If Only One
June 1, 2009
I was involved in children’s ministry for 15 years in a church of over 6000 people. With three morning services the sanctuary was always packed and so were the Sunday School classrooms. No matter how many snacks I loaded up in my SUV or how many crafts supplies I snipped and stapled late into the night, I usually had just enough to get by. My yearly kindergarten graduation party was always overflowing with children and parents and our summer camping program for youth was filled to maximum capacity as determined by the fire marshall and then some more were squeezed in for good measure. The accumulation of all those years of experience left me with the internal message that success was measured in numbers.
And then I moved to another town and to another church where instead of preparing a lesson for 60 preschoolers I was huddled on the floor within a tiny circle of 6 four and five year olds. On Sunday morning there was always room in the pews for another busload or two of people with wide backsides, and I went from panicking with worry that there wouldn’t be enough supplies and refreshments for all those who showed up at events to keeping a stock of ziploc bags at the ready so I could send the left-overs home with the few folks who showed up. After leaving my former mega-church and entering into the world of Sunday School teacher shortages, small class rooms, half-empty sanctuaries and conflicting, competing family schedules, I started to think we were doing something wrong. Why weren’t people showing up? I wondered what we were doing wrong that they weren’t showing up and when I wasn’t wondering that I was wondering what was wrong with them that they weren’t showing up?!
Numbers use to matter. Big numbers were success. Small numbers were failure. But that was before I came to realize the worth of the individual and that if one single life is touched, healed, helped or encouraged, something immeasurable and of eternal value has taken place.
Several months ago I began coordinating a faith event to be held at our church following the California Supreme Court’s decision on Prop 8. Whatever the outcome, we wanted to create a time and space for people in the community to gather together to attend to their spiritual health; to voice their anger and grief, to share their pain, and to begin to find healing and renewed hope through ritual and prayer. We wanted to create an opportunity in the assault of societal rejection to allow individuals the chance to experience the affirming embrace of God’s love and the human dignity to which all God’s creation are entitled to enjoy. Over the past few weeks we did everything we knew to get the word out to the community. I contacted PFLAG and the local GLBTQ Community Centers. We contacted the local paper. The flier for the event was sent out to over several other affirming congregations in the local area and added to the events listed on the Day of Decision website. I facebooked and twittered til my finger tips were blue.
Last week when I went to the bakery to order the cake for the reception to follow the service, I was asked by the person taking my order how many people the cake was to serve. I hesitated for a minute and considering how many I hoped would come and how many I suspected would come I answered, “We need a cake that will feed between 5 and 200 people.” She laughed and filled out an order for a 3/4 sheet cake.
Last Friday night after weeks of preparation, 22 people showed up. More than 5. Less than 200. Among that small circle of people that included myself, D and three other clergy from our church were an older married couple from PFLAG, a gay clergy member from an Episocopal Church, a gay pastor and his spouse from a United Methodist Church, a queer youth, a questioning youth, three straight men from our church; two of which brought their children with them, and a few others. As Pastor Steve began the evening, people were invited to share where they have experienced or seen pain. Young and old, gay and straight, began to share from their hearts without hesitation. We prayed together. We sat in silence together. And as each of us named a source of hope for us (a person, an event, a dream) we came forward and lighting a candle we stood under the covering of the table. Marriages, both straight and gay were affirmed. The sacredness and worth of every human being was lifted up. We then carried our candles outside where we walked the labyrinth accompanied by the soft sound of live flute music and finally we came together in the center of the labyrinth and exhaled with deep sighs of “ahhhhhh” that none of us had to walk alone in the journey to equality. The evening concluded by meeting one another over a cake that in purple lettering read “Equality for all…with hope and determination” and despite cutting enormous pieces for everyone we were barely able to dent.
Do I wish more people had been there? Sure. I wish a thousand people could have experienced what we did; the gentleness of the Spirit, the s trength and vulnerability of gathering with good-hearted people, and the healing comfort of the prayers and ritual that held us. But at the same time, I’m thrilled that there were 22 people there and that 22 people felt cared for and loved; that 22 people were heard and held, and that 22 people left a little different for the better than when they arrived.
I feel the same way about this blog. It’s not that I don’t notice the stats. I do. I watch the number of visitors climb one day and the number fall the next. I’ll admit that on occasion I even succumb to reading posts by the experts that promise to increase my readership if I just follow their little tricks and tips. In the end though, I don’t care if a thousand people read my blog. I only care that you do, if you are someone who today needs a word of encouragement or hope or grace. If you need to hear today that God thinks you’re something special, that God’s day is better because you’re in it, that God’s love reaches all the way to right where you are, and that nothing will ever, no never, not ever separate you from God’s love then consider this your very own personal blog dedicated to you. You’re worth it because you, my friend, are the beloved of God and so even if you’re the only one who shows up to eat the cake, then there are no regrets in having bought the cake.
That’s all I’m saying.
Posted in News and Events, Personal Stories
June 1st, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Thanks for the cake Anita
This site and your blogs have been one of the only things that has helped kept me encouraged and sometimes even going on this difficult journey as a lesbian and a Christian. The words here have reminded me again and again that God is not as small as I once made Him out to be. That heading down a path of ordination to one of literal isolation is not an end all, yet a beginning. Thanks for your reminders and your life of example and encouragement.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Thank you Anita! Your “If Only One” brought tears to my eyes. It’s been a really hard week for me and I struggle with the Kubler Ross Death and Dying sequence, primarily this week, I struggle with “acceptance”.
These words truly touched my heart as I read… ” if you are someone who today needs a word of encouragement or hope or grace. If you need to hear today that God thinks you’re something special, that God’s day is better because you’re in it, that God’s love reaches all the way to right where you are, and that nothing will ever, no never, not ever separate you from God’s love then consider this your very own personal blog dedicated to you. You’re worth it because you, my friend, are the beloved of God…”
Thank you, Anita and God bless you.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Thanks Anita. I feel welcomed every time I read your words. The cake adds a homey touch, and I know that if I were to show up at your church I wouldn’t be ignored. Love is simple, yet profound, and I believe your words convey just that. It’s not quantity, it’s quality.
Thanks
June 1st, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Just this morning I was I was reminded of my need to personalize scripture. Yes, God is compassionate toward all. But I need to know that God is compassionate toward ME. Yes, God is love. But I need to know that God loves ME. God is personal.
So, thank you. Thank you for what you are doing for all of us here when you write. But thank you for what you are doing for me, personally.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:09 pm
L–> If Scripture doesn’t speak to each of us then it speaks to none of us. Jesus was/is the Living Word and you just can’t personalize it more than that!
June 1st, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Laura–> So show up at church already! The next time you’re cruising through Northern California that is
Advance notice and I give my word, there will be cake.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Katie–>You’re welcome and so glad to see you started up a blog of your own! Though we disagree on the deliciousness of Kale
June 1st, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Paula–> You’re right Paula. Such a transition in your journey is not an ending but another direction that will be no less meaningful and powerful to you and to those whose lives you touch. It’s a radical change and a painful one but good things lay ahead. We know because faith tells us nothing different than that. A double slice, extra icing is reserved with your name on it
June 1st, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Anita, you rock! And I don’t know how many people could second this—I’m sure many over the years, but you’ve helped me tremendously over the past couple years. Please please know that. I know numbers or a lack thereof can be discouraging, but it’s not what it’s about; you know that. Jesus had 12 and look what happened! [not that you're Jesus sister, but hey]
June 1st, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Anonymous–> I’m touched by the encouraging comments people have added in response to this post though I promise I wasn’t “fishing for compliments.” At the same time, it means everything to know that the existence of this blog has helped anyone let alone a few more than that. And no…no comparisons to Jesus were drawn…even on my most inflated ego day!
June 1st, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Hey Anita,
I loved reading this and who came to join in your circle and walk the labyrinth and eat of the cake of equality. Just like with the loaves and fish, the beauty is that there was plenty of cake (or bread or fish) for whatever sized group appeared, and everyone was going to “be fed”.
Peace,
Susan
June 1st, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Susan–> And the church folks weren’t complaining about the cake left-overs on Sunday morning either
June 1st, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Anita believe me if we had the money to come out we would have been there. I have found out to that numbers don’t matter. There are poeple that have alots of friends but the one thing that they are lacking is a real friend. Someone that they can share with and be themselves. The same thing applys to what you were talking about. Its that friendship or time when hearts open and something is filled or even where and old pain or hurt has touched and started to healed. Thank you.
June 1st, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Anita, I was almost in tears after reading this blog and the comments. It has been 3 months now since I first realized that I was a lesbian. I have gone through so many of your archives and they have touched me so deeply. Having been in a fundamentalist church, always feeling something was missing in my life, staying fat to keep a wall up around me – and then I had every brick in the wall I built come tumbling down in a matter of minutes. And while it was God who broke through that, and in 4 days (he knows how impatient I am), somehow I had the audacity to type two words into the search engine — two words that I knew could not possibly go together Christian and Lesbian. And I found this site.
You will never know how much I have learned and grown here and on the forum site. I read the challenge from others and you to start thanking God for the gift of being gay. I didn’t think it could work, but it did. And I have finished “Gifted by Otherness” and I must say that my life today is so different from where I started. You were so right, a book that is not an apologetic but it is a celebration. I am now going through it yet again, writing down the quotes I loved in my reconciliation journal. I am no longer waking up every morning asking God to make me straight, falling asleep crying because my entire life is changing. My friends have noticed how suddenly I have just blossomed and my sense of humor is back. People that I have come out to, who have always believed that this is a sin, have looked at me and said that they have to re-think their position because they see God doing amazing things in my life. And they have all, except one -my best friend – have affirmed me, hugged me, and thanked me for being honest.
At any rate, your words of encouragement, hope and prayers, have met everything to me. They have inspired me to go deeper into the Word, stay close to His heart in prayer, and most important – accept that Jesus loves me, just as I am. That the things He wants to work on for my life have nothing to do with my sexuality. Anita, this is one life that you have touched in a very profound way. Please always know that God is working through you to heal His hurting people. BTW, I found Is 56:1-8 yesterday, and would love to hear what you say about it. It seemed like it was almost a prophetic statement from God to our community.
And someday, I want to come and visit. And yes, I want cake too. LOL Butl, I am dieting – I’ll take a veggie tray or fruit plate. Better yet, finish writing that book and from the proceeds start a conference so that we can meet all of the Sisterfriends!
June 1st, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Kare–> One true friend who knows you fully as you are and loves you just as you are is worth more than a thousand friends who need you to be who you aren’t. How good it is to know there’s one Friend who never fails us and who can inspire us in being the kind of friend to others we want others to be for us.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:46 pm
TDK –> What a joy it is to read of the journey you’ve been on; how you’ve been so intentional, courageous and committed to seeking God’s will for your life and living in wholeness. It’s an absolute blast to know of the changes God has brought in your life that even your friends are able to observe. Your life really is being a witness to others TDK and it’s just so inspiring. That I and the other women in the forum have been able to be part of all this transformation in your life is an honor and a humbling one at that. I’m also so glad you found some gems in “Gifted by Otherness” as I have. I’m reading another one right now by the same author, William Countryman, called “Good News of Jesus: Re-introducing the Gospel” and no doubt will be having it filter into my posts in the coming days. I just had the opportunity to meet with a half dozen SisterFriends at one of their weddings and whenever I have the chance to meet with SisterFriends it always makes me long for a time when we could plan a weekend retreat together. I will admit it’s a dream of mine and hopefully one day it will be more than that. Regardless, anytime you make a visit, there will be a fruit platter reserved for you!
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:02 am
I won’t be half as eloquent as the other posters here but i’ve thought about replying to your blogs a few times and just HAD to reply to this one as I bask in the message of God’s love for me – I wonder if the good news coming from the screen is visible to the people sitting around me in the library?? I feel like it must be. So many times over the past few months, as I’m coming to terms with my sexuality, I’ve wonderted if God could really love me and every time I read your blog the answer is a resounding YES! Thank you Anita – I can’t say thank you enough for the work you’re doing.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:59 am
So true, so true …. People are not a means to an end, but, rather, they are the end.