Miss USA Pageant. Okay. I’ll Bite.
May 13, 2009
This post was written under the influence of too much caffeine and too little sleep. Bumpy ride ahead.
It began within 2.3 seconds of coming out to my friends and family. From that very second through these past twelve years I’ve been accountable for every word and action of every gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered person who has ever lived, breathed, or burped and let me just say right here and now, you people need to get your stuff together because I’m tired of answering for you!
This random topic recently popped up into my semi-consciousness in response to the mayhem that’s taken place around the Miss USA Pageant and the comments made by Carrie Prejean (Miss California) against marriage equality. Okay. First things first. I would never have believed in my life time I’d be blogging about anything related to something I find less worth the time of day than a beauty pageant. Maybe when they come up with one that looks more on the character and integrity of the contestants than on their breasts I’ll give a rip but until then I find the entire concept an offense for what it sets up in the minds of young children; that being that external beauty is a something to be compared, judged, and rewarded. As if young people don’t have enough assaulting their self-worth to begin with but hey, if you disagree with what I’m saying then just write it off as coming from a former fat kid and lesbian. And don’t think for a millisecond I don’t know that what I just wrote will fuel the flame on what constitutes a typical lesbian for some folks but just for the record, I do shave my underarms, I do have fond feelings for men, and I do not have nor have I ever had or will I ever have my hair cut in a mullet.
Whew. Did you feel my energy on that one? Okay. Let me take this back a notch to the point of this post anyway and I’m pretty sure we’ll find a point if we all commit ourselves to looking closely for it.
So the other night I was chatting with a group of practicing heterosexuals when the topic of the Miss USA pageant came up at which time the conversation took an all too familiar turn at the corner of “I’m the Only Queer in the Room Avenue.” I braced just in time to spare myself a nasty case of whiplash.
I can’t believe how the gays have gone off on Miss California for just saying what she believes. Gay people are always shouting about tolerance and acceptance but they’re the first to jump on anyone who says something that doesn’t support what they want. That woman was asked a question that she answered honestly and she’s taken nothing but abuse ever since and she doesn’t deserve any of it. So do you agree with them? Don’t tell me you’re going to defend them!
For the sake of being perfectly clear let me reiterate, I am not every gay person in the world. I have not been elected, nor did I ever seek nomination as the official spokesperson and public defender for all GLBTQ people. We gay people do not secretly gather in the catacombs of the top seven major U.S. cities to formulate and agree upon a united response to every issue that touches our lives. Gay men do not call me to seek my approval on whether bottomless leather chaps are appropriate attire for public viewing. I did not write, edit, or collaborate on the scattered signage at GLBTQ actions that named Prop 8 supporters as haters and homophobes. I’m not the executive consultant for all queer bloggers, personalities, gay rights organizations and pride committees around the nation. I’m me. I’m queer. Party of one, your table is waiting.
But despite all that, once again I was put in the position to answer for the behaviors and reactions of every queer who weighed in on this little media melodrama. Oh well, since I’ve already had to answer for every bare-breasted dyke and bare-bottomed gay man who’s ever marched in a gay pride parade, and for every gay person whose ridiculed the church and mocked Christianity then okay, I’m game. Bring it on.
Let’s look at the scoreboard in the Miss California train wreck.
- Carrie Prejean responded to Hilton’s question on gay marriage at the Miss USA pageant by saying, “I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.”
- I don’t think her answer was any less appropriate in the context of a beauty pageant than having the question asked in the first place. It would make far more sense to ask pageant contestants their opinion on hair conditioners or low-carb versus low-fat diets than to ask emotionally-charged questions that are on the politically forefront.
- I don’t think her answer was any less appropriate in the context of a beauty pageant than having the question asked in the first place. It would make far more sense to ask pageant contestants their opinion on hair conditioners or low-carb versus low-fat diets than to ask emotionally-charged questions that are on the politically forefront.
- Within hours of the pageant Perez Hilton posted a two minute video where he raved and ranted about her answer and called her out as a “dumb bitch.”
- Obviously I don’t agree with Prejean’s view on marriage equality but the question was asked and therefore she had every right to answer it honestly and I suspect the reason the question was asked by Hilton in the first place was less to judge her ability for public speaking than to create an opportunity to enrich his own cyber-celebrity status. While her answer was ultimately hurtful to queer people and to their families and allies, his words were directly mean and intended to be so. Not nice.
- Obviously I don’t agree with Prejean’s view on marriage equality but the question was asked and therefore she had every right to answer it honestly and I suspect the reason the question was asked by Hilton in the first place was less to judge her ability for public speaking than to create an opportunity to enrich his own cyber-celebrity status. While her answer was ultimately hurtful to queer people and to their families and allies, his words were directly mean and intended to be so. Not nice.
- Carrie Prejean goes on a few days later to produce an anti-gay marriage commercial sponsored by the National Organization for Marriage.
- In her role as Miss California she is to represent the state of California and not a mere 52 percent of the voting population. She crossed the line in using her crown and public platform in a way that added to the divisive tone of this issue within our state and the nation by joining with NOM for this commercial. I would rather see Miss California stay with public service announcements that would bring attention to any number of meaningful charitable causes that could enrich and save lives.
- A number of queer blogs and mainstream news sources personalities respond to her commercial with open hostility and intolerance.
- While I understand people’s frustration with her actions and the untruths that serve as foundation to NOM’s campaign against marriage equality, what do we gain by heaping intolerance upon intolerance? When does name-calling and snarky remarks ever bring understanding and advance our cause? And besides, the more marriage equality minded people react to all this, the longer Miss California will stay in the media spotlight. We would do the cause a far greater service to use all this energy in educating society and sharing our lives with openness and integrity.
- While I understand people’s frustration with her actions and the untruths that serve as foundation to NOM’s campaign against marriage equality, what do we gain by heaping intolerance upon intolerance? When does name-calling and snarky remarks ever bring understanding and advance our cause? And besides, the more marriage equality minded people react to all this, the longer Miss California will stay in the media spotlight. We would do the cause a far greater service to use all this energy in educating society and sharing our lives with openness and integrity.
- Immediately on the heels of Prejean’s participation in an anti-gay marriage commerical semi-naked photos are released on the internet and everyone goes off the charts crazy!
- The photos were an indiscretion from her past. She was young and she wanted to break into modeling. Whatever. That she lied about the existence of such photos when signing the legal contract for the Miss USA Pageant is another matter but that the woman opposes same-sex marriage based on the argument of traditional marriage and then that others attempt to invalidate her position as hypocrisy based on the photos is oranges and apples. Were she found to have had an affair with a married man then you have oranges and oranges. Besides, I’m far less concerned by the revelation of her photos than by the sneers and gloating of those who seem to relish her fall from grace. Really. It’s troubling all the way around anytime anyone takes delight in someone else getting caught up in their mistakes or sin.
- The photos were an indiscretion from her past. She was young and she wanted to break into modeling. Whatever. That she lied about the existence of such photos when signing the legal contract for the Miss USA Pageant is another matter but that the woman opposes same-sex marriage based on the argument of traditional marriage and then that others attempt to invalidate her position as hypocrisy based on the photos is oranges and apples. Were she found to have had an affair with a married man then you have oranges and oranges. Besides, I’m far less concerned by the revelation of her photos than by the sneers and gloating of those who seem to relish her fall from grace. Really. It’s troubling all the way around anytime anyone takes delight in someone else getting caught up in their mistakes or sin.
- In a recent conversation with James Dobson, when asked why she gave the answer she did at the pageant, Prejean answered in part, “. . . I felt as though Satan was trying to tempt me in asking me this question. And then God was in my head and in my heart saying, “Do not compromise this. You need to stand up for me and you need to share with all these people . . . you need to witness to them and you need to show that you’re not willing to compromise that for this title of Miss USA.”
- Any of us raised in conservative Christianity understand what she’s saying because it’s the mainstay of conservative teaching; that anyone who holds a different view has compromised their true values and anytime your convictions are confronted or questioned it’s an attack by Satan which makes your stand all the more righteous. It’s heartbreaking to know that genuinely good people believe such things and that other people and groups of people are dismissed because of it. This is the very reason we need to remain in the conversation and share the convictions of our faith and lives with honest reflection and respect.
So that’s my reaction to this whole mess if anyone cares. Again, a whole lot of coffee and far too little sleep.
Now girls, go put your tops back on and boys, for cryin’ out loud get some pants with a back side on them.
Thank you.
Posted in News and Events
May 13th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Well put, Anita, as usual. Her “response” in the form of a press conference was, as you wrote, incredibly painful to watch. I actually made it though 4 minutes before I couldn’t do it any more. Wow is all. Goodness. This needs to go away.
In the meantime, as you wrote, sometimes the best response is none at all.
This debacle brings to mind, in light of your dubious honor of being “representative of all gayness, strange and wide,” of a brilliant piece in The Advocate James Kurchick wrote in March, called “Play Nice, Folks.”
http://www.advocate.com/issue_story_ektid71814.asp
May 13th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
ok that video was painful… are you serious? does someone really talk like that? oh my!! LOL I couldn’t make it all the way through either . Oh and the mullet comment totally made me laugh out loud.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Joni–>As you can see, the video has been removed because I, ever the vigilant spotter of spams, spoofs, and frauds, got suckered with that video. It was indeed a spoof which I fortunately discovered when I started watching it again and thought to myself “Hey, that doesn’t actually look like Prejean!” My bad.
May 13th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Ugh. Miss California, Perez Hilton, naked photos, James Dobson: ugh! Ugh! Ugh!!
I’m sorry that you had to play THE gay person, and sorrier still that you were in the company of “practicing heterosexuals” (ha!) who put you on the spot about a story that should have died the moment Prejean sashayed off the stage. She’s not the first beauty pageant contestant to be openly homophobic (Anita Bryant was Miss Oklahoma before she became the OJ Lady), and she deserves no further attention.
But the more pressing question for you, and I’m expecting complete honesty: which is more painful for you to blog about–beauty pageants or football??
And I’m holding all of you folks in California in my prayers as you await the Prop. 8 decision.
May 13th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Hi Anita,
I may be one of the ones whose comments about all of this you don’t like. I agree that the question should never have been asked. It seemed unfair to ask such a loaded question. And, the mean comments about her should never have been put up on P.H.’s site. I’m with you all the way on that.
What I don’t get is how she jumped immediately into an “I have to save marriage” role, and she’s been on a whirlwind tour of tv interviews, talk shows and has been in an ad. That was not within the job requirements of her Miss California title. The fact that she’s hired a publicist (or PR person?), who also works with big-name religious people who are anti-gay, just seems wrong.
If she wants to be the “save marriage” spokesperson, she should give up the crown and take that job. If she wants to still be Miss California, she should stop the other work and focus on doing good as a beauty queen should. I do not think she was wrong to speak from the heart when she answered a question that should never have been asked. But, I do think that she has been wrong to do all the ‘marriage’ work she’s done since then. She needs to choose which job she wants, representative of the state of CA as their reining queen, and do the expected good deeds and volunteer work, or, she should choose to be a full-time “save marriage” spokesperson and quietly dismiss herself from the beauty pagent world.
She’s too smooth for me to think this isn’t at least partly about personal ambition and promoting her own career. She may truly believe that she is speaking for God. If so, maybe she’s just being passionate about something she believes. But, it certainly looks like she’s positioning herself to be in line for lucrative deals and career opportunities.
Oh, one more thing. One reason I’m no longer letting her off the hook is that I do not believe those photos were shot when she was 17. I do understand that she might have felt the need to have a portfolio when she was starting out, but I question the need for photos like that. And, more recent photos of her partying with people don’t suggest that she is living a quiet or conservative lifestyle.
It offends me when people use God or Christianity as their defense, and claim to be persecuted for being Christians, when people call them out for bad behavior. She’s not being persecuted for being a Christian. She’s being called out for lying and engaging in activities that directly contradict her appointed role as California’s chosen beauty queen. She should have to choose whether she wants to wear that crown and have the title or be an “I have to save marriage,” activist.
May 13th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Deb–> I nod my head to everything you said and even if I didn’t all that you say would still be welcomed here. I hope you know that. Yes, it’s fair that she answered the question based on her convictions when it was put to her but I don’t defend that she has continued to make public media statements, appeared on conservative talk shows and Christian television and made commercials all reflecting a strong anti-marriage equality stance when 48 % of the people from her state don’t agree and she represents our state as Miss California. hose are two really different things in my mind, and really…to put this in perspective the woman is a beauty contestant. She should never have been given this public platform and yet much of what provided it for her is the fervent objection and reaction she elicited. In listening this afternoon to her public statement made when she appeared with Donal Trump, I walked away with two things in what she said that I find painfully ironic. First, she charged Perez Hilton with self-interest in the question he asked. While I agree with her, it seems at this point she’s only doing the same. Secondly she became incredibly emotional over feeling that she was being attacked for doing nothing more than exercising her right to free speech and that she would continue to speak and defend the freedoms that we all enjoy. It’s hard to understand how she can’t see that those are the very issues that are behind our desire for marriage equality; that all people in this nation might in reality, not just in an ideal or rhetoric, participate in the freedoms that we all enjoy.
May 13th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Susan–> I agree. This whole thing has blown way out of proportion. How do we know this? Anita blogged about a beauty contestant. Sure sign that this is all spiraling down hill. As to blogging about football, how can I blog about something of which I know nothing about? That’s the game where men carry a squished ball across a field and then slap each other on the butt, right?
May 13th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Boy Anita, I’d sure hate to see you when you’re really cranky!
Honestly though, I’m so appreciative of your candor and willingness to speak your mind and say just that — it’s YOUR mind — not everyone else’s.
I don’t like being lumped into any group, be it lesbian, a teacher, Presbyterian — anything. I am who I am, and I just don’t fit into a box. And it saddens me to see that people continue to try and box us so they can justify their prejudices. (And yes, there are prejudices against teachers — ask me what I hear about my vacation time!)
Anyway, thanks!
May 13th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
You know nothing about football, how is that possible? If you ever come to Nebraska, please don’t mention that outloud to anyone, or I’ll have to take responsibility for all the California Lesbians who know nothing about the one sport we talk about year round.
I totally agree with everything said, its time to end all the hype over this comment. And, she is totally “trumping” this up to get ahead in her career. Let’s see her for who she is, a young girl totally wanting to get ahead.
May 13th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
TDK—>Nebraska? Football? Go Huskers!!!
I had to look that up on the internet. Thank you Wikipedia.
May 14th, 2009 at 4:26 am
Anita, I posted Carrie Prejean: Anita Bryant for the New Millennium a few hours before you posted this. I commented and posted links to the parody and the real press conference speeches. That’s why I thought maybe I was one of the ones whose words you disagreed with.
After I saw this post, and left my long comment, I put up a link to this post on my post. In my post, I described her Trump-approved-press-conference as self-serving and nauseating, partly because of things mentioned here (calling P.H. self-promoting while doing the very same thing, and talking about “freedoms we all enjoy” while totally missing the point that she is on a mission to keep same-sex couples from having the same freedoms she enjoys). That’s why I liked the parody press conference speech better than the real one. It was closed caption or interpretive dance for the Prejean speech.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:53 am
Deb–> Ah, it makes sense then that would might have thiught my post had been in reference to your own. As it were hadn’t seen your post prior to mine, but had started writing this one a couple days ago while waiting at the airport for a flight home and only just finished it yesterday which is when it was posted. The other commentaries that had motivated part of what I wrote were primarily from the queer sites I follow that offer their slant on current events that touch on GLBTQ issues. That said, that we both independently took offense to the whole emphasis on “the freedoms we all enjoy” goes a long way in saying how painfully offensive such comments are to any and all those who are for the time-being without them.
Now I have to end this comment so I can get over to your blog and read your thoughts on the whole matter!
May 14th, 2009 at 6:23 am
Deb–> As I just commented over at your blog I only wish I’d seen yours first given that I saw the spoof over on another site and took it as the real thing! Had I seen your first it wouldn’t have been one that I took issue with because there’s NOTHING wrong from my perspective in speaking truth to this whole mess and while you spoke directly to some of the same points as others I’ve read it was more about truth-telling than about finding a way to be as demeaning as possible as some others have tended to do.
May 14th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I was very interested in reading what you had to say on this issue- one, b/c I respect you & two- I know we don’t see eye to eye on the subject of same sex marriage. I would have been one of ‘those’ that would have asked your opinion b/c you are part of the GLBTQ, but I certainly wouldn’t hold you accountable for every single GLBTQ out there. I would have just wanted to know how you felt on it- if anything at all.
Anyways, I’m rambling, but thank you for posting about the issue. I’m sorry that people put you in a spot to defend GLBTQ.. just like I could never answer for every single straight person.
Only other thing I wanted to say was to Susan up above.. just b/c Ms. Prejean believes in one man & one woman.. doesn’t make her a homophobe. I believe the same as she does, but I’m certainly not afraid of any GLBTQ. Like you- Anita.. I wanna be someone that stands in the gap & loves everyone.. whether I agree w/ them or not- & not agreeing doesn’t make me or Ms. Prejean a homophobe. Lets stop the cheap shots.. on all sides.
May 14th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
“on what constitutes a typical lesbian for some folks but just for the record, I do shave my underarms, I do have fond feelings for men, and I do not have nor have I ever had or will I ever have my hair cut in a mullet.”
Uh Oh – I am supposed to shave my underarms?! wooo.
Peace.
May 14th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Thanks, Anita.
My wish is to treat all with respect, even as I sometimes strongly disagree. A repeating theme for me, something I strongly believe, is that we (humans) are all more alike than we are different. If we can find how we are alike, it makes it easier to accept how we are different.
There is one person I know here who is about as Bill O’ and Rush as I am Keith O and Rachel M. We’re just about opposite in what we believe and what we think we need in this country. But, we like each other and respect each other. So, we focus on what we enjoy about each other.
It is too easy to break relationships when we focus on how we are different. I have experienced that, too. I prefer not to have relationships end because of political differences. It’s a waste and brings no value to either of our lives or the world we share.
May 14th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Em–> You said several things in your comment I want to spend a little time with before I respond and when I do, hopefully tomorrow and if not, by the first of next week, I’d like to take it to a blog post rather than leave here because I think the issues you raised are important and I want to be sure the conversation wouldn’t be lost here. I really appreciate you jumping in Em. It’s a bit of the full circle for me and there’s a part of that I treasure deeply.
May 14th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
jrc–> Boy, I hope everyone knows I was being totally tongue-in-cheek on all that. As to your underarms, if you don’t shave, at least braid.
May 14th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Deb–>Again, I’m nodding my head like a bobblehead. When dealing with folks online and just in my general blogging, I go back and forth at knowing just how much to say in terms of my offense and passionate objections of those words, actions and mis-truths that I know are causing harm to many in our community and where to let it go for the sake of bridge building. The line between respectful dialogue and fed-up confrontation is sometimes blurry for me. But like you, when it comes to those people in my immediate life we’ve found a way to navigate around the differences for the sake of the meaningful relationships we share otherwise. We’re all just figuring this out as we go….
May 15th, 2009 at 10:15 am
No sweat Anita.
Its all about open communication.. & I appreciate that you’ve always been available.. I think sometimes we get lost in our own opinions or lack of understanding- I know I do. Also, for you to be someone thats had such a key role in my life.. one that I still very much admire & look up to even if I may not agree on EVERYTHING w/ you. You are very much loved.