No Likey the Matchy Matchy
September 2, 2008
I’ll have another post up before the end of the day that will be another installment in our series on (queer) Christian Sexual Ethics, but until then I thought I’d show you what D and I will be wearing on Sunday, September 14, when we join with others from Marriage Equality USA for an equality march across the Golden Gate Bridge. I totally detest it when couples dress in matching clothing, particularly if it involves Hawaiian print of any kind, however for a worthy cause, I’m willing to put aside my fashion sense for the greater good. [To view a larger image click on the photos]
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Posted in News and Events
Sweet Hope Cookies
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
That is awesome! You go girls, march on!
We are cheering you all on!
September 2nd, 2008 at 3:36 pm
VERY, very clever! I love the play on the “protect marriage” theme! Way to go ladies! March on for all of us! May we all have full marriage rights someday!
September 2nd, 2008 at 5:52 pm
“We can’t afford another wedding”
hahaha! For what its worth I will be routing for you. Praying for you too. Although I’m not convinced God cares about the laws of government so much as he cares about the hearts of people. Does this mean you celebrate 3 wedding anniversaries?
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Steph and Wendy–> Thanks! We’ll march and take photos while we’re doing it!
Ric–> I don’t think God cares all the much about the laws of government either Ric though I think it well matters to him when there’s inequality anywhere because it affects not only the lives of those who are deprived of being treated as equal but it takes something away from those who stand in the place of privilege.
As to celebrating our anniversaries, we’ll always mark the second two weddings but the first anniversary is the big one that keeps Hallmark and the local florist in business. We also celebrate the anniversary of our first date, the anniversary of our first kiss, and the anniversary of our first none of your business. It seems a kind of common thing among queer folks to commemorate a long list of anniversary dates and special occasions. You straight married men have it easy buddy!
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Hey– I laughed out loud at the shirt! I think it’s great. I love the sanctity of marriage and “Honor your wedding vows.” Kind of along the lines of the bumper sticker I love – “Focus on Your Own Damn Family!” And we will be cheering you on.
Thinking about all the weddings, anniversaries, etc. — my wedding next summer won’t be legal, but we don’t really feel the need to go to Canada or California (assuming it will still be legal there!) to get married legally. It wouldn’t be recognized in South Carolina or Georgia anyway. I know a lot of people do want to go somewhere and make it legal, but I’m with Ric – I don’t think God cares that much what the government says about my marriage.
I think equality under the law is a separate issue – but an important one. If it ever becomes possible for us to get legally married, we will certainly do so. I try to do what I can in my mostly-closeted life to advocate for marriage rights and equality, but honestly, I think that here in the South, it’s going to have to come from the Supreme Court, kind of like desegregation. Maybe it will happen in my lifetime; I don’t know.
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I Love the tee’s I hope to wear one of my own someday. Till then, I am shouting out for you both. Wear those matching tee’s with pride. Oh and I understand what you mean about the anniversaries. The first day we talked, the first day we met, the first time we went out on a real date……..I think Lesbians keep the card and flower places in business
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Are they already trying to take it away from you again?
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:51 pm
DragonLady–> Yep. Proposition 8 that will be appearing on the November ballot seeks to amend the California constitution to state that marriage is between one man and one woman. This would mean the discontinuation of legal marriage for same-sex couples and those couples married since the California Supreme Court decision went into affect in June would be put in questionable jeopardy. You can learn more here.
Esther –> You’re right that until the state you live in recognizes legal marriage between same-sex couples, there’s little to be gained from traveling to a state or country where it is legal. I’m not sure how this is ultimately going to unfold; whether it’s going to be one state at a time until all 50 states provide marriage equality or if at some point marriage equality will be won at the federal level clearing the way for the remaining states to join in. I suspect like you, it will need to happen at the federal level for certain states to grudgingly give in as in the past. Whether in California, South Carolina, or Georgia, when you say “I do” and “I will” those are words of commitment God will hear and honor and a union of two hearts and lives that will bring joy to the One who holds you both in the palm of His/Her hand.
September 3rd, 2008 at 1:08 am
If I could, I would come march with you but since I can’t, I will pray that hundreds of people will come to take my place and that thousands of voters will see that they are wrong to deny you the same rights that they take for granted because it really is more than just marriage that we are talking about. I hope that you take lots of pics and post them for us who are not able to attend.
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:58 am
Anita (and all), I don’t want to be flippant about any of this, but i do absolutely *love* this line: I totally detest it when couples dress in matching clothing, particularly if it involves Hawaiian print of any kind…
Sums up my feelings about identical kid outfits and mother-daughter outfits and *so* much more! (FWIW, I don’t think matching slogan t-shirts are in the same league at all.
)
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I totally am with you on the matching outfits thing. And I really agree with e2tc that the matching T-shirts is in a different league altogether. To me it’s like identifying which team you are on! Go team Love, Honour and Justice!
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm
DragonLady–> I promise to take LOTS of photos to share with all of you, and yes, in your own way, all of you will be walking across the Bridge with D and I.
e2tc and Eliz–> Funny. Okay, so two Sundays ago D and I were racing around the house on a Sunday morning to get out the door in time for church. When we finally met in the garage and were backing out the car I looked over and noticed that D was wearing blue jeans and a light blue long sleeve cotton shirt from Eddie Bauer. I was wearing blue jeans and….sigh…a light blue long sleeve cotton shirt from Eddie Bauer. Had we not been running late I would have headed back into the car and changed my clothes. As it was we sat in different rows and pretended we didn’t know each other. (Okay, that was a lie but the rest was true.) At least it wasn’t Hawaiian print!
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:50 pm
anita -> Heeheehee!
September 4th, 2008 at 5:30 am
I was talking to my beloved this morning and she suggested that if the terminology was changed a bit, perhaps “they” would be more accepting. She thinks that the word “marriage” is the whole problem here. I would be just as happy to have a certificate that says we are legally bound no matter what it was called. The more I think on this, the more I think that she is right. It could be called simply a civil union of partnership as long as it gave me the same civil rights as heteros have about medical issues and inheritance and the likes and I would dance in the streets.
September 4th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
I don’t know why we shouldn’t be able to call it marriage… but at the same time, I do think that our civil rights need to be separate from religious rituals. I mean, each denomination, church, etc. should be free to bless or not bless same-sex unions, whatever they are called – but I think we should be able to have the same legal rights of any other couple!
September 4th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
DragonLady–> Hmmm….I understand “where you’re coming from” (forgive that gaggy expression), and I’ve reflected on it over the years as an option for myself as well, but in the end I don’t believe that “separate” can ever be equal but would always be less than. When you say “I’m married” or “she’s my spouse”, there’s an instant recognition of your relationship whether you’re talking to a home mortgage lender, medical personnel in an emergency room hospital, an insurance agent or the furniture department at Crate and Barrel. For me, I’m married and D is my spouse/wife. I just can’t use any other language for it and no other words could be added to society’s vocabulary that would suffice for me. Now, if the government got out of the marriage business altogether and everyone, gay and straight, were granted civil unions at the government level then fine, but as long as the government is involved then I want marriage equality under the law, fully accessible to all citizens. I do appreciate the view your beloved (and you) have reached though. It’s a very personal thing that we all have to settle for ourselves.
Esther–>That’s what I was just saying to DragonLady. Absolutely. If marriage were a strictly religious act then it would be left to every church to decide who they would and would not marry and all couples under the law could enter into civil unions. Which, of course, even should GLBTQ’s gain marriage equality under the law at the state or from my mouth to God’s ears federal level, it still wouldn’t infringe, nor should it, on the right of any church that chose to not marry same-sex couples.
September 4th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
But Anita if we can’t have the whole enchilada right away, wouldn’t it be better to get to lick the plate than to have nothing at all? I already know that you and Dana are married and I know that “Dunkan” and I are married. I am not nearly as concerned about what they call it as long as I have the same civil rights. I think that it would be better to get a foot in the door and then argue definitions later. I point at you for an example. This is the second time that you have been legally married to D and the second time that people are trying to take it away. I know that you family supports you and would more than likely honor all your wishes if you did or became incapacitated but then there are people like me with no living family and my partner is not allowed to make any decisions for me in a crisis. We were actually talking about hiring a lawyer just to be an advocate for me since no one recognizes her place in my life. Her mother is incapacitated and requires supervision 24/7. If something happens to “Dunkan”, they both go down the tubes because there are no other living relatives there either. We have to think about things that you don’t need to worry about. And as you said a while ago there is a guy here in CO who is determined that same sex marriage will never be legal here.
September 4th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
DragonLady–> I agree that “the rights” over “the name” are of primary importance. I realize D and I are blessed to leave where we live and have some of the advantages we enjoy. I really do know that and neither of us take that for granted. We’re only too aware that others have far more concerns than do we; concerns that affect their lives every single day. And so, for their security and protection, yes, I’d take civil union before marriage if civil union would be offered to us. But I just wouldn’t stop there.
Personally, I feel sick to my stomach every time I have to check “single” on my federal income tax forms, and I’d feel equally so to have to check “civil union” rather than “married” if both options were there on the form. I personally would never call my relationship with D anything less than a marriage.
Given all that, whether a gay couple is legally married in California at this moment or living in the most conservative corner of Wyoming, I’m convinced that both couples would be well-advised to contact an attorney and get all available documentation and protections in place (durable power of attorney, living trusts, health care directives, shared property properly designated, provisions for long-term health care, and financial planning to cover inheritance taxes if need be, etc.). Just so you know DragonLady, I assume nothing of how the future could look for D and I as a couple in an emergency. It’s really impossible to have any assurance of how people, even those you most love, will respond in a crisis. That’s not a judgment on anyone but just a reality of human nature in times of stress. We’ve been working on our own personal matters for years now and I’d really encourage you and Dunkin to follow up on your conversation about getting a lawyer…good plan!
Oh, and that guy in CO who is determined to keep gay couples from legal marriage in your state….well my dear, there were guys in Alabama and other states who had no intention of ever allowing segregation to be removed from their schools but fortunately, even the most zealous can’t hold justice off for ever.
September 5th, 2008 at 3:22 am
I have all the paperwork already done and on record at most of the hospitals within a 60 mile radius, at the doctor’s offices that I see (and most are in fairly large practices) on my refrigerator and in the pocket on the back of my wheelchair.
I did have a lawyer but he died last Dec. and I just didn’t think about getting another one until after i got hit by a car in June. Suddenly I need a lawyer of record again. I have one to represent me in the court case against the guy who hit me but his health is just as fragile as mine so I can’t count on him being alive if and when the need arises. It’s really the medical issues and insurance that concern me most right now. I had to lie on some papers and say that Dunkan was my sister at the advise of my attny. So I do know what you mean when you say that it makes you sick to check single on legal documents. Frank said that the lie was the best we could do unless or until the law is changed.
Separation of church and state is also a lie unless it involves a Nativity scene on government property. That guy yells about that too. He thinks that it is unconstitutional to ban the Nativity scene at the State Capital. I have no respect for him and will not name him in case google bots see it.
And then there is Fred from Kansas who comes here every year to celebrate Matthew’s murder. He will be here in just over a month shouting hate in the Name of Jesus. Do they not know that God is love? *sigh*
Oh well, I am going to try to focus on how cool all the mounted cops are when he is in town. The cops only mount up routinely during the rodeo and for Fred’s yearly visits. And maybe I will go spam up your forum some more. Sometimes it is the brightest spot in my day. I learned there that bears poop in the forest but that they don’t have rolls of toilet paper mounted on the trees. That really made me laugh.
September 5th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Just curious: how would you feel about the kind of setup used in some Scandinavian countries, where both gay and straight couples can have the same benefits/rights as married couples even if they’re not legally “married”? (Like Finland, for example.)
September 7th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
DragonLady–> While it must have been an incredible amount of work for you to get all those records in the official records, I really do applaud you for looking out for yourself like that and going to whatever measures are necessary for your protections. I just wish it could be different for the two of you and so many others like you and until that day, we just need to keep walking and working in that direction.
Yep. God is love seems a little obvious and yet so many seem so clueless and the only way I can get around those who seem to demonstrate so little of it is that they’ve failed to ever truly experience it for themselves.
e2tc–>I would feel that anything that would move same sex couples to greater equality under the law would be a step in the right direction.
September 8th, 2008 at 3:39 am
Registered Partnerships would be cool for me!
Anita how did that march go?
September 8th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Hey Girl–> It’s coming up this next Sunday morning. The matching shirts have arrived and the batteries on the camera are charged up. I’m ready!
September 8th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
anita -> I have a friend (straight) who is not a citizen of Finland, but was involved in a long-term partnership with a Finnish man. (She lived there at the time.) AFAIK, they also had an unmarried “partner” status that allowed them legal protections, health benefits, the whole 9 yards. (As if they had been married.) It seems fair – and ethical – to me to allow this for any couples (gay or straight). But I would have to ask her to be doubly sure about what, exactly, they were entitled to under the law.
September 8th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Hope you will post the photos! And I really, really hope this proposition is defeated.
September 8th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Oh sorry I already marched several times in my head and didn’t check the date. All the college students are back and causing mayhem in the neighborhood. The cute little gay guy at 7/11 got beaten up by some thugs because he wouldn’t sell them beer without ID. It is being called a hate crime. So if beating up Nick while calling him a fag is a crime that deserves special punishment, he should also have the same civil rights as the thugs!
September 8th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
e2tc–> Without doing research, I believe you’re right about equal rights in Finland (and in other parts of Scandinavia) for same sex couples as well as unmarried straight couples.
Esther–>I’m a photo bug so you can be sure of it, and yes, from your hopes to God’s ears!
DragonLady–> I’m taking it from what you wrote, and I hope it’s the case, that Nick is going to make a full physical recovery from being assaulted. I’m so sorry to hear it happened for whatever reason. I lived in a college town for four years and worked right near campus just off fraternity row… I’m convinced that testosterone and beer can be about as combustive as dynamite and an open flame. Sigh.
September 9th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Nick is fine. He is very busy playing drama queen and living up to all the stereo- types. He has really turned it up quite a bit. All of his friends are asking him to tone it down a bit but he has met several new guys because of the publicity. Nick is a happy boy (age 22). His friends are not happy though.
I gave him a long lecture on safety vs being out and I don’t think he heard a word. *sigh* I hope he lives to 32. Cops like him so they are stopping by more often.