The Surprising Situation of State Sanctioned Spouses
June 30, 2008
Yesterday was our third in a series of weddings, and while the photo to the left is from our first back in 2002, I was just as happy and D was just as beautiful yesterday as six years ago so the old snapshot will have to do until we sort through the photos from yesterday.
It was a really lovely day. As nice as I had hoped our wee-wedding would be, it was better. We’d extended an open invitation to the members of the church and then sent out email invitations to a small circle of friends and had a dozen people showed up we would have been more than pleased but as it turned out thirty plus friends attended to witness the signing of the marriage license, eavesdrop on our affirmations of love to one another, and feast their way across a table loaded with cake, fruits, cheeses and breads. Gathered with us were several families from the church, a handful of ridiculously good people from our former congregation, classmates from D’s graduate school, my web designer and her husband, and one of my marathon walking buddies. And so it was; gay men, lesbian couples, gray haired saints of the church, youth, families, Christian, Jew, agnostic. It was a delightful mix of cherished friends who were there to witness, support and affirm our relationship as it took on a long-awaited legal dimension, and though the deed’s been done, it’s still unbelievable that today I’m blogging as a legally married woman. I’ve got to tell you my friends, it’s incredible to be able to say that, legally married and we’ve got the papers to prove it. D and I keep joking about making a wallet-sized copy of our marriage license to carry with us and flash should there ever be a question. “A special deal exclusively for married couples? No problem. Take a gander at this little laminated 4×6 copy of our marriage license. It’s a beauty, isn’t it?”
That’s not to say D and I are more married today than we were a week ago, because we’ve considered ourselves married as married can be since our wedding in 2002. At that time we made vows to each other before God and in the presence of witnesses and in essence, that’s what a marriage is; two people joining their lives in love and commitment and willingly entering into covenant with one another. Before there were legal contracts and county recorders with official seals; before wedding ceremonies moved from being held in the bride and groom’s homes to the inside of churches and temples; and long before marriage was deemed a sacrament by religion there were two people giving their oath and pledging their lives to one another, and so it was on April 6, 2002, our lives were joined and we became one. One relationship composed of two people, held together with love and the blessing of God. Married. A couple. Wife and wife.
But still, there’s something about that piece of paper with it’s decorative stamped seal; something more than the legal benefits and protections immediately granted to us as a married couple; something bigger than the legal recognition that allows us to rightfully designate our marital status as married, and something different than these first tenuous, glorious steps into the waters of equality and justice. It’s really nothing more or less than looking in the eyes of the woman I love and adore and being able to say, “We’re legally married. Married. We have papers. Just thought I should mention it.”
Like I said, it’s some kind of awesome.
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Posted in Marriage
June 30th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Congratulations. I’m glad you had another wonderful wedding day. I loved D’s comment that she wanted to be legally married to you as long as possible. She’s quite the romantic. God Bless you both now and always.
I think the specialness of that legal paper really is that it represents Equality and Justice. My prayer is that all people will see this wherever they live. Everyone able to pursue life, love and happiness without prejudice.
July 1st, 2008 at 4:18 am
I am so very happy for the both of you. I am sitting here teary eyed at the thought of the wonderous joy you must have knowing that emotionally, spiritually, and now legally, you are joined together in such a way. My only question is do you celebrate all of your anniversaries?
July 1st, 2008 at 4:18 am
Congratulations you guys! May you be blessed always.
We’re getting our piece of paper in December – yeh! Can’t wait.
July 1st, 2008 at 6:13 am
Someday I hope all GLBT people can have that paper. I agree marriage is in the heart. But the paper is nice.
Glad that you all had a good go of it, and a nice time.
C
July 1st, 2008 at 6:30 am
Yay you!
July 1st, 2008 at 7:19 am
That is just wonderful! CONGRATS to you both!!!
I remember for the year we had our official “marriage license” in Oregon it was something mystical and magical! (From March 2004-April 2005). Even the official “domestic partnership” papers we have in OR now are not _QUITE_ the same. Although the real “wedding” for us was really back in 2001 in VT. So I guess it all comes down to where your heart is, huh?
Blessings!
July 1st, 2008 at 7:34 am
Thank you for sharing.. made my day.
July 1st, 2008 at 8:02 am
Thanks all for your congratulatory comments which find me still grinning from ear to ear. Ella, early congrats to you as well! Are you taking a chance and planning a December wedding in California or are you in Massachusetts or Canada? And Kelli, we’re staying with our first wedding anniversary as the date we celebrate, though all the dates are special to us. Have you noticed how we gay folks end up with a whole mess of dates we remember in our relationships and make into celebrations? Calling all straight people! Do you folks celebrate special anniversary dates in your marriages beyond your wedding anniversary?
July 1st, 2008 at 8:47 am
They got the paper, they got the paper…….(me singing in the living room while doing a dumb dance.) YOU GO GIRLS!
This just warms my heart. Congratulations and may you continue to be richly blessed!
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:51 am
Hey Anita. Actually I’m in South Africa. We’re getting married in beautiful Cape Town. Same-sex marriage (or civil unions, as our government has dubbed it to placate the Bible bashers) has been legal for almost two years now.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 am
Ella–>Where have I been that I didn’t know that about South Africa??!! Clearly I should have done a little more reading! That’s fantastic and how wonderful for you and your beloved, soon to be wife. Mazel Tov!
July 4th, 2008 at 2:43 am
Congratulations to both of you! =)
Hi, I’m from asia..Sorry if my english isn’t that good… Well… I wish I could have those happy moments with my lesbian partner, but yeah…it’s so damn hard because we’re asian and people in here think that being a lesbian is like a disease… Sometimes I feel so sad about this condition… I don’t know what to do…
Sorry, I told my story here…:p I wish someday I could go from here and have a happy life with my beloved one…=) GBU all….