The T in GLBTQ Belongs Right Where It Is
May 15, 2008
When I first came out in the mid-90’s and began to hang around with other queer folks, I was embarrassed to be identified in the same group as those who were transgendered. It pains me to say that, so much so that 10 years later I’m sitting in Starbucks with tears in my eyes. I tend to offer blog confesions a lot, a mix of both seeking absolution and a hope others can learn from my plethora of mistakes, and let’s be very clear, I won’t be running out of teaching material anytime soon!
There was woman at the small gay church I attended who was transgendered. She’d been born with a biological male but all her life had known her true self to be a woman. She said her body had never belonged to her, that when she was a little boy she knew inside she was a little girl. While living in society in a way that matched her biological body, she married a woman, had children, went to her job everyday and took her family to church every Sunday. Sometimes when their children were in bed and her wife was out of the house, she’d put on her wife’s clothes and imagine herself out among people being seen and accepted as a woman. I don’t know how long this all went on but at some point she could live the lie no more and so she began dressing as a woman in public, changed her name legally and began a new life defining herself to the world as woman. Because that’s what she was inside.
When I first met her she was in her fifties and my first impression was she was a man in a dress. Whether by intentional choice or by financial limitations she’d never pursued medical treatments or gender re-assignment surgery, and there was nothing about her physical appearance that passed well to the world as a woman. Here was a human being who must have already endured more inner turmoil and ridicule in her life than I will ever know in mine but instead of being moved by compassion, I was uncomfortable and embarrassed. I didn’t want to be identified with her. I didn’t want to have to explain or defend her to the world while I was so preoccupied on trying to get the world to understand what it meant for me to be a lesbian. The T in GLBT made me squirm.
I don’t remember the time or circumstances that led to my change of heart and attitude. I don’t know if I heard someone speak or I read a book or watched a movie that began the shift for me. Whatever it was God used it to nudge me to repentance. And a call to repentance it was, complete with remorse, confession, and actively turning another way. And though I have so far to go, I continue to turn. Along the way I’ve been blessed, and I mean that in the most absolute real way, to spend time learning and growing from folks like Erin Swenson, Justin Tanis, Malcolm Himschoot and Virginia Mollenkott, while in my previous work at the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion and Ministry I was given the opportunity to attend their first Transgender Religious Leadership Summit. Okay, by attend I mean I prepared all the meals for the Transgender Religious Leadership Summit but I eavesdropped over the lunch table conversations so cut me some slack, and they raved about my food which I mention for no particular reason other than for my ego!
Wow, did I digress there so let me jump back in by dissecting the GLBTQ. Sexual orientation and gender-identity are two separate issues. GLB represents gay, lesbian, and bisexual and their definitions are reasonably clear. Those who identify as gay and lesbian are sexually attracted to the same sex. Bisexuals are sexually attracted to both sexes. All three are related to sexual orientation.
The T stands for transgender and is a more sweeping term which includes those individuals who in one way or another cross gender lines. It includes transsexuals who identify themselves as the opposite sex to what their physical anatomy suggests. They may or may not have re-assignment surgery to line up their physical body with their internal identity. It also includes transvestites who often dress in clothing more commonly identified with the opposite sex. Wherever individuals fall under the definition of transgender, their primary issue concerns gender identity.
The Q as I use it represents all those who are questioning some aspect of their sexual orientation or identity and for those who identify as queer having refused to let established gender definitions limit their self-definition. For my straight readership, all 2.3 of you, queer is a pejorative term that’s been reclaimed by some GLBT people as an all encompassing term while being one of those words that becomes offensive when used by those outside it’s definition.
Getting back to where I was about 103 words ago, sexual orientation and gender identity are two separate issues and for that reason some GLB voices, individual and organizational, resist including the T. They want to distance themselves for reasons ranging from the political to the personal.
While it’s true the particulars of our lives might be different, we’re all dealing with issues related to human sexuality. Whether gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered, we’ve experienced exclusion from the church, and have been at the receiving end of prejudice, intolerance, and hate because something about us doesn’t fit within the rigid boundaries that society has created around human sexuality. The line goes that men are suppose to be sexually attracted to women and women to men and individuals born with a penis are male and those born with a vagina are women. It’s black and white and set in stone, but we’re saying it’s not. We don’t fit within those perimeters and rather than accepting that our understanding of human sexuality doesn’t include us, we’re saying that our understanding of human sexuality is too narrow and we need to expand our minds and our definitions. The way I see it is that when we talk in broad terms and the issue is human sexuality and the goal is justice, then GLBTQ all falls under the same umbrella.
If others need to be particular fine. Wait. No, it’s not fine and it’s not fine for the simple reason that it’s never acceptable for those who have been oppressed to oppress. It’s never reasonable or understandable or excusable for those who have been marginalized to push someone else out to the edges. Never.
As gays, lesbians and bisexuals we have the responsibility to do exactly for our transgendered brothers and sisters as we expect others to do for us. We need to educate ourselves to transgendered issues and acquaint ourselves with the lives of transgendered men and women. We need to focus on our commonality, build understanding at our points of difference, and then make space for each other under the umbrella. We really need to do this because it’s what the Gospel has been calling us to do all along. As we continue to move forward in our Christian walk as gay and lesbian people, I want to suggest we don’t limit our vision or commitment to ourselves alone but to any and all who stand this side short of full equality and inclusion in the church and society.
If you want to gain a better understanding of trans folks, here are a few excellent resources from a transgender faith perspective.
- Trans-Faith Online – A premier site complete with original text, audio, and video resources housed in the section on Basics.
- Crossing the T – Personal blog of Rev. Allyson Robinson
- Ministare – Personal blog of Rev. Sean Parker Dennison
- Call Me Malcolm – A professionally produced 90 minute documentary that follows the journey of Rev. Malcolm Himschoot while in seminary that highlights his struggles with faith, love and gender identity.
Posted in Transgendered
May 16th, 2008 at 7:43 am
This was awesome Anita, thank you for sharing this. I’ve been blessed by your insight and wisdom, yet again.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Steph–> Oh, I don’t know if I have so much wisdom to speak about but I certainly have no shortage of opinions on just about everything!
May 16th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Ditto to that!
Well, it’s in my opinion that you are wise to post such helpful information for us all.
May 16th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Steph–> Oh, I don’t agree. I think it was incredible wisdom on your part
May 16th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Incredible wisdom to have an opinion about your wisdom to post such helpful information? (Wow, that was a lot. )
Oooooooo-I get it! Aren’t you funny?
The sister is full of wisdom, opinions and humor!
May 16th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I am very glad you posted this.
Thank you.
May 16th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Anita, I loved this post. I remember watching a movie where a transgendered female was in the ladies washroom and a lesbian walked in and started on her that she was in the wrong room. At the time I thought that shouldn’t really happen. Why wouldn’t a lesbian understand a transgendered person? But unfortunately as I have come out and learned more, I realize that transgendered people are sometimes not accepted in the straight or gay world. What a shame.
But I also have heard of bisexual people being treated in the same way. It amazes me that this kind of discrimination can happen. While I am not transgendered, I can understand the agony of not fitting into the “norm”. And some would say that I must be bisexual since I was married to a man. But the funny (not ha ha) thing is, we are all in the same place of being on the outside looking in so to speak. So I have decided that it is not me/you or us/them, but WE. We are the body of Christ and it doesn’t matter where on the sexuality/idenity continuim a person falls.
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:57 am
Thank you for sharing your self so honestly. I have also experienced my own prejudice toward someone who I didn’t understand. As I battled in my mine questioning ‘who’ this person was I prayed for God to cause me to see them as He does. He preformed an amazing transformation in my heart as I yielded to His will. Rather than judging/questioning what ‘type’ of person they are I was able to learn to love them. At the end of the service as we were praying together, I heard this person praying and I heard such genuine love for God pouring out from her. I made a specific point to spend some time getting to know her and show her the kindness and acceptance she has been denied so many times. I received a far greater gift of learning about loving others than the little things I was able to offer her. I am so thankful that God drew me closer to who He is by this experience.
This fall as I worked to try to teach my children tolerance for those who are different than the majority, we watched a show about trans gendered youth. I found it very interesting that my 13 year old had an easier time expressing understanding for their trials than for gay persons. His view made me see my own misinterpretations of their lives and helped me learn to be understanding and caring to their needs.
May 24th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Eliz–> Thank you so much for sharing your own story and the lesson learned. Powerful stuff! Interestingly enough Eliz, I’ve noted the same thing in my own family in terms of them being able to connect to some kind of understanding and compassion toward transgendered persons more so than for those folks who are gay or lesbian. Do you have any guess what it might be that way for your son? It’s an interesting dynamic that’s for sure.
May 25th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Well Anita for my son, he could ‘understand’ the prejudices and pain of trans gendered people from his own pain of not being accepted by his peers. (Due to his size, his interests / personality and social economic status, in a community that is really he-man macho and devoted to oil wealth.) But his difficulty or prejudice about gay persons was due to us ‘looking’ the same gender as those we are attracted to. When he came to the understand that when we find out someone is gay that person has not changed (because they always were) he began to understand that we are no different than any one else. We love who we do because of who we are. And his acceptance doesn’t rely on who he ‘thought’ we were. So if his view changed about that person it was him who changed not them. It also helped that he knows me and knows that I am still his mom even though he now knows my orientation.
May 26th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Eliz –> It sounds like you’ve raised an amazing son in that he allowed his views and ideas to change as he encountered people he could relate to in some personal way. I love hearing and seeing how the human heart can change when all the differences between the us and the them fall into the background of those places where we can make a human to human connection. Thanks so much for sharing that insight Eliz.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Anita, I really love you for this. I love you anyway, but this was really wonderful. Thank you so much.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Allyson –>I love the love so I’ll take it all gratefully and volley it back to you and the amazing work you’re doing in providing education not only through sharing information but in sharing your own life on your blog. It’s powerful stuff Allyson. In working at the CLGS for a few years I was given a huge boost in my learning curve when it comes to the lives, challenges and unique gifts of transgendered people and I suspect had I not had that advantage I’d still be stuck back in my old patterns of ignorance and fear of the unknown. I know this is a complicated issue for many so it might be my naiveté showing when I say it seems like it should be so simple for gay and lesbian people to recognize that the transgendered among us often confront the very same things in the queer community that gay and lesbian people confront in the straight world and that recognition alone should be reason enough to think and act differently to those who stand among us. Justice for all or justice for none.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I am transgendered. I am 3 years post op and love my new me. I am a little overwieght, but happy with who I am. I have been accepted by most but it took much work on my part to just prove I am just a normal woman, with most of the same issues, love, happiness, etc. I have hormonal days and days I have to find quiet just for me. But I am christian and I too have had to learn to understand others, because I am treated differently from lesbians, and gays. It is quite a switch to go from straight to gay. I was married to two different women for 33 years total. I love women, and can’t even begin to answer the question of why be a girl. It was that or just end it. I still provide for my ex, and probably always will. but she told me she wanted a man, nota woman. I respect that, and the fact she stood by me though the process of counselors hormones and surgery. But to make a long story short, we are all human beings. We all need love, happiness, a place to call home. I may never know intimacy again but I am happy with who I am, my grown children accept me, as well as my grandson. Any one can ask me anything, just be ready for frank and honest answers.
August 30th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Wow, this is quite an illuminating site. I’m not gay but spent a lot of time trying to figure out why being gay was a “sin” when I was younger. I had some gay friends that were very much the objects of hate and persecution. Most of which came from the church community. I quickly found out those biblical arguments fall apart once you find the human agenda for the mistranslations and augmentations. But I have to admit, transgender was always something I said I was cool with but never really was. Thanks for sharing, it really helped me evaluate my own quiet judgements about transgender folks. Thanks for spreading the love!
August 30th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Chris–> So glad you found us here and I really do hope that in addition to reading my post on transgendered folks that you visit the resource sites I included. Trans-faith especially. I really appreciate you adding your voice and perspective here and look forward to checking out your own site in the near future. With a name like “subversive church” how can I not?!
August 30th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Abbey–> Thank you for sharing a bit of your story here and what a powerful witness it is to coming to a place of being your true self and living into that. You’re always welcomed here among us as one of our community of SisterFriends…and you are that among us….a sister and a lesbian one at that! Welcome to the mix!
January 15th, 2009 at 9:12 am
Anita,
I’ve come to your website late, but am oh, so thankful to have found it. I really appreciate your thots on trans-folks. It was lesbian folks on an IRC channel that made my life as a trans-woman so much easier… I had no idea how I could live and not have a woman for a partner and until that time my ignorance and stereotypes figured that lesbians hated anything that might have even touched a penis. It was wonderful to find people attracted to my spirit rather than my body. More than that, though, to be included in the Christian family s so much more freeing yet. Thank you again for your “confession”. You are more than forgiven, You are blessed.
January 15th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Mica–>I’m so glad you found SisterFriends and please know that you’re fully welcomed here as a Sister in Christ. I think one of the great gifts that our trans brothers and sisters have to teach us is that gender isn’t limited or defined by biology and that it is, or at least should be, the spirit of a person that draws us rather than anything external. Thank you for your gracious and forgiving spirit Mica. And again, welcome!
March 13th, 2009 at 2:44 am
I would say that issues of sexuality and gender identity are radically indissociable, even though it is useful and psychologically valid to separate the actual categories of sexual orientation and gender identity. This is because our ‘representation’ of the ’sex’ of another person (implicated in sexual attaction / orientation) is, as the post-structuralists would say, always already gendered: as we are social as well as biological beings, we can’t rigidly separate out what is female / male (anatomically) from what is feminine / masculine (social gender).
This is so much so that I’ve taken to using ‘cross-over’ terms (which you could call ‘genderality’ or ‘gender-orientation’) that describe the relationship between one’s own gender identity and that of the person who you are attracted to. This idea is not my own invention; but I’ve borrowed and adapted it from another person of the ‘androgynous’ persuasion I encountered on the net.
So, for example, I consider myself to be bisexual (sexual orientation), male (anatomical sex), androgynous (gender identity: a mixture of male and female psychologically) and homogenderal with respect to gender orientation. What this means is that I’m attracted to persons who I perceive as having similar androgynous characteristics to myself, in the gender not physical sense: male and female psychologically. As I’m also bisexual, it just happens to be that those other androgynous persons could be either male or female, or indeed androgynous in the physical sense (appearing both male / female or masculine / feminine physically/socially). But this is not the same as bisexuality. For instance, if I were gay, I would be attracted only to androgynous men.
This provides an extra dimension, I think, to the understanding of the relationship between sexuality and gender. For instance, and not wanting to judge other people’s sexuality or personality, there are undoubtedly some lesbians that society would consider to be ‘masculine’ in appearance and who pair up with other ‘masculine’ women: the so-called butch lesbian. If one of those women also has a strong male / masculine gender identity, this does not necessarily make her ‘homogenderal’ alongside homosexual. She could, for instance, correctly perceive that her partner, despite having masculine aspects to her appearance, has a very feminine gender identity. So this would make her heterogenderal + homosexual. Or potentially, ‘bigenderal’ if in fact she’s attracted to the combination of feminine and masculine characteristics in her partner.
I guess the test of this sort of extra layer of categorisation is if it adds anything to individuals’ self-understanding and efforts to come to terms with their ‘queerness’. I can only say that it certainly helped me.