Register on stay-at-home parents
After the birth of my first child, my husband and I decided that financially it would be better if I stayed at his house with our daughter instead of working full time outside the home. It is a decision that we made together. We had both been raised by mothers who had stayed at home to raise the children and we wanted that kind of education for our own children.
This decision was bittersweet to me. Even though I loved being a mother, it was hard not to get lost. As my husband finished his studies and went back to get a second degree, I had to quit school and focus on being a mother, and only being a mother.
Each day that my love for my daughter grew stronger, my reflection in the mirror grew darker. The hardest job I have ever had was when I was home with my three children. Yes, there were parts of me that loved every minute I spent with them, but there were also parts of me that felt so lonely and isolated.
I never really spoke about how I felt, for fear of judgment. It was really fucked up. I was part of a generation that was raised by women who fought for women’s rights. These same women raised us to want more for ourselves, to expect more for ourselves, but then judged us if we wanted everything. Once we had kids, we had to stop wanting everything until our kids were grown up.
To alleviate my negative feelings and still be the stay-at-home mom to my young children whom I wanted and chose to be, I got a part-time job. It really helped.
Sometimes I felt like I was the only one feeling that way. This one mom who needed more and more of the blessings I already had. Was I the only one who was miserable sometimes?
Are stay-at-home moms happier?
According to gostrengths.com,
Results revealed that mothers who worked part-time or full-time outside the home during infancy and their child’s toddlers were happier and had a stronger sense of well-being than mothers. stay-at-home mothers. Additionally, mothers who worked outside the home were generally healthier and happier.
In a 2020 viral Facebook post, this mom succeeded with her touching and deeply heartfelt post. This is part of what she wrote.
You forget what it means or what it means to be an individual; because your whole existence now revolves around this child.
You watch working mothers and you get jealous because you wish you had an excuse to have a conversation with an adult without being interrupted.
You lock yourself in the bathroom and scream in a towel, crying because you need a second to breathe; while a child knocks on the door to enter …
I think we can all feel the range of emotions. It was so hard sometimes. Being a stay-at-home parent is like never leaving your job, EVER. It can be very overwhelming.
Here is the original Facebook post.
Along with SAHM / P’s feelings of isolation, depression and anxiety, society judges them too. They are pretty hard on themselves, why are we adding them. Shame on us. We are a huge part of the problem.
This TEDx video is a compelling look at our subconscious judgment of mom, in particular.
Staying at home isn’t just mom’s business. Many men find that, whether by choice or for financial reasons, they also stay at home with the children. Being at home with young children full time can also negatively affect men. I think today even more. There is still a stereotype that men are supposed to work to support the family.
This is so ridiculous. I’ve heard people judge stay-at-home fathers, even though their wives make more money than they do. Men are seen to be letting their families down if they stay at home, just as women were seen to be letting their families down if they went to work.
But, like some women who are full-time parents, men can also experience the same negative feelings as women. Some men may regret the days when they can return to work, away from home.
Listen, at the end of the day, we’re all trying to do our best for those we love. Not only be good parents, but also be good to ourselves by living our own dreams and career goals. Why do we continue to judge others for their personal decisions? Why do we keep fighting with each other for feeling any kind of negativity towards parenthood.
It’s normal that everything is NOT perfect.
How many parents stay at home?
In a 2021 article by
On average, 2.4% of parents now stay at home with their children at the start of 2021. This represents a 1.5% increase from 2019. Data indicates that the increase in the number of stay-at-home parents in 2021 has been fueled more by the situation than the choice.
As you can see from the statistic above, only a small percentage of parents stay exclusively and raise children as their full-time job. But, all that tells me is that the parents who do it need us to support them even more. We need to watch them, empathize with them, stop judging them and take care of them while they care for their children.
Please, in these uncertain and increasingly stressful times, check all your friends and family, especially parents who spend the majority of their time at home with their children. Make sure they are okay. Offer to help them if necessary. Take the time to really see and love them.
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