D and Me
April 6, 2008
D and I met in 1999. In the summer of 2001 we registered as legal domestic partners in the State of California. Six years ago today D and I were married. In the photographic images above D is the radiant dark-haired beauty. I’m the dewy-eyed, bottle-enhanced blond with the goofy grin stuck on her face. My cheeks were sore for three days.
On our wedding day I held more love in my heart for D than I even thought I had the capacity to hold. I loved her with all I had within me to love, but love’s an amazing thing. Amazing because where I once loved her with all my heart, the more time I spend loving this dear soul the more my heart opens to holding even more love than it could once contain, not only for her but for the God who brought her to me. Every day I fall one notch deeper in love with D and with every new plunge I put my hands to my heart and say “Thank you God.”
There are a whole lot of folks who attempt to diminish our relationships and offer a wide range of replacement words and Paul Cameron inspired explanations for our love. Lust. Unnatural affections. Perverse desires. Lesbians bonding with each other to replace the maternal nurturing their mothers failed to give them. Gay men bonding with each other as a substitute for an absent or emotionally unavailable father. Only two weeks ago while visiting the evangelical church where I served for a number of years, I was approached by someone who had been a close friend and ministry colleague who dismissed my relationship with D by saying with a smirk, “Unless you have a penis you can’t have a wife. Do you have a penis now?” Just so you know, I had a dozen random one-liners that zoomed immediately through my head but went unspoken. Deep breathing, lip biting and gnashing of teeth helped. Obviously I was offended by her comment but then I think straight couples should be equally offended if the main validation of a marriage boils down to possessing defined anatomical equipment rather than oh, I don’t know, let’s say love, commitment, fidelity, kindness, and mutual respect for a start.
In my reading the other day I came across these words of St. John of the Cross:
Some will spiritually acquire a liking for other individuals, which often arises from lust rather than from the spirit. This lustful origin will be recognized if, on recalling that affection, there is not an increase in the remembrance and love of God, but remorse of conscience. The affection is purely spiritual if the love of God grows when it grows, or if the love of God is remembered as often as the affection is remembered, or if the affection gives the soul a desire for God – if by growing in one the soul grows also in the other. -The Dark Night
This is what defines the rightness of a relationship, the presence of God’s love, not an appendage, and this is the very thing that’s blown me away from my first days of falling in love in D. I find my thoughts often turning to God and my heart filling with reflections on God’s love for me even in the midst of being so loved by D. As I grow deeper in love with D I grow deeper in love with God and while they’re two separate relationships, they’re bound together by Spirit, the love in my heart and the love in her heart born out of the same source, the love of God. I don’t know my marriage with D is good because it feels good, but because it is good and blessed and holy.
To D I say Happy Anniversary my love, my wife. May you know every moment you live that there’s someone who cherishes you beyond measure and considers you one of the finest jewels of all God’s creation. Thank you for saying “Yes.”
Posted in Audio/Video, Human Sexuality, Marriage, Storytelling
Sweet Hope Cookies
April 6th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
thanks for sharing… God bless you both.
April 6th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Awwww…..HAPPY ANNIVERSARY Anita and D!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing that video! That was absolutely beautiful! Ya all made us cry…….thanks
. Michelle and I have found that incredible, sometimes speechless, breathless love that is so priceless with one another! Yes, love is an amazing thing, just when you think it can’t grow anymore-poof, your heart feels like it’s going to explode!! We celebrate you guys and wish you a lifetime of love and joy! -Stephanie and Michelle
April 6th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Happy Anniversary girls! Love truly is a many splendored thing and a gift really only God can bring.
I should not even dignify that very unChristian statement your former friend made. But I will. The scripture says quite simply by their fruits you will know them. A good tree bears good fruit and an evil tree bears evil fruit. What is in our hearts is determined by WHO is the life blood in our hearts. So though we certainly can not return evil for evil and say hateful things back, we can recognize who they serve by their fruits. I know that only the Holy Spirit living within me can hold my tongue in check when people revile me. You bitting your tongue is proof of His work and fruit in your life. Thanks
April 7th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Happy anniversary to the both of you. Thank You for sharing that video with us-it was beautiful. My “wife” and live in a state that does not allow marriages, like most states, and we are barely “out” but last year we spent a week in Grand Cayman island and had our own ceremony. H’s favorite time of year is Christmas and she loves the old Christmas cartoons. Remember the one where santa and his wife got married in the woods-because the only place that would welcome them was the animals and the only thing that mattered was they were married before God in the wilderness. That was our inspiration. And even though it was small and private-The two of us our very best friend on the beach with a full moon-it was beautiful, and I know God was there. I wish you both the best for now and forever!!!! God has truely blessed you.
Cindy and Heather
April 10th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Deb–> Thank you so much!
Stephanie–>Return blessings to you and Michelle!
Eliz–>Thank you for your words of encouragement. I think I’m more amazed by the liberties some people take in “speaking their mind” that I was offended by the content. It was all just too silly. There are definitely times when I speak up but at this point in my life I’d rather invest my energy focusing on sharing the Good News than on arguing or correcting those who stand in an oppositional position from us.
Cindy–>Your “wedding” sounds beautiful. Congratulations to the both of you and the best to you and Heather today and always.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:12 am
Hi Anita ! I know its been FOREVER…..I have soo much going on – medically things have been prettty wild and after a season of being pretty pissed off at God for being in a wheelchair and now on a very experimental treatment that is stronger than (and harder than) a cancer treatment – He and I are getting back on track..:-)
I WAS SO INSPIRED by your video posting – just loved it…I mean – just truly loved it. I will always remember meeting you both in Sacramento in a conference and being a part of Christian Lesbians whether rather actively or as a silent lurker at different times over the last eight years it seems we have sort of like fine wine “aged together” ….this new site sure looks wonderful…..I am having a blast cruising it – thats for sure.
Much Love,
Christine in Sacramento CA
April 16th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Christine–>Welcome! I’m so glad you like the new site and the video of D and I. With her permission I included it because I want anyone visiting the site to know that when we talk about the issue of homosexuality, we’re talking about the lives of real people. Chris, I’m sorry to hear of all the health issues you’ve been dealing with and the brutal course of treatment. Is that what has you up at 3:00 a.m. on the internet? And yes….we’re like fine wine Christine…and getting better with the years, eh?
So good to hear from you again!!!