Questions Only God Could Answer

January 1, 2006

My acceptance as a Christian and a lesbian has been a process, much like any growing and maturing process. At first I believed that the two were not compatible and in order to follow the inclinations I was born with, I would have to turn my back on and deny my God. I did this for many years. But God was faithful to me and always watched out for me whether or not I knew or appreciated it. He was always that still small voice calling, beckoning me back into the fold.

It took many years, maybe just the general maturing of age that caused me to realize that God was interested in relationship with me and not my failed record of perfection. I realized I was a modern day Pharisee. I centered my attention on the rules and regulations of the church and society as to the worthiness of my soul and fell short. But all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I had somehow forgotten that grace had saved me and it was grace that kept me, not my works. It is by grace you are saved and not of works, lest anyone should boast.

I began to address the relationship I had with God. “Can and does God want a relationship with me as I am, wrinkles and all?” “YES!” was the resounding answer that came back to me from the heart of God. “But what about this gay thing God?” I asked, half way wondering if the thunderbolt of judgment was about to crash down. The blood can cover everything·but THAT· “What about it? Take up your cross and follow me,” was God’s answer.

Since then God has lead and directed me into many things. He has shown me where I was selfish, hateful, fearful and full of pride. God’s Word has directed me to change my behavior towards others, and to seek to emulate the perfect example Jesus provided. God has never asked me to change my orientation but He asks every day in every situation for me to have behaviors that honor His example. To live a life in such a way as to please my Father in heaven is my desire. To live my life in such a way that being a Christian and a lesbian is not a contradiction of terms and that people will see first Christ in me.

I’ve studied the scriptures and the bash verses. You can pull a scripture out of context to back up any idea, no matter how crazy it is. They’ve backed slavery, white supremacy and even the destruction of the Jews with scriptures taken grossly out of context. But the whole, the bulk of the scriptures deal with our relationship with God, ourselves and our fellow person. If your desire is to please God, God honors the intention of your heart and will direct you in your personal house cleaning. What Gods asks us to give up is as personal as each and every one of our lives, because He has a personal plan and purpose for every one of us.

As God changes and develops our character we will be more like Christ. We will do that as gay and lesbian Christian people. The lifestyle is not the sin. Some lesbian behaviors can be sinful no differently than heterosexual behaviors can be sinful. I can change my behaviors to being more Christ like, and that’s a continual personal process. God doesn’t ask me to be something I’m not. Anything God has called us to do He gives us the resources to accomplish it. How cruel it would be of God to tell us to do something and then watch while it were outside our abilities to achieve. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I believe all the things that Christ has called me to do; He has provided all I need to accomplish it. Through all of my struggles and life challenges God has never given me the desire or the ability to change my orientation.

This personal story of faith and reconciliation comes from the archives of www.christianlesbians.com and was originally posted in 2004.

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Posted in Personal Stories