Comments on: It Takes As Long As It Takes

By: barb

barb — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 03:02:54 +0000

i am 57 years old and have never even considered that i may have another side to my feelings for men — those for women. raised Roman Catholic, living in a middle class white neighborhood, dating men and loving it, i don’t understand why so many people just take it for granted that i am a gay woman. i question whether God will be disappointed if i lie with another woman. i question whether i will go to hell, because let’s face it, the Catholic faith upbringing does not mince words about what you will go to hell for, and for all the guilt i have let go of, this is not one of those subjects that i still do not question. i search for someone to talk to, but i only have very few contacts that i can bring this question to and still remain anonymous until this question is settled in my soul. why now? i guess i always thought i was just a country girl. now i question everything about me. well, not everything, because many years in therapy have answered many questions. i could go on for a very long time. and it seems so hard to find out where to look for someone with the same concerns. i am so glad to have found this website. thank you.

By: jrc

jrc — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 01:09:40 +0000

yes it is true Yvonne – you are not the only one with these feelings. Congrats on coming out. Anita’s blogs and the words of other sisters helped me so much when I came out as a lesbian two years ago. God loves us all and God loves the all in us just how He made us.

By: anita

anita — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 19:04:17 +0000

Yvonne–> Thank you for stepping up and posting your comments. You said so much in your one paragraph that it’s taken me dozens of posts to say. I hope others read these words and are as inspired and touched by them as I was. In fact, because I don’t want others to miss it in the comment section I think I’ll add it to a blog post so it can encourage others.

By: Yvonne

Yvonne — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:02:13 +0000

Wow! I had no idea there were other people out there with all these same feelings that are running through my head, but mostly my heart. I was raised that homosexualiy is wrong and that you are goin to hell if you are gay. I am 33 years old and came out a year ago. For the most part everyone was supportive, considering their world was just turned upside down. The one that mattered the most, my mom has been awsome through it all. Don’t get me wrong she has cried and denied that her daughter is a lesbian! But now has come to terms with it and just wants me to be happy. I have lost some very close relashionships and that saddens me deeply, but I just think about it this way…it’s their loss! I spent my whole life being someone I was not to please everyone (God, my family, society) but at what cost (ME)! I just came to terms with my sexuality and embraced it! Nothing has change, well I am alot happier, but I am the same person with the same faith. I love God with all my heart and soul and believe that He died for me…so yes I have gone through how can I be a lesbian and a Christian? I am just holding on to my faith and the love I have for my Lord and Savior, thank you Anita for this website I needed to know I was not the only one out there! It’s funny how we are so selfcentered and like to pity ourselves…oh I’m the only one going through something like this…I should have known better! Lol! My heart goes out to everyone out there going through all the heart ache of coming out, just be true to yourself…the rest will follow. And be strong because it’s not going to be easy just hold on to the love and faith you have in God because if you lose that my friend you have lost it all! In God’s love, Yvonne.

By: jrc

jrc — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 01:52:14 +0000

Hi Anita – I realized that I didn’t thank you for my response to your post – thanks for your affirming words!
“You expressed so much and did it so wonderfully. I was nodding in agreement and understanding through every line. I really do “get” the conflict that comes with the questioning of old rock solid teachings.”

Thanks for all you do Anita – God bless You!

By: TDK

TDK — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 13:44:40 +0000

Wow, thanks for all the comments. I love the backers and the stackers – I have come out to a few that I thought would be stackers, turns out that they are backers and have been incredible. To JRC – thanks. I just finished my relationship survey in “Reconciling Journey” by Michel Pepper – and yup, it was pretty easy to see that I have always been gay! And my lesson last night was to read Ps. 139. When you read it knowing that God made you gay, it is quite powerful. Thanks Anita and Laura – what you said makes sense and gives me some much needed hope. Anita – you recommended this devotional in an earlier entry and it is amazing. Much recommend it.

By: jrc

jrc — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:00:21 +0000

Just a couple of more thoughts for TDK – read Psalm 139 again and again – it really does help Also – find “backers” in your life (those who will back you up) and be careful around the “stackers” (those who will stack Bible verses against you).
I have not come out to any stackers yet, but I know that it will happen and I know that God will give me the “peace that passes all understanding” when that time comes.
Peace to All

By: jrc

jrc — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 23:44:00 +0000

Hi – thanks for everyone’s comments on Anita’s blog topic.
And to TDK on: “I find myself saying – what was that? No, I am straight. I think that is normal for the stage I am at? Can someone answer that please?”
Yup – I went through that stage too. It is normal. I looked back at my life to remember the many people that I was and still am emotionally and physically attracted to – uh, yup, I’m gay!!

By: Laura H.

Laura H. — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:51:08 +0000

For TDK –> Based on Anita’s response to what you wrote, this came to my mind:
You are living your truth; feeling it all the way through you; trusting in God. Your “friend” is merely commenting on her beliefs about your truth. Whilst all our understanding of truth is our belief (see Anita’s glass comment above), I do think that it’s interesting how many of us come understand our truth in who we are because of who God made us to be, yet others try to impose their understanding of their truth onto who we are. So, I agree with Anita that both sides cannot be right. You’re living your truth; she’s commenting on your truth. There is no comparison. Your friend will have to work through her issues and come to her own truth about herself in her own time. You stand strong in who you are! God created you the way God created you, and my prayer for you is you trust your truth in God. Blessings to you always.

By: anita

anita — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:32:22 +0000

TDK–> Thank you for opening up in your comment and sharing what you did. I’m sure others will connect with your questions and situation.

There are days when I hope I will wake up and find myself saying – what was that? No, I am straight. I think that is normal for the stage I am at?

I don’t know if I’d say it’s normal for everyone but it sure seems understandable. Going through life believing you’re one thing and then realizing and accepting in a relatively short time that you’re something different is more than a little head-spinning. Anytime we go through a big life change or a shifting of our thoughts there’s bound to be doubts and questions or a sense of wanting to run back to what’s familiar and that we know. You’re striking out in new territory in your life and so uncertainty and hesitancy seems natural. Just give yourself some time. You don’t have to arrive anywhere faster than your heart and God’s spirit takes you.

Can we both be right?

Whew. That’s always a big question especially when we know the other person is just as committed as we are to following God and walking faithfully. But no, I don’t see how two opposing sides on one issue can both be right. This is really along the line of what Wendy said in another comment, that some things are true whether you believe them or not. Truth and belief aren’t the same thing but you don’t shape your life according to what is true. You shape your life according to what you believe to be true. That’s all any of us can do because for the time-being we all see through a glass darkly. The truth hasn’t been fully and absolutely revealed to anyone unless God in all God’s glory has come to them and spoken directly to them. So we seek understanding, we pray for God’s wisdom, direction, and assurance and then we live each day as truthfully and genuinely as we can to what it is we most earnestly believe. That’s what she’s doing. That’s what you’re doing. That can seem muddled and confusing at times but that’s why we waste our lives comparing ourselves to others or battling our beliefs against the beliefs of someone else. Live today based on what you believe to be true and that’s really all you can do until the glass has been removed and we see God face to face. Those are my thoughts anyway. Others might have other insights to share…I hope so