Lesbian and Christian: Is It Really Possible?

January 1, 2006

I grew up in a family with no religion or spirituality whatsoever. I often refer to them as devout atheists. As a very young child, I was allowed, not without hesitation on my parent’s part, to attend church and Vacation Bible School with my Seventh Day Adventist aunt and cousins. Throughout elementary and junior high school (once I was old enough to understand what was being taught), I was forbidden to attend church with friends or family. In about ninth grade I started sleeping over at friend’s homes on Saturday nights so I could attend church with their families on Sunday morning but my dad soon caught on, and that was put to a stop.

In tenth grade, I met a girl named Wendy who taught me about Wicca and Goddess worship, and I thought I had found the Truth. There were many aspects of Goddess worship that appealed greatly to me. Among other things I had trouble with the male image of God as the Father. However, Wendy suddenly moved away and my friend Jodie began to teach me about Christianity. I still had doubts about Christianity, though, because I was already beginning to question my sexuality, and I knew about the “Christian” opinion of homosexuals. I also knew that most Christians I had met were hypocrites, preaching about love and peace, but practicing hatred and exclusion.

In my junior year, I met a woman who had an immense effect on my spirituality. She began taking me to a Bible Study group at Chico State one night a week after school. I began reading the Bible for the first time in my life, discussing and interpreting parables and I loved it, but when this woman moved, I quit attending. I spent the next several years searching for a way to fill the empty pit in my stomach. I tried filling my need with relationships, friendships, and Wicca and Goddess worship, but nothing worked! My first girlfriend was very oppositional to Christianity, mostly due to her experience with hypocrisy and hatred toward homosexuals. She spouted the same rhetoric my father had that “faith is for the weak who can’t stand on their own two feet.” I spent about four or five years in a spiritually vacant life, but finally in the spring of 1993, just before my 22nd birthday, I found my way to Christ.

I was working for a security company, and working the most boring job on earth in construction site security. From 6 p.m. to midnight (or midnight to 6 a.m.) I would sit in my car outside the fenced in construction site for a mall addition. Every couple hours, I would get out and walk the perimeter of the fence which extended the length of a city block. In working this post five days a week for over a month, I had a lot of time to think. I wrote a song during this time, which wasn’t unusual for me, but the strange thing was that I didn’t know who or what the song was about when I was writing it! After finishing the song, I began to spend time thinking about spirituality, and recognizing that the emptiness in my soul had never been filled, no matter what I had tried. The relationships and friendships hadn’t been able to stop the aching, nor had any of the spiritual paths I had tried. I was beginning to feel desperate. I spent several evenings at work thinking about these things. Then, one evening, I was moved to call out to whoever or whatever was out there. I began to pray,

“I know that this world is not simply a bunch of coincidences, I know that this earth, and everything on it were created. I know that my existence was planned. Whoever..Whatever created me, I need to find the Truth!! I know there is one Truth, I know that there is a Creator. Please send me a sign, a messenger, anything. Please let me know the Truth…all of it. I know that I’m gay, but am I suppose to be? Was I created this way? Please help me!!!”

There was only one other person who worked out there during those hours, the mall’s security guard. She was a beautiful woman and we had chatted briefly several times. After our second or third conversation, I realized that she was a lesbian too. The night after my earnest prayer, she came over to talk. About ten minutes into the conversation, she told me she was a Christian. I was shocked!!! Lesbian and Christian, was this possible? I had always thought that the two were mutually exclusive. She gave me a tract, I read it and we talked. It was wonderful! My prayers had been answered. Patty and I became close friends very quickly. My heart and soul were opened to Christ and the Word of God. We spent many evenings talking out there. A couple of months later, Patty and I moved in together as a couple.

Now, six and half years later we’ve celebrated our sixth year anniversary, and have joined a church that accepts us just as we are.

This personal story of faith and reconciliation comes from the archives of www.christianlesbians.com and was originally posted in 2004.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Posted in Personal Stories