I Don’t Hear a Fat Lady Singing.
Do You Hear a Fat Lady Singing?
I Didn’t Think So!
November 5, 2008
It’s true. Today is not a good day and I’m giving myself 24 hours to be hurt, disappointed, and angry. I get a day to cry and pout and rage against injustice, and then tomorrow I’ll be fine. And more importantly we will be fine. You. Me. Us.
So as you already know, here’s how it played out:
- In Arizona and Florida propositions to ban gay marriage passed.
- In Arkansas a proposition to bay gay couples from adoption passed.
- In California, though the final vote has yet to be called, it appears that Prop 8 has passed which will eliminate the existing fundamental right of gay and lesbian couples to marry.
Conservative religious voices are saying they prayed and fasted for God to protect marriage and family and the outcome witnesses to God being on their side in this holy battle to prevent homosexuality from sweeping across the nation unchecked.
Oooooookay. Let’s get some perspective here. We weren’t defeated because God was on their side. Have we not noticed yet that in the Old Testament God was always advocating on the side of the oppressed and in the New Testament Jesus spent the better part of his days hanging out with the marginalized, outcast, and those whom the self-righteous deemed unclean.
Honestly! There are days when I truly believe some Christians are reading another Bible than mine because the God that shows up in my Bible is the One that time and again without fail stands on the side of justice, love, fairness, grace, truth and compassion. Wait. I want to write those again. Justice. Love. Fairness. Grace. Truth. Compassion. Those are the virtues witnessed in word and action that lets you know God is in the house.
I’m reflecting on my encounters with people over the past month and I’m remembering the elderly couple who stood for two hours on the side walk with signs out of love for their gay daughter so she could have the same rights as their other children. I’m remembering all the clergy and congregations that have been on the front lines in their support of marriage equality because they believe the Gospel of Jesus calls them to do so. I’m remembering the young mom who wept as she said how she and her husband wanted the world to be a better place for their children and that’s why they were volunteering their hours in the fight against Prop 8. I remember the supporters for No on Prop 8 I stood with in the rain and sun who never returned a single insult to the ones directed at them from passing cars. And I remember the woman who arrived last night to stand with me in front of the polling center with a sign that read “I am a heterosexual, married, Republican, Catholic, mom and I say NO on Prop 8.” Oh yeh, I’ve seen justice, love, fairness, grace, truth and compassion over the past weeks but often from unexpected places and from people who don’t claim to march under God’s directive or wear their religion on their sleeve.
And so it’s not a sign of God’s blessing on them or disapproval on us that injustice has again seemingly won again. Do yourself a favor. Take a breathe in. Exhale slowly. Take a breathe in. Exhale slowly. Now read this.
That the desires of the majority of the people are often for injustice and inhumanity against the minority is demonstrated by every page of the history of the whole world. – John Adams
Bing! Yesterday those who oppose gays and lesbians won in Florida, Arizona, Arkansas and California because that’s the way it’s always been. The majority has scant historical record of voting in favor of the minority because the majority likes retaining ownership of being the majority. They want to keep things the way they are; to hold onto their power, to prevent change, to keep their way of life closed to anyone but themselves. “Might does not make right,” and when it plays out might is often little more than a school yard bully who never learned to play nice or share his toys with others.
Do you need an example? Okay. How about inter-racial marriage? In 1959 when the California Supreme Court legalized it, only 4% of American approved. When the Federal Supreme Court legalized it nationwide in 1967, only 20% of American approved. It wasn’t until 1997 – that’s only eleven years ago! – that a true majority of 61% approved of inter-racial marriages. (Gallup Poll resource). If the Supreme Court hadn’t intervened and called inequality for what it was can you even begin to imagine how long it might have taken before inter-racial couples could have married? Would it have even happened by now?
That’s why the California Supreme Court did the right thing in May. They reached their conclusion based on the letter of the constitution that guarantees basic fundamental rights to all. Preventing gays and lesbians from the right to civil marriage was discriminatory and so the Supreme Court set things fair as they did in 1959 so that couples of different races, and now of the same gender, who were in love could marry. For now with the highly probable passage of Prop 8, majority rules again, but remember, that does not make majority right, not in terms of human rights and not in terms of the righteousness of God.
Oh and by the way. Let’s be clear. The difference between gays and lesbians keeping their right to marriage in California and having it taken from them is separated by just over 400,000 votes out of 10 million votes tallied as I blog. That’s not a sweeping victory for their side. They are only squeaking by. And it’s not over. Trust me on that. Better yet, trust God on that.
Final word? Here it is.
God created humanity to be in relationship with one another and when we are in relationship and love is there, God rejoices. Civil law may for a time prevent gays and lesbians from marrying. It may even temporarily remove legal marriage from those who currently have it, but no law can remove God’s blessing on your relationship or God’s great joy in you. Don’t you dare give anyone the power to take your assurance in God from you, assurance grounded not in circumstance or in the approval of others, but assurance anchored in faith; faith in the God of grace.
We’re going to be okay and justice will prevail.
Now, I need a nap.
Oh and one last thing. Here’s a old photo of D and I on our wedding day in 2002, and in this house we are just as married today as we were on that day and as we were on the day when a legal marriage license was placed in our hands. My wedding ring is still on my finger…I still have a beautiful, loving wife…and I still thank God for the life we share together before God.
.
Update: So the wheels of democracy continue to spin. If you have any interest in legal briefs (I know, I normally don’t either) this makes a fascinating read. This case was filed today with the California Supreme Court by the ACLU, Equality USA, and The National Center for Lesbian Rights on behalf of six gay California couples seeking their fundamental right to marriage, contesting Prop 8, and arguing against invalidating the 18,000 legal marriage licenses that have been issues to gay and lesbian couples since the Supreme Court’s ruling in May of this year.
Posted in Marriage, News and Events
Sweet Hope Cookies
November 5th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
you’ve once again voiced what so many of us feel as our hearts break for you and D. Big hugs…….J
November 5th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Anita-
Wow, you go. There’s a lot of truth and encouragement in your post, very nice.
“We’re going to be okay and justice will prevail.” Yes, the simple truth and I believe it won’t be long before justice does prevail. I am very hopeful of that.
“Now, I need a nap.” I don’t blame ya, go…nap away.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
well said…
November 5th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I think it was John Adams who (also) said: “One lesbian, with courage, IS the majority!” Ok, so he said “One man…” but hey. It was not a good for minorities in the US yesterday (with one notable exception). My heart broke for you when I heard the news. Great post. We’ve come a long way in this country…400,000 votes ain’t a decisive victory. Who knows, 40 years from now we may elect our first gay president.
November 5th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I Loved this post…just loved it. Now go get some sleep and be ready to blog by tomorrow
November 5th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Jones–>Thanks so much for stopping by and offering kind words!
Stephanie–>Fortunately I didn’t blog my first reaction. I just FaceBooked it instead. Took a breathe and then popped over here.
Deb–>Nod back at you!
Ric–>Thank you. For the email. For this. One of my greatest frustrations is that the news of Prop 8 shadowed the historical moment in our household over Obama. D and I were just getting caught up in tears of joy watching the announcement (and quite touched actually by McCain’s speech) when the news of Prop 8 started coming through and within ten minutes I was in bed under the covers. I didn’t even hear his acceptance speech until this morning and wait…there goes another goosebump again. As to a gay President, D and I are both hoping for an African-American lesbian president. Until then, this is a sweet enough moment in history and man….anything can happen. Thank GOD! It’s about crazy time! Again thank you. Sincerely.
Kelli–>I wish I could but I can’t. I only slept a couple hours the night before because I had to be at the polls by 6:30 a.m. to “hold my sign” all day and then last night I had another two hours before waking at 2 a.m. to stare at the ceiling until sunrise. I better get a nap soon or I’m going to be a crabby pants.
November 5th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Thanks so much for the incredibly uplifting words!! We feel comforted because of them!!
Some day here in New York …..some day….
God Bless you and D! and all others.
November 5th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Thank you so much for an insightful, well thought out commentary on yesterday’s injustice. I’m afraid my response wasn’t quite so calm and collected.
I really liked your opening paragraph and can relate thoroughly. Today, I’m hurt and angry. Tomorrow, I’ll get back to my life.
Thanks again.
November 5th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
What a resource you are. And what a heart you have.
November 5th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Kevin–>I read your blog and your response was totally understandable. We really are going to keep moving forward no matter how it feels today. I think those of us who have been living and breathing this for the past couple months are in shock and awe right now so it will just take some time to get centered again.
John–> I blush.
November 6th, 2008 at 12:26 am
This post, it made my jaw drop just a little. I was amazed at the grace you displayed throughout. I was angry at the decision, but reading your post I found the anger sapped from me. I am still disappointed and saddened, but also much more at peace than I was before reading this post.
I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes, from MLK: “We shall overcome because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” From his mouth to God’s ears.
P.S. – Since this is my first comment, I suppose I should introduce myself. I have been reading your blog for several months but have never worked up the courage to respond. I am heterosexual but have seen a lot of my own struggles with how my conservative Christian family views me as a woman, reflected in the GLBT struggle for equality. (I *so* do not fit their mould.) I also fully believe that we are a body, and when one part of the body aches, I hurt too. Your blog has been an amaing blessing over the last few months; please keep up the good work.
November 6th, 2008 at 5:00 am
Thank you for this post. I think I may have to pass this along to a few people who need to hear the “other” side of the argument.
November 6th, 2008 at 6:12 am
…and This too shall pass…
November 6th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Thank you for bringing the stinging grief and loss into perspective… not only Biblically, but historically! The John Adams quote is amazing! I am encouraged to not give up hope on this matter… and you speak such powerful truth regarding the fact that our love still remains no matter what the “majority” does to the civil rights!
PS- 18,000 marriage licenses? AMAZING! Wow.
November 6th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Oh man… I’ve so wanted to savor Obama’s election that I’ll confess to selfishness, in only just now being able to start really thinking about the heartbreak so many of you must be feeling.
And I am truly at a loss for words, except to say this: I never, ever expected to see a black candidate for the presidency in my lifetime, let alone a black president-elect. The day will come for all of you, too. It must.
November 9th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Lovely wedding picture .. thanks for sharing it.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
“Don’t you dare give anyone the power to take your assurance in God from you, assurance grounded not in circumstance or in the approval of others, but assurance anchored in faith; faith in the God of grace.”
i needed this blog TODAY… my best friend just pulled out of being by my side as my witness when i marry my beautiful partner because her husband is still on a journey about lesbian marriages… this encouraged me… i needed it! and i will not give him the power over my assurance of God’s love for me…
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Lee—> I’m so glad to hear those words helped keep you grounded in the assurance of God. I also admire you Lee for speaking so graciously about what must be a very disappointing development for you but you coined it well…that her husband is still on a journey about it all; a journey that I pray will progress and move forward as he has the opportunity to witness the commitment of you and your beloved in the days and years to follow.
January 28th, 2009 at 6:13 am
anita – isn’t it grace to be able to love the person you are, and isn’t it grace to find someone to spend your life with – as it is grace to be open for dialogue with 2-decades-dear-friends who really WANT to journey… graciousness is thus the only way…