Do the Same Rules Apply?

January 1, 2006

Divorce and Remarriage Within the Church

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Tom was a great guy, a man with a strong Christian faith and a genuine passion for entering the ministry. He was there every Sunday, playing the organ or piano, leading the choir, teaching the kids. The problem was the church didn’t consider Tom suitable for ordained ministry because of something in his personal life. You see, Tom had once been married and divorced. Years had passed and then Tom met Linda, a woman active in the church and they married. In doing so Tom sinned according to the churches understanding of Jesus’ teaching on remarriage.

Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” “What did Moses command you?” he replied. They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God `made them male and female.’ `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”Mark 10:1-12

Many gay and lesbian Christians are familiar with this passage since some Christians will occasionally use it as one of the passages to prove that homosexuality is wrong and I’ll address that later but for now, let’s stay with the question of divorce and remarriage. When I was a child growing up within conservative Christianity, I heard sermons that spoke strongly against divorce. I remember when divorce was viewed as so scripturally unacceptable that women were encouraged to stay in their marriages even if their husbands were physically abusive. Instead, if their husband hit them they were to get on their knees in a posture of prayer and submit to the beating and in doing so their husband might be won over to Christ. In context my church wasn’t some radical fundamentalist off-beat exception. Not by any means. There was nothing radical about that view at the time in most evangelical, conservative circles. Eventually the church grew beyond this naive, dangerous, and abusive in it’s own right teaching. They were confronted with the reality of domestic abuse and their hearts went out in compassion and love. They became educated and increased in their understanding and changed their teaching in accordance to their new vision.

So let’s get back to Tom. Even after the church had begun to shift it’s understanding on divorce, it still required that for ordained ministry a man or woman could not be remarried. As good a man as Tom might have been there were no exceptions to the rule, a rule established on the teaching of Jesus as offered above. The church understood Jesus to be saying that for anyone to divorce and remarry someone other than their original spouse was to commit adultery, not just once but continually. It wasn’t a one time act of adultery but every time the two came together sexually they were sinning again and again. They were practicing sin. Because of this, the church offered two solutions to Tom and others in a similar situation. Either Tom could return to his first wife and remarry her or, if she had since remarried and was no longer available, he was to remain single.

I can’t tell you what year it was that the church softened it’s policy but Tom is now an ordained pastor and while the denomination still takes a strong stand against divorce, they’re open to
considering ordaining those who are remarried case by case. In their official position paper, this same denomination that once penalized those who were divorced and remarried now states:

“We believe in healing for crumbling or broken marriage. Divorced and remarried persons are accepted in love and grace as members, provided they have received Christ as their Savior and demonstrate the Christian life. We believe God alone is the final judge. High standards have been set for ministerial credentials. The Corporate Bylaws cover the subject of divorce and remarriage relating to clergy. There are ethics committees established to consider individual cases upon appeal.”

They once believed the Bible to be absolutely clear on it’s teaching on divorce and remarriage but now have extended grace toward these people who were once set apart. Why? Perhaps because divorce, once considered to be a ‘sin’ outside the church, came into the church. Faithful church members and clergy began to experience divorce in their own lives and so grace was extended to accommodate the unfortunate reality of their life circumstance. I believe Jesus would have us do no different and I applaud the church for widening its embrace. Thank God for a change in the church that damaged so many for so long.

And yet, here’s the rub. The church is filled with gay and lesbian Christians and still Biblical passages are used to deny their welcome into the church as full members. The denomination I belonged to that now allows for divorce and remarriage among all its members and to clergy by exception says about homosexuality

“We are opposed to homosexuality. Based on the teaching of the Holy Scripture, it is declared to be sin. We encourage those engaged in homosexuality activity to cease such acts, and to seek forgiveness and deliverance through Jesus Christ.”

And so gays remain unwelcome in that particular denomination and in many others. They are denied communion. They are refused the privilege and responsibility of all Christians to participate in the life of the church. Those who are called to ministry by God are denied access by church leadership. Once again, the church offers its two solutions to gays and lesbians that sounds very familiar to those once offered to its divorced members. We may either repent and go through the motions of changing into heterosexuals (reparative therapies, counseling, ex-gay ministries, prayer healing) or we can remain single for the rest of our lives. If we deny who we are, the church will welcome us. If we spend our lives struggling to be cured from something that needs no cure, the church will surround us with support. If we walk away from our loving and committed relationships and commit to living a life of celibacy to which we know we aren’t called, we will be restored to the family of God.

If the church views both homosexuality and divorce/remarriage as sin then how does it theologically and scripturally justify exempting one from a biblical mandate while constraining the other? And if no scriptural justification can be offered then how can the church continue to grant grace for those who are divorced and remarried while not doing the same with those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered?

Perhaps the church needs to realize that homosexuality isn’t restricted to ‘ungodly’ people somewhere out there but that it’s among them, preaching in their pulpits, singing from their choirs, teaching in their Sunday School classes and sitting beside them in the pews each Sunday. We are them. The family of God is divorced and remarried. The family of God is gay and lesbian. The family of God is single mothers, illegal immigrants, the homeless and oppressed. And all are equally created, equally loved, and equally welcomed by God.

Now let’s get back to the passage:

Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” “What did Moses command you?” he replied. They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:1-12

As I mentioned earlier, this passage is used by some as proof that the only form of relationship approved and designed by God is that of male and female. From here they jump into the Creation argument, that argues homosexuality is wrong because in the beginning God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Ste….oh, you know the rest! And besides, that’s for another essay.

When using this passage to argue against homosexuality there’s usually a failure to mention what Jesus was responding to when he mentioned the sanctity of the marriage relationship. Jesus was answering a question about divorce between a husband and a wife. He wasn’t asked to endorse or condemn same-sex relationships. Had that been the question then Jesus’ answer would hold different meaning but that’s why context is a critical component to biblical interpretation.Jesus is asked a question about divorce between a man and a woman. Jesus directly answers the question by speaking about marriage between a man and a woman. Jesus further expands his teaching later by commenting on remarriage between a man and a woman. If Jesus is givinga strong word to anyone here it’s to straight people, men in particular, who are considering divorcing their wives. In this passage Jesus has nothing to say about gay people because homosexuality isn’t the issue. Sometimes it really is that clear and simple.

There’s an online article comparing remarriage and homosexuality, written by the late Dr. Lewis Smedes called “Like The Wideness of the Sea?” Dr. Smedes also produced a video on the same topic that’s available through Soul Force called “There’s a Wideness In God’s Mercy.”

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Posted in Marriage, Relationships, The Bible and Homosexuality, Welcoming All