How Clueless Was I?
April 13, 2008
I’d been a children’s pastor in a large conservative evangelical church for about a dozen years and my big “I’m a lesbian!” self-revelation was still two years in the future. On one of my errand days for the church I stopped off at Elmer’s Flag and Banner Store to pick up flags to be used as props for a children’s program I’d created to introduce the church kids to the lives and faith of children around the world. While I was looking through the shelves of flags I noticed a stack of bright-colored flags I’d never seen before that would be perfect for a new curriculum I was developing called “God’s Colorful World.” I bought two of the 4 x 6 flags, took them back to the church and stored them away in my supply closet, but when the time came a few months later to present the color lessons to the children, I’d forgotten all about the flags. It was only two years later when I came out as a lesbian and was packing up my office in preparation for leaving the church that I found the flags stuffed in the back of the supply cabinet. I can only imagine what the reaction would have been had the parents brought their children to church one evening to see the classroom decorated with these flags. That’s precisely how clueless I was!
Posted in Anita, Storytelling
Sweet Hope Cookies
April 14th, 2008 at 3:55 am
That’s not a coincidence. God speaks to us in different ways. It’s amazing what you find when you wait it out in “God’s time”. His time is much different than our own, and when we look back, it’s like, “WOW!”
This was inspiring. Thank you.
April 14th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
I had to laugh out loud when I read this post. Once I fully accepted the fact that I am a lesbian, I started finding all sorts of things that should have been BIG clues to me. But I was so ingrained to not accept that part of me, I made excuses like isn’t that rainbow flag pretty, and yes I like that fanny pack so I will wear it (said in a tone of humor), and I enjoy reading the stories of people in minority groups (never mind all the books and articles were written by gay folks).
Even the conversations that I had with my best friend which included things like, “I can understand a lesbian relationship, except for the sex part, because who could understand me better than another woman?” and “why would God make gay people then not let them experience the life they were made for?”
So I was also a bit clueless or maybe was I trying to slowly and safely tell myself something more? Well anyway, another good post. Thanks for the smile and the realization that I also had to come out to myself.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Haha, that’s pretty funny. I like what Deb said about it being God’s time, I guess that was a precursor for you. I just started reading your blog here and it is very inspiring and has made me want to start my own as well. I simply hope that mine can have such a positive impact as yours is!
April 14th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Ha! I love it!! And, ditto, on the sign from God as to where you were going. Thanks!