Ruling My Domain With Scepter in Hand
June 18, 2008
I’ve been going back and forth for a couple days about addressing a matter of internal business and only made up my mind to go ahead when Kelli over at A Wonderful Journey slapped up a post on the very same topic. It should be noted that I no more than have an idea for a post when it pops up on the blogs of Kelli, Stephanie, Susan, Bon, and others, which leads me to suspect that they’re all Vulcans disguised as lesbians. Little Spocks in Birkenstocks doing their Vulcan mind meld on unsuspecting earthling me. Okay, let me cut to the chase and I can guarantee you that this is the only time I’m going to address it for reasons that I think will become all too apparent.
I don’t approve comments that are contemptuous or disrespectful in content to this blog. There are countless corners of the internet where condemnation of homosexuality is applauded and snide remarks that mock gay relationships and demean the faith of queer Christians are welcomed. This doesn’t even account for the faith-based organizations that are obsessed with rejecting the reality of our lives in favor of their erroneous stereotypes. We know all too well there’s no shortage of outlets for anti-gay rhetoric (please read the postscript at the conclusion of post) but this isn’t one of those places. Is that censorship? You betcha, and I don’t apologize for it.
There’s a short explanation and a long explanation to why I prohibit anti-gay comments and now that you know me you know I’m going to give you both.
The short explanation is held in the blog title:
Grace Unfolding - SisterFriends Together: An online GLBTQ women’s community dedicated to sharing our lives and faith in a place of grace.
There’s not a single GLBTQ Christian who’s come to this blog that hasn’t already heard it all. We know the six passages used to condemn homosexuality better than those who hurl them. We know the counterpoints, the slogans, and the arguments, and we’ve heard them not merely from an online strangers, but it’s been pummeled into us by churches we loved and served, pastors we trusted and admired, and from family members and friends. It will not happen here. Everyone deserves a safe place, even if it only exists on the internet. A place where queer people can come and know no one will twist their words or question the sincerity of their faith and love for God. Not in my sandbox (with all deference to Kelli) and not on my watch.
That’s the short explanation, and the longer one went here, that was until I posted it and then pulled it off when I realized how much I had said could just as easily go unsaid. So now, here’s the revised and abbreviated version. If you received the original post in email or through your RSS feed I ask that you only comment on what now appears.
I’ve been at this for more than ten years now; this being a queer Christian presence online and because I dare to portray a positive witness to being both queer and Christian I’ve received a number of anti-gay emails over the years and as Caera recently discovered there’s a website or two devoted to exposing my scandalous life and indulging in some rather predictable but always compelling name-calling.
I’ve been called a God-hater, a sodomite minister, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and from Sarah, a young woman in her third year of Bible College, I’m Satan’s number one client. Some time ago there was an open message forum that posted a photo of D and I with the caption, “This goes to prove they all look alike.” I’m not sure what that was suppose to mean but I opted to take it as a compliment. Just call me Pollyanna.
Maybe it seems bizarre that I don’t get all twisted up in a bunch over the name-calling and mean-spirited remarks. Perhaps I’m fortunate to have had the toughening experience of being a chubby adolescent on an elementary school playground, or maybe it’s because I don’t take personal remarks personally when they’re made by people who’ve never met me and therefore don’t know me. That they hate homosexuality seems clear enough but me, if they were to meet me and not know I was gay, I’d charm their shoes off or at least be only minimally annoying. Mostly though it’s because I know who I am in Christ and more than that I know who Christ is, and so I’m not going to get all crazy with the opinion of strangers when all that matters is God and the people in my life who witness my life firsthand.
I’ve come to recognize over the years that there’s nothing I can offer in a response to these folks that will bring forth anything good. I wish it were possible to engage in a mutually respectful conversation so we could bridge the divide allowing us to recognize and celebrate the commonalities we share in our lives and our faith, but at least in my experience and through all my attempts to do so, that’s never been the case, and so it comes down to picking and choosing. I choose to use the hours of my day responding to the emails I receive from GLBTQ people who are reaching out for encouragement and a word of faith rather than ramming my head repeatedly into unrelenting and unproductive rounds of point and counterpoint. I choose to keep the focus of this blog on it’s stated purpose rather than allowing disruptions to slip in and distract us from meaningful conversations of faith and friendship.
My intention here isn’t to jab a certain set of people but to explain to you, my regular and may I just say stunningly gorgeous readers, the reason behind my moderating of the comments, aside from being a control-crazed heavy-handed power-hungry blogging vixen that is.
Now go ahead and submit your comments girls and boys. I dare you!!
Related Posts:
Comment With Care at !emphatic asterisk
My Sandbox at A Wonderful Journey
—-
What do I mean by anti-gay?
I use the term anti-gay sparingly because it’s a loaded term and one that I think ends up getting hung around the necks of some people who don’t deserve it. By anti-gay I’m not lumping together all people, Christian or non-Christian, who believe homosexuality is a sin, immoral or unnatural. I’m referring only to those individuals who seem more fixated on homosexuality than homosexuals; who are pejorative and demeaning of gay people, and who riddle their speech with stereotypes that vilify and trivialize the lives, faith and relationships of GLBTQ people.
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Posted in Basic Info, Opposing
June 19th, 2008 at 3:57 am
Thank you for this safe place. I have been unaware and niave I guess as to the hate that has been going on in other places. It was really hard to read what that one gentleman felt compelled to post in judgement. I instantly became mad at his words but then felt very sorry for him. So tangled up in judgement and hate, how possibly could he remove his plank to try to find another’s speck? Sad. I guess what bothered me the most was the fact that, as much as one can “know” someone online, I have come to know you through emails and blogs… and gosh that gentleman was referring to someone other than you. There must be two of you by that name.
I love that you are able to let it wash off of you… not retain the slime. That shows a strength and security that I admire. You know the truth of who HE is and how HE sees you and that’s the truth that matters. I don’t do so well in the face of man’s judgement and hate. :/
This place has been a huge part of my journey. And it’s sad that those who have no clue and definately do not know the foundation of the scriptures they quote feel COMPELLED to spread the hate in the name of Jesus. Man that must make Him cringe or at least say, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do”.
I pray for the grace to continually respond in love within myself.. I’m not entirely there yet… only for grace can I do it. This oasis in the wilderness has been a source of life giving water for so many!!! Of course the enemy would call an attack. The good news… in the end HE LOSES!!!
I’m staying in the sandbox cause guess what? God is in the sand box!!!!
Anita, “not on my watch” is a saying that I use as well when I am adamant to fight the enemy and push him back in areas through prayer, etc. And I’m standing beside you and saying, “not on my watch”. As much as it is within my ability I stand in support of you, along side of you and on my knees.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:31 am
Anita, Now my secret is out. When I came to earth I asked to be in disguise as a Lebanese but somehow there was a mistake. Go figure.
But now in all seriousness, this site is an oasis, no more than that, a welcoming home that warms and comforts the souls of the GLBTQ community. Allowing contemptuous or disrepectful comments would be like handing salt water to a man dying of thirst.
Censorship serves the purpose, and what a wonderful purpose it is, of this site. And I for one thank you for it. It is wonderful to come home to a warm, welcoming, embrace after a day of being tossed and bruised both in the real world and the cyber world. Thank you for inviting me into this home. Kelli
June 19th, 2008 at 7:23 am
Well said… keep up the good work. You are very appreciated.
June 19th, 2008 at 7:33 am
Your strength of character is an inspiration to me, Anita.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:00 am
“Mostly though it’s because I know who I am in Christ and more than that I know who Christ is, and so I’m not going to get all crazy with the opinion of strangers when all that matters is God and the people in my life who witness my life firsthand.”
You know, before I finally came out to myself, I was taught to believe God’s truth that I am deeply loved and completely forgiven by God, fully pleasing, totally accepted and complete in Him. I have this on a little laminated card atop my computer, so I can read it often. On the back of it are listed five tactics we often allow ourselves to succumb to at times:
doubt which makes one question God’s word and God’s goodness;
discouragement which makes one look at her own problems instead of at God;
diversion which makes the wrong things seem more attractive than the right things so that we seek them more;
defeat which makes one feel like a failure, so one quits trying; and
delay which makes one procrastinate endlessly, such that certain intimidating things never get done.
These things feed into our thinking, reprioritizing, disabling us by lies. One of these lies is “I must be approved of by certain others in order to feel good about myself.” And maybe those certain others are parents, ministers, political leaders, or respected friends. Yet we forget (and what makes this a lie) that we will never be rejected by God, the one whose opinion really matters, when taken in the light of eternity. God said he’d never leave us or forsake us (Heb. 13:5); Paul wrote from a deep abiding understanding of God’s exceedingly abundant love (Eph. 3:17b-19) that as a result of this love and God’s grace, we are made not only acceptable (Col. 1:21-22), but into God’s very righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21). If we are, in Christ, God’s own righteousness; if we are, in Christ, a new creation where all is new; if we are, in Christ, lavished with God’s love; if we are, in Christ, never to be separated from God’s love (Rom. 8:38-39), then it seems the only correct response to lift the word of God, the words of love and grace, far above those of any person, even if this person claims to speak in the name of a God not reflected in the whole of scripture.
I sign this as one of your faithful “Spocks in Birkenstocks.”
June 19th, 2008 at 10:04 am
June 19th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Thank you–from a brand new lesbian who is fighting herself and most everyone I know to continue to be a Christian–for a safe place, for information, for love. Thank you.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Joni –> I avoid writing of feeling compassion for those who oppose us because I know it might be taken as patronizing, but given the assumption that these folks aren’t being hyprocrites, and I have no reason to believe they are, then the same God of fury and retribution they call down on GLBTQ people, must be the same God that judges over them. If that’s the case then it’s heartbreaking to think there are those who live with such a fragile relationship with a God who waits only to judge and chastise. As to always forgiving, always showing grace….it’s a continual journey for all of us. I certainly haven’t arrived and there are some days through gritted teeth I barely feel like I’ve started.. And the teeshirt idea…wouldn’t that be fun?!
Kelli –>Thanks so much for your words and what I’m doing here is the same thing you and so many of the women here are doing at your own blogs. There’s a strong witness for GLBTQ Christians spreading over the internet and it’s breathtaking to watch and even be a small part among so many.
Deb–> Thank you….as are you. Appreciated I mean
Allyson–>Okay. I love you. Thank you for making my bull-headed stubbornness sound like a virtue.
Bon–>I can’t add anything to what you wrote except saying in good liturgical style, “Amen and Amen.” Thank you for the reflection and teaching!
Stephanie –>
:) and 
back at you!
Wendy–> I’m glad you’re here and that you find yourself in a circle of really amazing Christian women, most gay, a few straight, but all in your corner. You have our support so hang in there through these tough times. You are God’s own and nothing and no one can ever take that from you.
June 19th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Thanks so much for watching out for all of us! Like you said, there is enough bashing out there — and we all have heard it. Your website helps keep the scale a bit more balanced!!
Big hug,
Mindy
June 19th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Pollyanna, oops, Anita I mean, I forgot to mention that I liked your name tag. I’ll hide my bunnies and the candy.
June 19th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Oh my word! I thought I only had a bunch of smiley faces to give until Kelli commented on the name tag! Completely missed it! That is too funny. You torture fuzzy bunnies? Wow, you are hard core.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I think that leaving an anti-gay comment on a support site for gay people is akin to writing a comment such as “depression is a choice” on a forum of support and information for those suffering from mental illness.
If someone is callous and unsympathetic enough to do such a thing, deleting their comments or blocking them is the most logical step, and they are owed no explanation. This website isn’t here to further personal agendas, it’s to offer love to women, men, and transgendered people who desperately need a taste of the grace you offer up so well on a daily basis.
And as a heterosexual Christian, might I just say that I am grateful that this site exists, not for my own sake but for the sake of my gay sisters who I love in a totally non-sexual, straight way.
I will offer a prayer on your behalf tonight. Just because.
June 19th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Anita, you are a delight. Many blessings to you, Sister.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Perfect. Your clarity and compassion should be an inspiration for anyone–gay, straight, Christian, power-crazed Satan worshipper. One person like you per 10,000 normal people would solve every problem the world ever had or knew.
June 20th, 2008 at 4:24 am
@ John: Sadly for us, she’s one in a million.
(Sorry. Couldn’t resist.)
June 20th, 2008 at 4:48 am
I wasn’t trying to patronize. :/
June 20th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Anita,
Thank you for the post. I now feel as if I can comment with out retribution from outside people.
C
June 20th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Kelli and Steph –> Finally someone appreciated the name tag! Not that I’ll be wearing it to church on Sunday…
Joni–> I never meant to say you were girl! It’s just that when I hear a Christian in the middle of condemning gay people say that they feel sorry for us, it’s like finger-nails on a chalk board to me. I would imagine the same is true when we express the same sentiment for others. At the same time, I know those feelings are genuine for you and for me, and because I’ll assume the same is true on their part, it’s not up to me to worry how it’s received as much as how it was given. Eh?
John and Lindsey –> There are no door prizes given here for kissing up to the blogger, though I might consider adding that feature…..
Mindy and Ceara –> So glad you can feel some safety here. Comment away. Consider me your personal bouncer. In fact, I’ll roll up my sleeves and stick a toothpick in my mouth to look more menacing.
Choralgirl –> Forget John and Lindsey, the door prize is yours. Now, where should I send the year’s supply of ear wax cleaner?
And Lindsey again –> I appreciate that perspective. I wouldn’t march into a Christian Men’s Bible Study forums online and rail against homophobia because their forum has a specific focus intended for a specific audience. It seems so obvious. Glad to have you as a sister and a friend…in a totally non-sexual, straight way of course
June 20th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Anita, LOL LOL that picture of you with the sleeves and toothpick…priceless. I’ll let you be the bouncer at my next party. Every one’s invited.
June 20th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Kelli –> That mental picture might look all tough and and in your face but when someone would threaten to take a swing I’d probably be the first to duck and cover while whining “don’t hit me don’t hit me.” Do you think that might ruin my credibility?
June 20th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Don’t worry, at the wild parties I throw, the only swinging done is the kids on the swing set. So your credibility is safe.
June 21st, 2008 at 7:51 am
ANITA–lol, personal bouncer. That cracked me up.
C
June 22nd, 2008 at 11:42 am
You know, I wish I could meet you all face to face. You warm my heart. All of you.
June 22nd, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Awww Bon, that was sweet. Thank you! Ditto. I think that would be fun! Perhaps we could all go visit the bouncer someday.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:41 am
[...] then I read Anita’s blog on how God is moving simultaneously through a number of us, and Stephanie’s posting on how [...]