Faith is a Verb, Not a Thing
January 1, 2006
When I made the decision at the age of 40 to return to graduate school, the first step in seeking ordination within Christian ministry, I opted to attend Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, California, graduating with a Master’s of Divinity in 2003. I chose this particular seminary because I knew it was a liberal academic Christian institution and having been raised and later licensed to full-time ministry within conservation Christianity I wanted the chance to be challenged in my theology and to better understand the larger context of what it means to be Christian in our world today. I knew it would stretch me, upset me, challenge me, and shape me but to what extent I had no idea.
In both my Old and New Testament survey courses I found myself confronted with information pertaining to the Bible’s history and development that bothered me. I didn’t feel comfortable with the uncertainty that arose when considering contradictions and conflicts within the Bible or how familiar stories I had always believed to be literally true echoed of mythological tales that long pre-dated the Biblical narrative. On the day my Old Testament professor suggested the Bible was the human attempt to understand and explain God rather than a God-inspired, God-breathed text I went on a crying jag that lasted well into the night.
Why all the turmoil and tears? Simply put, I was afraid if the Bible wasn’t truly the inspired and infallible Word of God then I would have nothing to believe in. What would be the point of Christianity if the text central to my religious tradition was in error? Without the firm foundation of the Word then where did I stand in my faith? Where was my assurance? What would I believe and how would I ever know whether it was true if the Bible couldn’t even be trusted?
And yet, at a time when everything seemed so uncertain there remained certainties that carried me through. A certainty that God was there and God loved and cared for me. A certainty in an intimate and active relationship with Jesus Christ whom is my Savior. And yet, even in these things I called certainties there was an element of each that could never be fully certain because they could never be proven and that is the wonder of faith…staking my life on the unknown, the unseen, the mysterious…God.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for
the evidence of things not seen.
Hebrews 1:1-2
Believing that God loves me isn’t dependent on the theology of the children’s Sunday School song because “the Bible tells me so.” Instead I know God loves me because I have felt God’s love. I have experienced God’s love. I have seen God’s love. As the writer Kathleen Norris observes in Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith, “faith is best thought of as a verb, not a ‘thing’ that you either have or you don’t.”
For many years my faith was in the Bible as the accurate and fully revealed Word of God and yet by the very definition of the word, it takes no faith to believe in a tangible thing that can be held in the hands and observed with the eyes. It’s no act of faith for me to walk on the sidewalk and believe my feet will find steady ground. The cement is right there under the soles of my shoes. I can see it and feel it. I’ll tell you what faith is. It’s stepping off a rocky ledge and believing I’ll sprout wings and fly or that the air will solidify and suspend me above the abyss. It might be foolish faith but it’s faith all the same. It’s faith that hopes and believes in the unseen. This is the faith God calls us to, not faith in a book but faith in a relationship with the living God. And yet many within Christianity seem to have confused God with the sacred text that points to God and in doing so they’ve made a god out of a book. I say this void of judgment since I spiritually bowed in worship to the biblical text for much of my life. I understand the desire to hold something up as a tangible expression and testimony of the existence and direction of God. I know how shaky things can sometimes seem without it and so because I know God is infallible the Bible must be infallible and because I know God is Absolute Truth the Bible must be absolutely true. Though I never would have articulated it this way, my thoughts revealed that I held up the Bible and God as the same, so how was it that I blurred the lines between the Creator and a book created by human hands and limited to human language?
Imagine I was somehow able to convince you the Bible wasn’t the Word of God but was written in the sixth century by a monk with too much time on his hands, a powerful imagination and a pocketful of “thee’”s and “thou’”s. Would God cease to exist for you? Would you no longer experience God in your life? Would you stop loving Jesus and no longer feel or know His love for you? Would all those miraculous moments in your life ease? Would God no longer be present for you in creation? I doubt it. I doubt it because you would still have your experience of God, the action and presence of God in your life. That is where our faith rests, not in what others have told me of God but in what I know personally of God. Jesus is alive because I have felt His love and not because there’s an empty tomb in a far-away garden or words on a page that proclaim His resurrection. Those only confirm what I already know to be true. Isn’t it the same with you?
And so it is, when I come to the important questions, such as those concerning Christianity and
Homosexuality and their compatibility, I don’t limit my exploration to what the Bible might or might not say according to this or that interpretation but I look within, to this one Christian that is me and to the Spirit of God that inhabits this one heart and life. Be assured, I weigh seriously the scriptures but in the end the answer isn’t found alone in printed words but in the Living Word, made alive in us, experienced in our days, and known by our spirits. In a faith that’s ultimately proclaimed as one centered in a personal relationship with God through Christ, that’s where I go to find my answers.
I hope your journey takes you on the same path and leads you to a place where God is more mysterious and more awesome than could ever be revealed or contained in the pages of any book, even if that book is the book.
Posted in Bible Inerrancy, Faith, The Bible and Homosexuality
March 14th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Thank you so much for posting this! I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. You have no idea how much I appreciate you posting this. It’s nice to know that it’s not an uncommon struggle. Your words helped me today…..probably more than I know/recognize right now. Thank you.
Stay blessed,
Tiffany
May 31st, 2008 at 3:42 am
Can we still post comments to older posts? I guess I´ll find out. I´ve been thinking about this subject a lot lately because my own assurance that God accepts me as a lesbian and doesn´t want to change me is based on just what you write about – that subjective sense of peace that I have, especially when I talk with him about it. I´ve read what various people say about the verses that mention it but really I don´t feel I have the knowledge needed to weigh evidence and determine who´s right about that. For me, it comes down to just knowing that heś okay with it. And I am sure. But the problem is what do I say to someone else who feels just as strongly that he condemns it. Obviously one of us is wrong and both are sure it isn´t us…
May 31st, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Briar–> You may absolutely add comments to old posts! In fact, it’s great when people do because the “recent comment” notice might bring a post to someone’s attention who missed it originally. The problem you mention is an important one I think Briar because while we can’t convince those who condemn homosexuality to believe as we believe, I still think it’s important we’re able to articulate our convictions so that we can give an account of our faith as it were. Being able to share our understanding clearly and thoughtfully might never convince someone who’s oppositional and committed as strongly to their position as we are to ours, but your words might go along way in bringing hope and encouragement to someone who’s caught in the struggle themselves. You’ve got something incredible to share!
September 18th, 2008 at 9:43 am
I can relate to this a lot. I am a (straight, male) United Methodist pastor, and I attended a seminary which also shed light on the human origins of the Biblical stories. Though I did not cry myself to sleep, I did feel confused and perplexed about my relationship with the Bible. I have made peace with the Bible and with God, and I’m not (as) afraid to go beyond the Bible when I feel the Spirit of God is leading me to do so.
By the way, I too love the Kathleen Norris book, “Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith.”
Also, you mentioned in one of your other blogs the two books, “If Grace Be True” and “If God is Love.” Those two books have become VERY important to me and I STRONGLY recommend them to anybody looking to be liberated from the “accept-Christ-now-or-go-to-Hell” theology. Very liberating! Reading those books is a healing experience!
September 18th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Kevin–> Thank you for adding your comment and your recommendation to some of the books that have been influential in stirring around my own faith. Straight male. Gay woman. Similar journeys and book reviews. You gotta love it !
April 4th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Thank you for putting the intense conflict I have been having for over 20 years into words and context. With more clarity I have hope that the Spirit will have an easier time leading me onwards into fuller truth.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Anita,
Wow! I am speechless. You expressed my exact thoughts when you wrote these words. I, too, had many tear-filled nights when I was in college taking required theology courses. I went to a very conservative, Bible-is-the infallible-word-of-God school so it seemed a contradiction to me that their theology of infallibility didn’t seem to match up with what they were teaching me about Bible study and interpretation. It did seem to me that there was much margin for error in the couple thousand years that it has taken the Bible to evolve. I mean monks drank beer, right? Don’t you think they could have made a few mistakes? LOL! In all seriousness, It seemed I was being asked to put complete and utter trust in the fact that every single word of the Bible was absolutely true and not open for interpretation yet I saw all around me in those conservative circles how certain Old Testament laws applied and some didn’t ( I’m not suppose to touch anything or anyone for the 5-7 days I’m on my period, right?), that Jesus was God’s ultimate expression of Grace, (except for when He wasn’t) and it, well, it hurt worse than when I found out there wasn’t a Santa Claus…Seriously…
These days, I choose to worship in a conservative church because I have made deep friendships there but I do not aplogize for my more liberal views and have incorporated much of what Pastor Kroenk taught me in my Lutheran confirmation classes long ago. I think the Bible needs to be read in context to the audience it was originally addressing and a knowledge of ancient history, etc is important. Does that mean a person needs to be a genius to understand or have a relationship with God? No. Not in my opinion, but if someone feels compelled to defend God’s word, perhaps they should take time to study it. I have to continue to remind myself that the only harsh words Jesus had were for those who claimed to be experts in the Law and passed judgment on those who weren’t. The outside of their cups were clean but the insides were filthy.
Didn’t mean to “preach to the choir”…just got really excited when I read these words. If someone as learned as you can have views similar to mine, than maybe my ideas aren’t too off the mark?
November 11th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
I am a Gay Christian who does believe in the Inspiration (breathed out writings)and infallibility (will not lead you to error) of Scripture. It took me 35 years to come out of my religious gay closet. What sustained me is my faith in Jesus Christ and the grace of God. The Bible does not deal with sexual orientation. I think the problem is in interpretation and the way the Bible has been used to condemn GLBT people. It is true that our faith is in God — not the Bible. General revelation can only reveal that there is a God Creator, but it is only through Objective revelation (which is found in the Bible) that we know who this God is and that THIS GOD is the one who sent Jesus to the world. I do believe the Bible should be studied critically — in a historical, grammatical, and literal (when possible) hermeneutic. Gay people have nothing to fear from the Bible. We need to understand the culture it was written in — so important, especially when we read St. Paul, who I think takes the biggest slug from the GLBT community. He should actually be our patron saint, who being an outcast — a murderer worse than any Adolf Hitler, to be shown the grace of God and to become an example of what God can do in someone’s life!
November 21st, 2009 at 10:19 am
Wayne—> I hope you know that while my position on the infallibility of the Scriptures isn’t the same you share that I totally appreciate the place in which you stand. For me as well it was and always been my faith in Christ and God’s grace that has sustained me through all seasons of my life including coming out as a lesbian. And I agree Wayne, I don’t believe the Bible deals with sexual orientation at all, but instead focuses on the purity of our hearts and intentions in matters related to all aspects of our human relationships including those that are sexually intimate. While I’m not looking for a patron saint in Paul or anyone for that matter, I do think the man has to be held in context with his times and given the understanding that from the world in which he existed Paul was as radical and inclusive as they come.
December 11th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Hmmm – I have been holding off even reading this blog the time I have spent on this site but I am glad to have finally gone over it. In the tradition I come from we were taught something called the Wesleyan Quadrilateral – four squares used to interpret our faith. Only one of those was scripture, the others, experience, reason and tradition. When contemplating the journey a young friend of mine is undergoing right now as he struggles with being gay and Christian, i have come to some conclusions based on this. Scripture – well, if we want to proof text I guess we could use all the traditional “god hates gays” stuff but scripture also teaches me alot about the unconditional and non-condemning love of God. Reason? How can a God who created me with a desire for intense emotional and physical love with a person of teh same sex than condemn his very creation? I though He loved everybody? Experience? My experience has been a reassuring warm hug from a Saviour who has promised to never leave me or forsake me, even if all others do. Experience also tells me there is a wide, wide world of grace-filled gay men and woman who have come to an undertanding of the Lord that I long to attain. And finally tradition – something tells me if I go back far enough I would discover that it is NOT Christian tradition – not forever anyway, to hate the homosexual. That seems to have come out extremely horrifically to hate us since we actaully put the word in the bible (early 1930′s?). And it seems to me tha the greatest ‘heroes of faith’ never found it to be a tradition to bash anybody.
My Bible college ‘earth-shattering’ moment was the day I discovered that the “word of the Lord” was a small ‘w’ – it was his spirit speaking to the people that was infallible, not the written document we read today.
My thoughts for now…