Turning Our Questions to Questions of God
January 7, 2010
Today while reading through some old emails I’ve saved from the past few months I got to thinking, maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong, or at least from the wrong angle. Below all the questions people ask about the Bible and homosexuality and the struggle to reconcile being gay and Christian is something more even fundamental and that’s what we believe about God. What if God hates homosexuality like they say? Will God send me to hell for loving another woman? I’m scared to death that God has cut me off. Maybe God is asking that I sacrifice my happiness to follow Him. If God doesn’t want me to be gay why doesn’t He help me change? If being gay is so wrong, why did God let this happen to me when all I ever did was love Him?
Maybe in this new year those of us who continue to be caught in the struggle need to put aside grappling with the six passages that are used by some within the church to condemn homosexuality and stop trying to answer to the arguments that they can’t be Christian and queer. Maybe for a season we need to let go of the religious prohibitions against homosexuality that’s entrenched within everyone of us who have spent any portion of our lives within the conservative end of the church and instead shift our attention to God and nothing about God.
- Who is God to me?
- How would I describe God to someone else?
- What is the nature of God? What are the virtues of God? What are the outstanding characteristics of God?
- What gets God out of bed in the morning?
- What is the focus of God’s day?
- What does God think about me?
- What does God want for me?
- What does God think about and desire for those who are set against me?
- How does God desire to engage in relationship with me?
- What is the heart of God for all creation?
In other words, put aside all our questions about being gay for the moment and turn our attention to questions about God because as we gain clarity in our understanding of God I believe we’ll find resolution to the other questions that have our hearts tied up in knots. We can become so focused on the central issues of our lives that we lose sight of the relationship of our lives, that being our relationship with God and our understanding of God’s relationship to and with us.
All I’m doing is asking you to think thoughtfully about what your personal theology of God is, because theology (beliefs about God) is in the end a very personal thing. While our early theology was shaped by what we’d been taught to believe and what we’d witnessed within the lives of our families or our churches, as we grow into the maturity of our own faith and gain our spiritual independence it becomes necessary that we define our faith in God for ourselves because this and this alone is what will guide us through our lives. How we “hear” God and how we experience the Spirit’s “leading” are merely extensions of what it is we already believe about the heart of God for us, for all humanity, and all creation in the core of our being.
That’s how I think we should begin 2010; by letting go of investing all our time, energy, and attention toward reconciling our sexuality or opposing the churches condemnation of homosexuality or fighting a world that seems set at odds against equality for all people, and that we instead lose ourselves to the bigger spiritual questions of God that in the end will be what leads us each to places of peace and assurance in all the other matters of life that concern us.
Posted in Theology
January 7th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Oh, Anita, thank you so much for this post. I actually felt the knot in my chest loosen as I read these words. Thank you, thank you.
January 7th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
Oh Anita, I’m having trouble sorting through all the things, all the issues, that are going on in my head right now and I’m so glad I stopped to read this tonight. Thank you for helping me focus.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:24 pm
I’ve been wrestling with whether love is part of common grace or not. Because if God is the giver of love between people, how can my love for my wife be sinful? But if it’s common grace available to everyone… well, I can see how my mind gets wrapped up in God issues that relate to me and my sexuality more than I wrap myself up in giving him praise and thanks. I appreciate your helping us to keep the main thing the main thing.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:34 pm
This is awesome. Very nice.
January 7th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
I am a very analytical person and struggled through files and files of views on homosexuality. All the questions I read here that people ask on your site is valid and important and I have tried to make sense of what I think and believe. Two days ago, after writing a very tired, very hopeless comment on your Adam and Eve post I decided that I was going to stop digging, stop trying to figure out if God made me gay, what God says about gays (i’ve studied those clobber passages for hours and hours), what I am supposed to do about my ‘differentness’. I decided that I was going to relax in the fact that I am not like other people – whether its wrong or not. That I was going to stop reading up about it and just trust the Lord to work in my mind and spirit. I am gay – no-one knows yet except a best friend. If He wants me to be different, I am open to listen to Him. And if He wants to tell me something, He is welcome. But the effort from my side is done. And I relaxed….and then this morning (7:48 am in South Africa here) I read your message and smiled, because I just love it when the Lord teaches me something and through others underline what He has said. Thanks.
January 7th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
Anut–> I had read your other comment and was so moved by it and yet didn’t know how to begin to respond to such earnest questioning. I do understand how it can be wearisome, this journey to uncover every bit of information, study with all our ability, and pray with all our might. I do think however there comes a time to put it all aside and take rest and shelter in the Lord. God has no time limit for you to work this out or to come to some final position. For today I believe God’s greatest concern is that having done all you know to do, and with your heart open to God, you would trust in God’s faithfulness to lead you and hold you through whatever lays ahead. This takes nothing more than faith; a faith that is just as mature and reasoned and true as any arguments formed for our intellectual minds to consider. I’m glad you found something in this post that made you smile and reminded you that even in rest God is present to teach you.
January 7th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
And as you said, keeping the main thing before us is that God is Love and the source of all love. Or God is not. We have to decide that before we move on to other matters that can never be resolved as long as we remain uncertain about the foundation upon which everything else we believe is built. Wrap yourself up in God….beautiful way of saying it. And so true.
January 8th, 2010 at 6:12 am
Anita, thanks for actually answering me…makes me feel validated/valued.
January 8th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Anita -> Well I’d just like to say that perhaps it’s not that you’ve “been going about this all wrong/from the wrong perspective” at all. Perhaps it’s that we’ve worked on an angle for a while and now you are steering this sanctuary to another place for a while. I truly believe it’s ALL valid and necessary. You and this space are a gift, Anita, and I am so thankful to have found Sisterfriends.
January 8th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Your post reminded me of something early on in my coming out and questioning. I sought out the help of a therapist, because I was just so confused. She was also a pastor, which was a blessing. I told her that I thought I had heard God telling me I was okay and accepted, but how could that be? It was sin. She asked me to sit down and write about all of the times that I thought I had heard God before, how did I know it was Him, and how had He spoken, etc. I did that assignment, and realized that this time was no different. By focusing on God, how He spoke to me, what He was saying, and who He was — I lost myself in Him, and suddenly – I knew that He did accept me, and if He said I was okay, then I was. I believe that God is still speaking, through His Holy Spirit, to each one of us. I believe you are on to something Anita, may we all keep our hearts focused on who He is, and may we just yearn to know Him better and more completely. Thanks.
January 8th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
TDK—Oh. How much do I LOVE that story. Your pastor/therapist was on to something so basic that we so often overlook and I’d comment more on it here but instead it’s going to be a blog post so that others don’t miss it. Powerful powerful stuff.
January 8th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
thanks for your post Anita and from all those that responded to her post – great stuff to think about and I hope to reflect and respond soon. Peace to ALL
January 9th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Indeed, may 2010 find our focus on God, His heart for us, His opinion of us and letting all other opinions, including our own, fall by the wayside if they are contrary!
As we get lost in Him, His presence, love, grace, kindness & overwhelming awesomeness………we’ll view the other aspects of our lives with new eyes! Anita, your words are wonderful confirmation, underscoring God’s heart. As on New Year’s Eve and all day Jan. 1st….that was God’s message to me, continually, like I’d never experienced before. Overwhelming really.
He just kept saying: Look to me, look at me, Look up! Come Closer. Look to Me!
That’s where I want to dwell, by His grace, enjoying Him, not hung up on myself! Oh to remember it’s not about us, but it’s ALL about HIM!
January 12th, 2010 at 10:46 am
I’m a bit behind and catching up on posts ….
Anita – this is a fantastic and important post. It is also consistent with my journey in moving from “the house of fear” to “the house of love” (check out Henri Nouwen’s book Lifesigns from 1986) ….. at the end of the day it all starts and ends with who God is…..
January 13th, 2010 at 10:13 am
Thank you for your words and thoughts, Anita they are so true. Everyone, no matter their issues need to find God in their life and what it is that He is telling them. These are the times when He shapes us and molds us. Does He not know our every thought even before we think it? Nothing we ever do is a shock to Him nor are we ever to far away for His gentle touch to guide us. Like you said we need to find out who He is and seek Him. If we have ever choosen something that we shouldn’t have He will continue to love us where we are but He will also restore us when it is time. Have I ever felt that He hasn’t made me this way? No. I was saved and then He showed me this part of my life. My thoughts through all of this were to just continue to draw closer to Him. If I put Him first and seek Him I have nothing to fear; no matter what people wanted to scream at me. If I seek and love God He can always guide and fix any miss steps. We have to remember that God loves, He is the meaning of love; a love that we only wish and hope to be like.
I have thought alot and I have had the pressing on my heart that I don’t want to fight their fights any more. I just want to love and live life, and let God change them.
January 14th, 2010 at 1:41 pm
I really focused on my theology- on how I view God- and came to terms with ideas of sin, redemption, christian liberty, love, wrath, mercy, and grace. I came to some powerful, life-changing conclusions. I thought after grappling with these questions that it would be easier now- I thought that was the hard part. I realize now that isn’t the case…this is now harder than ever. Because I know my Lord in a different way than most people now and it’s hard to live in this world with the new knowledge and perspective I have gained. Francis Schaeffer asked the question, “How should I then live?” and I find myself asking that same question, but I don’t know how to answer. Because the way I think I should is so far from the liberal, conservative, catholic, anglican, and protestant sides. It takes more courage and wisdom than I currently have. I can relate to Martin Luther, a bit, at this point in my life. You expect “the world” to call you a fool and a heretic, but you don’t really prepare yourself to have the church call you that.
January 16th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Thank you once again – God is using your messages for so much healing.