Comments on: You Never Forget the Closet

By: Patricia

Patricia — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:36:42 +0000

I’m 45 yrs old married and have children. About 1 1/2 yrs ago I met a woman who I have grown to love very deeply. We wanted to be together so I didn’t have a choice on telling people, my husband, my older children and my son who is still at home. It was fabulous. I wasn’t afraid it was so refreshing and freeing. And my family took it well. So now everyone is happy and i’m able to go on with my life as a lesbian, which I am so looking forward to, should have happened years ago, back when i was 19. but thats another story for another time….. Thanks for letting me share.

By: Karen

Karen — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 05:47:03 +0000

Wow. Thats really all I can say. I actually snorted outloud, because I’ve stood in Barnes & Noble doing THE EXACT SAME THING!!! Its actually hilarious looking when I do it, because I am Caucasion with a capital “C.”
I just wanted to thank you for sharing this bit of yourself. You’ve given me, and women like me the hope and advice that can be so impossible to find some days.
I grew up Christian, from a Lutheran family. My parents are tolerant, but only to a point. They have gay friends, but I think they might bust if they found out their own daughter was a lesbian. Its been a tough process, figuring out that I’m gay, trying to accept that this is who I am, that its not a terrible mistake. I’m not out to anyone yet. But more and more I feel compelled to be out to those I love. The closet sucks, I have to lie to my friends and family on a daily basis. I hate it! Cathy Debuono said it best on her vlog recently, “Its hard to have authentic relationships when you’re hiding such a big part of yourself from them.”
In the last month, I’ve been working up to coming out to a few close friends, and to my mom, with hopes of doing it early this summer. I stay hidden! I refuse to look back several years from now and wish I had done it sooner.
Wish me luck, and thanks once again!

By: Joni

Joni — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 14:54:01 +0000

Thank you my friend, again my heart is encouraged and strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other has filled me as I read your words of experience and once again, I find myself whispering “thank You Father for bringing Anita into my life”.

I still feel the affects and pain of exiting that closet.. but the door is sealed, I’m not going back in. I am still on the journey of reconciling it all in myself. Gosh shouldn’t that be over by now?? I think it is more today than it was last month and last year… but gosh.. the ever roller coaster ride of knowing who I am and knowing who He says I am… only to then fall apart with is He really okay with who I am. I’ll be glad when that painful ride is over!!!!!

I am forever changed, but it isn’t because I came out of the closet… it is those things that happened when I did that have forever changed me. I pray that those things will one day dissappear as well.

Thanks Anita for reminding me that this wide open space that I have entered is where I want to dwell.

By: Cristi

Cristi — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 14:40:17 +0000

I guess you could say I’m mostly out of the closet. I’m out to people at work and my friends and am out to my parents, and all of them have taken it pretty well. I’m very newly out to my sister and brother in law, and this latest coming out has been the most painful. I told her because I didn’t want to hide who I was from her any more. While I am glad that it’s out there now, dealing with her response and her insistence that I’ve been deceived have been difficult. I feel like I’m being judged by the very people who are supposed to love me unconditionally. I want so much to treat them with the love and respect that I want them to treat me with, but it’s so hard when I’m so hurt and angry. They’re trying to condemn my parents for supporting me, and it honestly feels like they’re trying to take away the things I hold most dear. They don’t even see how I can be “saved” let alone be at peace with God right now. I know that this too shall pass, and I’m praying daily for strength and courage to continue to deal with their response.

By: Nancie

Nancie — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 08:31:41 +0000

Thanks Anita, I think they are wise words. I have heard from other parents that it has taken time for their kids to adjust. I suppose mercifully 2 of mine have done quite well. Its just difficult that the one who is a Christian is showing such animosity. Its interesting many of the people I now meet since coming out have been married and have children. And yes I have made some wonderful new friends who are enriching my life and making me feel that the decision I made to come out and live honestly was the right one.

By: EMarie

EMarie — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 04:31:18 +0000

Anita and everyone else who has responded,

I am very much still in the closet and what you shared Anita opened the door and shed a little light my direction. It made me feel not so alone. It gives me hope for when I am able to come out. Right now there are days it seems pretty lonely and dark…but God is good. To have this place and a wonderful women in my life that He brought me and the love I feel for her is like no other. Someday I will marry her and come out of the closet and face all the demons head on…but for now…I must stay in the closet which is hard…but I manage. Probably the hardest thing is not being able to be honest with the people around me…now that I know the truth myself. Well…the hardest thing actually is knowing that they wouldn’t treat me the same if they knew my truth…I think of that often. Oh well…thanks for sharing and allowing God to use you in such a might way. Thank you to all who have posted too!

Gods blessings

By: Jodi

Jodi — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 03:16:21 +0000

LOL, Anita–yep, the sensors were there. I activated them three times, and STILL managed to purchase “Stranger at the Gate” and a couple of other helpful books. Go, me. And go, YOU–go, ALL of us who manage to face our lives head-on, WHATEVER that may mean. God is good.

Peace, girl.

By: anita

anita — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 23:49:21 +0000

John–> Thanks for stopping by Torch Boy and more back at you!

Susan –>Even in camouflaging the gay book among all the others it was still an incredible act of courage to do even that in my estimation, and all the more so because you were young at the time. And you said it so well, how there exists no ambiguity to the overarching message of love one another in the Bible and yet somehow we humans complicate it with “I love you…but, if only, as soon as, except for….” The church and that includes all of us, has so much to learn and live out before we get near to how Christ demonstrated the love of God. I’m not talking about dying on a cross here…how about just sitting down and eating with one another?

Nancie–> What a powerful story! Thank you for sharing it here. I’m so sorry about the loss of so many friends but I hope if it hasn’t happened for you already that you’ll begin to experience new friendships developing with people who not only accept but celebrate all that you are. I know you know this but give your third child time. People close to us need time, different for each of them, to adjust to information about us they didn’t have before and but also to be assured that ultimately our relationship with them and love for them remains just the same. Now that you’ve said “I’m gay” to your kids, they just might need time to see that you’re still Mom, and they’re still your kid…even if they’re adult kids. Good wishes to you and yours.

Jodi –> Wow! They had marquee lights at your Barnes and Noble too?! Did they also have the sensors that went off every time a gay book was moved from the shelf that initiated the “Potential lesbian in the queer section! Approach with caution!”? Late congratulations to you and your Beloved on last October’s big event!

By: Nancie

Nancie — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 05:20:32 +0000

I Love this site. Thank you Anita for sharing yourself so willingly. My story is that I was saved in my early twenties while in a gay relationship, my partner at the time also becoming a Christian. I believed that “all things had become new” so we broke up and I married and had 3 children. Whenever I gave my testimony I always left out the part about being gay as I didn’t want anyone to find out knowing the attitude in pentecostal churches was extremely negative toward homosexuality. Had a long and at times difficult marriage. I made contact again with my ex girlfriend 30 years after we last met. She had lasted in the the church about 10years, went through Bible College but found she couldn’t change who she was. She required she said three months counselling to put herself back together and has been in a very happy relationship with her current partner for 25 years, however sans church. Over the years i lived much of my life on autopilot, loving God but knowing there was a secret part to me and I was terrified lest it ever be revealed particularly to my children.
Last year, I fell in love, she in America, I,m in Australia. There was no choice if we were to have a life together sometime ,I was out whether I liked it or not. The journey since then has been interesting to say the least. Friends have been wonderful but apart from a couple of really close Christian friends the majority of church people some of whom i have known for years have disappeared with their wheels spinning. My extended family are all interstate and I may never tell my elderly parents. Two of my children have been supportive, the third is finding it difficult. For myself I feel totally at peace, God has told me He loves me but I’m still trying to come to terms with being a Christian and being gay, 35 years of church conditioning is hard to put aside over night.

By: John Shore

John Shore — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 04:54:28 +0000

Wow. WOW! Awesome. Thank you for this. What a blessing you are.