To My Gay Daughter, Love Mom

January 1, 2006

My darling daughter,

Yes, you are MY daughter, and you will always be my daughter. Your decision to find out who and what you are does not upset me, nor does it bring me any embarrassment or shame. I have always been proud of you, and this has not changed. The only thing I have ever wanted is for you to be happy.

Yes, I have been upset in the past, but I think this was because I knew you were unhappy and there was nothing I could do to help. You were always a secretive child, an introspective individual who was unwilling to share her thoughts. Perhaps this was because of a misguided feeling on your part that you would disappoint me or a fear of how I would react. I hope you know that there are very few things that you could do that would bring me disappointment or truly upset me. An ax murderer, drug abuse, child abuse…OK these would truly upset me but I would still LOVE you.

I have been very lucky in life. I had some years in my life that were very hard to bear, but I got through them. There were years when money was tight, years when I had to work several jobs, years when I was starving for love. My struggle was worth it because of my children. Finally, I found true love. Oh, how great is life. I have wonderful children, each different, each with their own struggles, each fascinating in their own way.

I am in a relationship that makes me feel secure, warm and loved. I know that your sister has been fortunate to find someone who loves her as I have been loved. I hope that someday you will also find someone who can love you the same way.

Love is unconditional. I have loved my husband in spite of his past. We worked together to get through the problems, both his and mine. It was not easy on either of us. But together we were able to get over the rough spots.

Love is forgiving. I have done things in my life that some people may not be able to forgive. In fact I had trouble forgiving myself. But I discovered that without forgiveness, there is no room for love. Love always forgives. If you cant forgive, even yourself, you can’t love.

Love means sharing. Sharing the good and the bad. Sharing the work load. Sharing the good times. Sharing your thoughts.

Love is having a best friend for a lover, even if sex is not involved. My husband is my best friend and my lover. Even if we never had sex again that would not change. It isn’t sex that makes a lover. It’s intimacy of thought and feeling. Sexual intimacy is something that is temporary. You can have great sex with a stranger, the right stranger. But the intimacy that bonds takes time, takes work, and takes two people who are best friends.

Love is something very special. The first step, my darling daughter is to learn to love yourself. You are very special. You have many gifts to offer to others. Not everybody can fit into someone else’s mold, so quit trying. Discover who you are. Be proud of what you are.

Daddy and I will always have an open door for you. If you want to move back to this area, please do. You can always stay with us or your sister until you can get settled. If you want to come for a visit you are always welcome. We may not always be able to help you with material things, but we always will support you emotionally, with our love and friendship.

You are family and we love you as a daughter, but above that we just plain like you. You are a good person and don’t you ever forget that.

I love you. Be happy.

Mom

This personal story of faith and reconciliation comes from the archives of www.christianlesbians.com and was originally posted in 1999.

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