Comments on: The T in GLBTQ Belongs Right Where It Is

By: John

John — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 10:44:41 +0000

I would say that issues of sexuality and gender identity are radically indissociable, even though it is useful and psychologically valid to separate the actual categories of sexual orientation and gender identity. This is because our ‘representation’ of the ’sex’ of another person (implicated in sexual attaction / orientation) is, as the post-structuralists would say, always already gendered: as we are social as well as biological beings, we can’t rigidly separate out what is female / male (anatomically) from what is feminine / masculine (social gender).

This is so much so that I’ve taken to using ‘cross-over’ terms (which you could call ‘genderality’ or ‘gender-orientation’) that describe the relationship between one’s own gender identity and that of the person who you are attracted to. This idea is not my own invention; but I’ve borrowed and adapted it from another person of the ‘androgynous’ persuasion I encountered on the net.

So, for example, I consider myself to be bisexual (sexual orientation), male (anatomical sex), androgynous (gender identity: a mixture of male and female psychologically) and homogenderal with respect to gender orientation. What this means is that I’m attracted to persons who I perceive as having similar androgynous characteristics to myself, in the gender not physical sense: male and female psychologically. As I’m also bisexual, it just happens to be that those other androgynous persons could be either male or female, or indeed androgynous in the physical sense (appearing both male / female or masculine / feminine physically/socially). But this is not the same as bisexuality. For instance, if I were gay, I would be attracted only to androgynous men.

This provides an extra dimension, I think, to the understanding of the relationship between sexuality and gender. For instance, and not wanting to judge other people’s sexuality or personality, there are undoubtedly some lesbians that society would consider to be ‘masculine’ in appearance and who pair up with other ‘masculine’ women: the so-called butch lesbian. If one of those women also has a strong male / masculine gender identity, this does not necessarily make her ‘homogenderal’ alongside homosexual. She could, for instance, correctly perceive that her partner, despite having masculine aspects to her appearance, has a very feminine gender identity. So this would make her heterogenderal + homosexual. Or potentially, ‘bigenderal’ if in fact she’s attracted to the combination of feminine and masculine characteristics in her partner.

I guess the test of this sort of extra layer of categorisation is if it adds anything to individuals’ self-understanding and efforts to come to terms with their ‘queerness’. I can only say that it certainly helped me.

By: anita

anita — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:40:02 +0000

Mica–>I’m so glad you found SisterFriends and please know that you’re fully welcomed here as a Sister in Christ. I think one of the great gifts that our trans brothers and sisters have to teach us is that gender isn’t limited or defined by biology and that it is, or at least should be, the spirit of a person that draws us rather than anything external. Thank you for your gracious and forgiving spirit Mica. And again, welcome!

By: Mica

Mica — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:12:50 +0000

Anita,
I’ve come to your website late, but am oh, so thankful to have found it. I really appreciate your thots on trans-folks. It was lesbian folks on an IRC channel that made my life as a trans-woman so much easier… I had no idea how I could live and not have a woman for a partner and until that time my ignorance and stereotypes figured that lesbians hated anything that might have even touched a penis. It was wonderful to find people attracted to my spirit rather than my body. More than that, though, to be included in the Christian family s so much more freeing yet. Thank you again for your “confession”. You are more than forgiven, You are blessed.

By: anita

anita — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 06:38:58 +0000

Abbey–> Thank you for sharing a bit of your story here and what a powerful witness it is to coming to a place of being your true self and living into that. You’re always welcomed here among us as one of our community of SisterFriends…and you are that among us….a sister and a lesbian one at that! Welcome to the mix!

By: anita

anita — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 06:34:54 +0000

Chris–> So glad you found us here and I really do hope that in addition to reading my post on transgendered folks that you visit the resource sites I included. Trans-faith especially. I really appreciate you adding your voice and perspective here and look forward to checking out your own site in the near future. With a name like “subversive church” how can I not?!

By: chris (subversive church)

chris (subversive church) — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 06:13:28 +0000

Wow, this is quite an illuminating site. I’m not gay but spent a lot of time trying to figure out why being gay was a “sin” when I was younger. I had some gay friends that were very much the objects of hate and persecution. Most of which came from the church community. I quickly found out those biblical arguments fall apart once you find the human agenda for the mistranslations and augmentations. But I have to admit, transgender was always something I said I was cool with but never really was. Thanks for sharing, it really helped me evaluate my own quiet judgements about transgender folks. Thanks for spreading the love!

By: Abbey W

Abbey W — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 04:25:22 +0000

I am transgendered. I am 3 years post op and love my new me. I am a little overwieght, but happy with who I am. I have been accepted by most but it took much work on my part to just prove I am just a normal woman, with most of the same issues, love, happiness, etc. I have hormonal days and days I have to find quiet just for me. But I am christian and I too have had to learn to understand others, because I am treated differently from lesbians, and gays. It is quite a switch to go from straight to gay. I was married to two different women for 33 years total. I love women, and can’t even begin to answer the question of why be a girl. It was that or just end it. I still provide for my ex, and probably always will. but she told me she wanted a man, nota woman. I respect that, and the fact she stood by me though the process of counselors hormones and surgery. But to make a long story short, we are all human beings. We all need love, happiness, a place to call home. I may never know intimacy again but I am happy with who I am, my grown children accept me, as well as my grandson. Any one can ask me anything, just be ready for frank and honest answers.

By: anita

anita — Tue, 27 May 2008 18:57:27 +0000

Allyson –>I love the love so I’ll take it all gratefully and volley it back to you and the amazing work you’re doing in providing education not only through sharing information but in sharing your own life on your blog. It’s powerful stuff Allyson. In working at the CLGS for a few years I was given a huge boost in my learning curve when it comes to the lives, challenges and unique gifts of transgendered people and I suspect had I not had that advantage I’d still be stuck back in my old patterns of ignorance and fear of the unknown. I know this is a complicated issue for many so it might be my naiveté showing when I say it seems like it should be so simple for gay and lesbian people to recognize that the transgendered among us often confront the very same things in the queer community that gay and lesbian people confront in the straight world and that recognition alone should be reason enough to think and act differently to those who stand among us. Justice for all or justice for none.

By: Allyson

Allyson — Tue, 27 May 2008 18:09:36 +0000

Anita, I really love you for this. I love you anyway, but this was really wonderful. Thank you so much.

By: anita

anita — Mon, 26 May 2008 21:34:10 +0000

Eliz –> It sounds like you’ve raised an amazing son in that he allowed his views and ideas to change as he encountered people he could relate to in some personal way. I love hearing and seeing how the human heart can change when all the differences between the us and the them fall into the background of those places where we can make a human to human connection. Thanks so much for sharing that insight Eliz.