More Jesus, Less Religion
January 7, 2009
Here I am, sitting at the best table in the house at my preferred “Mommy and Me Free” Starbucks with K.D. Lang crooning “Pullin’ Back the Reins” in that sultry voice of hers while I blog away with an iced espresso within reach. The moment is so right and good I’m having heart palpitations. If it gets better than this, don’t tell me. I might swoon.
I’m hoping the first few days of the new year are going just as good for you. Seriously, I do. And if not, if the year has already felt like a bust, then hang in there my friend. God is faithful and will see you through to the other side. In the meantime reach out to someone you trust and share what’s going on in your life so others can have a chance to give you the support and encouragement you need and deserve. You are loved. You are the beloved. Redemption can be found in any circumstance when our hope is in the One who redeems all things. If I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’.
In my recent New Year’s Resolutions post I listed a couple general commitments I had for the year; pursuing a more healthy lifestyle, turning up the volume on the love and grace of God, translating the Leaning Tower of Post-its into a book, centering my spiritual life in the God known through the Jesus of the Gospels, and cleaning the cat litter box everyday. On the last one, I’ve already failed. Miserably. My most sincere apologies to my Beloved who knows better than anyone that I’m a work in progress.
But it’s not the cat litter box I wanted to blog about today, despite the disappointment this might cause some of you. Instead I want to explain a little more about what I meant when I said
I resolve to know the God of Jesus more intimately by directing all my Scripture reading, meditation, and study in 2009 on the Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke) exclusively, with the exception of occasional forays into the Psalms because there are days when a girl just needs a Psalm to carry her through. No Pentateuch, Prophets, or Paul. Just Jesus. All year long.
A book I ordered from Amazon arrived yesterday; a book I bought for no other reason than the title grabbed me. I’d never heard of the book before Amazon recommended it to me personally and I don’t know anything about the authors. I can’t even guarantee it won’t eventually end up among the pile of books I’ve never read that only serve to dupe those who gaze upon my crammed bookshelves of my profound spiritual depth and intellect. That false illusion alone is worth the cost of packing and shipping.
The book is entitled “More of Jesus, Less Religion: Moving from Rules to Relationship.” Whether it’s a great book, a mediocre book, or a painfully miserable read doesn’t matter to me. It’s the title that ultimately set me back $10.39 plus shipping and handling.
Without knowing it most of my faith journey has been spent traveling the wide path of Religion but I’m done. I’m so over all the trappings of religion I can’t even tell you, so I’m taking the fork in the road. The one just up there on the left. Do you see it? There use to be a trail sign at the fork but it was torn down so many times that nothing remains of it aside from a few wood splinters scattered around among the ground cover. Folks keep knocking the sign down so others who follow them will stay on the same old path meandering to the right. The only thing the people following them don’t know is that if they keep following the wider path on the right they’re eventually going to end up right back here all over again. You see, the path to the right takes them in a circle. Nothing will ever change on that path. The view will always be the same. Same trees. Same brook. Same jumble of scrubs and stumps. The only thing that will ever change if they stay on the path long enough their feet will eventually stumble into the well-worn rut made by countless other travelers. Those grooves have worn so deeply into the ground that they serve to guide the traveler’s foot steps so that in time they’ll even learn to walk and stay on course with their eyes shut tight.
I spent the first half of my life on that road and never considered leaving it because I didn’t know there were any other paths. It’s not that I didn’t know about the fork in the road. I was just led to believe that because everyone I loved and admired was on the same path it was the only right one and I should stay there too. So I followed the trail without questioning and sometimes I closed my eyes as I walked, not only because the ruts guided my steps but because what was on the side of the road often became too painful to see and impossible to explain. The tall shadowing trees that lined the well-worn path were the same, season in and season out, but occasionally near one of those trees, buried under the decaying damp forest undergrowth I could make out distant human shapes and hear the sound of weeping coming from their direction. In the beginning others walking in front of me seeing what I saw would say, “Keep walking. Don’t feel sorry for them. They tripped and stumbled off the road and are the only ones to blame,” and other times those behind me would lean forward whispering in my ear, “Keep walking. You’re just imagining things. Nothing is really there. Just pay attention and stay on the trail.” And so I did. With my feet held firm in the ruts guiding embrace I keep moving ahead, most often with my eyes closed to what was all around me; to the wounded souls and damaged lives lurking in the shadows of the familiar towering trees just off the perimeter of the trail.
And then something happened. I tripped and nearly fell but before I tumbled to the ground I righted myself and continued on, only now instead of following along in the foot wide rut I was walking outside of it on the loose soil covering the rest of the trail. My stumbling and near fall had forced me out of the worn-down narrow rut and I would have stepped back down inside it where I’d been before but none of the others there would make space for me to enter back in. As time passed I saw a few people hesitate, slowly their step as if they intended to let me in until the one walking behind them nudged them on while saying “Keep your eyes on the path and don’t slow down. You’re only imagining things. No one is really there.”
Ever since coming out as a lesbian I’ve been walking, more or less, on the same path but outside of the rut where I’ve had more freedom to move and wander in the wide open space of the trail’s width. I would never have thought to leave that familiar path but a problem appeared when I stepped outside the guiding groove. I had to walk with my eyes and ears open and what I ended up seeing was the path’s direction was determined, not by the Spirit of God but by organized religion, institutionalized church and a packaged brand of American Christianity that most days seems to have abandoned Jesus’ teachings for ones of their own design. And it’s a path littered on both sides with those who have been brokenhearted, damaged and disillusioned by the path and those who travel it with the most earnest zeal. I’m no longer able to turn my eyes from seeing and my heart from believing all the wounded lives and harm done in the shadow of the trees. I weep to consider it all and I know I’m not weeping alone.
So this is my year to walk a new path, to take the fork in the road; not away from God but away from name – brand Christianity, a Christianity that has become a distraction and obstacle to experiencing an authentic encounter with God and engaging in a life of radical grace and love that was and remains the watermark of the earthly life of Jesus, the Son of God.
During this year I’m choosing to no longer self-identify as a Christian but as a follower of Jesus. Before the early Christians were known as Christians they were called the People of the Way. This year I want to experience more of God by following Jesus’ Way alone. I’m tired of a God formed in the factory of theological academia and religious dogma. I want to discover with fresh eyes and a new heart the God of Jesus. I want to deepen my relationship with Jesus’ Abba God, to fall into the deep waters of the Spirit and come out renewed and changed. This means that for this year, while I will continue as always to honor the Bible in its entirety as sacred to my life and faith, I will limit all my reading, study and reflection on the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke and on those historical and contemporary theologians who hold the Gospel central to their teaching. And finally, this year I will continue to love and serve the congregation where I am, not because of the denomination they belong to but because of who they are as individuals and a community. My commitment will be to a gathering of people of faith rather than to the Church with a capital C.
More of Jesus. Less Religion. That’s all I’m talking about. That’s all I want. What about you? Are you huddled wounded under the shadow of a towering tree? Are you tired of following the same road but too fearful to leave it? Care to join me in turning left at the fork or have you already ventured down the road of Jesus’ Way?
Posted in Christian Living and Faith, Faith
Sweet Hope Cookies
January 7th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
WooHoo!!!!! Loved this… yes yes yes!!! Authenticity!!!!!
I’ve turned left, indeed… and there’s no going back for me. In this wide open place I see all that I was missing when my walk and my gaze was limited and stagnant. I left that path that my feet had grooved out about three years ago and I cannot imagine going back.
I too only want Jesus… not religion. I want to live authentically before Him and walk in love and grace. I too want to know HIM above all else. I too have committed my year to things that are very similar to yours. Made me laugh when I read yours after I’d written mine in my journal. Ah our hearts desire a lot of the same things. I too want to focus on what’s “written in red” .. which means, what Jesus said.
Wide open place, that’s where He met me. My Abba in a wide open place. I love that you’ve turned left AC!! The fruit of that turn has blessed my life over and over. Thank you.
January 7th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Good for you!! And an interesting turn to read that you are taking…especially after a conversation I had with one of my Pagan friends today who became Pagan after being raised in Roman Catholicism. As she explains her religious practice, she feels much of what she does is more similar to way the early Christians prayed and worshipped than what we have now. And, given the prevalence of pagan religions around at the start of Christianity, I am imagine that is true.
I think that God (Jesus) is still speaking within the walls of theological academia and institutionalized churches. Whether we the laity…and our leadership the ministers…hear it is another thing entirely. Read on…and keep writing!!
January 7th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Susan–> Be assured I have no plans on venturing outside of Christianity. While there are many faiths equally devoted to seeking God and a life of the spirit, this is the place, the only place, where I’ve chosen to dig my well. It’s only that I want to refocus on what Christianity was originally centered in; the life and teachings of Jesus. I’ve spent my life with a vision distracted by all the things that were meant to lift up the Good News that in the end seemed to ultimately diminish and even drowned it out. I want nothing more or less than in my personal faith journey to go back to the source. That’s all I’m saying for all my words. As to theological academia, like you’ve I’ve been there and I appreciate it while at the same time my experience was that it has the potential to do more to bring division than unity. So many thoughtfully develop their theological perspectives only to use them to judge all the others. As to the church, I believe in the faithfulness and goodness of local congregations but I have little hope remaining for the wider institutionalized church. I’ve seen and experienced too much in my years of ministry within church structures to not come away concluding that the harm done in the name of the church often outweighs it’s collective good. I know this sounds cynical but regrettably and painfully in regards to the institutionalized church that’s where I am today. Perhaps my hope will be restored one day. Anything is possible, nu?
January 7th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
“More of Jesus. Less Religion. That’s all I’m talking about. That’s all I want.”
I’m there with ya.
January 7th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Thank you. This resonates with me today in a way that I know is God speaking to my heart. Thank you.
January 7th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Amen. I am right behind you. I needed this. I feel like I am going through a divorce as I come out of my religious fog and begin my life anew identifying as a lesbian. Thank you. I just might dust off my Bible and return to the Jesus I know is there…here.
January 7th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Stephanie–> Glad to have you along!
Carmen–> I’m glad you and a few others connected with this. It’s nice to not be alone on the journey.
GW–> I know that fog well. And truly it is a new life, and the past gave us some things that will carry us through and other things we need to leave behind. And you’re right. Jesus is there…and here.
January 7th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Hey Anita,
I once heard a Christian theologian say, “If Paul had known that people were going to base theology off of his letters, he would have taken more care when writing them.”
Which made me think ….
Basing theology off of Paul’s letters is like basing American jurisprudence off of Thomas Jefferson’s letters to John Adams.
No?
January 8th, 2009 at 1:05 am
This resonated with me as well. My focus for 2009 is to meet with God as He is with no agenda. Just to experience Him for who He is.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:18 am
Oh my… I feel like I could have written large chunks of this post myself. And yes, I dearly want to follow Jesus, without all the American Christian cultural baggage that I’ve been dragging around with me for years and years. (That said, I know I’ll never be able to ditch all of it, because I’m American – gotta be realistic here!)
Where I’m at right now: just wanting to sit quietly in a church, when nobody else is there, to pray, think, and read. I’ve been badly burned by organized religion and am only just coming to the point where I genuinely want to start doing a bit of looking around for an actual church. But once burned, twice shy.
However, were I to find a place where the love of Christ was truly demonstrated on a regular basis, I might just stick around.
January 8th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Anything is possible, nu?
Ha! I love that you used “nu”! And absolutely: because, with God, nothing is IMpossible. I hope you didn’t think I was suggesting that you were on your way to paganism. I just thought your post was very interesting in light of the conversation I had had earlier in the day with another person. However anyone of us pursues a relationship with this great I AM is a good thing. And I keep thinking that the God of us all is probably delighted that we care enough to be in relationship. Seems from all I have read (and am reading) that’s what God’s been after from the start.
January 8th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
YES! is my first reaction! Exactly is my second. This is what I have been hoping for and in my heart what I strive for. May it be so ever more in my life in 2009!
January 9th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I must admit that I am scared to actually begin a new relationship with Jesus. I left my very conservative church almost 3 years ago, and I have rarely been to church since. I still pray on occasion, and I am an out-lesbian with a fiance, and we live together. The thing I am most scared about is that Jesus is going to tell me that I am sinning and am going to Hell unless I repent (which was drilled into my head at my former church about being a lesbian). I love my fiance and I am thrilled to marry her this December, but that is my true fear, my exposed fear. (Although I have prayed and talked to God in the last three years and I felt that God told me that it’s okay to be a lesbian and He made me this way and Stacey is my GIFT!…i’m still scared). Please help!
January 9th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Megan–> So many others like you and I, coming from a conservative christian tradition have struggled with that very concern. I understand your feelings, I really do. I’d only encourage you to return to the Jesus of the Gospels who isn’t often the Jesus portrayed in some churches. Megan, I don’t think there’s any story of Jesus in the Gospels when he treated someone with the severity and judgment you fear he’ll show to you. Can I suggest something? My thought is that the fear you have is confusing Jesus with the church. Yes, there are plenty of people in the church who have no problem telling you being gay is a sin and that you’re going to hell unless you repent. You’ve heard that all your life inside the church, how homosexuality is sin, God hates sin, sinners go to hell… That’s not Jesus teaching Megan. Look at the parables, read through his words. Try to put aside what others are telling you and listen to your heart as you read the stories of Jesus and his words about the love of Abba God for all. You said you believe God has told you it’s okay to be a lesbian. Can you trust God’s Spirit to speak to you? Can you trust yourself to hear? Megan I hope the peace that passes all understanding will free you to fall face first into the love and acceptance of God so that you can celebrate who you are in God and the gift of love given to you in Stacey. Keep coming back. We’re glad to have you among us
January 11th, 2009 at 4:45 am
I read your words through blurriness because it just brought me to tears, yet I see it so clearly. My relationship with God has suffered because I feel a lonliness and isolation as a lesbian, and I have had it in my head that this is my just reward for being gay. I guess I have the same old “teachings” echoing in my mind as others do. I appreciate you sharing your new path with us. I am going to try to join you there. Jesus is my first love and I definitely want to be close to him, and maybe as I get closer I will not be so afraid. I wish it were possible to receive a hug through a computer. Thanks.
January 11th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Nancy–> The hug was gratefully received! Many of us in first coming to terms with our sexuality felt we had to “settle” for something less because that’s all we deserved. It can take a long time to peel through the layers of internal homophobia and drop the baggage of unnecessary guilt we learned to carry. I hope you can put aside all the extra stuff and center yourself fully in Jesus your first love and as you do find comfort in how often it was that Jesus said the words you most need to hear….”Fear not.” So glad you found this place!
January 14th, 2009 at 11:52 am
I love this post! What a great reminder that it’s possible to love Jesus even while self-proclaimed “Christians” seem to make it so hard to love our neighbors.
Thank you!!
September 15th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Anita what did you think of this book, now that you have had a chance to read it?
September 15th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Sarah –> I picked the book up on several occasions but it just hooked my attention long enough for me to get past the first few pages.
September 17th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
I have a book like that by Piper. I think it will hook me fully when I am ready for the message of it. Thanks for everything that you have spoken here in this article as well as everywhere else. Its refreshing to read these ideas and let them inform my own dance