Second, I have often wondered, “what if I’m wrong”, too. When I broke young men’s hearts because being intimate with them made me feel physically ill, I asked myself “what if I’m wrong?” When I decided to come out as a lesbian and become an advocate on my small town MN campus, I asked, “what if I’m wrong?” When I started to ask the tough questions of religion, I asked, “what if I’m wrong?” After I endured a couple of long and difficult relationships with women, “what if I’m wrong?” When I moved to CA and tried to date men again, I asked “what if I’m wrong?” And then I found her…

When I first met my future wife, the strength of her faith initially scared me. She had attended Christian college, she had chosen a challenging career as an attorney for abused/neglected kids and she just loved Jesus. (She even mentioned it on her online dating profile!) As I started to understand her better and fall in love with her, her faith in God reignited my interest in being a spiritual person.

It occurred to me that religion and God are not one in the same. I hated the trappings and man-made rules of religion. To me, churches were no different than grocery stores…they all have their tempting deals (man-made salvation, home-made potato salad) in order to appeal to certain target markets. At the same time churches and grocery stores can refuse service to anyone for any reason. For the longest time, I felt I was “refused service” by religious institutions for being gay. I felt I was “refused service” by those many religious people who pass judgment (a sin Jesus actually spoke against.) I felt a bit lost.

Throughout my personal journey and my struggles with man-made religion, it occurred to me that I NEVER felt abandoned by God Himself. He was always by my side. In fact, I could see Him in the face of the woman I love….and to whom I am now married. As I became reconnected to Christ through conversations with my wife, I finally started to think “what if I’m right? She and I are now coming to a place where we may start attending an affirming church…to enjoy a renewed sense of true and inclusive Christianity.

If we were all perfect, we would not need God’s guidance – we are all sinners. However, I also know my life is not represented in the Bible…I can’t find any example of a loving same-sex couple honoring God, serving their community and raising a healthy family in the Bible. In fact, Jesus said nothing about homosexuality. (Besides, the word homosexual wasn’t even found in print until 1869! Prior to including homosexuality in Biblical interpretation, a few of the ‘clobber passages’ spoke against pederasty and rape.) While I am wary of how the Bible has been reinterpreted throughout the ages, I do believe that Jesus Christ was the perfect role model for humanity.

I do the best to keep the Lord in my heart…and trust that He is a loving and merciful God who will judge me on the sum of my being….not just the small role that sexuality plays in my life. (So, in other words, I concur with Anita’s post.)

To those who are still wondering, “what I’m wrong”, I suggest that you try putting your faith and trust in God. No one else will give you the answers. Continue on your personal journeys, keep God in your heart, serve those around you, but be sure to send up a prayer when you are in doubt. Try to meet other gay Christians who appreciate your strengths but also understand potential struggles. Even in moments of intimacy (emotional, sexual, etc.), talk to God and remind yourself that you and your partner are His creations, both deserving of love and respect. (If you can not talk to God during those moments, moments that should be blessings, then you know your heart is not in the right place.) Once you are comfortable with talking to Him WHENEVER you need guidance, you will start to feel His answers in your heart.

I have no doubt that you’ll find yourself wondering “what if I’m right?” God Bless :^)

I struggle with this statement. Isn’t the Bible Holy Spirit breathed? As a Christian and a Lesbian I have had 2 major issues.

1. In certain season in my life, when I am dating, I do not see, (sense) the Holy Spirit’s work in my life.

2. If the Bible is my food, scriptures pertaining to homosexuality are the cooked celery I hate is soups.

You get me?

Is it really all in the interpretation?

I don’t believe Jonathon and David were involved romantically. When I read the scripture I see to best friends.

My point is, where is the Holy Spirits work in all of this and these gay affirming church. I can’t trust my feelings. I don’t think anyone should. Where is the discernment?

thanks for you time, I look forward to you response Anita

Jackie (suffering in the midwest lol)

I am a Christian and I love Jesus completely but I also like both men and women. Something you said made me wonder something though. See, I have been kind of struggling with the fact that I am attracted to women as well as men, maybe just a bit more for women actually, but also being a Christian. So please help me here, because I am not too sure of anything on this topic. I quote you as saying, “If at the end of my life God revealed to me that being gay was sin, that my sexual attraction was abhorrent, that my relationship with my beloved was a defilement, and that my words and witness had led people into the same sin, I’d fall on my face before God in repentance and remorse, and it wouldn’t be fear at the heart of my anguish but over having failed to please the One I loved above all others and sorrow at having not represented God in truth. That’s what I would do but what would God do? What I believe is that the God of love and grace known through Jesus would know my heart had always been to serve and follow Him despite my failings and would extend mercy and compassion to me as He would to all.”

Now, first of all, you said AT THE END OF YOUR LIFE, but what if God didn’t wait until the END of it and showed you, now, for instance, that you were wrong, would you repent and try to change, or would you deny it and continue? Now understand that I am not picking on you because as I said, I like men and MOSTLY women and am a Christian, too so there is NO judgement here in what I am asking. Please forgive me if that is what it seems like. But could you explain for me? Thank you.

After much frustration and anger with God for having to keep this a big secret and needing so badly to discuss it from a solid, sincere Christain point of view I challenged Him to make it that ‘discussion’ happen within the next 3 days – He did – through this site. For once, after months of searching I have found sincere faith from people who understand – thank you so much – and thankyou God so much!

Now my prayer is to help others so that we need not be ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Blessings to you all!

On about the lowest day yet, you’ve filled me with hope and smiles and reminded me of who I am in God and I am ready to soar again with Her/Him.

You create a sound that I haven’t heared (yet… not ‘been around’ that long) in Holland.

Again ONE MAN took ALL into SIN and ONE MAN took ALL into RIGHTEOUSNESS!

Now that is the GOOD NEWS!

Thank you for letting me post a comment on your blog.
Also we invite you to visit our blog at http://www.boldgrace.com

Peace
Geo