Easter Vigil
April 11, 2009
I returned just over an hour ago from church where D and I joined a small gathering of folks for the Easter Vigil worship; a quiet hour of readings, meditation, music and communion. There were candles and soft music and the nutty sweet fragrance of the bread filled the sanctuary and the chalice wine, for one night only, was replaced with champagne to accompany the joyful anticipation of Easter morning.
I hadn’t planned to post again today but there was a reading tonight that made me think of you so much that I turned to D mid-way through and whispered, “I have to get these words from the pastor tonight. I have to share it on the blog right away.” I couldn’t wait to post it on another day because, and I know this is going to sound quite pentecostal of me, I felt in my spirit or possibly my gut that you needed to hear it sooner rather than later. I don’t even know who you are or if you is just you or two or three of you. I just know I want to put this out there and while I’m at it, encourage you to read it through and then read it through again. Read it out loud to give it voice and then in your voice, if it’s true for you, offer these words to God.
The poem/song is “Evensong” by Patricia Van Ness.
We have never been abandoned by you
The Creator of our jewel-like humanity
You are the source of all that is beautiful
The source of our desire to live.We have never been abandoned by you
You aid us in the uncloaking of ourselves
You give us the gift of courage
Gifts of patience and compassion are ours.We have never been abandoned by you
Our hearts seek
and find a gentle God
You are the source of all this is beautiful
The source of our desire to live.My heart is divided and
houses unlovely things
I am filled with anger and confusionI call to you
Your grace touches my tears
like the evening breeze
The gathering dusk kisses my brow.All that I am is embraced by you
All that I am is embraced by you
Both lovely and not.
Your loving-kindness is not blind
Yet you, seeing all, love and respect me.If I could be granted one wish, one desire
It would be to accept more and more
of this mystery
For often, thinking otherwise
I lessen the joy of life.
Your grace touches my tears
like the evening breeze
The glimmering stars
kiss my brow.Bless the friends
who teach us your kindness
The stars and moon in the sapphire sky
Bless our sorrows
and our broken hearts
Bless us in the twilight.Bless the night that brings solace to us
Scented with the growth of flowers and trees
Bless the moon’s rays
falling on quiet paths
Bless us in the twilight.Bless the ponds that reflect
the great diamonds
The hidden gardens
of multiple greens
Bless the wolves who stand within us
Bless us in the twilight.
Posted in Devotionals
Sweet Hope Cookies
April 12th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
I might have been the one that needed it. I know that many who write are at a point where they feel that this, being a lesbian, is a blessing and something that they would not change. However, on the night before Easter, I simply cried during my prayer time and for a long time afterward asking God to change it and telling Him that I could not do this. I kind of felt like I had been given cancer or something. I wasn’t hearing any reply from God about His love for me, I heard nothing. I talked to a friend for a bit, she was encouraging, but my heart needed something else. I got on line, I read your post from October about visiting your old church and the walls tumbling down around you and the responses that it generated and I sobbed because it was describing how I felt. Because of a time difference, I didn’t get off line till early morning here, but this came up in the meantime and well… it reaffirmed His love and His Grace. I also found a “Love Letter from the Father” on YouTube that was amazing. I finally dozed off feeling like I can go on. At church this morning, an old friend walked up and told me how amazingly beautiful I looked. I have been getting a lot of that lately, in fact one friend asked another if coming out made you beautiful because she thought I had suddenly become beautiful. (Apparently someone else at work thinks I have a boyfriend, LOL) But I realized as I was standing in line waiting for Easter Breakfast that what everyone is noticing is that for the first time I feel whole, I feel honest about me, and I know that I am not hiding anything from God. I have let Him see the whole me and guess what? He still loves me.