Justice and Equality Coming to a World Near You
October 29, 2008
So this is what I promise you. I won’t talk about Prop 8 forever, but right now Prop 8 is just about all that’s on my mind. The truth is, I’m surprised by how much it’s weighing on me as a lesbian, as a Christian, as a Californian, and as a woman who’s madly in love with her legally wedded wife. I’m trying to remain optimistic though there are waves of some distant foreboding brewing in the back of my mind accompanied by a recurring lump in my throat. I tell you my friends, if we defeat Prop 8 I’ll never be a pessimist again.
This afternoon I drove out to Democratic Headquarters in the city next door to pick up some No on Prop 8 lawn signs and posters. As I was walking across the parking lot with a virtual potpourri of signage, a father and his three children passed by. The children, all appearing to my trained Sunday School teacher eyes to be under the age of 10 pointed at me and began talking excitedly to their father who in turn, “Do they have more of those signs?” I can’t tell you exactly why to this moment but he had no more asked the question and I barely choked out a “Yes, they have plenty of them!” than I felt tears pushing up the back side of my eyeballs. My best guess is that I was feeling relief more than anything since with all the mean-spirited TV ads, the blogs and websites of ardent supporters and the zealous banner-waving “Yes on 8″ folks around town, you can begin to feel like everyone’s against you including three innocent children and their dad. It’s not true of course, but it’s a hard feeling to not give in to at times and to feel defeated by it all.
But I’m not defeated. None of us are. No matter what happens come Tuesday when the final ballot is counted. You see, as personal as this issue is for us queer folk, it’s not really about us. What it’s really about is the stuff of justice and equality; ideals that are far bigger than any one of us or all of us combined. At the heart of God is grace and from that grace flows all justice, equality, goodness, compassion, and truth; all those virtues that we as people so desperately long for, even as we spend our lives fighting against them, if not for ourselves then for others. It’s more than a little obvious that all people should be treated equally under human law since all people are of equal worth and yet we resist that. It seems we often find ourselves striving to accentuate the differences between us and them in an attempt, however conscious or unconscious it might be, to make some appear a little more or less deserving of having the same, and being treated the same as others. And yet, and this is a big and yet, because God is the source from which all paragons of virtues flow, there is no doubt that these things will win the day and have the final word. If not on this coming Tuesday, then on some Tuesday to follow.
I believe this by the way, not because I have a Pollyanna view of a life I dream of in a land far far away, but this is faith in the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1, KJV); faith and hope for that day when all people together will give way to God’s grace, allowing it to once and for all time break through the world so that justice and fairness flow like a river that never runs dry (Amos 5:24, CEV). In that I pray to never be a pessimist.
Posted in Faith, Love and Grace, Marriage, News and Events
Sweet Hope Cookies
October 30th, 2008 at 8:02 am
I’m with ya sister.
Great post.
October 30th, 2008 at 10:58 am
A certain tv and radio “man of God” is praising God that your Prop 8 is going to be voted yes. I have no tv. I rarely turn on the radio. But everywhere I look, he is there spewing hate in the Name of God. I have a friend who literally lives in a cave on Mt. Evans and I am wondering if she has room for me to move in with her for a while. Some man of God . . . . I think that he forgets that God is love.
October 30th, 2008 at 11:05 am
DL–> Well, he must know something we don’t because no one is able to call it at this point as it’s running neck and neck. I don’t think any of us will know the outcome until well into Tuesday evening. He’s not alone though as there are plenty of folks saying pretty hateful things in the name of God and unfortunately that’s been the case throughout history, whether directed at us or at others. Like you said, we know that God is love and that their words don’t reflect on the character of God but on the individual who speaks them.
October 30th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Anita all this stuff makes my heart hurt too much.
November 1st, 2008 at 6:55 pm
I went to a “No on Prop 8″ information rally today at this new church I have been attending. It was on the lawn of the church and included brief presentations by a sociologist, lawyer, rabbi, and Mormon social activist. Each presenter filled a wonderful niche .. all supporting “No on Prop 8″. Many of their comments brought tears to my eyes as I felt affirmed knowing that such smart and capable people were fighting for equality .. and thinking that I may one day benefit from the fight …
There were about 70 people on the lawn. All ages, singles, couples, gay men, lesbians, heterosexual couples, kids playing on the lawn .. I was there by myself. I do a lot of things by myself now, when I used to be surrounded by lots of people and was the center of the church’s attention as the pastor’s wife. I’m okay, just lonely in a way that I have not felt in a long time. It made me cry more to know that I could tell anyone of those people sitting there that I am a lesbian .. and they would merely shrug and welcome me. No worries .. no judgment or criticism .. no questions about “are you sure?”
As I have been coming out to my friends, I have been repeatedly asked if I am going through a mid-life crisis, or couldn’t I be celibate and remain married, or have I considered the impact on the children, and do I know what I’m doing .. complete ignorance of what it means to be a lesbian .. I never thought that coming out would carry such a burden of educating .. and I’m tired now.
It was so very good to be with people who get it, even though I sat by myself and said nothing. “No on Prop 8″ means “yes” to my life as a lesbian .. the pursuit of happiness is my right .. my kids will hear from us tomorrow that we are separating .. please pray that we all will find a way to believe in happiness through the tears, and that I will remain hopeful and aware that even lesbian moms and their kids can find happiness after the shock wears off ..
November 1st, 2008 at 8:09 pm
PJ, The hardest thing I ever did was tell my kids that their dad and I were getting a divorce. My oldest was 9 and my youngest was 6. Of course they cried and I felt like a heel because it was my decision. But in the 2 years that has passed since we separated, it has become a God send. The kids are happier now than ever, and I am happier too.
I have never said the words “I am gay”, but they are still young. But even if they don’t know why, they recognize the fact that I am happier and they respond in a good way to that. A wise woman ( thanks Anita) once said to me that as long as I continue to be who I am and continue to be their mom, the shock would wear off and they would find their way.
Prepare yourself for anger and sadness, but also don’t be surprised if they already know. Kids know more than we give them credit for. Just know, whatever the reaction, You will be okay and they will be okay. And someday you can talk about everything. PJ, I will be holding you in my prayers tonight and tomorrow. Take care of yourself, because if you take care of you then you can take care of them.
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:30 am
I wish every human being would be as brave as wvhillcountry trying to live consequent with their feelings and trying, always and every day, to be happier so that you can make those you love happier too. I can imagine it was hard to tell that to your children but I believe children need people that love them and take care of them, listen to them and are there for them whenever they need it, people that are happy themselves. And do not beneficiate at all from having unhappy people around them who are angry with their lives and who cannot give the best of themselves because there is no peace in their hearts, so…of course is better now and I am sure it will be still much more better in the future! Let´s be brave about our feelings, nomatter wich kind of!
November 2nd, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Hey ya’ll .. at the end of the day now where we told the kids about our separation, told them about my sexual orientation, visited my new apartment complex, and basically changed life as we know it. It’s been emotional but nobody melted down; they asked questions in an open way; my older son was confrontive but then relieved to hear the whole story; my younger son was tender and tearful but not afraid. I feel like the prayers of many were answered most powerfully. God strengthened my kids .. It actually turned out the way I most thought it would .. sad, grieving, but hopeful too .. and unlike the desparately fearful vision that some others kept throwing my way.
The truth is a powerful ally .. and it makes me wonder why I stand in front of the hurdles trembling in fear. Courage has been built in me through this site. Thanks Anita and all you posters. So, since I’ve been unloading the fears and doubts here, I thought I would also celebrate a bit. I am out to my kids, my husband, my family of origin .. time to have a truthful future, eh? I am so moved .. I get to live in the truth about who I am, a lesbian.
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm
DL—>I empathize with you in that it all is painful and yet at the same time, we have to know what’s going on and keep moving this world forward one step at a time. Without the struggle you can’t know the victory, eh?
PJ—> I’m soooo glad you went to the interfaith event and that you felt affirmed and in the company of others who “get it.” I hear the mix of emotions you’re having right now and that will continue in the days to follow but keep doing things like this; going places where people understand and even just saying to a stranger at one of those events, maybe one of the older folks who might well be a PFLAG parent, “I know this might seem weird coming from a stranger but I’ve recently come out as a lesbian and I just need to say that to someone.” There’s something powerful about naming it to people who can congratulate you, affirm you, and even just shrug and say “Oh. Okay.” You can hold all those responses with the ones that might be more painful from your church community, friends or family. PJ, your children might react different in the days to come because just as you’re going through a swirl of emotions so will they. Tender, tearful, understanding, angry, sad, confrontive, loving….and that could all happen on a Tuesday
I know you already know this but I’m just reminding you so that if there are discouraging or concerning responses from them in the coming days, you’ll know things will keep moving and not get stuck.
And PJ, it’s YOU who is courageous, and while sharing your truth with your children has been emotional and will at times be painful, you’ve given them permission to be honest in living their own lives in the future. Gay people aren’t the only ones who live pretend lives and there might come a day when they remember what you did today and because of your example will be able to drop any masks that they’ve been tempted to hide their true self behind. Whether it seems like it today or not, what you’ve done is given them a gift. Thank you for sharing your journey so far with us. It’s inspiring and our thoughts and prayers will continue with you.
Kelly –> Great wisdom drawn from experience. Thank you for sharing that with PJ and all the rest who will read it and find encouragement and hope.
Maria–> Yeh, what Maria said!