Upping the Ante On “My Dog Ate My Homework”

January 29, 2010

For those who’ve been so faithful in following this blog, there’s no doubt you’ve noticed in recent months that my posts have been a little slower in coming. I really have struggled with this because while my desire is to blog regularly there’s been a series of challenges that have had more of an effect on me and my ability to focus on writing than I seemed able to realize or admit to myself. The last six months have included two surgical procedures that took more from me than I anticipated followed by some frustrating but thankfully not serious health issues that precipitated multiple rounds of medical tests and doctor appointments that are just now winding down. And as you know, and were so caring in your love and prayers toward me during it all, there was the death of my beautiful mom in October followed within hours by one of my brother’s being diagnosed with ALS. Through all these circumstances God has upheld me and those I love. I’ve had no shortage of support and haven’t for a moment questioned God’s faithfulness to see us all through, come what may. It’s been a challenging season in my life with moments of sorrow and grief but life continues on and joy can and has been found in every single day.

And still, I’m only just realizing how much it’s taken from me in terms of my energy and my attention. Every day I miss my mom. Every day my thoughts and prayers turn toward my brother. Every day I’m a little more physically tired than I’m use to being. And because of all these changes in my little corner of the world; the losses that have already come and the potential losses that lay ahead sooner than I would ever care to imagine, I’m finding it a little more difficult to focus on my writing and as I’ve done in the past, I only ask that you be patient with me through this time and that you continue to stay connected to SisterFriends until I can find my breath again. I think I’m getting there.

That’s one of my personal reasons why over the past couple posts I’ve moved into a blogalogue about God’s love and why I don’t plan to go in another direction any time soon. After all, when you’re weary and worn, when the past has left you brokenhearted and the future appears paved with further hardship and loss, what else is there to do but lean fully into God who is able to keep you grounded in a hope that calms all fear and a joy that surpasses all grief? (You do realize I’m not just referring to my life but yours as well, right? Okay. Just checking.) I don’t know about you but when that’s how life looks to me, then hanging out in God’s love is the only place I want to be. It’s not that pitching our tent here changes the past, makes the future any more certain, or answers all the questions that continue to cloud our hearts, but at least we know this; that when we anchor ourselves into God’s love we stand in a truth and reality that is unchangeable, absolutely certain, and unquestionable. God is Love.

For my benefit and I hope and pray for yours as well, I’m going to be spend the next week or more blogging a series of random reflections on the love of God. That’s all they’re going to be too, just random reflections. They’ll be concise (if you can believe that any where within me lays the ability to be concise), in no particular order and with no particular structure. Just your basic stream of consciousness kind of ruminations. Care to join me? I hope so. I really do.

May this modern translation by Daniel Ladinsky of an ancient poem by Kabir get your own ruminations ruminating.

WHAT KIND OF GOD?

What kind of God would He be
if He did not hear the
bangles ring on
an ant’s
wrist
as they move the earth
in their sweet
dance?

And what kind of God would He be
if a leaf’s prayer was not as precious to creation
as the prayer His own son sang
from the glorious depth
of his soul -
for us.

And what kind of God would He be
if the vote of millions in this world could sway Him
to change the divine
law of
love
that speaks so clearly with compassion’s elegant tongue,
saying, eternally saying:
all are forgiven – moreover, dears,
no one has ever been found
guilty.

What
kind of God would He be
if He did not count the blinks
of your
eyes
and is in absolute awe of their movements?

What a God – what a God we
have.

Posted in Anita, SisterFriends