What’s Love Got To Do With It? Nothing. Everything.

July 28, 2011

Last week the New York senate voted in favor of marriage equality and as marriage licenses began to be issued the photos of newly-married gay and lesbian couples flooded the news and with my iPad in my lap, I sat and binged on them for hours.

And as always, the ever-present and enthusiastically-celebrated diversity common whenever two or more queer people gather in one place was hard to miss. There were lesbians in work boots and lesbians in pumps. There were gay men in rolled up shirtsleeves with humidity wrinkled collars and gay men in Scottish kilts and tassled white stockings. There were couples dressed like little gay bookends in matching white wedding dresses and matching tailored suits. There were couples representing every racial configuration. There were young couples, middle-aged couples, elderly couples and May-December couples. There were couples who measure the length of their relationship in months and couples who measure their years together by decades, but however long they’ve shared their lives this week all of them were newlyweds.

And while I looked through all the photographs there were passing moments when my eyes would tear up at a particularly poignant image; of two elderly women held in the familiar embrace of one another; of a young couple kissing with such tenderness you imagine for that one minute they forgot the crowds and the cameras around them because looking at their captured kiss you lose sight of everything else too. Even though every image I looked at was of people I’ve never met, I couldn’t help but be moved by every face and tear and smile. But really, it’s not as if crying at a wedding is a new thing. Those of us humans who have both a heart and a soul tend to get that warm goopy sentimental feeling when we see two people in love. Our happiness for them and our longing to have the same for ourselves swirls around in a cocktail of emotions that makes the crustiest of hearts get all soft and fuzzy.

But having said all that, what really happened last weekend in New York wasn’t a victory for love. It wasn’t about the uniting of two hearts, the promises made between two people or the potential for hundreds of happily ever-afters. The significance of what took place last weekend was nothing more and nothing less than gay and lesbian citizens of this country gaining one more right that belongs to every citizen of this country, and that is the right to enter into a legal and binding contract with another individual; a contract granted, protected, and honored by the government of this country for all its peoples. I am a full citizen of the United States of America or I am not, and if I am a full citizen then all the rights granted to the peoples of this country are to be equally mine.  Senator Mark J. Grisanti, a Republican who originally sought office by promising to oppose same-sex marriage but eventually changed his mind on the issue said following Friday’s vote, “I apologize for those who feel offended but I cannot deny a person, a human being, a taxpayer, a worker, the people of my district and across this state, the State of New York, and those people who make this the great state that it is the same rights that I have with my wife.”  Or as someone added to the comment section of an online new source, “Good grief! Now that gays can marry the next thing they’re going to be demanding is the right to be able to vote and pay taxes!” Bah-da-bing, bah-da-boom.  Marriage equality is about equal rights under the law.  Period.

Yes. Last weekend in New York we celebrated the wild and open expression of love between couples as they took a further step, and a big one, in their relationships. I laughed, I cried, and I kissed my beautiful bride in solidarity with the East Coast newlyweds. But with equal enthusiasm I also celebrated individual citizens of this country taking another step, and a big one, toward equal treatment under the law.

Remembering this is important, not only as we collectively move forward in pursuit of full rights under the law but in our personal lives as well. The worth of our relationships and our love and commitment to them should never be determined by others. No one has the privilege or responsibility to validate my relationship with my wife. No one other than she, and me, and God that is. We know what it is we have together. We know how deep our love and how genuine our commitment is to one another and to the life we share. We know that the other was brought into our life as a gift from God and that our union is a blessing to God. That others in our lives recognize and affirm our marriage is a wonderful thing but our marriage doesn’t depend on them to give it worth. In the same way, the worth of your life doesn’t hinge on anyone’s or everyone’s approval. You have already been fully and completely validated by God. Your great worth has been established in the love of God and in God’s eyes you are fully seen, fully known, and fully loved and if you allow God’s thoughts of you to shape your thoughts of you, then whether a thousand applaud or a thousand throw tomatoes nothing will cause you to sway and lose your footing.

See how I can weave God’s love for you into just about any conversation?

I know. I’m good.

(All images contained in this post were used with the permission of the photographers under a Creative Common License.)

Posted in Equality