Compassionate Connections

July 24, 2008

After my most recent in a series of Semi-Original-Excuses-for-Not-Posting posts, I thought before heading to Slumberland I’d take a few minutes to catch up on my favorite blogs, and if you’re a regular reader who has a blog of your own then chances are you fall under that category and if you’re a regular reader you also know you know a favorite blog of mine is Lindsey’s !* [Emphatic Asterisk]. I’ve never met the Lindsey but sometimes when she writes little bits and pieces about her children I feel like we’ve met and tonight as I was reading through her most recent post on Male and Female a light went off in my dim little brain. I realized that Lindsey reminds me of another woman I knew a number of years ago during the first couple years following my coming out; a woman who I remember with great fondness and appreciation.

Rev. Melanie Oommen was the associate pastor at First Congregational Church in Eugene, Oregon when I was attending back in the late 1990′s. While our relationship remained primarily at a pastor – congregant level, Melanie was an incredibly warm and friendly person, and was among the first people I had the occasion to get to know who was truly and totally committed to full equality and justice for all people, including gays and lesbians. Melanie walked the talk.

Melanie was married to Anil and together they had a baby boy named Kiran. Kiran had dark olive skin, thick curly dark hair, big brown eyes and eyelashes too long to be believed. He was, in a word, stunningly handsome which is quite the accomplishment for someone who hadn’t yet mastered the art of walking. I tend to be of the persuasion that even the most ordinary of babies are extraordinary but Kiran had the kind of adorability factor that strangers noticed and drooled over.

One Sunday after morning worship a group of church folks went to a nearby restaurant for lunch and I happened to be seated directly across from Melanie and Anil who were bouncing a wiggly Kiran back and forth between them. After the waitress had taken our orders and collected our menus she looked down at Kiran and proceeded to drool. “He has the most gorgeous eyes! He’s such a beautiful little guy. He’s going to break a lot of girl’s hearts one day.” Without missing a beat, Melanie added, “Or boys.” “Excuse me,” the waitress asked. “Or boys. He might break a lot of girl’s or boy’s hearts one day.”

Melanie made a correction; an addition to what the woman had said that left the statement and her son’s sexual orientation open-ended to all possibilities. She hadn’t said it for a reaction from the waitress or to make points with the suddenly-teary lesbian listening from across the table. She said it because for her it was the most natural and obvious thing to say.

Or boys.
A seemingly insignificant little postscript that I still remember with such tenderness.

So going back to where this all started when I began, I think Lindsey reminded me tonight of Melanie because she was writing as a young mom about her little guy and girl, but even more so because every once in a while in her growing archive of posts Lindsey will write some simple little thing that reflects the openness of her faith and the gracious hospitality of her heart. I knew there was something tender and familiar about her writing and tonight I think I made the connection.

I just googled and discovered that Melanie is still an associate pastor at First Congregational Church.

Tomorrow I’m making a phone call.

Just to say I remember and thank you.

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