Setting the Ground Work

July 25, 2008

In The Biblical View(s) of Marriage and Sex I addressed the lack of a clear Biblical sexual ethic to guide us in being sexually responsible queer or for that matter, straight Christians because of the conflicting and culturally limited way in which the Bible addresses human sexuality and relationships. These issues, presented in no particular order since little order is to be found in the cluttered recesses of my mind include:

• Biblical neutrality on issues that most of us would find reprehensible and a violation of our own most basic personal values and mores. Women forced to marry their rapists, the purchasing of wives, the view of wives and children as property, and the forced sexual (mis) use of slaves.
• While there are certain sexual matters equally rejected in both ancient Israel and contemporary society, the underlying values behind the prohibitions are far from being shared. Today an incestuous relationship between a son and mother would for most people elicit what could best be described as the yuck factor or gag response because such a relationship breaches our social sexual taboos. Our rejection is compounded when the son is a minor, at which point it becomes an issue of child abuse with several legal ramifications. Ancient Israel equally condemned incest between a son and mother but the main concern had little to do with social taboos and nothing to do with potential child abuse. In having sexual relations with his mother a son was dishonoring his father by violating his father’s property (Leviticus 18:7-8). That’s clearly not a value we would consider appropriate for our day.
• Biblical neutrality on human relationships that extends from polygamy and the keeping of mistresses (concubines) on one end to castration for the sake of the kingdom (Matthew 19:12) and celibacy on the other (1 Corinthians 7:7-9).
• New Testament teaching to flee fornication while premarital sex is elevated between two lovers in the Song of Songs.

The point of all of this is just this; contrary to what some people might espouse, everything you ever wanted to know about sex (human sexuality, sexual ethics, intimacy)  isn’t set forth in the Scriptures in bullet points. Would we really expect it to be that way? After all, Jesus only had a few years on earth and yet he chose to use a chunk of his time teaching the disciples in parables. Why? Why did he wrap up his teachings in story when he could have just said what he meant, revealing the exact meaning of his teaching in direct language? Here’s a crazy idea. Maybe rather than spelling everything out for them he wanted to encourage them to personally engage and explore and struggle with the parables to uncover their meaning for themselves. Maybe he wanted them to participate in their own faith by working it out in their own hearts and minds. What a radical idea; to construct a life of faith (religion) on faith (trust). The parables required something of those who heard them as do the Scriptures. Rather than being a book of specific answers on any topic including human sexuality, the Bible calls us, challenges us, to bring the best of our hearts and minds into uncovering its teaching, fueled by faith in the Spirit of God to lead and to guide us into all understanding.

So, here’s the rub. If the Bible fails to provide us with a set of guidelines to help us live as sexually responsible Christians, and human beings for that matter, we’re left with the taunting question, “So what’s a girl to do?” Well, the long-standing answer the church has given is “Don’t have sex until you’re married, and then once you get married, have sex.” That’s an answer that obviously doesn’t work for queer Christians when premarital sex has been declared anathema while at the same time disallowing us the right to marry, leaving us no church-sanctioned option but to remain celibate which, last I read in the Scriptures was for  a gift of divine calling rather than a condition for divine acceptance. I’d suggest as impractical and unreasonable as that answer is for us, it hasn’t worked out so well as an answer for straight people in the church either. Straight single, dating, or partnered folks are dealing with the very same questions and quandary that we queer puppies are because such a glib and formulaic answer, in which the church has historically excelled at providing, seems to ignore that people are sexual beings from the get-go and it’s only natural and right and good that sexual beings seek sexual expression.

Like most people we want to be sexually responsible adults and as Christians we add another dimension of concern; that we want our private lives to be as reflective of our faith and spirituality as is our public lives. We desire to live honorably and authentically as those trying to walk the walk of Christ whether we’re on the streets or between the sheets. With that commitment before us the question isn’t simply “What can I get away with do?” but is transformed into deeper considerations of “How can my sexuality and sexual behavior be lived out within the framework of my faith and love for God?  Can I be sexual in a way that’s both sexually satisfying and spiritually life-giving?  Can I stand before God unashamed in my wholeness as a spiritual, sexual being?”

Am I over-spiritualizing sex by posing these questions? I don’t think so, not if our faith is everything to us and we believe that every aspect of our lives have been created by God and can in turn be lived out for God’s glory. Oh, and it can also be incredibly enjoyable at the same time.

I’m going to stop for now to allow time for you to add your thoughts or to pose the questions you’ve found yourself reflecting on in your own life around sexual ethics. I’d also encourage you to take some time to read what I’ve found to be a thought-provoking resource developed by DignityUSA’s Task Force on Sexual Ethics. You can read it at their website or download it here in PDF format. Below is a brief excerpt that provides some key words in any conversation on sexuality and spirituality.

SEXUALITY is the human ability to be attracted to one another and to enter into relationships by which we receive and give life.

GENITALITY is that aspect of human sexuality by which we, as bodily beings, use our sexual organs to give and receive pleasure as part of the expression and creation of union and intimacy. Genitality is not simply a biological function but is a component of human intimacy.

INTIMACY is that experience of comfortable closeness in which individuals lower their barriers and enter into each others’ lives through acts of trust, respect, affection, and love.

SPIRITUALITY is the way we experience and respond to God’s call to grow personally in relationship with God and others. Spiritual growth itself involves integration, a process of achieving wholeness. For Christians the source, model, and context for this growth is Jesus Christ.

ETHICS is the analysis of decisions as to their rightness or wrongness; it is also the assessment of the values upon which those decisions are based.

SEXUAL ETHICS deals with decisions and values in the area of sexuality and genitality. Since ethics serves spiritual growth, an authentic sexual ethic requires as its foundation an integration of spirituality and sexuality, an element that has been missing from the Catholic Christian experience.

PERSONAL INTEGRATION is the process of becoming aware of the various components of one’s life, examining them in the light of available knowledge and experience, and accepting them as one’s own. All this, for Christians, is to allow the Spirit to fill our lives ever more fully so that Christ may be revealed in us and we in Christ.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Posted in Sexual Ethics