If We Don’t Choose to be Different, We’ll Be Just the Same
May 9, 2009
As GLBTQ Christians we know what it is to be at the receiving end of rejection, hate, and prejudice. We’ve be vilified and stereotyped. We’ve been the brunt of jokes. We’ve had to repeatedly defend the quality of our love, the validity of our relationships and the integrity of our character. Our commitment to Christ has been dismissed by other Christians and many have been forced, pushed and shoved to the outside of the very faith that possesses their hearts.
I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know and to add to the insightful observations of St. Kermit of Sesame, “It ain’t easy being green….or queer.”
We’ve been blasted so long and hard in political and religious circles that despite our determination to stay the course; confronting ignorance with education, lies with truth, and hate with love, sometimes the collective toil becomes too much and we feel that urge to do to them what they done did to us.
I’m no different and I take no pleasure in admitting that. When the lies escalate into the ridiculous, when the hypocrisy becomes all too apparent and opposing voices turn mean-spirited and cruel, a place in me rises up that wants to strike back. But I don’t. Not because I don’t feel like it, not because I don’t want to, and certainly not because I’m at any shortage of snarky sarcastic stab ‘em in the ribs comebacks.
There are more than ample reasons for taking the high ground in the debate. Gay civil rights groups warn that we risk hurting our cause by losing our growing public support when we give in to our emotions and react from raw places of hurt and rage. We know all too well that it’s the mean-spirited back at you words and actions that take center stage in the media’s lens rather than the reasoned and passionate words of justice and equality and the responsible daily actions of millions of GLBTQ Americans from sea to shining sea.
Justice advocacy organizations remind us of the words of Martin Luther King Jr. and Ghandi and the call to create social change through peacemaking and justice through non-violent resistence.
Another reason to avoid adopting the strategies of our opposition is one we all know inherently to be true, and that is if we engage in the same behavior, attitudes and actions of those who oppose us; if we make generalizations about all of them, reduce cogent public discourse to verbal playground fist fights, and disrespect the human worth and dignity of the other, then we’ve become no different, and if we’re no different than the more extreme of our opposition then any victories we achieve toward full justice and equality will be outweighed by what we’ve lost in the end. Ourselves.
True. All true. Everyone of these independent of the others is more than enough reason to remain calm, cool, and collected in the face of injustice and intolerance, but can I ask you to hang around one minute longer for one final reason that compels me above all the rest to choose to be different? Do you have your note paper and pen within reach? I’ll wait while you go get them. Top kitchen drawer under the phone. Just above the dish cloth drawer.
Okay, now that you’re ready, here it is.
Jesus.
For those of us standing within the Christian faith what other reason do we need but this? Now, I know it sounds like Sunday School 101 to say Jesus is the reason, (or like the beginning of a painfully clichéd religious Christmas card) but seriously, there are times when despite the validity of all the other reasons, this is the only one that holds my mouth in check, my blogging fingers at bay and my heart softened to those who attack me and by me, I mean us.
When a segment of Christ’s body sets boundaries around a table that never belonged to them in the first place, when my gay brothers and lesbian sisters spend years of their lives questioning their worth as children of God because of the harsh condemnation erroneously spoken by some Christians in Christ’s name, and when two little boys come home at the end of a school day and hang themselves by dinnertime for having been called “gay,” because some faith-based organizations and religious leaders have attached and repeatedly reinforced shame and disgust to the term nearly everything in me wants to go primal and hit, punch, and scream at those who would do such things and then dare to sleep peacefully at night. Armed only with strategic reasons in my back pocket for choosing to do things another way I’d scratch out eyeballs and let those sharp-tongued comebacks that flit through my brain out for public airing. But I don’t and not because I’m a good person. Oh please, don’t give me that kind of credit because it would be completely misplaced and undeserved.
The only reason I have any trace of compassion and love for those who dismiss our faith as GLBTQ Christians, who spread misinformation about us and work tirelessly to prevent us from participating in the same basic rights they enjoy everyday is because I know every person who hates “my sin”, detests “my lifestyle”, and rejects my faith is themselves, a child of God; loved with the same unconditional love and enveloped in the same extravagant grace that has been lavished on me. We are all God’s beloved or none of us are and God’s mercy reaches out to cover all of us or it leaves everyone of us exposed and without safe shelter in divine grace. This is more than theory or theology. It’s a fact that I can’t get away from no matter how hard I might want to try, and in responding to it as a fact I must be committed to holding everyone I encounter with honor and respect; not because I have to but because Grace compels me to desire it even more than my flesh desires retaliation and revenge.
My faith doesn’t demand I invite my adversary to dinner or require I submit to their scorn while silencing the truth that resides within me. My faith only invites me to recognize my enemies deeper identity in God, and that when I respond I do so in a way that regards them with the dignity befitting them even if they haven’t yet arrived at a place where they can return the same to me.
I don’t live in this place with any consistency. There are days when screams of outrage and frustration have bounced off the interior walls of my heart as well as the inside walls of our home, but I’m trying each day to live into what my heart knows, and if our faith means anything at all, if God’s grace has ever really come to us and entered into our souls, if Christ’s saving power has truly saved us from ourselves, then no other choice remains for us but to commit ourselves to the daunting, but not impossible call to “love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.”
Posted in Christian Living and Faith, Christian Unity, Love and Grace
May 10th, 2009 at 6:02 am
Thank you. It is blogs like this heart tugging one that touchs so deep down in me. I was one of those people that our old church kicked out. I had only been saved for less than a year and just had gotten Baptised a couple months prier. The pastor did not hesitate to come and tell me I wasn’t to be seen at church or any church function. The only thing he had to offer me was a counselor at some other church, not a church to go to just someeone to talk to. I look back now at that time and I would not change one thing. He worked so amazingly in me during that time. It literally was me and her during those time no one was stopped to check to see how I was spirtually but no doubt there was always someone stopping by her house to try to save her from me. There was something in the way they handled the situation that just made me dig harder into the Bible. During those times I now know He was holding on to me. I went from barely having understanding to having Him now speaking to me through His word. I now, like you had said, am trying to learn to stand up for us and not fight back with people. Because it is true that if we do they will only throw the next stone and say see you guys are not with Him because you have so much anger and hate in you. Somedays my lip really hurts from biteing it to keep it shut but it’s worth it for His glory, for His love to show to other people and for it to reach others that have been pushed down. None of us deserve His Love and Grace but we all have it.
May 10th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Kare—> What a painful experience that must have been for you. While it’s all too understandable and tragic that churches and pastors that behave in such a way turn some people away from their faith, it can be in such times when we find ourselves with only God to rely on that we come to realize how true the promise is that “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Sigh. There are definitely things people do and events that unfold that produce some big lip biting moments. I nibbled a little on my own just reading of what you’ve been through, and I would never suggest that when we live through such occasions grief and rage shouldn’t be there or be expressed. Keeping such intense feelings inside ourselves would only end up destroying us from within but instead it’s about finding a way with the Spirit’s help to channel all that emotional energy in ways that will effect change and bring life to ourselves and to others, and as you said so well, that his love might reach others that have been pushed down.
May 10th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
When I look at how we ought to be living as a Christian Body, I turn to John 17. Jesus praying on the night of His arrest and subsequent crucifixion because it gives me a lasting impression of the prayers of His heart for me and my Christian brothers and sisters.
Jn 17:21-23 “that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one. I in them and you in Me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”
How sad that we have such division in the Church. I am still “in” at my church because I know I will be asked to leave. In looking around, there are so few churches that will welcome me and virtually none that will allow me to serve. This is not what Jesus would have wanted, I am convinced of it. I pray that one day all of God’s people will realize that there is room for all and He can use all of us.
I feel for you Kare, and pray that God will heal your hurt and pain. What an awful experience.
May 11th, 2009 at 7:22 am
It was a bad experience at that time. I just don’t look at it that way anymore. Yes it stings at times but I use that to help me push to help others that now have fallen away cus of how they were treated. I have been well taken care of by Him. He has given us a wonderful church to belong to. I have somewhere I now can go out and serve to pass His love on to people outside the church. She is searching for where He is guiding her to serve. We have noticed that there are other GLBTQ people at our church that do work and serve in the church. No we have not told anybody but we haven’t tried to hide either.
TDK sorry to hear that you feel that you should hide who you are and what He has done and given you. I know that is a hard thing to decide. I wish you the best in what ever you decide and you will be in my prayers that He will guide you to know where to go and that you will have the strength to press on in your journey.
We happen just to try this church to see how it was. We both have felt that His love is at this church. They have done GLBTQ classes for parents on how to love your children and I was daring and started to ask questions on where they stand. I’m not sure if they are afriad to take a stand cus there are many of us there and they don’t want to push us away. So they just love us anyway, and to me that is what people are to do, and then leave the judgement and convictions up to Him the One the Only. We no not of His ways, our minds are not capable to know nor understand His ways. I do wish we all could just learn to love people and to let go of this idea that we need to fix everyone else. I have seen one too many planks coming out of everone elses eye when they are speaking to me to “fix” us. I’m just thankful that He can see into my heart and see what is truely in there and to see the hurt for others.
May 11th, 2009 at 8:15 am
My name is David and I am a non-denominational Christ follower; I am also heterosexual. I can sense all of your pain, and the desire to be Christians who are embraced by the heterosexual community and not rejected. With that being said I would like to hear the questions a GLBTQ Christian would ask a heterosexual Christian who wants to listen.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:49 am
David –> My guess is that for many GLBTQ Christians, the desire isn’t necessarily to be embraced by conservative Christianity or any within the church who believe homosexuality to be a sin. If someone has arrived at that place through open-hearted, open-minded study of the Word and in prayer then I would never require them to abandon their convictions for mine. I think all we would hope for is the same rather than our sexuality being the “deal-breaker” to being considered one with Christ and united with the church. We’d also appreciate it if those Christians involved politically wouldn’t take their religious views on homosexuality into the public arena and use God’s name in their efforts to prevent us from full equality under the law in terms of marriage, adoption, and a host of other issues. I don’t know if others will have questions for you here since most of us lived a good portion of our lives from a heterosexual Christian perspective prior to coming out but their questions and your responses are more than welcome here with the understanding that it not lead to a debate on homosexuality. Otherwise I’m more than willing to open this post and comment section up to a respectful and Spirit-covered dialogue.
May 11th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Hello All and thanks Anita – “When the lies escalate into the ridiculous, when the hypocrisy becomes all too apparent and opposing voices turn mean-spirited and cruel, a place in me rises up that wants to strike back. But I don’t. ”
I try to keep in mind what God whispers to me: “if you ‘lose it’, they win.
Peace to All
May 11th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
David, I can’t think of any questions because Anita is right, I have lived the heterosexual Christian perspective. I am glad that you are willing to listen, and learn, and perhaps ready to accept the GLBTQ community as they are. My suggestion would be to search your own heart and reflect on what messages you may have sent gay or lesbian friends. I know that I had a few people I had to go seek forgiveness from because I did the whole – I can’t condemn but I can’t condone thing, now I know how offensive that is. I also used the “clobber” passages without understanding them.
I don’t know what church you belong to, but if you follow Anita’s link to the reconciling network, you may become more aware of what you can do as a straight Christian by standing up for your gay brothers and sisters. That would be appreciated. Other than that, Anita said it all!
May 12th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Hi David – thanks for your comments and regarding “..I would like to hear the questions a GLBTQ Christian would ask a heterosexual Christian who wants to listen”, from my perspective, it is usually the other way around- what are the questions that straight Christians have for GLBTQ Christians?
But anyway here’s one for you heteros:
If you understand that we are born this way then why isn’t it okay for us to
seek out love and live in a committed relationship – doesn’t that bring glory to God? If you do not understand that we are born this way – that’s a whole other problem.
Peace,
May 12th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Allow me to share a recent experience. I had a conversation with a gay man who has been put through the ringer by religious people. Tangent alert: I personally am not a fan of “religion” but like having a personal relationship with Christ. Anyways after this gentlemen figured I did not want to bash him so he opened up a little. His question to me was, “Was I born heterosexual?” He was a little shocked when my answer was no.
Yes I was born gay. But I was also born a drunk, a murderer, a lire, a thief, an adulterer, and so on. I just chose the drunken adulterer as an acceptable lifestyle but at the same time I was naive as to how Christ intended me to live. Now I am a new creation it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. These thing I have done have been nailed to the cross and are reckoned dead.
I have never been given the opportunity to ask the GLBTQ community if homosexuality is just as sinful as being a drunkard. I ask this respectfully to anyone who is willing to help me to understand.
May 12th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
David –> It seems the difference is that you compare homosexuality to a long list of destructive behaviors and sins. As GLBTQ Christians and as those equally committed to a relationship with Christ as any other believer, we do not consider our sexual orientation to be a sin. Neither do our straight friends and allies within and outside of the church. Instead we consider our sexual orientation to be nothing more or less than another aspect of God’s creative work within this world and within each of our lives. Your question as to whether we consider homosexuality to be as sinful as being a drunkard suggests to me that you might benefit by reading the personal stories that have already been provided on this website as well as exploring the section on “Homosexuality and the Bible” and reading the statements on homosexuality developed by numerous denominational GLBTQ advocacy groups found under the section “Find a Church.” These would all be helpful in providing you a better perspective on the Biblical perspective and faith commitments of GLBTQ Christians and would certainly go a long way to answering the question you asked.
As a side note David, I don’t know what you mean by the term “drunkard,” but if you’re referring to alcoholism I would be remiss to not mention the commonly held view that alcoholism is an addiction rather than sin. While it can certainly make one vulnerable to destructive behaviors under its influence for the majority of people the solution is found in treating it as an addiction and not a moral weakness or sin.
I appreciate that you visited the site and have taken the time to post as well as to make yourself available for any questions, however I would ask that future comments be held to those directly related to the content of the post to which they’re attached. Thank you
May 12th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
David, all of us were born with a sin nature. The Law of Moses makes it absolutely clear that by our ownselves, we can not ever begin to know God. Jesus came to be our way, truth, and life. I am indeed a new creature, and I am happy for you that you are a new creature as well.
But what your friend meant was, from the time you began to have sexual attractions, did you want a heterosexual relationship or were you attracted to other men. Our sexual identities have nothing to do with the sin nature, they are a part of us like our eye color or hair color. Read Anita’s post on Grace from last week. None of us would ever want to deliberately sin against the Jesus who paid the price, his Grace leaves me speechless. We believe that God created us gay, and no, that is not like being a drunk. However, there are gay drunks, and I hope that they will realize that they don’t need the alcohol and get themselves to AA and live in the freedom they have through Christ!
June 30th, 2010 at 11:24 am
Hi, I just discovered this site today. I go to a church that I know wouldn’t accept me if I was openly out to them. Some of the people that do know about my homosexuality have the whole, ‘I don’t condemn, but don’t condone’ veiw of it. Others want me to change, so I can be right with Him. Honestly, before I came out, I felt rather far from Him. When I finally started to accept how I am, it’s brought me closer to Him. I’m struggling with telling certain people about my sexuality though. I still feel some shame, even though I know it’s something I can’t change and that God loves me the way I am. I don’t like hiding how I am, but I’m scared of how I will be treated, or that they will kick me out. I love this church. But I don’t know what to do.
July 8th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Dear Maggie,
I would not normally post anything but I read your post and felt very sad. I hope you read my post since you put your message on over a week ago. I do not know where you live (a conservative small Southern town perhaps?) but there are churches that do accept G&L individuals. I am a lifelong Episcopalian and have NEVER heard one cruel word spoken against G&L in a sermon or otherwise. There are some tensions in the church overall but those conservative anti-gay factions were NOT supported by the U.S. Episcopal Church. I know it is easy for me to say, but please try and remove “shame” from your mind. You love your church but you may have to make the decision to worship somewhere where you will be loved and accepted for who you are 100 percent. When “Christians” use or I should say “misuse” our Lord’s name to hurt G&L it really is about the people behind the church not about God or Christ who you know LOVE YOU. I hope you find peace. Be strong in your faith and you will prevail.