Regret Love?

January 1, 2006

I would like to speak especially to those of you who suffer apparent pain and lack of reconciliation about being both lesbian and Christian.

I could sit here and use a scientific method of proofs and logic to dispel your fears of this being a “sin”, yet somehow I feel that such evidence is not what you who feel this guilt need. How I wish I could just take the inner peace about it from my heart and place it into yours. Since I can’t just transplant it, I will share my own moment of enlightenment with you.

Twenty years ago, my own rivers of guilt and torment were dispelled when someone quoted to me : “…Love covereth all sins”. (Proverbs 10:12) This was the answer my torn heart had sought for so long. I remember how I realized with instant clarity that this meant that the Lord looked as much at your motives as He did the actual deed. I was stunned at the implication of that verse…It’s not as much what you do, but why you do it. How vast is the mind of God.

That night I prayed an earnest prayer in which I confessed boldly before the Lord that I loved Him and I loved women too. That He knew I had tried to not love women until it had driven me down to the depths of human misery. I told Him that surely love could not be wrong as it sprang from Him, for God is Love. I asked that when the time came for my judgement, that He would know that I had done as I had out of love, and to please consider my doings in that light that I might join with Him for eternity. Since then I have come to accept that in the end God will understand my love and it will not matter a bit to Him that my heart loved His female children the most. Just that I accepted His gift of love and then shared that love with others.

Since that night, I have come to understand many things; such as God formed me this way and He does not make mistakes, and that loving women never was a “sin”…but this was the initial understanding that provided peace to me. I hope that it helps you too. Please dwell on it and I will be praying for Him to illuminate your hearts. You know, of all human actions that we regret; why would we ever regret love? That makes no sense at all. For all love heals His children and builds you spiritually even at times when your heart feels broken.

Peace to you all,

A Sister

This personal story of faith and reconciliation comes from the archives of www.christianlesbians.com and was originally posted in 1999.

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