You Are Not Alone

January 1, 2006

Many who have come out as a Christian Lesbian feel in the beginning as if they’re all alone. I thought that myself for a long time. “I’m the only one! I’m the only person on the entire planet who is gay and loves Jesus.” Once I came out I was certain I’d be isolated from Christian fellowship and community. I’d have to spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how to be a lesbian and continue to follow after Christ in my day to day life since to the best of my knowledge the local Christian bookstore carried no books on “Lesbian Living for Christ.” I was absolutely convinced that I was all alone in my experience but I soon discovered I was absolutely wrong!

You might be experiencing a syndrome known as “In-The-Closet Paranoia.” I had a severe case in the beginning of my own journey to reconcile my faith and sexuality. I was convinced sirens would wail and strobe lights flash the moment I touched a book in the gay/lesbian section at Borders. The first time I went to a gay-affirming church I drove to a town 110 miles a way but still snuck into the church as though I were the potential target for a “Hard Copy” investigative report.

While it can be scary to reach out for support, it’s important not to allow yourself to become isolated. You might find yourself withdrawing emotionally, if not physically, from family, friends, and your church community as you anticipate what their response might be in discovering you’re gay. While that’s understandable you need to begin to search out other resources and people. Scripture teaches us that as believers we’re called to strengthen and encourage each other’s faith and while you need others don’t forget that others need you. You have your own story to tell and in sharing it you’ll be helping someone else along the way.

In my own journey of reconciling my faith and sexuality I discovered many resources for fellowship and support and hopefully some of these will be valuable to you.

Search the internet for supportive resources and community

I always smile when I’m asked why I decided to create a Christian website for the GLBTQ community. Back in 1994 when I began my own process of coming out I entered the words christian and gay into a search engine and the first hit that came back directed me to a male erotica website run by a gay man named Christian. After that disappointing but comical setback, I eventually was fortunate enough to stumble onto an extensive site called Gay Christians Online, which inspired me to create the original (and oh so rudimentary) Christian Lesbians Online in 1996. Over the years the internet has exploded with GLBTQ affirming ministries, welcoming faith communities and personal blogs by GLBTQ Christians. The resources I provided are only to get you started.

While online fellowship won’t be enough to sustain you long term because of the limitations that are naturally involved in this type of communication, you can find a long-distance community of support until the time when you’re ready to reach out to other gay or gay-affirming Christians near you. There’s an active SisterFriends -Together Community Forum and another at Gay Christians Network, while Whosoever Magazine provides an online community mailing list.

Read the stories of other Gay and Lesbian Christians

While there are some powerful stories of gay and lesbian Christians available on the internet, there are also some excellent books containing other stories that will provide you encouragement, including Mel White’s Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America, and Uncommon Calling by Chris Glass. While I still wasn’t ready to actually pick up a book on homosexuality and Christianity at the local bookstore (lest we forget the wailing sirens and flashing strobe lights) I began to order them direct from Amazon.com. Much to my surprise they arrived in plain shipping boxes rather than in mailing envelopes stamped with pink triangles. Imagine my relief!

Join a Gay Christian Fellowship Group and attend Gay Christian Conferences

There are many organizations throughout the country that offer Bible studies and fellowship with other gay Christians on a weekly or monthly basis including Evangelical’s Concerned and the Gay Christian Network. Sisterfriends-Together is also looking forward to creating small regional gatherings around the country in the future.

The many GLBTQ organizations located within mainstream Christian denominations such as American Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Lutherans and United Church of Christ provide yearly retreats and while they have a denominational focus, they’re open to all. Keep an eye on their individual websites to see when gatherings are scheduled. All the conferences I’ve attended have been times of great renewal and blessing in my life. I’ve made friends, heard incredible speakers, and worshiped with brothers and sisters in Christ from around the country. In addition, they’re a lot of fun!

You might think because you’re in the closet it’s not possible for you to attend a support group or retreat but nothing is further from the truth. No one understands your need for confidentiality more than other gay and lesbian Christians who have been in the closet themselves. You only have to be “out” as far as you want to be. If you request that your last name not appear on your name tag or ask someone not to take your picture, people will honor your request because they understand.

Attend a Gay-Affirming Congregation

There are now thousands of congregations that fully affirm gay and lesbian Christians and to locate congregations near you go to Find a Church. Gathering with other believers is a crucial part of Christian living. I encourage you to find a church home not only so you can receive support and teaching but so you can give yourself in ministry to others. Again, if you attend a primarily gay and lesbian church like UFMCC, (or any gay-affirming congregation for that matter) people understand the need for confidentiality.

I hope the suggestions above, along with other information you discover on this site will help you see that you aren’t alone as you travel on your journey of faith. I pray God will give you the courage to reach out and ask for support from others who’ve traveled the same road.

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Posted in Christian Lesbian Identity, Community, Internet Resources