Holy Whine and Hallelujah

June 25, 2008

O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived;
you overpowered me and prevailed;
I am ridiculed all day long;
everyone mocks me.

Whenever I speak, I cry out
proclaiming violence and destruction.
So the word of the LORD has brought me
insult and reproach all day long.

But if I say, “I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.

I hear many whispering,
“Terror on every side!
Report him! Let’s report him!”
All my friends
are waiting for me to slip, saying,
“Perhaps he will be deceived;
then we will prevail over him
and take our revenge on him.”

But the LORD is with me like a mighty warrior;
so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail;
They will fail and be thoroughly disgraced;
their dishonor will never be forgotten.

O LORD Almighty, you who examine the righteous
and probe the heart and mind,
let me see your vengeance upon them,
for to you I have committed my cause.

Sing to the LORD!
Give praise to the LORD!
He rescues the life of the needy
from the hands of the wicked.

Put a curse on the day I was born!
Don’t bless my mother.
Put a curse on the man
who told my father,
“Good news! You have a son.”

Jeremiah 20:7-15Jeremiah 20:7-15
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV
7 O Jehovah, thou hast persuaded me, and I was persuaded; thou art stronger than I, and hast prevailed: I am become a laughing-stock all the day, every one mocketh me. ⁸ For as often as I speak, I cry out; I cry, Violence and destruction! because the word of Jehovah is made a reproach unto me, and a derision, all the day. ⁹ And if I say, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name, then there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with forbearing, and I cannot [contain]. ¹⁰ For I have heard the defaming of many, terror on every side. Denounce, and we will denounce him, [say] all my familiar friends, they that watch for my fall; peradventure he will be persuaded, and we shall prevail against him, and we shall take our revenge on him. ¹¹ But Jehovah is with me as a mighty one [and] a terrible: therefore my persecutors shall stumble, and they shall not prevail; they shall be utterly put to shame, because they have not dealt wisely, even with an everlasting dishonor which shall never be forgotten. ¹² But, O Jehovah of hosts, that triest the righteous, that seest the heart and the mind, let me see thy vengeance on them; for unto thee have I revealed my cause. ¹³ Sing unto Jehovah, praise ye Jehovah; for he hath delivered the soul of the needy from the hand of evil-doers. ¹⁴ Cursed be the day wherein I was born: let not the day wherein my mother bare me be blessed. ¹⁵ Cursed be the man who brought tidings to my father, saying, A man-child is born unto thee; making him very glad.  

Isn’t it something how you can know a passage in the Bible, hear sermons preached on it, stumble across it time and again in your devotional reading, and yet it never really sinks in until one day when something in it speaks so real and close to the place you’re at in your own life that it leaves you undone? Jeremiah 20 is one of those passages for me. I was in my third year of seminary when another seminarian presented it for the opening devotional in class, and as I listened that morning it was as though the words pierced through me for the first time in my life; so near to expressing my own heart at the time that the words could have been written by someone who had eavesdropped on my secret prayers of the heart.

Since that morning five years ago, I’ve reflected on Jeremiah’s complaint countless times. It was the Scripture reading and theme for my ordination into Christian ministry on Pentecost Sunday 2004, and when it was read this past Sunday as part of the lectionary reading, it grabbed me all over again. My intention is to share a few personal reflections on the passage as a beginning to a conversation I hope you’ll continue.

By the time Jeremiah came onto the scene, Israel was no longer a united nation but had been divided between Israel in the north and Judah, with Jerusalem as it’s capital in the south. Israel had already been destroyed, taken captive by its enemies because they had ignored the words of the prophets God had sent to them and had refused to repent of their sins. Judah had remained faithful, but her faithfulness was limited to adherence to religious traditions rather than devotion and obedience to God and God’s Word. This is how it came to be that God called Jeremiah to be a prophet to Judah, to warn the people that unless they repent of their sin, return to their first love, and again pledge themselves to the covenant they had long ago entered into with God, their fate would be no different than that of Israel.

And what followed was both good news and bad news. The bad news was that the word God gave to Jeremiah wasn’t a particularly popular message to deliver to the people. They didn’t want to be told, from one of their own no less, that all their religious works and rituals weren’t what God wanted from them. They balked at Jeremiah’s prophesies. He was ridiculed and made into a laughingstock. Their taunts ring out in Jeremiah 20:10Jeremiah 20:10
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV
10 For I have heard the defaming of many, terror on every side. Denounce, and we will denounce him, [say] all my familiar friends, they that watch for my fall; peradventure he will be persuaded, and we shall prevail against him, and we shall take our revenge on him.  

; “Oh we’re sooooo scared Jeremiah. Destruction and terror is all around. Big bad scary God is gonna get us because you say so.” Though Jeremiah had once been their neighbor and friend, they conspired and plotted ways to trip him up and destroy both he and his message. Even the priests from his hometown, who would have watched Jeremiah grow from boy to man, looked for ways to kill him. For the sake of the message Jeremiah suffered. He was mocked, ridiculed and betrayed, dropped into a deep muddy hole at one point in his life and dragged against his will into Egypt at another. They hated the message and the messenger who brought it to them.

The good news? When God chose Jeremiah he didn’t choose a people pleaser. For more than twenty years Jeremiah spoke the word of God without ceasing despite the less than favorable response it received. God said “Go into the streets of Jerusalem and into all the towns of Judah and declare what I’ve told you,” and that’s what Jeremiah did. Kings came and went but Jeremiah remained, never yielding. False prophets came and went but Jeremiah remained, never silent. Though he suffered constant hardship and was condemned as a false prophet, and even though no one believed and responded to the message God had given him, Jeremiah persisted.

I love this guy. I love him for following God’s call, for his courage, his faithfulness, his integrity, and his passion and commitment to God. And I love him because when he was overwhelmed by it all, he complained. Now that’s someone I can relate to. Call it a prayer of lament, or holy whining. Either way, I love the realness of it and I love that Jeremiah names the real problem behind it all, the cause for all his suffering and hardship. Look no further. God was to blame for the mess Jeremiah was in.

Jeremiah had loved God all his life and had heard God call him in his youth, placing words on his lips and a truth in his heart that he was to take to the people. They weren’t words written in ink and bound up in paper. The truth given to Jeremiah wasn’t the truth being preached in the temple at Jerusalem. The words were an offense, a scandal to all who heard them. No way was Jeremiah speaking God’s words. Impossible! But whatever others thought, no matter how they doubted and ridiculed the message, Jeremiah continued to speak the words and believe the truth placed in his heart Jeremiah had recognized the voice as the One he loved and with confidence that it was God speaking to him, he had no choice but to declare the message. He had no choice because it had come from the God he worshiped and the only God he would follow in obedience.

And so it was God’s fault. God had lured Jeremiah with his word and his truth and because he did as God had commanded he was the brunt of everyone’s jokes, an object of ridicule and the target for persecution. If he could just keep his mouth shut. Say nothing. Stop with all the God said this and God said that, life would be easy again. He could fit back in and life could return to normal. “Hey there Jeremiah! How you doing? Fine, you say? Oh, that’s good to hear. Have a nice day now.” What a relief it would be to exchange a few pleasantries on the road, and yet, as much as Jeremiah might have longed for a break, to just have a moment’s peace, he couldn’t be quiet about God. He couldn’t shut up because all that he knew of God and had heard from God burned in him like a fire that couldn’t be contained, and so despite it all, Jeremiah kept speaking what God had said to him and only to him because it was impossible for him to do otherwise.

And when it got bad, so bad he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, Jeremiah would air his complaint to God. “God, I’m miserable. This is your doing. They won’t leave me alone. They won’t listen. I’m a joke and a laughingstock and I don’t want to play anymore!“ And then, right in stream of lament, Jeremiah declares, “But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior.” There’s trouble on every side, no relief in sight and yet Jeremiah has confidence in God. Oh, and it goes even further than that. Watch. ONE, Jeremiah complained which led to TWO, an expression of confidence in God that anticipated THREE, deliverance by God that resulted in FOUR, praise to God. And then what? FIVE, more complaining, because in Jeremiah’s life time praise wasn’t the final word for real life was then as real life is now; a roller coaster. Even when life is grounded in faith. Even for a prophet.

When you realized you were gay why did you tell anyone? Why did you tell your Christian friends and family when you knew they’d disapprove? Why did you tell your pastor or put the word out in your church when you could have guessed their reaction and the consequences that would follow? Why didn’t you just keep your mouth shut and keep it to yourself? Nobody needed to know. Keep private business private they say. And just why do you bother to share an non-condemning interpretation of the Scriptures to those who stand behind a traditional interpretation that condemns it as a sin and abomination? Why be bold in your love for someone of the same gender when people will devalue and ridicule it? For goodness sake, why do you insist on blogging about being a Queer Christian of all things or about affirming the lives and faith of Queer Christians? Really. What are you thinking?

Maybe you’re thinking what I’m thinking when you open your mouth to declare the truth of your life and how it is that you encounter and rejoice in the presence of God in all your days. Maybe we share the same reason for not backing down from declaring the love and grace of God that extends to all and embraces all. I wouldn’t be surprised for a minute if it’s because you don’t have a choice. Not really. If that’s the case then remember you stand in good company with one another, and with those in the faith who have gone before who couldn’t shut up either.

But if I say, “I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.

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Posted in Queering the Bible