they die, then I’m going with them. Too many gays and lesbians in my life have been too good to me in this life for me to leave them behind in the next. I won’t do it. That’s really all I was saying.

What I am not saying (and certainly haven’t said) is that the Bible is wrong, or should be changed, or that fundamentalist or “conservative” Christians are wrong or should change. I’m not even saying that it’s true that gays and lesbians are born homosexual in the same way I was born straight. Maybe I’m wrong about that. I don’t care. I leave those kinds of questions to the future, and to those in the present who, unlike me, find debates on insolvable matters engaging. (And you better believe I have no interest in alienating my fundamentalist and “conservative” Christian friends, for whom I have nothing but love and respect. I wish I had blood relatives who’d ever been as good to me as some of my conservative brothers and sisters in Christ have been.)

Again: I’m saying nothing more than this: If any of my dear gay friends get condemned to hell for no other reason than that they’re gay, then I will choose to go to hell with them. I am sure Christ will let me make that choice. I’m not sure of a lot of things, but I’m positive Christ understands sacrificing oneself for the love of others. (John Shore, Suddenly Christian)

If John, the married straight guy, were to sit down with Anita, the partnered gay girl, and we were to weave our way through the minutia of homosexuality and the Bible, we’d no doubt find places where our ideas diverged, yet the differences wouldn’t matter all that much because ultimately John and I would find ourselves talking less about the finer points of homosexuality that were at odds and more about matters of faith we share in common. We’d talk about Jesus, maybe kick around some thoughts on atonement or reconciliation or hey, how about this, the depth and breath and height of God’s love. Christians talking about the love of God. Imagine! The reason we’d be able to navigate beyond the hot topic and onto the essentials is that overarching our interaction would be a shared sense of respect for the other, recognition of the other’s faith in Christ, and appreciation for the person they were without judgment. I believe the same would be the case with Shush and Jon and Adam and Christian and others.

I’m rambling on about this for a couple reasons:

1. I was really moved by what he wrote and wanted to share it with you. If you appreciated his post I’d invite you to go leave a positive comment over at his site. I know that would mean something to him.
2. Many of us came from or are still walking in the evangelical Christian tradition where the rhetoric concerning homosexuality remains negative and oppositional, but there’s another voice raising up among evangelical Christianity. While their theological positions of homosexuality are perhaps varied from ours and from each other, they recognize GLBTQ Christians as equal relatives (not distant black-sheep cousins) in the family of God and they express a commitment for GLBTQ people to gain access to equal treatment under the law.
3. These are blogging communities where you can contribute your wisdom and insights as a Christian and they’ll be received with respect by the blogger and by the majority, though not all, of their readership. While I hope SisterFriends will be your home base, I encourage you to visit these other blogs and get involved, but not only in conversations involving homosexuality. When we’re on the journey to reconcile our faith and sexuality, our focus can understandably become somewhat myopic but it’s good to occasionally lay that all aside and get engaged in other faith questions you feel passionate about or are interested in. Please check out the BlogRoll on the right column for additional blogs and websites.

So that’s about all I wanted to say. Now…go click a link and feel the love!

You might be experiencing a syndrome known as “In-The-Closet Paranoia.” I had a severe case in the beginning of my own journey to reconcile my faith and sexuality. I was convinced sirens would wail and strobe lights flash the moment I touched a book in the gay/lesbian section at Borders. The first time I went to a gay-affirming church I drove to a town 110 miles a way but still snuck into the church as though I were the potential target for a “Hard Copy” investigative report.

While it can be scary to reach out for support, it’s important not to allow yourself to become isolated. You might find yourself withdrawing emotionally, if not physically, from family, friends, and your church community as you anticipate what their response might be in discovering you’re gay. While that’s understandable you need to begin to search out other resources and people. Scripture teaches us that as believers we’re called to strengthen and encourage each other’s faith and while you need others don’t forget that others need you. You have your own story to tell and in sharing it you’ll be helping someone else along the way.

In my own journey of reconciling my faith and sexuality I discovered many resources for fellowship and support and hopefully some of these will be valuable to you.

Search the internet for supportive resources and community

I always smile when I’m asked why I decided to create a Christian website for the GLBTQ community. Back in 1994 when I began my own process of coming out I entered the words christian and gay into a search engine and the first hit that came back directed me to a male erotica website run by a gay man named Christian. After that disappointing but comical setback, I eventually was fortunate enough to stumble onto an extensive site called Gay Christians Online, which inspired me to create the original (and oh so rudimentary) Christian Lesbians Online in 1996. Over the years the internet has exploded with GLBTQ affirming ministries, welcoming faith communities and personal blogs by GLBTQ Christians. The resources I provided are only to get you started.

While online fellowship won’t be enough to sustain you long term because of the limitations that are naturally involved in this type of communication, you can find a long-distance community of support until the time when you’re ready to reach out to other gay or gay-affirming Christians near you. There’s an active SisterFriends -Together Community Forum and another at Gay Christians Network, while Whosoever Magazine provides an online community mailing list.

Read the stories of other Gay and Lesbian Christians

While there are some powerful stories of gay and lesbian Christians available on the internet, there are also some excellent books containing other stories that will provide you encouragement, including Mel White’s Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America, and Uncommon Calling by Chris Glass. While I still wasn’t ready to actually pick up a book on homosexuality and Christianity at the local bookstore (lest we forget the wailing sirens and flashing strobe lights) I began to order them direct from Amazon.com. Much to my surprise they arrived in plain shipping boxes rather than in mailing envelopes stamped with pink triangles. Imagine my relief!

Join a Gay Christian Fellowship Group and attend Gay Christian Conferences

There are many organizations throughout the country that offer Bible studies and fellowship with other gay Christians on a weekly or monthly basis including Evangelical’s Concerned and the Gay Christian Network. Sisterfriends-Together is also looking forward to creating small regional gatherings around the country in the future.

The many GLBTQ organizations located within mainstream Christian denominations such as American Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Lutherans and United Church of Christ provide yearly retreats and while they have a denominational focus, they’re open to all. Keep an eye on their individual websites to see when gatherings are scheduled. All the conferences I’ve attended have been times of great renewal and blessing in my life. I’ve made friends, heard incredible speakers, and worshiped with brothers and sisters in Christ from around the country. In addition, they’re a lot of fun!

You might think because you’re in the closet it’s not possible for you to attend a support group or retreat but nothing is further from the truth. No one understands your need for confidentiality more than other gay and lesbian Christians who have been in the closet themselves. You only have to be “out” as far as you want to be. If you request that your last name not appear on your name tag or ask someone not to take your picture, people will honor your request because they understand.

Attend a Gay-Affirming Congregation

There are now thousands of congregations that fully affirm gay and lesbian Christians and to locate congregations near you go to Find a Church. Gathering with other believers is a crucial part of Christian living. I encourage you to find a church home not only so you can receive support and teaching but so you can give yourself in ministry to others. Again, if you attend a primarily gay and lesbian church like UFMCC, (or any gay-affirming congregation for that matter) people understand the need for confidentiality.

I hope the suggestions above, along with other information you discover on this site will help you see that you aren’t alone as you travel on your journey of faith. I pray God will give you the courage to reach out and ask for support from others who’ve traveled the same road.