Maundy Thursday

April 9, 2009

I spent more than 40 years within the Christian church and had no idea there was such a thing as a Calendar of the Church Year. We celebrated Christmas, Easter, and Pentecost but there was little mention of the seasons of Lent and Advent. Ordinary Time? All Saints Day? Epiphany? Huh? And red, purple, green and white were just colors in a crayon box with no symbolic connection to the life of the church and the major events of the Christian tradition.

Over the past ten years I’ve fallen in love with traveling through the cycle of the church year. I love how familiar it’s rhythm has become and that it’s never over and is continually unfolding. One church season leads into another and one sacred commemoration makes way for the next transforming ordinary life and ordinary time into something sacred and holy and cherished.

Palm Sunday was the day that led us into Holy Week with its remembrance of Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem and now today, at least what’s left of it, is Maundy Thursday, the day we commemorate four events from Jesus’ final week in Jerusalem; Jesus’ washing of his disciples feet, the institution of Communion at the Last Supper, Christ’s agony at Gethsemane and finally, Jesus’ betrayal by Judas. I’ve been aware of it being Maundy Thursday throughout the day and whatever I’ve done, from running errands with D to filling plastic eggs with jelly beans to straightening out the mess in the garage, I’ve thought about Jesus; his humility and servanthood, the poignant intimacy of that final shared meal among friends, and above all Christ’s suffering and betrayal. These have all played around in my head and heart throughout the day.

As GLBTQ people we know suffering and many of us remember our own prayers that have echoed those of Jesus. Let this cup pass from me. Let me not be gay. Don’t make me endure the cost. Relieve me of this burden. I don’t want it. And yet, somewhere deep within us we too prayed, “Not my will but yours be done.” Our suffering doesn’t equal that of Christ’s. I dare not compare it, and yet we take comfort that Christ knows firsthand what it is to suffer. Nothing you have felt or are feeling; no pain or fear or anxiety that you carry is unknown to God. God doesn’t sympathize with your suffering. God emphasizes with your suffering and God’s compassion and tender mercy is no less for you in this hour than it was for Jesus in the Garden.

And as GLBTQ people, let alone as human beings, we know what it is to be betrayed. Some of us have been betrayed by trusted pastors and church leaders, others by family, and still others by friends. In coming out we were denounced by those we thought would always in our corner. Secrets we entrusted to a chosen few were divulged to others against our wishes. At one time or another or many times at different times we’ve been sold down the river, thrown under the bus, and stabbed in the back, but who would understand the our pain in being betrayed more than Jesus? Jesus loved all his disciples. Judas wasn’t an exception. He wasn’t held at arm’s length by Jesus through those years they traveled side by side. Jesus loved and trusted him as he did all those who he called to follow him. Judas was one of the very few chosen by Jesus to enter his most intimate circle of friends. When I consider the betrayals I’ve known by people I’ve loved, how can I not stop to consider and be moved beyond what words can express over the betrayal that came to Jesus through the kiss of a friend?

In suffering and in betrayal, this is my comfort and my hope. Jesus has been there. Wherever I have been, whatever I have felt, Jesus knows. That is my comfort and here is my hope. Jesus suffered but was not overwhelmed. He agonized over what was to come but was not paralyzed. He was abandoned but he was not alone. He was betrayed and yet he continued to love and forgive.

Maundy Thursday. That I would remember it not only today but on any day when I dare to think that no one understands my sorrow or my pain or when I give even the smallest space to a single passing thought whispering to me that no one cares because Maundy Thursday proclaims loud and clear that there is always Someone who understands and Someone who cares.

Thanks be to the Son’s holy name forever.

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Posted in Devotionals