Tomorrow D and I are heading over to San Francisco for our appointment at City Hall to hand over our cash and a completed application form in exchange for one state-recognized marriage license.
As an ordained member of the clergy I’ve officiated at several marriages over the past few years and one of the main behind the scene tasks for the officiant is to take charge of the marriage license. I’d take it from the couple at the rehearsal, bring it with me the next day to the wedding, gather the signatures from the bride and groom and witness(es), verify all the information to be correct and in the right color ink (black not blue), add my signature, and the day following the wedding send it off to the county recorder. The irony hasn’t been lost on me; that my signature on these marriage licenses was an essential component in legalizing the marriages and at the same time I couldn’t secure a legal marriage license for D and I. One of the many quirky realities that comes along with inequality but tomorrow that changes and that’s more than a good thing.
So the mini-wedding is on Sunday afternoon and if any of you living in the Bay area would like to attend, we’d be honored to have you join with us as we re-affirm our love and commitment to one another before God. Following the very brief ceremony we’ll be celebrating with friends, cake and other yummies. Just send an email to anita at sisterfriends-together.org (replace “at” with “@”) and I’ll send you a link to our evite page that gives all the details for the day.
Oh, and the little clay-headed lesbians above will be topping our wedding cake this Sunday as they did six years ago. They were crafted by Elayne, a friend from my Bible College days and replicated our original wedding outfits; D in her ravishing girlie-girl frock and I in my three piece Eileen Fisher pant suit. A dashing couple, thank you very much.
The beautiful D and her lucky-as-a-dog wife
UPDATE
When D and I went to San Francisco City Hall in 2004 to get married during the brief window of time that had been pried open for gay couples, the place was a mad house with crowds standing outside cheering, protesting and gawking and the line we waited in that day was like a joyously queer line at Disneyland, curving and winding through the basement of City Hall, up onto the main floor and down the corridors. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see a “If you aren’t as tall as this line, don’t expect to go on the ride!” sign at some point along the way.
Today was a whole different experience but no less incredible. There were no crowds outside or inside, just scattered couples, gay and straight, checking in for their appointments, filling out forms, or mingling around the hallways and taking in the moment. What a moment. The volunteer staff was delightful; all of them congratulatory and genuinely happy to be participating and everything was well organized, efficient and friendly. Thank you volunteers and City Hall officials, and Mayor Gavin Newsom, I could just pinch your cheeks, you handsome straight man you.
I took a few photos outside City Hall and in the breathtaking rotunda space (where we had our civil ceremony in 2004) and have them posted in an album at our Flickr account. San Francisco City Hall today but coming to a City Hall near you one day. Believe it!
Grace is the unfailing commitment to love all persons, regardless of their beliefs. Only grace makes it possible for those who believe differently to respect and relate to one another. Grace allows us to disagree, to challenge the damaging beliefs of others even as we are challenged and to do this without violating the autonomy and dignity of others. Grace empowers us to embrace deeply divergent convictions even as we embrace one another. We love one another as God loves us - graciously.
Max Lucado
Grace doesn’t have to be logical. If it was, it wouldn’t be grace.
Nicolas Berdyaev
True liberation comes through grace and not through free will.
Paul, the Apostle
By grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not our own doing, it is the gift of God - not because of works, lest any man should boast.
…..…..….…..…..…..…..…..…..….....What do you say? …..…..…...…..…...….A little friendly competition between the girls? …..…...…..…..…..…....….….…..…..…..…..Play. …..…...…..…..…………..….……..….Post your score.
For those receiving blog content through email subscription, a shockwave version of ASTEROIDS has been embedded in the space above. Come on over and play!
Now there’s a post title that gives you warm goose bumps from head to toe but really, after the comments following yesterday’s post I thought a little perspective was in order before I start buying into the saintly version of me I was starting to string together with your kind words. And besides, at some point D is going to look at your comments, look at me, look at your comments, look at me, and then crumble to the floor weakened by uncontrolled fits of laughter and so I need to nip this in the bud before I lose all credibility in my home.
The reason I say this is because on more than one occasion over the years D has watched me storm through the house, ranting and raving, furious over something I read in a forum, on a blog, in an email. She’s sat and listened while I’ve read out loud the inanely hateful ramblings of some nameless online knucklehead, pausing only long enough to interject a few equally caustic snide comebacks of my own. It’s not pretty, but that’s the real story. I’ve typed scathing emails and comments that have never been sent. I’ve rebuked people in a rage who haven’t been in the room. I’ve called people names under my breath in the solitude of my car. I’ve carried things in my heart a day too long against individuals and organizations who’ve spiritually bullied and vilified the life of another human being. And when it’s all done in the name of the Lord, don’t even get me started.
I have my stories and you have yours and I think there’d be something seriously wrong with us if we didn’t get red-faced angry over some of the things that have been said to us or about us in our lives. And whether we’re gay or straight, when we see another brother or sister (by that I mean any human being) being wounded by words of intolerance; when their character is assaulted and their faith demeaned, we should feel something boiling up within us. I have no problem envisioning a hopping mad Ghandi or a seething Martin Luther King Jr. I’m perfectly happy serving a Savior who has a temper tantrum in the temple court yard when financial gain sours true worship and the oppressed are kept at arm’s length from enjoying God’s presence. If calling it righteous indignation makes it all sound more holy then let’s go with that but by any name, anger over injustice and malice sends the message from our head to our toes that “something isn’t right here, something has to change,” and I’ve got to believe that when confronted by discrimination, inequality, poverty, oppression and violence, that message contributed in some part to the course of action taken by those like Ghandi, MLK Jr., Dorothy Day, and Bishop Oscar Romero.
Anger can also eat us alive, wear down our spirit, harden our hearts. We can hold onto it, turn it inward on ourselves or unleash it on people who had no part in it. The greatest tragedy of all is when we allow our anger to return like for like. We become like them. You hurt me. I hurt you. You cut deep. I’ll cut deeper. And the whole thing starts looking like the fight scene between Batman and the Penguin. Bap! Klonk! Whack! Thud! There are times when everything in me wants to Biff! Zap! Bam! Smack! and with fingers poised over the keyboards I prepare for battle with all the snide sarcasm I can muster, and then, for some reason that has little to do with my own intention, I find myself drawn to my happy place.
Whenever D or I get frustrated with a situation and start to become overwhelmed, the stable grounded one (usually D) will turn to the unhinged one who’s just about to step over the edge (usually me) and jokingly say, “Go to your happy place.” And so while stuck in a traffic jam I go in my mind to my happy place. I go to Disneyland, or the wide open ocean, or a bakery filled with just out of the oven overly-iced free cupcakes. And when I find myself becoming overwhelmed with anger, despair, or frustration over words of injustice and intolerance, my happy place is grace. I go to Galatians. I turn to Romans. I read a little Martin Luther or slap on my headphones and listen to another stumbling, bumbling sermon on grace by Jay Bakker.
When I take a minute to consider what Christ has done; that Jesus not only took on my sin, but became my sin; that never will God require a single sacrifice of me be worthy of his love because Jesus gave himself once and for all as a living and final sacrifice; that I’m made righteous by the righteousness of Christ and have been freed from the weight of the law to now live fully in God’s grace. . .when I allow the truth of grace to invade me, my heart becomes soft and pliable again. Not of my own doing but because of grace and grace alone.
And along with falling into the grace God extended to me in undeserved mercy and kindness, comes the recognition that this same grace has been equally given to the one who I want nothing more than to slap upside the head. Grace is a spoiler. It robs me of needing to have the final word; of paying back judgment with judgment; of saying with bigger words but no more maturity, “Well, same to you and more of it!” Grace sands down the rough edges of anger and pours cool water on the fire.
Once we allow grace to wash over us, then it, rather than our anger can control us. Now our words and actions are no longer motivated by getting revenge over wrongs done to us but we’re compelled instead to extend the grace that was given to us. The way I extend grace to the one who condemns and judges is to remain silent to their assault and instead to pour what grace I’ve been given toward those who’ve been wounded as a consequence of intolerance and bigotry. I think grace calls all of us to a different course of action. For some, the call is to pick up the banner and march ahead into the fray through non-violent resistance and advocacy work or to climb to the highest hill and declare the message of equality, tolerance and love in a voice that drowns out all the rest. For others of us, grace calls to us to crawl onto the battlefield and search out the wounded and the lost and quietly whisper in each ear, “God is with you. Justice is on it’s way.”
Whether we respond with words and deeds, or silence and stillness, if grace rather than rage guides us then we have to trust we’re doing the best that can be done. At least for that moment.
The grace of God is always within our reach, and
But by the grace of God I am (we are) what I am (we are), and his grace to me (us) was not without effect. I Corinthians 15:10
Oh come on! How did it get to be Friday already?! Who stole my week from me?!
Oh wait. Now I remember. My mom did.
I’m up in Oregon for a few days visiting my loving and much loved parental unit, and she never fails to greet me at the door without a hug, kiss, and a list of errands. Yesterday I had intended to post but as it turned out the day was devoted to picking up repaired lamps, returning an outfit to the mall, putting fresh sheets on the bed, hauling the garbage to the dumpster, and an emergency trip to See’s Candy because she really, really had to have some candy. More specifically, California Brittle and Peanut Clusters. Call 9-1-1. Call 9-1-1. Seriously, I’m not complaining. I love my mom to pieces and doing anything for her is a pleasure. I’m only using her as an excuse since telling you the dog ate my post wouldn’t be believable. After all, I don’t have a dog.
And now, mindful that today involves the doctors, the beauty salon, dinner with the aunt and who knows what other little time-slurping surprises, I better get hauling on the weekend links.
10 Couples is an amazing media project highlighting the stories of 10 gay/lesbian couples through video. If the video image is too small for you, just go to Youtube and do a search on “10 couples.”
This website is so cool! The only thing is you need to hunt down a pair of 3-D glasses to fully enjoy it. Check your kitchen junk drawer. No 3-D glasses there? Not to worry. Check out the rest of the offerings at the top of the page and call me in 3 days when you’ve finished playing.
Pick your songs. Make a play list. Listen while you blog. Free music. No complaints here from the cheap seats.
For my blogging buddies, here’s a great resource for web colors. And if you’re looking for free images, ta-dah!
Where I should go today. Where I’d really like to go. Where I’ll probably go instead.
I’ve been going back and forth for a couple days about addressing a matter of internal business and only made up my mind to go ahead when Kelli over at A Wonderful Journey slapped up a post on the very same topic. It should be noted that I no more than have an idea for a post when it pops up on the blogs of Kelli, Stephanie, Susan, Bon, and others, which leads me to suspect that they’re all Vulcans disguised as lesbians. Little Spocks in Birkenstocks doing their Vulcan mind meld on unsuspecting earthling me. Okay, let me cut to the chase and I can guarantee you that this is the only time I’m going to address it for reasons that I think will become all too apparent.
I don’t approve comments that are contemptuous or disrespectful in content to this blog. There are countless corners of the internet where condemnation of homosexuality is applauded and snide remarks that mock gay relationships and demean the faith of queer Christians are welcomed. This doesn’t even account for the faith-based organizations that are obsessed with rejecting the reality of our lives in favor of their erroneous stereotypes. We know all too well there’s no shortage of outlets for anti-gay rhetoric (please read the postscript at the conclusion of post) but this isn’t one of those places. Is that censorship? You betcha, and I don’t apologize for it.
There’s a short explanation and a long explanation to why I prohibit anti-gay comments and now that you know me you know I’m going to give you both.
The short explanation is held in the blog title:
Grace Unfolding - SisterFriends Together: An online GLBTQ women’s community dedicated to sharing our lives and faith in a place of grace.
There’s not a single GLBTQ Christian who’s come to this blog that hasn’t already heard it all. We know the six passages used to condemn homosexuality better than those who hurl them. We know the counterpoints, the slogans, and the arguments, and we’ve heard them not merely from an online strangers, but it’s been pummeled into us by churches we loved and served, pastors we trusted and admired, and from family members and friends. It will not happen here. Everyone deserves a safe place, even if it only exists on the internet. A place where queer people can come and know no one will twist their words or question the sincerity of their faith and love for God. Not in my sandbox (with all deference to Kelli) and not on my watch.
That’s the short explanation, and the longer one went here, that was until I posted it and then pulled it off when I realized how much I had said could just as easily go unsaid. So now, here’s the revised and abbreviated version. If you received the original post in email or through your RSS feed I ask that you only comment on what now appears.
I’ve been at this for more than ten years now; this being a queer Christian presence online and because I dare to portray a positive witness to being both queer and Christian I’ve received a number of anti-gay emails over the years and as Caera recently discovered there’s a website or two devoted to exposing my scandalous life and indulging in some rather predictable but always compelling name-calling.
I’ve been called a God-hater, a sodomite minister, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and from Sarah, a young woman in her third year of Bible College, I’m Satan’s number one client. Some time ago there was an open message forum that posted a photo of D and I with the caption, “This goes to prove they all look alike.” I’m not sure what that was suppose to mean but I opted to take it as a compliment. Just call me Pollyanna.
Maybe it seems bizarre that I don’t get all twisted up in a bunch over the name-calling and mean-spirited remarks. Perhaps I’m fortunate to have had the toughening experience of being a chubby adolescent on an elementary school playground, or maybe it’s because I don’t take personal remarks personally when they’re made by people who’ve never met me and therefore don’t know me. That they hate homosexuality seems clear enough but me, if they were to meet me and not know I was gay, I’d charm their shoes off or at least be only minimally annoying. Mostly though it’s because I know who I am in Christ and more than that I know who Christ is, and so I’m not going to get all crazy with the opinion of strangers when all that matters is God and the people in my life who witness my life firsthand.
I’ve come to recognize over the years that there’s nothing I can offer in a response to these folks that will bring forth anything good. I wish it were possible to engage in a mutually respectful conversation so we could bridge the divide allowing us to recognize and celebrate the commonalities we share in our lives and our faith, but at least in my experience and through all my attempts to do so, that’s never been the case, and so it comes down to picking and choosing. I choose to use the hours of my day responding to the emails I receive from GLBTQ people who are reaching out for encouragement and a word of faith rather than ramming my head repeatedly into unrelenting and unproductive rounds of point and counterpoint. I choose to keep the focus of this blog on it’s stated purpose rather than allowing disruptions to slip in and distract us from meaningful conversations of faith and friendship.
My intention here isn’t to jab a certain set of people but to explain to you, my regular and may I just say stunningly gorgeous readers, the reason behind my moderating of the comments, aside from being a control-crazed heavy-handed power-hungry blogging vixen that is.
Now go ahead and submit your comments girls and boys. I dare you!!
I use the term anti-gay sparingly because it’s a loaded term and one that I think ends up getting hung around the necks of some people who don’t deserve it. By anti-gay I’m not lumping together all people, Christian or non-Christian, who believe homosexuality is a sin, immoral or unnatural. I’m referring only to those individuals who seem more fixated on homosexuality than homosexuals; who are pejorative and demeaning of gay people, and who riddle their speech with stereotypes that vilify and trivialize the lives, faith and relationships of GLBTQ people.
I’ve been a weepy crybaby shell of a human being today and if you aren’t in the same shape after reading the news article below then go drink some water because you’ve got a case of severe dehydration.
Need a tissue?
Told you so.
In the event you’re an email subscriber
and the embedded article isn’t visible,
here’s a direct link to the news article.
I’m a podcast dweeb. In the car, on a bike, on my feet, the old iPod is playing tunes or talk.
Below are some of my favorite regulars. If you enjoy other podcasts give them out a shout out!
NPR: Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me!
This call in quiz show has left me laughing out loud while driving my car, riding my bike, working out at the gym or walking down the road. It’s humor is clever, tight and totally hysterical and all the better when Paula Poundstone is one of the guest panelists.
Revolution Church: New York City
This is the church of Jay Bakker, Jim and Tammy Faye’s son. Jay’s not the slickest preacher I’ve ever heard but if you can get past the occasional raw language and rambling side roads, the kid preaches the Gospel message in its simplicity and power. His messages on grace, pa lrticularly his series on Galatians have inspired my own thoughts on grace and I love the kid down to the last tat and piercing. If you want to hear an unpolished disarmingly authentic preacher, you’ll love him too.
Speaking of Faith with Kristen Tippett
Kristen’s series is originally heard on Public Radio but is available here in podcast format. If I had more time I’d listen to more of her shows but instead I tend to pick and choose topics of interest; one of which was presented some time ago entitled Gay Marriage, Broken or Blessed: Two Evangelical Views with guests Richard Mowr and Virgina Ramey Mollenkott. With recent developments in California related to same-sex marriage, they’re also preparing to devote another episode to this topic in the near future so be on watch.
The History of Rome
I love all things Rome which is either a result of it’s prominence in Paul’s writings or because I grew up on Ben-Hur, The Robe, and Spartacus. Whatever the reason this weekly podcast on the rise and fall of the Roman Empire is beyond awesome!
This American Life
Oh come on, tell me you already know about this phenomenal show! Every show with host Ira Glass, follows a theme and the theme is filled out with funny, disturbing, touching, and always fascinating stories. This is the perfect podcast for long drives across country.
Whosoever Godcasts
I’m sure everyone is well acquainted with Whosoever Magazine Online which was a pioneer presence for GLBTQ Christians on the internet. I’ve only listened to a couple episodes and the most recent one with Janie Spahr is a favorite of mine because Janie’s a favorite of mine.
I’ve only listened to the podcast with special guest Ann Phillips who just happens to be a friend of mine. Ann was a leader in the ex-gay movement, heading up the women’s ministry at one of the big name ex-gay ministries in the country. Needless to say, she ain’t there anymore!
Here’s Ann, courtesy of GCN Radio.
No iPod? No sound card in your computer? No problem. Here are a few weekend links for you!
Here’s an online game that will make all the lesbians in the house happy.
If you ever find yourself stand in the aisle of the grocery store trying to remember what you came to the grocery store in the first place to get, here’s some help for you. Or maybe I’m the only one.
If you were a missionary kid or knew of someone who was you might get a chuckle or at least a smirk from this one. (revised)
A Christian decides what to do with her spare time
An excellent recent article by Anna Quindlen on gay marriage in News Week.
June 23, 2008 
Tomorrow D and I are heading over to San Francisco for our appointment at City Hall to hand over our cash and a completed application form in exchange for one state-recognized marriage license.
The beautiful D and her lucky-as-a-dog wife
UPDATE
Posted in Marriage 
14 Comments »
Recent Comments