When Compassion Came Before Conviction
October 26, 2009
For the last two weeks leading up to and following my mom’s death, D and I have been surrounded by people whose faith is grounded within conservative Christianity. These are the people who hold starring roles in the memories of my childhood and youth. They are the people who as adults already themselves watched me grow up from infancy to adulthood and there are others nearer to my own age who grew up along side me. The church was our world and our faith perspective was a shared one. I know what these folks believe about homosexuality and gay marriage and same-sex relationships. There’s no mystery around their convictions since what they believe is what I once believed.
If during the last two weeks D and I had encountered condemnation or rejection of our relationship from them I would have told you, but that’s not what happened and so it seems only right and fair that I tell you what did.
For the last two weeks D and I have experienced nothing but genuine warmth and kindness from everyone around us. In the hospital waiting room as we sat with family and life-long friends of my mom. In the family home as we met with Mom’s pastor to begin preparations for the events that would celebrate her life. As we gathered with family and a small circle of close friends at Mom’s burial. As we mingled among several hundred people at the reception that followed the memorial service. In all these circumstances there were no awkward moments. No one turned their back to D. No one avoided eye contact. No one stumbled for words when introductions were made.
As it should be D was treated as part of the family from start to finish. She sat among my siblings and their spouses every time we talked together before and after Mom’s death. She sat beside me at the burial and at the memorial service, and when my extended family gathered on the church platform at the end of Mom’s memorial service, D stood among us. At times when grief overcame me, D would hold me in an embrace or gently rest her hand on mine and no one said anything.
All these people are related to me by either blood or by faith. I know what they believe and I know how deeply held and genuine their convictions are in such things. And yet, in a time of shared sorrow they were able to put it all aside to extend themselves in compassion and grace. They didn’t toss us scraps from the table by doing the least they felt they had to do in such a time but instead they gave of their best selves, allowing compassion and grace to lead them.
They behaved as Christians who seek to follow the example of Christ’s life should behave but even though they were doing as they should that doesn’t mean I’m any less grateful that they allowed grace to prevail. In doing so they gave D and I a wonderful gift; allowing us the space to grieve and to mourn and to seek comfort in the peace of God and in the care of one another. They were generous in spirit to us and I will love them forever for honoring the time and the occasion by putting any issues they had to the side.
There are stories every day of Christians who choose another way; who default to condemnation over compassion. Today I wanted you to hear another story; to remind you that God’s Spirit is moving among all of us. Don’t rule anyone out. Don’t give up hope in anyone. There’s no limiting what the grace of God can do.
Posted in Storytelling
October 26th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
This is awesome, Anita. Honestly, it makes me feel proud of people that I haven’t felt proud of in a very long time. And then I remember to take the plank out of my own eye, before I try to take the speck out of theirs. Love you. So thankful for the journey and for grace.
October 27th, 2009 at 5:06 am
Anita,
Thank you for this. So many times, we lose faith in those people who don’t accept us, then we read how the people you encountered, extended the sympathy and support that you, Dana and your family so deserved. That is the same support that all people deserve. As we’ve said so many times, we are the people who hold regular jobs, teachers, doctors, lawyers, laborers, etc. We work, we get sick, we play, we grieve, we lose loved ones, just the same as the rest of the world.
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story. Thank you also to the people who showed you and D respect, sympathy and support during those most difficult days. You’ll continue to need that support for a long while.
Mostly I thank God that He allowed those people to put their ingrained beliefs aside in order to treat you kindly. And I thank Dana for being the loving spouse that you have and will continue to need. Sometimes, even that is even uncommon.
Blessings to you and D.
October 27th, 2009 at 6:27 am
thank you, Anita, for sharing the good when most of what we hear is the bad. and we should be aware of the bad, of course. but we often get so caught up on the negative that we don’t see the beauty of the true spirit of God right next to us.
October 27th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Thank you for sharing this, Anita. It is so uplifting to hear about genuine Christian love whenever and wherever it appears; and gives hope for unity our future. What a blessing.
October 27th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Perhaps this is what it will take to live our lives as fellow humans and Christians. It’s sad it takes the worst to bring out the best. Thank you for blazing the trail in your time of grief. We want support you and D. and will continue to pray.
October 27th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
So glad this little blessing was with you during your hard times. It’s just too bad that the norm is such that this is notable. :S
October 27th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Anita,
I am so happy for you and D that the people of your past were not condemning of your present self. And it is possible, always possible, that people who once felt so sure they knew what God thinks of “those people” can receive the true message that is the life and breath of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Whether that was occuring on some level, only time will tell (that’s God’s time).
Your last paragraph about the movement of God’s spirit reminds me of the ever-present hymn in my journey since my father died: “God is working his purpose out as year succeeds to year…” This, I believe.
Peace to you and D.
October 28th, 2009 at 10:26 am
I agree with what RuthAnn said, this gives me hope for unity amongst all believers. And I am so glad that in a time of grief, your Christian family did not see gay or straight, but instead saw the sorrow of a grieving sister of Christ. Thank you for sharing. You and your family will continue to be in my prayers. God bless, and may you feel His love wrapping you in His arms of comfort.
October 28th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
This is indeed what is so amazing about grace. I have many who do not agree with my choice in this area and yet they love me and embrace me. We agree to disagree and enjoy what we have. My sister said the other day that she thought she knew all of what God wanted. Then she experienced and almost debilitating mental breakdown and now she says I hardly know what God truly wants. I rejoice in her ability to be much less judgmental.
October 30th, 2009 at 11:38 am
How good it is to be reminded in a very touching way that JESUS REIGNS! Your post is indeed a testament of that to ALL of us!