Coming Out To Truth

January 1, 2006

At each and every moment in our lives We do one of two things. Either we tell the truth all the time, all the way Or we do something else. This something else, no matter how neatly disguised, is called lying. And the better the reasons we have for our lies, The more firmly we remain in their grip, And the more dearly we pay the cost of grounding our lives on anything but the Truth.

Rev. Roy Whitten, as taken from Just As I Am: A Practical Guide to Being Out, Proud and Christian by Rev. Robert Williams

These were the words that threw open my closet door, a door I had intended to remain closed forever. In conversation, my gay friends would often begin a sentence with “When you come out….” to which I would always reply “I’m never coming out.” I meant it. I was absolute about it. I had so many reasons to keep the lock bolted tight. I adore my parents with all my heart and I knew they would be devastated. My sister and brothers would be angry. I’d lose friends. I’d have to leave the community of faith I’d belonged to for 38 years. My checklist of reasons to stay in the closet seemed so justifiable but as I read the words above, I knew they were only excuses to deny the truth. I was, in my silence, lying. I had neatly disguised it with the trappings of good intentions and right motivation but still it was a lie.

It’s been said that “the truth that makes people free is for the most part the truth which people prefer not to hear.” Though the truth of my sexual orientation would be painful for those I loved to hear, I knew that to be true to these relationships I cherished and to live as a person of authenticity which Christ calls each of us to live I had no choice. So I spoke my truth to one person after another and in the end the relationships that most mattered remained anchored in love if not in agreement.

There is no freedom in a darkened closet. Lack of space confides movement. Darkness limits vision. Jesus once said “you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”(John 8:32) Though Jesus was referring to the greater truth he came bringing rather than the truth of one’s sexual orientation, the end result, of liberation and a renewed abundance of life are the same.

As Christian lesbians, many of whom have come out of the closet, whether by passionately thrusting open the door until it pops off the hinges or peeking through a narrow slit that allows in a single shaft of light, a longing to live in truth is what motivated many of us to come forth. Because we have experienced a deeper sense of appreciation for truth we desire and occasionally demand the same from others. We demand the church truthfully represent God’s Word to those gay men and lesbians who are searching for a community of faith in which they might equally belong. We demand the government truthfully look at the validity of our relationships and recognize them as valuable. We demand that those with an anti-gay agenda present truth rather than hiding behind self-righteousness while playing on the fears of others.

Since coming-out as a lesbian I have never held such high expectations for truth and yet there have been times when truthfulness has been glaringly absent and I’ve wondered why that is when we hold it at such a premium. Perhaps for this reason. We’re a community of people who at one time or another have lived a lie in the simple ‘not telling’ of all that we are…to others and even fundamentally to ourselves. We’ve learned to mask the truth well for the sake of self-preservation. Some of us have learned the way of deception as a means to avoid scorn and rejection. Perhaps being less than truthful comes easier to us because being less than truthful is at times what seemed to save us. It’s understandable. Yet do we, who have found freedom in truth not then hold a greater accountability to be givers of truth…in our relationships, in our places of employment, in our families, and in all aspects of our daily lives?

Why pursue truth? If there were no other reason than this….God calls us to be Truth-Tellers. Zechariah 8:16 instructs us to “speak the truth to one another.” We are called to worship God in truth (John 4:24), to serve God in truth (Joshua 24:14), to love truth (Zechariah 8:19), and to rejoice in truth (I Corinthians 13:6). Even the very synonyms for truth provide reason enough for us to pursue it. Truth authenticates, it validates, it is right, fair, and just.

Truth-telling isn’t an easy call. Being a person of truth sometimes means standing alone and stirring up the waters. William Law said that “the real purpose of truth is to bring us closer to the God of truth.” Is the truth we share and the truth we demand bringing ourselves and others closer to God? This is the litmus test for any truth we impart. How do we find the strength to be Truth-Tellers except but from the Divine that is within us. Jesus promised us that “When the Spirit of Truth comes, the Spirit will guide you into all truth.” (John 16:13) The Spirit of Truth has come and will equip us to be a people of truth “all the time and all the way.” We have received the truth of God’s love and grace. Let us now expect truth from each other and require truth from ourselves.

You never find yourself until you face the truth.
-Pearl Bailey

‘The easiest person to deceive is one’s self.
-Edward George Bulwer-Lytto

Hard are the ways of truth, and rough to walk.
-Milton.

Truth is truth to the end of reckoning.
- William Shakespeare

Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
-Unknown.

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.
-Albert Einstein

A hair perhaps divides the False and True.
-Omar Khayyam

For another look at truth see this article in Whosoever

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Posted in Christian Living, Coming Out